Thread for women who will not be defeated by menopause/ peri

[Marmaladegin]

I'm 42 and have recently been diagnosed with peri. To be clear, I'm comfortable with my age. But I need to find a style that I find both comfortable and hip, and not feel that everything is sliding downhill into being someone I don't recognise. I do not love the term "princessing" but I suppose this thread is about "queening", and also clothes stuff. Here are the challenges I'm experiencing, that I'm intending to battle and would love company.

I’m 52. I have no idea where I am in the menopause game. I had a hysterectomy when I was 41 but I still have my ovaries. I can’t take HRT so doing the best I can day to day.

I am slowly changing my wardrobe. Going shopping today in fact. I also struggle with weight gain and the gain being in new places! I low carb as much as possible.

Yeah. I thought that too but in peri I got disabilities and I can't exercise, and I am on medication that has a side effect of weight gain.

This is a great thread and like many on it, I’m trying to make myself feel better and more confident. I just feel I’ve lost my mojo, I’m not going to find it in the bottom of a glass of rose so hearing others is a really helpful thing.

For me it’s been discovering belted dresses, ideally with the belt slightly higher than my natural waist. Dancing Leopard Dove dresses are the perfect shape but unfortunately the fabric is becoming too sweaty for me.

My current favourites are One Hundred Stars Rachel dresses with a thin, stretchy belt that somehow give me my waist back.

It’s weird that some women click on the thread, which clearly states what’s discussed, to just put us down… about being women and a difficult female experience…

I love the clothes advice and support there 🙂

love the hush mimi top mentioned above

right now I feel I don’t like many of my clothes so am trying the new (well, it’s been around for a few years now) silhouette of wide trousers/bigger skirts with cropped/fitted tops instead of skinny jeans with a longer top. The change from skinny to baggy jeans means J have to rethink all my tops and shoes too 😁

but in between the rubble there are still nice things to be found…

I think I know what’s wrong. I keep trying to squeeze in old clothes. They don’t bloody fit you anymore, woman, get over it!!!

I agree with the PPs who take their DDs clothes shopping, mine made me try a medium on, I had picked a L, and she was right, the M fitted better.
I also went for black cropped linen trousers and she made me try white, yup, she was right.

I also went wild and tried a lip stain in a shade I wouldn’t have touched before. It’s actually really nice, adds a bit of colour without emphasising.

I’m reading a very interesting book, The happiness curve, it’s about middle age, do try and find it. I am really enjoying it.

Really agree that you shouldnt go oversize to conceal your midsection. Oversize is for the very slim.

Unfortunately everything is oversize these days and sizing is all over the place. I am a size 12 and wearing a small in Zara. Don't know how that happened.

I’ve ordered the book - hopefully it’ll make me feel a bit more positive. Thanks for the tip.

I have always had big boobs, but right now my belly is almost as big. For dresses, I find the Hush Kensington looks good on my shape.

The Cos v-neck t-shirt mentioned above looks great and I’ll be ordering a couple.

Any recommendations for good linen trousers for the summer?

I agree with all the others who say weight lifting is important. When I get in the habit, I feel really empowered and strong. If I also watch my calories and eat a higher proportion of protein than normal, this works really well combined with weights for improving my body shape. I just struggle to stick to the routine.

I’ve also started taking levothyroxine for low thyroid, and it has improved my energy levels. Not peri related but worth checking levels.

Yes to Botox and tret, and SPF goes without saying. I’m also going to look into laser for my age spots.

Also, for those fed up of the hair dye hamster wheel, I thoroughly recommend returning to your natural colour. I used to hate my hair, yet spent hours and £££ colouring every three weeks. I’ve grown it all out now and my hair is in wonderful condition, the whites look like natural highlights, I much prefer it. Admittedly it doesn’t help me look any younger, but it’s liberating. I realise this is not for everyone!

Great thread, thanks OP and everyone.

I am not going to do Botox or fillers. Maybe I will post a pic on here in 10 years time to see how I have aged. ( or crumbled!)

I have bought linen trousers in M and S but I always get accused of working for them!

I think I'd like to try botox but I'm a bit old (57)

I’ve ordered the One Hundred Stars dress as well 😳

You’re not. Give it a go!

I’ve just started using Olay Regenerist Max retinol night cream. I’m having to go very gently but it does seem to be brightening my skin a bit.

Hair-wise, I grew all the dye out in lockdown and now just get a few highlights. It’s so freeing to not have to box dye every three or four weeks.

Thanks for all the ideas here. I'd recommend joking a weight-lifting gym. I'm in a women-only gym, most people 40/50/60 and it does wonders for your posture, strength and protects bones. I'm now in touch with a whole new me.

I think exercise is really important but find something that works for you. I cannot stand gyms, yoga, swimming etc etc but, during lockdown, I discovered ballet based movement on YouTube which appeals to my inner 8 year-old. There will be something for you somewhere.

I also cut right down on alcohol, sorry.

For linen trousers I had to really raise my game. I was buying them in Sainsbury's and H&M but the arse would be down to my knees by lunchtime and my body was getting saggy enough without further help. My favourite ones now are from Margaret Howell, Me and Em and Toast, all second hand and I think they're also all a linen / cotton mix which helps keep the shape.

The other thing I'd say is not to neglect your mind. I did a Masters, which I hesitate to mention now as the cost has rocketed, but not only was it new and stimulating, it meant spending time with some much younger women who were absolutely lovely but who dressed like crap, so it was good for my ego. But if you can't afford that - and I couldn't either now - then reading and book groups are generally free.

I'm 47 and in the past couple of years I have changed so much I barely recognise myself. I had an endometrial re-section around that time due to nightmare periods, this has resulted in no periods at all (phew) so I have no idea where I am with my hormones but changes are definitely afoot.

My main issue are weight gain and not suiting my old clothes anymore. I comfort eat and drink too much - mainly due to stress caused by having a very difficult teenager in the house.

My eyesight has got worse and I now have to wear my glasses all the time. I have sore, dry eyes and though I would like to give contacts another go I'm not sure my eyes will be able to handle them. I have been looking into the ones designed for dry eyes.

I am making a lot more effort with my hair and makeup. Watching lots of YouTube tutorials - recently discovered Caroline Barnes Speed Beauty, who is very down to earth and gives some great tips.

I am investing in better made clothes now- Toast, Me and Em and Whistles mainly. Whistles do great high waisted jeans - my favourite are the dark denim authentic barrel leg ones. Generally I realise that darker, well cut clothes look better on me now.

This is a great thread - following for much needed advice!

Some people! I don't find this thread depressing, I think it's uplifting. And as previously mentioned, I think most of us aren't scared of ageing. I just want to find the new me style-wise in this life phase. And @DustyLee123 I hear you- I'm exercising and eating well but to no avail. I've not cut out alcohol and sweet stuff yet, so I might try that... sadly.

This morning's question: any tips on rosacea or minimizing pores? I wear a sunscreen that I like (body shop skin defense) April-October and every year it makes my pores look big I think.

For weight, I have to track what I eat carefully;1400 calories daily mean I maintain my weight - more than this and it starts to creep on. If I stick to 1200 I can lose a bit -intermittent fasting helps - but we're talking about 1lb/month, and this is on top of 2-3 body pump/spin classes a week and walking (have desk job though so v sedentary). It's really hard - I have an underactive thyroid as well - something else to thank menopause for - so it's a constant struggle.

Agree about trying on clothes in shops, but another feature of menopause is that it's too much bloody faff to keep getting undressed and dressed again. Definitely need to try on lots of outfits to find out what works but there's always a lurking sense of having something else that needs my time/attention, so it falls to the bottom of the list.

@stringbean With you on the changing room faff - and they’re always so HOT.

@BuddhaAtSea
What lipstain are you using?

I love this thread - not at all depressing and great to share what works!

This time last year, I was at the Ivy for my 50th and I felt fantastic - but I really put the effort in. Why is it so much effort and how can I have lost my mojo so badly in the space of a year!!!

I’m the same age and I have found this too! I can’t believe what a difference a year has made and I’ve read other posters same the same once you hit your 50’s but I don’t think it’s all doom and gloom, just learning to accepting the new norm I guess.

Like a PP I have also been on steroids for the last year and will be for the foreseeable. Its definitely a challenge trying to stay slim and they definitely don’t help the aging process but I keep on keeping on, good diet, feed the gut biome and regular exercise I think all helps mentally and physically.

@marmeladegin I find The Ordinary Azaleic acid really helps reduce the redness of Rosacea. I also use Gow's Rosehip Oil at night & very simple non-fragranced products such as Cerave oil cleanser & moisturiser. I've had IPL & Laser treatments a few years ago which really helped at the time.

I think it has been mentioned up thread, but I like, with age, sharper shoulders and more definition around shoulders and face. Some structured almost avant-garde collar or wrap around shoulders that "stands up", something much more dramatic that I ever wore when younger, works really well now. Basically, more structure, defined clean lines.