Going grey gracefully (or at least without looking like I've just parked my broomstick)

[whokilledlizandseb]

Im 49 and I've dyed my hair dark brown or red since I was 16.

It's coming through fully grey and has been for a while now. I'm thinking of embracing it.

However how to do it without looking awful while it grows out? It's thick and wavy, currently shoulder length.

I don't want to wear a hat for months- they don't suit me anyway!

Help?!

You sound like some kind of cult. Very weird

Perhaps @thehorsehasnowbolted you are the one who is part of a cult. The cult where women have been hypnotised to believe that the only way they can look attractive is to look younger and that the best/easiest way to achieve this is to dye their hair. A face is still the same face no matter what colour of hair surrounds it. Everyone should do as they please of course, but most people are deluded if they think covering their grey hair makes them look magically younger. It doesn't. I say this as someone who covered my grey hair from about 22 onwards.

And yes, I do feel empowered in a way, in that I'm no longer worshipping at the altar of youth when I am, in fact, post menopause.

Depends on how nice your grey is. Some / few are blessed with really nice, and thus a toner, or a few silver highlights / lowlights could make a big difference.

Silver can be really pretty. Although you need an excellent stylist for a really good cut and to make sure your make up tones suit your colouring otherwise you can look washed out.

I can recommend having your colours done too once you’ve gone grey.
This!

I'm just letting myself go grey. It's mainly around my face with the rest still being my natural mouse. It's quite silver so I'm not too worried. I'd rather be grey than have the expense of keeping it dyed.

I'd rather be grey than have the expense of keeping it dyed.

I agree.

Isn't it frustrating that men don't have to spend their time or money dying their hair?

While women spend their time trying to maintain beauty, men are free to spend their time in many more productive ways.

I know plenty of men who have tried to keep youthful by dying their hair brown before accepting time has moved on. They all look so much better with white or grey hair. And that brings the conclusion that women who probably do to.

Women have more options though in terms of style and length. Going blonde to grow it out is always a viable option

Isn't it frustrating that men don't have to spend their time or money dying their hair?
Women don't have to do it either. I don't live under a rock and I'm fully aware of all the social pressures on us not to look our age - and if I wasn't, this thread spells them out pretty comprehensively. But the fact remains, we could stop today if we really wanted to. We do this to ourselves.

You hair is gorgeous. I'd love to have hair like that.

I just let it grow out, had my hair cut to a shorter bob so it would take less time but still took about 18 months until the last dyed sections were cut out. I used a lot of purple shampoo in that time to try and make the dyed ends less brassy.

Now it's all my natural colour it looks so much better and it's great not having to mess around with dye anymore. I sometimes use fun temporary colours which take pretty well on the white sections so I often have pink streaks.

I get loads of compliments on my grey and a lot of 'I'd go grey if my grey hair was as nice as yours'. But I always say that it will be- the grey looks terrible when it's growing out but once it's all there is it tends to look good. My friend grew hers out just after mine and she looks amazing. We both have much better condition hair now than when it was dyed.

I'm 50 next year, but feel so much better with silver hair. It was the best decision I ever made. Like you, OP, I came onto MN 21 months ago to ask your question. The support encouraged me to never look back.

I'm attaching 2 pics. The first, my transition from dyed orange/brown to shorter silver, and now my current hair, with its natural wave.

Please tell me again how silver hair makes me look older (and even if it did, I am older than when I had naturally brown hair. So what?) Also, tell me how it only suits younger women please? Or how it looks 'witchy' (again, so what?)
There are so many outdated sexist and agesit stereotypes around grey hair. Some of them reflected on this thread!

I've dyed my hair red or brown for years, to hide increasing amounts of grey. I'm 41 and I've been dying it since my early 20s. Underneath the dye my natural colour seems to be a kind of ashy mid to dark brown, with grey at the temples, and in huge amounts at the crown and generally all over. Nine months ago I decided to stop dying and grow out the grey, and embrace it. I had shoulder length fine straight hair, in horrendous condition after two pregnancies and years of dying, the ends were frizzy and straggly, and it was just really poor.

So I had it chopped to a pixie cut. The hairdresser put some blond highlights and some warm chocolate brown through it. Every time I've had it trimmed since she's worked on cutting out more of the brown, and the blond highlights are supporting the grey to grow in but less obviously than if I'd stuck with the red. My hair is in much better condition, and is so much easier to style. It has volume and shine and is just better overall. I'm proud of my natural colour now and I can't wait until all the brown and blond is gone and I'm back to my natural colour.

I've not noticed anyone treating me any differently, but my own attitude has changed, not because of the hair, but I think the hair is a symptom of the attitude change. I'm over 40, I'm a mother, I'm in a good job where my opinion is respected, why on earth can I not look like my natural self? So I thought fuck it, I'm not dying it anymore, people can take me as I am, grey hair and all.

@Silverparting your hair is lovely, and suits you so well. Your colour is what I'm working towards eventually!

Thank you. My hair was originally dark brown, but I got my first grey at 19, so had been dyeing it and killing it with straighteners for years.

I grew it out gradually. Working from home helped, although when I did go into the office during the transition, I thought of my my male colleagues who went grey and treated it as the norm. Yes, it did look like a seagull pooed on my head for a bit, but after around six to eight months it got easier with a shorter cut.

There are lots of Facebook grouos that helped like Going Grey Gracefully, Silver Revolution and Silver Sisters. They have lots of advice and support from others who are doing or have been through the same process.

Good luck. If you find my original MN thread (Jan/Feb 2022?) you'll see I was unsure at the time, but it really has transformed me in many other ways.

I found my first greys at 15, started dyeing my hair at 16. At 30, two weeks after going to the hairdresser I would have a full skunk line. At 42 I thought sod this, I was dyed blonde so I cut it short, then a couple of months later into a pixie and ta daa! Full grey.

My hair is silver grey and I love it although I have to be careful that it doesn’t wash me out. I sometimes fantasise about dyeing it again because I get bored easily and there are so many wonderful colours out there, but then I remember the minimum two hours at the salon every three weeks and it passes.

Friend at work just let her grey come in naturally. She looks waaay older now. Another friend did that too and looks great. So I guess it depends - some people defo suit it, others just look old (which they may or may not care about I guess). Hell will freeze over before I stop colouring my hair! Lol

I agree with this! I am very pale so I now migrate to brighter colours and lipstick, which I didn't do before. Otherwise I can look washed out.

I've been box dying my thick, elbow length hair for years and hated seeing the regrowth.

I last dyed it almost 2 years ago and spent 6 months doing all sorts to hide/cover the 'line'. Then I had an injury and couldnt even brush my hair never mind style it, so I had a big chop which took care of the majority of the coloured hair. 18m on and my hair is shoulder length, none of the old dye in at, all - and actually without the hard line between dyed and natural, my hair is really not as grey as I thought it was! Even my hairdresser told me I shouldn't dye it again (even expertly not box dye) as it has so many natural shades!

So I'll be leaving it a few years before I rethink any sort of colouring. Maybe I'll soften it eventually to blend in the greys with my natural colour, but I won't be going back to block dying.

I stopped colouring mine in my early 40s. Did a colour strip, cut it as short as I could then put up with it looking two tone for about 9 months.

I'm now 48 and it still doesn't look good. I am mousey brown (hence why I'd coloured since I was 15) and the grey is flat and steely. I have one white/silver streak which I like but mostly it just looks dull and I look washed out.

It also seems to have slowed down. I was about 30% grey when I started and now I'm only 35/40%. I see the lovely full heads of grey and I'm envious.

I didn't want to go back to proper colouring so my compromise is a colour gloss/shampoo. It gives me a bit of depth and the grey bits then look like highlights. I can't use my old copper colour though as they go pink in the white streak.....

Personally I wouldn’t do it, I dye mine dark brown yes I’m mid 60,s and have to dye it once a month but I’m far from ready to embrace the grey.

Oh wow, you look wonderful!

You look amazing. I am 6 months in. With about 6 inch of growth. Can not wait for it to be long enough to have cut into a Bob like yours.

I suspect part of the problem is that the majority of women who don't dye grey hair are those (like me) who can't be bothered, don't make much effort with their appearance and don't get it cut very often either. Low maintenance basically!

The more stylish women like @Silverparting who go grey and make a big effort with hair, makeup and appearance, the more people will realise that "making an effort" and "going grey" aren't mutually exclusive.

I'm happy to stay low maintenance so this isn't a criticism of anyone

There seems to be a weird double standard with some people where wanting your skin or face to look younger is fine, but wanting your hair to look younger is being unfeminist or some crap.

I've seen it on here many times with going grey threads, where certain posters think they are somehow bucking the patriarchy by not dyeing their hair, but at the same time might use botox, fillers or skincare products to try and make their skin look brighter, fresher, less lined - basically younger. Surely that's just another side of the same coin?

I'm not judging by the way - I do both and will continue to do so.

On some people grey hair looks fantastic, on others it may not. It's not letting the side down to want to colour your hair, your nails or anything else.

That is a valid point

I was worried about the dye damaging my hair and the health risk associated with using hair dye

Plus the expense and the hassle of the dyeing process

I may have some lowlights at some point but not whole block colour again