Thread for women who will not be defeated by menopause/ peri

[Marmaladegin]

I'm 42 and have recently been diagnosed with peri. To be clear, I'm comfortable with my age. But I need to find a style that I find both comfortable and hip, and not feel that everything is sliding downhill into being someone I don't recognise. I do not love the term "princessing" but I suppose this thread is about "queening", and also clothes stuff. Here are the challenges I'm experiencing, that I'm intending to battle and would love company.

I follow a few blogs and instagram for over 50's... there are quite a few for over 40's as well. There's dome good inspiration to be found on line.

Grooming is important, especially as we get a bit older. Don't let yourself get frumpy! Good hair, decent jackets, and you can be trendy on shoes and bags.

@Gardenerboo I don't think it's derailing at all- I agree it's made me think about my life in general, moving into a new phase of life, where I don't have very small children any more and I'm determined to take care of my health and also make time for my hobbies.

Welcome @Notweirdatall - same here: I have a new job starting and I'm determined to be feeling fabulous for it.

@mdinbc I would love recommendations of blogs. There's one I love to read but her budget is much larger than mine and she also favours tent dresses in a way that I don't.

I agree with the importance of grooming. I desperately need to make a hair decision. Mine is wavy/ sometimes curly which I like but it needs a lot of faff to keep it looking nice (doesn't refresh well. If you've done CG method you'll understand... it just doesn't really fit with my lifestyle I think)... I'm considering doing an at-home Brazilian blow dry again to make it straight for a few months. They work pretty well but sometimes I think they're ageing.

On another note, I rate the own-brand Superdrug glycolic peel mask. Definitely brightens and refreshes and is cheap.

Room for a little one?
(There's a tale. I used to be 'a little one'. I didn't attach much importance to that, I thought. But now I'm warping and sliding like a wax candle, I have noticed that I'm no longer 'a little one'. And I feel sad about that, and then ashamed of caring that I feel sad about that. There isn't value in being small, but it was part of me.. And noticing that this change to my physical self is prompting changes to my emotional self. So yes, staring out of the window at 3am and I would love to join.
I'm also thinking that ideally I would post photos for honest 'that doesn't work now' feedback. But that's scary.

The boobs, why have I developed massive floppy boobs ? I find under wired bras uncomfortable, so I just look like an old fashioned matron !

Is M&S OK for bra fittings ? I wouldn’t know where else to go.

For bra fitting I make an annual trip to London to visit Rigby & Peller. You do have to make an appointment though. Expensive (especially when the train fare is taken into account) but totally worth it.

I need the ideas here. I’m getting into late 40’s now. I’ve been a very hourglass shape for years, 30 FF, but my thickening middle makes me look matronly.

my face is lined and saggy in way it wasn’t just two years ago. I’ve always been very low maintenance. Tinted moisturiser and that was it, but as you get older you can’t get away with that.

Ive found a really good haircut and hairdresser would totally recommend putting the effort in here. I’ve got no idea were to start with my face and my clothes are all wrong for me but I bloody hate shopping.

I wish there was a way to grow old gracefully without massive effort but I don’t think there is.

Can I join please

I've no idea how to dress my new body shape.

I'm lumpen and my belly is enormous. I'm a size 16 and 5ft2.

I can't lift the weight due to medication and disabilities do I need to come to terms with my new body shape

I’d love to go somewhere and just get it all sorted in one place. There’s a business idea there for someone.

I’m in - weight gain, rage, sadness, joint ache, 3am waking….I saw some photos taken of myself recently and I was like, who is this person?!!!

I really need to know what clothes and accessories I should have in my wardrobe now.

I did get my hair cut recently so recommend that and my stylist used a hair thickener spray which had given my hair a bit more oomfh.

Joining in , also an apple shaped who struggles to buy clothes!

decided I needed to do something so upped my exercise in Dec , now do 4 HIT classes a week plus 1 yoga - how much weight have I lost? None - bloody none! On plus side not gained any.

I've found my people. I've always been an hourglass, I knew how to dress to suit my shape.
Since peri, I've expanded in all areas, and now feel very matronly - think Miss Trunchbull.
I find I now need to have good nails, focus on make up and hair, just to look ok. I used to be very low maintenance, and liked that.

I'm out tonight and dreading trying to work out what to wear. I hate being over dressed, but if I don't make an effort I'll look dreadful.

I wish there was a way to grow old gracefully without massive effort but I don’t think there is

There is. Women all around the world have been growing old gracefully until SM and MSM made them feel shit about it.

I can relate to so many of your comments here. I have always been ‘the small one’ too and was known for being low maintenance. So that’s all changed!
I went to Bravissimo for bra fitting. Would recommend doing that. I was wearing totally the wrong size and comfort / looks wise, I’ve noticed an improvement.
Finding exercise that you enjoy, preferably with a regular group of people, has huge benefits in terms of health, energy and general wellbeing. Helps to burn off a few calories too. And regular walking - even just 20-30 minutes a day. There’s something soothing about it which helps with peri rage!
My hair is causing issues - dry, frizzy, grey coming through. I don’t know what style to go for …

Good hair and teeth are the best ways to combat that depressing middle aged spread look.

Also I started weight lifting in January and its made a big difference to how I feel about myself.

Hi. I’m in BUT can we please not use the word frumpy about ourselves?

I was always little and slim but now medication/menopause/greed mean I’m little and rather round. I definitely don’t see myself as frumpy though. Fat and ugly, maybe, but not frumpy.

I know the things I like and that suit me, although I find Autumn and Winter much easier than summer. In summer I tend to favour cotton dresses with a waist and fullish skirt but not 50s full. I like rolled up jeans with a vaguely boho broderie cotton blouse for days when it’s not too hot. Generally though, I feel most myself in an old biker jacket and struggle a bit when that’s not an option!

For make up, I’d recommend Estée Lauder Futurist foundation. I like a red lipstick but I’m finding eye makeup more difficult now. My usual brown eyeliner/shadow is starting to look a bit too much, I think. It definitely needs a much lighter touch than previously.

One thing I’m noticing is that being old and fat is quite liberating. I’m much more likely to think, Fuck it - I like it so I’ll wear it - rather than worrying about if I look skinny enough.

I find the word frumpy really useful tbh

I ask my very stylish teen dd if things suit me and she'll say 'the brooch makes it looks frumpy" and I know exactly what she means. Sometimes I know I look frumpy but don't mind or care!

OK very quickly as this is S&B but one of the things I used to think about during my sleepless menopausal nights was how secretive we are about all those uniquely female experiences. Menstruation, childbirth (yeah we talk about our kids but we shy away from the 'business end') menopause, even breastfeeding: All things only women can do or live through and yet there's so much squeamishness, shame even about them. Admittedly I've noticed women are far more open about the menopause now then they were even 10 years ago.

It got me back into thinking about feminism again after a long break.

With reference to later poster, while I agree that social media in particular has made it far worse, middle aged and old women have been figures of fun pretty much throughout time.

My own personal 'frumpy' rule is that I don't use it about people but I don't mind it when it's used about clothes. I think Remus and I might disagree about that, but I do strongly agree with Remus that age can be very liberating. For the last 10 years or so I've taken the view that no-one's looking at me anyway so I may as well wear what I like.

Joining in please!

Low carb, weight lifting, time outside in fresh air and HRT. Helped me physically and mentally. You can buy weights online and do them at home if don't want to go to the gym. Buy clothes online and try them at home - shops don't have full ranges anymore, all online.

I went actual shopping yesterday and apart from being aghast at my matronly figure in the mirror it was really nice. I bought a linen jacket from Zara and a boring but useful black top from Hush. No hassle and fun looking at the clothes. Zara has loads of nice things.

Yes agree nice to shop in the store too but I often find more I like online:)