Thread for women who will not be defeated by menopause/ peri

[Marmaladegin]

I'm 42 and have recently been diagnosed with peri. To be clear, I'm comfortable with my age. But I need to find a style that I find both comfortable and hip, and not feel that everything is sliding downhill into being someone I don't recognise. I do not love the term "princessing" but I suppose this thread is about "queening", and also clothes stuff. Here are the challenges I'm experiencing, that I'm intending to battle and would love company.

@yogibutton U have gone the opposite way 😂

in my 50s I wear more loose fitting, flowing, soft boho clothes. But am tall with wide shoulders, so any jackets, stuff collars, pads or structure would make me look like a bitch boss CEO, which is very much not the vibe I am going for (maybe I should 😁)

I don't have good saved pics, but I mean this kind of thing - one is Rick Owens and I tried it in Black. The collar/snood looked amazing around the shoulders and neck. The second is more akin to one japanese designer blouse I once saw which had this fantastic large paper collar (I guess detachable for washing)

Wow @yogibutton
You are one cool peri-menopausal lady!
Anyone who posts Rick Owens gets my vote

:) My motto has become If not now, then when? The less oestrogen the more outlandish :)

I’d be pretty much indistinguishable from Henry the 8th in these, except I haven’t (yet) had anybody beheaded and as far as I know, I haven’t pissed the pope off (yet).

A second vote for aveda be curly. I've gone dark recently after five years as a blonde and I'm enjoying it.

I've embraced HRT. There are a few of us actions the same age at work and we arranged a visit from a femalegp who specialises in women's health. She told us to ask for bio identical gel (I think that's its name) and also take testosterone if you need it. I'll report in that one in a few weeks!

Clothes wise, I had summer clothes that I've had for years and couldn't get the button fastened in low waist trousers anymore so thought I'd need to go up a size. Of course, with the higher waists I haven't needed to. I've also invested in the Curated Closet by Anuschka Rees which I'm working my way through and it's really focusing me on what I want to wear. The wider leg trouser with a fitted or tucked in top has worked better for the winter than a skinny trouser, particularly for work.

And a colleague commented on Friday how nice I looked so I'll take that as a win!

Agree expensive clothes are better on a menopausal body but I can't justify the expense right now, so it's the high street and charity shops for me! I try to buy very plain clothes. No floral and v little print.
Am divided on Boho vs structure.

I wouldn't recommend only buying expensive clothes. In fact when your body's changing there's a valid argument for cheap and cheerful and I certainly wasted money I couldn't afford on 'investment pieces'. I just found that with linen trousers, I only managed to shake off droopy arse syndrome when I started spending more.

And while I don't think I could carry off that ruff, I think yogibutton's onto something regarding sharper shoulder / collarbone definition. I've got a Vivienne Westwood shirt with an oversize collar that stands away from the neck that I think works really well. Maybe it counteracts a sagging jawline or something.

@yogibutton actually love that style

I thought you meant more edges/shoulder pads, pointy lapels. What you linked is indeed very cool

This is the sort of loose unstructured clothing I like

Following with interest. Nearly 50, total hysterectomy nearly 2 years ago and finding it all a bit overwhelming. Everything (me wise) has gone to pot simultaneously and it's been a bit hard to come to terms with. Hair has frizzed, skin is dull, a double chin has appeared, my waist has gone, my boobs have dropped...the list is long. Someone said upthread about real shops as otherwise you just buy what you always bought and I think that's so true. Trying to take control a bit more, but lacking the energy to do so. A new wardrobe of things that actually fit and suit me would be a good start.

Marking place. Loving the tips. I felt lockdown aged me but I thik ageing aged me.

Things I have done

• had my colours done profesionally, I am one of those people who was confused. Everything about me is brown, brown eyes, brown hair, freckles, I look like an autumn but I have tried and tried that oh so styish mustard and it just never did it. Turned out I am Spring not just any Spring the brightest of all the Springs - paintbox. This prompted an existential crisis but I have gotten through it by deciding I will just buy clothes in the top 8 colours that looked best on me, considering there are maybe 120 colours across the seasons I am not doing too badly to wear the top 8 that suit me. The upshot of it is that I no longer feel invisible (I mean I couldn't be missed in bright coral anyway).
• the analysis also came with makeup recommendations. Of these I actually wear blusher and I know it is the right tone for my skin. All the lipsticks were hideously bright but I do wear them for going out.
• actually worked out my body shape and dress for it, trying to practise style tricks.
• getting basic foundations of capsule wardrobe
• investing in accessories (not expensive just didn't have any) in my colours
• losing weight doing Fast800 and adopting mediterranean eating style and a fasting window i e. No food for 14 hours . After 12 hours the body flips a switch to burning fat so those last 2 hours the body is happily burning fat. Eating more protein.
• following NHS exercise guidelines of cardio and strength. Starting weight training. This is a game changer.
• more skin care, I bought under eye corrector for dark circles bobbi brown , also Elemis Pro Collagen for crows feet which has helped. Factor 50 religiously.
• supplements. I stumbled on The Hormone Repair Manual and I am taking B6, magnesium for sleep and mood and Zinc for immunity. The books says the female brain reorganises itself during perimenopause, like any transition like puberty. The changes are huge and what you do now is the foundation for the years to come, hopefully a happy healthy 50s and 60s.

Ooh meant to say on weight training, it is extremely good for the brain and hormone balance.

Anyone else experiencing teen-style acne breakouts on HRT?

I’m finding I’ve needed to change my colours. I used to look great in beiges and greys, and now need to wear stronger colours. I try to avoid black in the day. Less foundation in the skin but better definition (brows, eyeliner, mascara.) I’ve loads of hair, thankfully, but it needs taming.

Softer shapes mean I’ve retired most of my jackets. I just want to wear soft fabrics, and would love a cashmere wrap dress, if such a thing exists. Also, I’m a late adopter of block-heel shoes.

Ooh keep thinking of more...brown mascara not black, and I bought an eyebrow pencil. Always make sure my eyebrows are done now, just to emphasise what is there.

I personally just found it quite sudden at 40ish that I lost a lot of resilience and felt I needed to do something. It's not depressing. There are things that are going to happen and I can't control. My skin is going to sag. I'll probably never have a perfect belly. I may never defeat cellulite. If I stop exercise, the muscle will gradually disppear and I will be left with loose skin. And I will be proud of that beautful imperfection.

Yes. I definitely need to change to brown mascara when my current one runs out.

@mistyskiesaregone can I ask which Elemis product you are using for your eyes ? My crows feet seem to be crawling down my cheeks.

The best mascara I’ve found is Primelash. It’s designed for women our age, whose lashes might be thinning.

It doesn’t bloody budge, but it washes off easily with warm water.

You can only get it online.

Mascara

Arg the massive boobs and dry hair!

Wow, massive link!

I don’t work for them, honest 😳😂

@DustyLee123 pro collagen advanced eye treatment. £35 but you only need a drop per eye. Day and night. Noticed improvement after about 4-6 weeks. Initially I thought bah but you have to give your skin a cycle. I did also improve diet and hydration. It helps with side fine lines. Still looking for a miracle for under eye creases.

Meno was killing me daily, until I finally got to see a meno specialist (took two years - thanks covid), but starting to feel more like myself again, slowly. I have embraced HRT, and Botox - and love both, lol. Rick Owens is up there too! And Vivienne Westwood as the draping in her dresses suits me. I’m never giving up my heels, ever. I do intermittent fasting and a bit of half hearted Keto, lol - need to focus a bit more there. Some vitamins, especially magnesium and vit D (well, I do live in Scotland).

I haven't read the full thread but I'm 52 and currently in the midst of meno and ageing!

I have made a conscious decision to absolutely throw myself into looking amazing and I do it every single day. I'm not for a minute saying it's for everyone or what we should all be doing but it works for me and has made me feel great about getting older.

I'm high maintenance but don't necessarily look it.
I wear clothes that I previously kept for 'best' always wear light but full make up and my hair is always done.

I stay slim by watching what I eat (after 40 plus years of being naturally very slim this isn't easy!) look after my skin and have a thick blunt fringe, which makes me look so much younger and fresher than I actually am!

Most importantly I don't follow any 'rules'
Today I'm wearing a very short vintage 60s dress with opaque tights and ankle boots. I cannot stand the whole 'no minis' past a certain age thing and all the other bullshit like that!!

I went for voluminous draping to disguise my new shape, I loathe the photos of me dressed like that, matronly is the word. Fitted and well cut looks so much better on me but is sadly a lot more expensive. I've upped the maintenance on skin, hair and nails as I no longer look nice by accident. Tousled and gamine is a long way back in my rear view mirror.
I would look a lot better if I lost a stone, toned up and improved my posture, there's no getting away from it so that's what I'm working on.