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Thread for women who will not be defeated by menopause/ peri

326 replies

Marmaladegin · 16/04/2023 07:26

I'm 42 and have recently been diagnosed with peri. To be clear, I'm comfortable with my age. But I need to find a style that I find both comfortable and hip, and not feel that everything is sliding downhill into being someone I don't recognise. I do not love the term "princessing" but I suppose this thread is about "queening", and also clothes stuff. Here are the challenges I'm experiencing, that I'm intending to battle and would love company.

OP posts:
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JaneFondue · 22/04/2023 16:41

Was just on another blouse thread and I hate all the suggestions, but didn't want to say because I would feel mean..So few nice going out tops. it's all ruffles, pie crust frills, pussy bows, looks like some dire combination of Thatcher and Princess Di.

Maybe should consider dresses.

grayhairdontcare · 22/04/2023 17:21

I finally sorted my hair this week and had a good 5 inches chopped off.
It's just been to frizzy and not looking good longer these days.
I'm living in dresses with trainers or boots as jeans are just too uncomfortable on my size 18 apple shaped body.

DustyLee123 · 22/04/2023 17:34

I get my hair cut every 6-8 weeks now, I make the next appointment while I’m there. Same with my eyebrows every 4 weeks.
I can’t have nails done as I’m a nurse, but will be having Shellac toes for the summer.
Ive just booked myself my first laser treatment for the sun damage on my cheeks.
And I’m thinking of having some counselling, just to talk through empty nest/peri/marriage problems. Time to take care of me.

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 22/04/2023 18:09

For those of you who are like me size 16 have a peri belly - what dresses are you wearing that are flattering? I can't imagine finding a dress that flatters my new shape

VincentVaguer · 22/04/2023 18:29

JaneFondue · 22/04/2023 13:28

Lots of people have recommended this but puff sleeves make me look like a Soviet javelin thrower. Maybe will try on in shop.

I'm tall with broad shoulders but this top is casual and the puff sleeves are slight and not too Grayson Perryish

LunaNorth · 22/04/2023 18:41

I’m struggling like hell. 49 next month and, all of a sudden, I feel like somebody else. It’s as if my confidence is just ebbing away, and now all the fashionable things I used to enjoy wearing either make me feel a bit tragic or just subtly wrong in a way I can’t quite identify.

I’m a slave to beauty treatments, which I’ve always enjoyed in the past, but now I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. Still, here’s the list:

HRT.
Tretinoin.
Botox.
Filler (absolutely fantastic, but be vigilant).
Ombré brows.
Contact lenses instead of glasses.

My current dilemma is my hair. For the past couple of years I’ve had a bleached pixie crop, but suddenly I keep having flashes of feeling like Denise Welch/ Pat Butcher. It’s that thing again - things that worked for years suddenly don’t.

Thankfully, I’m physically well. I do a lot of exercise - weights, Jeffing, yoga, swimming in the summer. I put on weight just by taking a deep breath though - and it will not shift.

I just feel sad that my hot years are over - and I didn’t even realise they were hot years. I hope I can find some sort of mojo again soon. I can’t feel like this for another twenty or thirty years.

Lemonadesipping · 22/04/2023 19:28

Thank you for the thread op. I am 54 this year and still having periods. My last few were a little irregular so it must be the start, I think.
I have always been very small 5'2 with a tiny frame and about 7 st 5 during my 40"s . I now weigh about 7 st 10 and my shape has definitely changed. I am also a life long lover of beauty treatments , I have Botox , a little filler ( but not in lips), profhilo , IPL for any redness x2 per year.

I get my hair dyed and cut every 6 weeks and also have regular manicures and pedicures.
I am feeling very sad at the moment and find myself close to tears far too often. Having been a people pleaser all my life has made me feel so full of regret. My abusive childhood is preying on my mind 24/7. I actually feel some days that I would like to fade away .

I want to lift myself out of this, so thank you again for creating the thread. There is so much that I can't share with anyone in real life ( except for my husband). We women often have such a heavy load to carry , it's lovely to be in the company of such supportive women all going through the period/ menopause.xx

JMAngel1 · 22/04/2023 21:45

Oh god, huge solidarity hug to everyone - it is shit isn’t it.
I too feel like I’m losing an uphill battle- the maintenance in order to look frankly blah is laughable!
My grey roots now appear 2 weeks after I’ve dyed them
My peach fuzz on my face I swear grows overnight
My face is somehow more skeletal but wider at the same time.
I work really hard to stay at size 8 but my tummy can sometimes look like I have a football stuck up my top.
I’ve gone lighter with my hair as it’s supposed to be more flattering but it’s washed me out and my glorious spiral curly hair, which always looks better long, just doesn’t seem to suit my face anymore.
I still dress the same way I did around 29 years ago - fairly tight, funky shapes. But now I think I’ve veered into tragic. However, when I try to wear more age appropriate clothes, I age 10 years and look matronly. Plus my hair can’t take too much fuss and pattern as there’s just too much fighting for attention. I thought I always knew how to dress but I’m floundering. Not helped this afternoon by going to The Ivy - I was totally underdressed and under polished - fancy dresses, full on matching shoes and bags (hate that 😱), fake tan, eyelash extensions, platinum blond thick swishy hair, extreme make up. I felt like a poor relation in my tinted moisturiser and boot cut jeans. This time last year, I was at the Ivy for my 50th and I felt fantastic - but I really put the effort in. Why is it so much effort and how can I have lost my mojo so badly in the space of a year!!!

bunnybunnybunnybunny · 22/04/2023 22:03

Have really vacillated over whether to post on this thread. Apologies if I rub anyone up the wrong way, I honestly don't mean too.

Like many here, I was always the small one too. I was also the best dressed as well. Then along came an early menopause and I didn't recognise the person I was. I was in my late 30s when I realised I was perimenopausal. The first few years were horrendous, particularly how its effects took their toll on me psychologically - I no longer had idea of who I was or sense of self - this was the most frightening part of perimenopause. Am now 47 and three years post menopause.

The thing is, you can do something about these things. Yes, your body shape changes and you gain weight, but you don't have to accept it. Initially, I piled on almost 15 kilos in six months, and despite HIIT and spinning four times a week and changing my diet, I didn't lose weight. In fact I gained weight. But, I refused to be defeated and persevered.

Perimenopause affects the digestive system and gut. What worked was radically overhauling my diet - no sugar, no alcohol. Not that I drank much anyway, but the latter interfered with HRT anyway. I also took up resistance and weight training focusing on deadlifting and other compound movements. I built muscle which burnt body fact, and while I didn't lose all the weight, because muscle is more dense than fat, I look leaner than I did before menopause. I refused to throw out my old clothes and am glad I did because they all fit me once more. Best of all, my waist is back - like many on here, I'm an hourglass and losing my waist was one of the hardest things to come to terms with, and the desire to reclaim it was a huge motivation.

You can change things, but it's much harder. However, it can be done. But at the same time I appreciate it's a struggle and a huge amount of effort that not everyone can be bothered with.

Solidarity with you all. And to those contemplating HRT, do it, particularly if you're under 50.

FannythePinkFlamingo · 22/04/2023 22:22

I've found my people.

Cancer and consequent surgical menopause have screwed up my body shape. Whereas I was an hourglass, I'm now an apple. I've always had big norks, but coupled with a belly that starts just underneath them, I have now taken on a distinctly matronly look.

Since the beginning of March, I've made an effort to walk at least 8k steps a day - difficult when I have an office job - but it has resulted in just shy of a stone gone. I do get my hair done every 8 weeks and try and look polished, but sometimes I really can't be arsed.

RomanticizingHeroine · 22/04/2023 22:28

God this thread is depressing.

Puppylucky · 22/04/2023 22:34

@RomanticizingHeroine why do you think it's depressing?

grayhairdontcare · 22/04/2023 22:41

@RomanticizingHeroine I'm finding this thread very encouraging and supportive of women who are sharing their experiences of natural changes to themselves and their beauty routine.
Nothing depressing about sharing experiences and what's working now.

RomanticizingHeroine · 22/04/2023 22:43

I'm guessing I'm older than most on here. It's depressing how the natural process of ageing is feared and people are repulsed by it. When did "peri" become a thing? If you've put on weight - diet and exercise will sort it out.

But I guess I'm not in the spirit of the thread so I'll leave you to it.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/04/2023 22:45

RomanticizingHeroine · 22/04/2023 22:43

I'm guessing I'm older than most on here. It's depressing how the natural process of ageing is feared and people are repulsed by it. When did "peri" become a thing? If you've put on weight - diet and exercise will sort it out.

But I guess I'm not in the spirit of the thread so I'll leave you to it.

I have to take steroids every day, probably for life. Diet and exercise would help, sure, but it won't take me back to the body I used to have.

And very few on here are trying to turn back the clock or talking about feeling repulsed by getting older.

grayhairdontcare · 22/04/2023 22:46

I'm not scared of it .
It's not just about weight.
Women discussing menopause and offering advice about the various symptoms and different ways to look and feel better about ourselves is never a bad thing.

JaneFondue · 22/04/2023 22:47

It's really not as easy as 'diet and exercise 'for some. I don't see fear and repulsion though.

Personally, am just looking for more flattering clothes as I don't know what suits me any more. Also I WFH now.

VincentVaguer · 22/04/2023 22:58

RomanticizingHeroine · 22/04/2023 22:43

I'm guessing I'm older than most on here. It's depressing how the natural process of ageing is feared and people are repulsed by it. When did "peri" become a thing? If you've put on weight - diet and exercise will sort it out.

But I guess I'm not in the spirit of the thread so I'll leave you to it.

Thanks, but I'm not repulsive. I'm 57 and happily on hrt. Lots of good clothing tips on here.

bunnybunnybunnybunny · 22/04/2023 23:01

RomanticizingHeroine · 22/04/2023 22:43

I'm guessing I'm older than most on here. It's depressing how the natural process of ageing is feared and people are repulsed by it. When did "peri" become a thing? If you've put on weight - diet and exercise will sort it out.

But I guess I'm not in the spirit of the thread so I'll leave you to it.

Perimenopause has become a thing because finally women are talking about. Not everyone suffers through perimenopause or even notice it, but many do. It can be over in a manner of months or last for a decade, and anywhere in between. It can be overwhelming for some particularly as there's so little cohesive information, particularly when one sees a GP.

And no, diet and exercise doesn't always work due to the lack of hormonal balance.

Floisme · 23/04/2023 07:19

Tip number 4: keep on talking about it, even if it makes people uncomfortable. It's part of life, not some dirty secret.

Bitterestpil · 23/04/2023 07:38

53 here always been slim, however middle aged spread is now happening. Joined the gym, try to go at least three times, this means I can eat
more 🤣. Post menopausal all symptoms seem to be subsiding for now, I’ve said this before but flushes (hot and cold) creep back! It’s the sleep for me that’s the killer, I’m awake early which drives me mad.

Brill thread 👍

DustyLee123 · 23/04/2023 08:04

I don’t see how anyone can be negative about women discussing a change we all go through, whether you have symptoms or not, and supporting one another. Support and camaraderie is what many of us need now.

Strangelisa · 23/04/2023 08:04

RomanticizingHeroine · 22/04/2023 22:43

I'm guessing I'm older than most on here. It's depressing how the natural process of ageing is feared and people are repulsed by it. When did "peri" become a thing? If you've put on weight - diet and exercise will sort it out.

But I guess I'm not in the spirit of the thread so I'll leave you to it.

I could make a start however, just shut the door on the way out.

DustyLee123 · 23/04/2023 08:06

I stopped drinking and hoped I’d lose weight. No.
I do 10,000 steps a day so thought I’d lose weight. No.
I do two gym classes a week and thought I’d lose weight. No
But I will keep doing it.