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Original poster

I look better in my head than I do in RL

140 replies

YellowHpok · 27/12/2022 19:02

Is this common? Just back from a family do. I made an effort, looked nice. Cool even. Then family send me some pics and I realise I essentially look like my brother in a wig, which isn't the look I'm going for.

Not a single nice photo of me that matches how I perceived myself in the mirror. I don't think I'm a stunner by any means, but I was quote shocked at the disconnect.

Anyone else get this?

OP posts:
Jinglebellrocks · 27/12/2022 19:29

'purplewolfie · Today 19:07
I always have beer goggles for myself.'

😂i love this!

AllAboutMargot · 27/12/2022 19:29

In my head I'm taller, slimmer, more attractive and have lovely hair 😄.

Mmmmdanone · 27/12/2022 19:30

Me too..I go out thinking I look fabulous and then I see a photo. I'm a dumpy, middle aged, saggy faced old git. The plus side is I used to get bothered by men on a night out and now I don't!

trythisforsize · 27/12/2022 19:30

Yes! But I'd rather it was this way round than cons8thinking I look terrible and having no self esteem.

I always just think to myself that all my friends, men and women, all ages, all look beautiful to me becauae I love them so much.
The Dahl quote is the truest ever: beautiful thoughts shine out of people faces like sunbeams - or something like that

NameIsBryceQuinlan · 27/12/2022 19:31

I don't wear much makeup and I think this makes me photograph poorly indoors or at night. Or I could be deluded ha! But I looked better in natural light eg on a sunny day outside.

I bet you did look nice, and it was just bad photos

lovechickencrisps · 27/12/2022 19:31

LondonSouth28 · 27/12/2022 19:09

I have this. I look at other women my age and I think 'wow they look so old, I'm so glad I don't look like that'. And then I see a picture of myself and realise I do look that old!

This is totally me!!
I sometimes scroll through social media in disbelief that I was in the same year at school as some of my old friends because they look so old.
Then I pop to the loo and accidentally catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror Blush Back down to earth with a bump!

pictoosh · 27/12/2022 19:33

Me. Always think I look alright in the hall mirror. Look like a burst sofa in any photo.

Fenella123 · 27/12/2022 19:33

God yes. Lucky it's that way around though eh? And my OH,I think, just has this vague idea of an idealized me, I'm not sure he really knows what I look like these days, in his mind I'm still 10 years younger than I truly am :)

Bosk · 27/12/2022 19:34

Oh god, absolutely. In my head I look like Erin O'Connor.

In photos - Des O'Connor

DarkShade · 27/12/2022 19:35

Yes I was just thinking this the other day! My image of myself is 10 years out of date, and it was exaggerated there too. In my head I am thin, have a beautiful and interesting face, lovely hair. In reality my hair is greasy, my face is a weird looking shape and I'm all frumpy. Hopefully it's because we all love ourselves and beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Somanymistakes · 27/12/2022 19:36

YellowHpok · 27/12/2022 19:02

Is this common? Just back from a family do. I made an effort, looked nice. Cool even. Then family send me some pics and I realise I essentially look like my brother in a wig, which isn't the look I'm going for.

Not a single nice photo of me that matches how I perceived myself in the mirror. I don't think I'm a stunner by any means, but I was quote shocked at the disconnect.

Anyone else get this?

OMG yes. I hate photos of me. I'm horrified by how ugly I look, how small my eyes are and how wonky my face is. I think I look reasonable irl and then the photos show I'm delusional. I have almost no photos of me. Had to force myself to take photos with my kids otherwise you'd think they didn't have a mum around.

Workawayxx · 27/12/2022 19:37

Yes, exactly the same here 🤦🏻‍♀️. And if anyone posts a “how old do you think I am” pic on mumsnet, people often seem to guess about 10 years older than the poster is. I think it’s not because the OP actually looks old but because posters are comparing with themselves and thinking “well, I’m 39 and look nothing like that old… must be about 50” when actually the OP is 40.

Somanymistakes · 27/12/2022 19:39

What is worse is when you see a horrible photo of yourself and then someone says "that's a nice photo of you!"
Confused

Workawayxx · 27/12/2022 19:39

Although I do think lots of people do look so much better when animated and not in photos. When I was OLD, I posted flattering but relatively accurate pics and lots of men expressed surprise that I looked better IRL. Of course they could have been going for the flattery vote 🙈. I think there’s so many filters/airbrushing etc, we expect to look our very best in photos.

Breezycheesetrees · 27/12/2022 19:39

I love this thread 😅I'm so gorgeous in my head. I'm also not bad looking in our tiny, blurry, badly-lit bathroom mirror. In the cold light of day, not so great.
The sad thing is, when I was 20-something I thought I as a total dog, but when I see old photos I realise I was actually beautiful then. Now I'm old and overweight and grumpy.

PatronSaintOfPotplants · 27/12/2022 19:40

There's a name for this phenomenon, in psychology I think, and it crops up in professional photography & cinematography too, but I can't for the life of me remember what it is. But it's normal. We usually see ourselves from limited angles, deliberately, and from our own eyeline. Other images are from all over the place - but eyeline especially changes your appearance a lot. Both are truthful depictions of us.

TerraNostra · 27/12/2022 19:41

My friend used to date a guy whose job was to photograph celebrities for a magazine. He’d sometimes bring home the contact sheets, which are hundreds of tiny photos from the shoot, from which they choose the one to use. She said that even the supermodels looked shit in 95% of the photos, the trick was to take about a hundred so you can get one decent one!

Sadly, that doesn’t explain why most pictures of my friends that I see look exactly like I see them. So I do figure that the pics of me must look like they see me…

EmmaAgain22 · 27/12/2022 19:42

pictoosh · 27/12/2022 19:33

Me. Always think I look alright in the hall mirror. Look like a burst sofa in any photo.

OMG
this is me
if I robbed a bank, the camera footage would be a burst sofa.

Lhoevaelth · 27/12/2022 19:42

There is a reason for this- well several actually.

  1. we look at a reverse image of ourselves in the mirror so not reversed is a surprise
  2. we tend to look close up in the mirror and our eyes tend to be wide open
  3. bone structure from afar often looks very different to how it looks close up so it can be a shock. We also can’t see the size of our nose etc.

I can think of several women who are widely regarded to be beauties close up, but from further away their long sloping forehead or jutting chin or mismatched eyes might be more noticeable.

We gave all had that shock, trust me. Google how to look good in photos and practice in the mirror, there is an art to it.

SqueakySquirrel · 27/12/2022 19:44

For some inexplicable reason I always look absolutely blotto in photos. Confused

Somanymistakes · 27/12/2022 19:45

If it makes anyone feel better, I once read that the fashion photographers in the supermodel era used to call Claudia Schiffer, Claudia Choufleur (cauliflower) because she so often took a bad photo.

Violinist64 · 27/12/2022 19:47

I’m glad it not just me. I have long realised that I am not photogenic. In addition, every photo makes me look about eight dress sizes bigger than I really am.

poppym12 · 27/12/2022 19:48

I look like I have a pumpkin as a head. I know I've gained weight but bloody hell! I rarely manage to get a photo with my son and I'm gutted that I look so awful. I have a slightly unhinged look too.

HiyaCaath · 27/12/2022 19:50

I think some people are really good at posing for photos. My partner is really good. I’m not and I’m always pulling stupid expressions because I’m self conscious. I look truly awful in photographs. Like a gurning potato with spaghetti limbs.

Catsstillrock · 27/12/2022 19:51

How do you photograph, OP?

it’s true some people photograph better than others, and that some people are better at taking photos than others, and that some people work on standing / posing better than others

i work in the industry and have seen the opposite of what you describe too - someone who was nothing much in real life but photographer and filmed great (actress).

some people translate well / better in two dimensions than others.

also some people are bad at taking pictures. Miss the moment (my DP is bad for dragging it out so the spontaneity of everyone laughing etc is lost and it all looks forced). Or not noticing if the light is bad / there’s a tree behind your head etc.

and some people have no kindness in the edit. On a phone it’s easy to take a few shots and then look back for the one that’s kindest. But again people don’t bother. Or they keep / circulate the ones where they look best and never mind if you had your eyes shut/ were talking etc.

it is worth finding out which way / side to stand to flatter you, how to hold your head etc.