Thread for women who will not be defeated by menopause/ peri

[Marmaladegin]

I'm 42 and have recently been diagnosed with peri. To be clear, I'm comfortable with my age. But I need to find a style that I find both comfortable and hip, and not feel that everything is sliding downhill into being someone I don't recognise. I do not love the term "princessing" but I suppose this thread is about "queening", and also clothes stuff. Here are the challenges I'm experiencing, that I'm intending to battle and would love company.

I was in Next yesterday, feeling the fabric of the tops, and the vast majority of it would be sweaty.

I think the advantage of real shopping is that you can try on things you'd never normally consider and just stick them back on the rail afterwards. When I'm shopping online, I stay in my comfort zone and never experiment, which I don't think is ever a good thing but it's particularly unhelpful if your body is changing before your very eyes.

Checking in. 👋

In my head, I'm 27. However, the 52 yo looking back at me in the mirror is telling me otherwise.

Embarking on the usual Saturday errands, but back later for a good read through.

I much prefer clothes shopping in real life. One touch and I know loads of things would be no use at all to me. Also, sizing is so unreliable now that I'd need to order three sizes of everything.

This is a big issue.

I've definitely found trying real clothes on in an actual shop far more helpful than ordering online. After Menopause your body shape & the angles of your face change. I find myself suiting clothes I would never have worn before.
Also cool greying hair tones can subtly change your colouring & the tones that are suiting you best.
I'm also finding my previous make up looks too heavy & I need more blush & bronzer to lift my face. I've learnt to use a foundation brush with a cream foundation used lightly to give a more natural look.
I don't think I've ever used the term frumpy in association with middle age. But I do think many women become a bit 'asexual' and stop looking feminine past a certain age. Which I find very sad.
I've embraced the pleather, fur & leopard print even more as I've aged. As I enjoy it & it cheers me up. I don't really care what others think.
I would love to emulate Italian womens style, forget the Parisians. Sophia Loren still manages to be sexy in her late 80's.

I'm in as well - I'm living in leggings at the moment as I have morphed from being a hourglass to an apple shape with massive matronly boobs - and I am really struggling to dress for it!

I really want some new trousers/ jeans, but I really struggle with the sizing charts and never know what to buy as often my boobs and waist measurement put me anywhere between a 16 - 20 (I know!) but my hips are a size 12-14.

I do want to get my waist under control as I'm aware that it isn't healthy at all to be that size (but easier said than done as I'm also really struggling to lose any weight at all).

Also John Lewis does online and instore styling, worth a look https://www.johnlewis.com/our-services/personal-styling

I just assume 99% of the clothes in Next would make me look frumpy tbh.

There’s a lot of nice looking summer stuff in there,

Finding nice cotton with a bit of elastane is so hard. There is a lot of linen about but so hard to iron or to wear on public transport.

I am also trying to buy only in shops but stocks are really poor.

Not all of it is to everyone's taste I know but I've just bought a really well cut 100% cotton T-shirt on Gudrun sjoden and that has set me (50s, apple, not exactly thin) up for hot days. It's definitely sweat free

I like the Hush Mimi puff sleeve t so much (bought in a shop yeaterday) that I've just ordered two more in green and navy.

Another former hourglass turned apple here. I’m finding that men’s jeans fit me better than women’s jeans these days, and therefore look better on me. Something about my new waist-hip ratio, I think.

But tops are an absolute nightmare. Everything accentuates my giant tummy. I’m not overweight but all my body fat is in one place, or so it seems. Maybe I just have to get used to it.

Thanks to a PP for the wool pyjamas recommendation. I’m going to check that out!

1 - Definitely recommend Bravissimo for fitting - do not go near M&S

2 - Even if you think you are a B cup, you probably aren't

Definitely better to try on clothes in shops - try on stuff you never normally would and only buy it if you love it!
Do your hair and makeup before you go shopping too so you feel good and know what the whole package looks like
Go with a friend you trust and make a weekend of it

Lots of people have recommended this but puff sleeves make me look like a Soviet javelin thrower. Maybe will try on in shop.

I've been on the S&B board for years listening to@Floisme and other wise, stylish folks saying that your body and style will change as you get older. And now I'm here. So I'm going to enjoy experimenting with different things that didn't suit me in the past, and now they do!

I've finally decided to throw money at better hair products. My hair is fine and wavy and the frizz is really getting me down. Yesterday I splashed out on some Philip Kingsley shampoo, conditioner and Elasticizer. Will report back in a couple of weeks.
Must remember to book dental hygienist too.

I take my Dd's shopping now. They have been really good in getting me to buy smaller sized clothes. I had gone default size up, but of course that makes you look bigger than you are. Struggling to find semi fitted tops though, as style at the moment is very much boxy. Awful with my big boobs. I also don't like half sleeves, which also seem to be popular.

As with PP, sizing tables are totally inaccurate. According to them I would be a combination of 18/16/14, I actually now wear 12's, to get a better fitted look.

I live in dresses these days. With tights or leggings in winter, sometimes with long loose trousers, bare legged in summer or with footless tights. My middle has expanded a bit but thankfully I still have a waist.

I find it looks best if I keep clothes simple and then add interest with accessories. Layering clothes is fine but the layers have to be lightweight as I’m short, bulky clothes look bad on me. I wear minimal face and eye make-up as it sits in the fine lines but still have bold lipstick.

It's al most impossible to find decent tops for those of bust at the moment.

I like these - size down.

Checking in - thanks for this thread.
I have developed what suspiciously looks like the start of bloody jowls FFS. I’m early 40s. This is an abomination.
I don’t want to resort to surgery, so am having to think ‘facial posture’ especially in bloody Teams meetings. Where I look shite anyway.

liking the look of that Hush mimi t-shirt. Thanks to the pp for that recommendation.

Thrilled there are a group of us joining this!

Love those top recommendations.

Have been thinking this over all morning. Here are my thoughts for today.

I think if you're a jeans person, high-waisted ones are nice for zipping you in and defining the (sadly less obvious) waist. I like the Sophia ones from M&S (incidentally whoever asked whether M&S are good for bra measuring, no: they are awful. Look at boob or bust)

I think said jeans with a tucked in top is a good look, especially rolled up with high-tops/ Birkenstocks/ heels,depending how dressy you are. Personally I think rolled up straight or mom jeans rather than skinny looks much more current. I like a bit of exposure of skin on a non-fat part of me, so bare ankles is a look I like. For that purpose I highly recommend flexitol foot cream and a good body oil spray like aveena as I find that having gleaming rather than scaly legs and feet is a big boost.

I also bought some high waisted Donna Ida jeans from vinted and they're great.

Oh and lastly if you're rocking natural hair which has become more curly/ frizzy, I rate aveda be curly cream, and not brushing.

Zara and John Lewis suddenly have lots of nice cotton and linen things in.

I bought the Alesssio dress in Zara and can vouch for it hiding the menopausal middle beautifully.

I have that Cos t shirt too! Hard recommend. Looks like new after many washes.