I truly hate how I've aged - help

[NotmykingEatCake]

I'm early 40s. I look older, I hate it. All my life I was complimented on looking younger. My
Mum looks at least 10 years younger than she is.

But then DH died 7 years ago and all the strain of grief and lone parenting tiny kids went to my face.

And my hair is grey, ffs.

I dye my hair but use zero products,

I want any and all suggestions pls for not looking so freakin ancient, I have budget. Does anything actually work?

I second the proper yoga rec upthread.

And prescribed tretinoin — If you want to try Skin + Me, I have a share code where you can for cost of p&p (I get a discount too!

Recently I treated my daughter to have someone do her makeup at Sephora. I had mine done too. The woman listened to what I was after (not much, quick and easy) and did a great job. I bought all the products. It’s amazing what a bit of contour powder and cheek highlighter can do!

Following with interest, I’m 44. Young looking but aging quickly it would seem. Not even loads of wrinkles. Shape of my face etc. I can’t really go down the fillers/Botox route.My wage doesn’t stretch that far.Also it’s a fine line. Good haircuts and make up that suits you not trends.

. I wouldn’t rule out non invasive treatments but how long do they last really?

I do follow dermatologists online so basic moisturising skincare and spf is always recommended. I work on the nutrition and healthy living ( most of the time!) angle. If you feel good inside it will show?

Lots of colours of the rainbow, seeds, nuts etc. I exercise and this includes yoga. I’m not perfect I do like a drink maybe once a week. I don’t smoke or sunbathe which honestly I think really does affect our skin. Sleep too.

I have found that you do get used to the aging, so keep looking in the mirror and adjust to the aging you because while we can do lots it’s inevitable if we want to grow older.

And mine!

Hi @NotmykingEatCake
Stop eating all refined sugar, chocolates, biscuits, cakes, the lot, you will see a difference x

The thing that has made the single biggest difference to me is fillers.

I could have written your post a year ago. After two bereavements in a short space of time, plus other stresses, plus losing weight, my face fell off. My mouth made a perfect upside-down U shape, I had marionette lines, it was awful. If I wasn’t smiling, I genuinely looked like I was about to either cry or hit someone, or both.

I did my research, on here and elsewhere, and found the best cosmetic surgeon I could find. He gave me my face back. Nobody would ever know, there’s no Tweenie-face, or duck lips. He just put the scaffolding back where it needed to be.

Other than that, light Botox, tretinoin from Dermatica, ombré brows and a funky hairstyle have all perked me up. And stopping drinking alcohol.

Disco2023
Following with interest, I’m 44. Young looking but aging quickly it would seem. Not even loads of wrinkles. Shape of my face etc. I can’t really go down the fillers/Botox route.Mywage doesn’t stretch thatfar.Alsoit’s a fine line. Good haircuts and make up that suits you not trends.

Unfortunately, even Botox, fillers and great skincare can only do so much. At some point, the tipping point of sagging and laxity happens and the only thing to reverse that is surgery.
Sometimes people try and counteract it with excessive fillers to plump out the face, but usually just end up looking weird.

Hope it's OK to ask - why are you having filler every couple of months? Which part of face?
I had my cheeks done, but the placement and type of filler means it won't need redoing for 18 months to 24 months.....

I have that hifu ipl treatment which isn't too expensive can get offers for £60 and is good for the forehead . A good curly blow works wonders . And any form of exercise that you like . I walk the dog and use a vibration plate but it's up to you to choose. If you don't enjoy it you won't keep it up xx

I’ve seen two quite pronounced cases I’d “fillers gone wrong” on women I know professionally recently.

I’ve talked to them whilst quietly marvelling at whether they are aware their previously lovely faces now look so odd.

Their choice of course!

*of

Yeah I definitely think there was this idea that filling out the cheeks would somehow 'lift' the jowls or the face. That may work in the very early stages of laxity, but over time it's just not enough. We've all seen the puffy cheek pictures of celebrities. To be fair, they probably had a great result the first few times and just kept going.

I'm not against fillers at all, actually I will probably get them in the future, I just think they can only do so much so it's important to be realistic. Replacing lost volume looks good, adding too much just looks odd.

Maybe go to someone who can recommend products specifically for you but aren't linked to one brand.
John Lewis offer a free 60min consultation but only in Cambridge, Edinburgh, Leeds, Southampton & Cardiff. https://www.johnlewis.com/our-services/beauty-society
other departments stores offer free ones too but they seem to be Brand specific although I can't see why you can't go to a few of them and cherry pick what you like.

Surgery is definitely not on the cards for me, I'm happy to look my age, just not 5 years older!

And me but feel that now in late 50s I have missed the boat ! Wish I had been better at drinking water and less sun when I was younger!

Realy interesting about fillers. I'm in a similar boat to you OP and had a consultation yesterday. I asked about a thread lift, as my main concern is jowls. They make me look worried/cross all the time unless I'm smiling, as a pp said.

She recommended fillers instead, using her face as an example (she's 57, I'm 47). Thing is, I didn't want to say, but the fillers she'd used around her mouth were quite obvious and unnatural looking.

I'm a fan of a bit of cheek filler, I had some recently and immediately looked well-rested, rather than hollow under my eyes.

Anyway, I think I will have a thread lift at some point regardless, I'll just need to phrase it tactfully if I use her! And also I'm aware it is a serious procedure, won't last very long, and can go wrong (creating weird bumps etc)

Has anyone had this done?

Walking in the fresh air. Everyday if possible. It really opens up your face.

I've read very mixed reviews of thread lifts to be honest, like you said there can be obvious bumps etc. also, I keep thinking - what about the excess skin, where does that go?

I would say really do your research, many of these 'alternatives to a facelift' give very mixed results at best. Even with a decent result from a thread lift, it may only last a year or two, which is not great considering they cost a few thousand pounds, whereas the results from a facelift last 10-15 years.

I understand many people are against surgery, and thats perfectly fine, just be realistic about the fact that you will not get the same results with anything else.

In that case I would focus on good skincare, and maybe some botox occasionally. It will really help to look more refreshed.

If you have the money then outsource the stress and decision-making. Skincare consultation, make up consultation, wardrobe edit/stylist

Haven't succumb either Botox or filler, but did go for a few consultations at one point, just as a fact finding mission.

I saw someone similar who had obvious filler around her mouth and told her that I didn't think her filler looked natural or even very good. This, for me, proved the best way to filter people, consultants and tweakments out when I was thinking about having something done - I wouldn't trust the opinion or work of anyone who had work I didn't think look good.

If you do want a thread lift, find someone else. However, have read quite extensively about thread lifts and the consensus now seems to be avoid. Am just going to start saving for a mini face lift instead.

OP yes like many of the posters on here botox/fillers are a quick fix but need to be topped up every 2-3 months. Depending how many areas this can cost 200-300 a time.

I'm 38 forehead wrinkles and crows feet, except I've been battling ttc and constantly wondering if I can try this or that. Anyway I finally decided, I need to feel comfortable in my own skin and hope for the best ttc.

I use the originals skin care range, my skin tone is even and glowing. The originals website takes you through your skin type to direct you to the right products. They are not overly expensive and last a good couple of months, as you only need tiny amounts.
For an extra boost I take multi collagen protein by revive. I was suffering from a sciatic type pain left hip, this really has solved those issues for me. I'm no longer in pain or hobbling like an old woman!
Combine originals skin care plus collagen, I have less wrinkles and my deeper ones are more like faint lines, skin is more plump and glowing.

This worked for me, its takes a good month to see benefits.
I also eat healthy, exercise, sleep well, look after my nails and have a bath at least once a week.
Other things; I drink coconut water with grapefruit juice, matcha lattes and try to not eat many processed foods.

OP I hope you find what works for you, but do a bit if research as what works for one person may not work for you.

Sorry for your loss OP. I think it's natural to feel a bit shocked by the aging process in your 40s. Everyone I know feels the same.
Like you, I'm not up for surgery or tweakments. The things that make me feel better are:
-Exercise
-Sunshine (but high spf)
-Dying my grey hair
-Finding clothes that suit me
-Wearing subtle make up (heavy foundation looks terrible on me. I'm also not sure I can pull off bright lipstick in the way I used to. But a bb cream, cream blusher, good concealer etc all help)

• I'm sure eating well helps too but I don't do it!

@RidersOnTheCalm
I have 0.5ml per time and have about 5 sessions now, normally a couple of months apart. It’s £450 per session at a top end place.
It will last about 18 months before it metabolises so I’m not having the same thing done each time but rather adding little bits to the places that need it the most that time. I’m sure I could have had everything done at the same time but the cost would have been a lot for me and the immediate difference would have been too noticeable. This way we can see how the last bit settled before adding more and I’m slowly looking better/ fresher.
So far I’ve had it added to my marionette and nasolabial folds, my cheeks and chin.

You only look 5 years older? From the tone of your first post you made it sound much worse!

I agree with PP, focus on eating well, drinking water and exercise. You don’t sound like you need some of the more extreme things being recommended here.