Just so, so fed up of myself.

[BlessedByTheShitFairy]

This feels like giant first world problem I know. I usually don't get too hard on myself but today I've just had enough.
Everything I buy, no matter what I spend, looks completely shit, dishevelled, like I make clothes look LESS expensive than they are. I'm not untidy, and I take care of my appearance, but it's like I was blessed by the shit fairy and I manage to make lovely fabrics and designs look dreadful.

I'm starting to wonder whether I'm just not suited to modern clothes, or if I am going a bit mad and judging too harshly. I told Dp and he said I always look fantastic (his words were 'beautiful' as always, bless him) but he doesn't have an eye for stuff like that. If I asked him what he loves me in most he'd say leggings, which I only wear to clean up

The odd bit is that my 'credentials' look good on paper - I am mid forties, very slim, blonde, considered attractive and have great (if pale) skin. I have good nails, feet, everything in proportion and look a good bit younger than I am. And I feel like something a cat dragged in.
My hair is a bit fuzzy, neither straight nor curled. It is longish and I wear it slightly wavy, centre part, but it always looks like shit because the ends are a bit straggly. I always feel like the weirdo, and that I make clothes look terrible.

I like a delicate, muted style, slightly bohemian (floaty 90's slip dresses, etc) but not zany or colourful. I like soft knits in good fabrics, decent dresses, clumpy boots. I have some gorgeous long wool coats, great accessories and make up (minimal). But what happens when I wear my stuff is not making sense. If I wear dark colours I always look tired or pale, or ill when I am not. The only colour that lights my face up seems to be beige or white but surely this can't be right?
I make everything look untidy, or maybe everything is a bad fit? Maybe I'm not too good at choosing the right fit? I am small framed but don't want anything too fitted or structured, but everything I buy, no matter how gorgeous I think it is, I just feel that I look badly dressed. Considering how carefully chosen and occasionally expensive my things are, it feels soul destroying to see them on me in the mirror.

I'm 47 and look best in mini skirts , delicate short tea dresses, fine knits and feminine stuff, but I don't want to dress like that now! I feel that most things aimed at my age range just bury me or make me look scruffy and ill.
Today, out of some sort of furious curiosity, I tried a v.short green floral tea dress on in New Look (possibly aimed at teens). I hate that store and never go in there, the damn thing was polyester and thin, just horribly made. I looked like a million dollars in it, my eyes lit up, my hair shone and my figure looked fab.
WTF am I doing wrong?
I have gorgeous stuff from Brora, Toast, Poetry, tweed, wool, cashmere, and it all looks like utter crap on me :(

I am so fed up of what I have spent and would like some advice if anyone has the time. I just feel like giving up and not buying anything anymore. I can't trust myself obviously.
Has anyone ever felt like this? Is there a solution, or am I seeing myself in a negative light? I am happy generally and not usually down on myself, but clothes really don't seem to like me.

Hmmme....we are a very similar build and there are very limited things I can wear from Cos.. and nothing from toast. I look best in Reis's, Karen Millen and vintage stuff. I have to be careful not to swamp my frame ... I'm not so much of a dress person but shirt dresses work defo not floaty crap from hush. Anthropologie might be a good shout or Cezanne?
I think posters have it right you are trying to build clothes that are marketed at middle aged mum's... You need to buy stuff that suits you
One thing to check...Are you sure about your bra size? From the photos your back might not be a 32? Have you tried the bra intervention?

@BlessedByTheShitFairy Face is no longer used in typing! Just the body.

@hettie

Hmmme....we are a very similar build and there are very limited things I can wear from Cos.. and nothing from toast. I look best in Reis's, Karen Millen and vintage stuff. I have to be careful not to swamp my frame ... I'm not so much of a dress person but shirt dresses work defo not floaty crap from hush. Anthropologie might be a good shout or Cezanne? I think posters have it right you are trying to build clothes that are marketed at middle aged mum's... You need to buy stuff that suits you One thing to check...Are you sure about your bra size? From the photos your back might not be a 32? Have you tried the bra intervention?

I had a flattening bandeau on in the picture so a bad representation of my chest! I think it is a bad shot of me in motion that doesn't flatter my natural swan-like grace & poise .....joke.

One thing I do know is I can't wear anything wired or stiff. Should I sample a 30C or something? Or do you mean go up a band? I wore a 34A when young and looked a bit wrong.

It's a shame this is a blend of man made fabrics and as such probably doesn't feel pleasant, because I think as a style it would suit you:

misspatina.com/product/jacqueline-dress/

Some more stuff that I like, Clemence Poesy in 'the ones below', some of her styles in this appeal to me and remind me a bit of myself.
The vid clip is a more chic/done up look that I like, which I don't do often.
The long cord coat and scarf I love, and her hairstyles!

Thanks! Good luck with your shopping. I’m sure you’ll look fab! X

@Innocenta

It's a shame this is a blend of man made fabrics and as such probably doesn't feel pleasant, because I think as a style it would suit you:

misspatina.com/product/jacqueline-dress/

Ah, I am too picky! It is very 60's and not me at all, I can't do high necks either, or pastels like baby pink/blue. Just too prim and tidy for me. Thanks you for linking, though, I appreciate the help!

No, not up a bra band. Try a 30, possibly with a bigger cup size.

Full head of highlights is so dull. There's no dimension to it. You want cool/ashy tones blended in. Very, very hard to find a colourist who can do this well though and it costs a pretty penny too.

Let you off with the sandals 😉

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being picky! The New Look dress that worked on you is quite sixties, but it's equally helpful to know what's too sixties for you. Because you're slight and fair I think it might 'objectively' look good, but that's useless if it's not what you feel comfortable in! I suspect it's too un-boho for you.

Following as feeling similar

Do you think you might be a light summer or a light spring, colours wise? I'm curious if you feel you look better in slightly warmer or slightly cooler tones. I think you do actually have a very strong instinct for some of what works and doesn't work well for you, but the UK high street doesn't reflect your needs too well at the moment which is probably why you're struggling. If you can 'abstract' your needs a bit into a template and then run through loads of brands, comparing them to the template, it might make it easier for you to find stuff that will work. (Especially if you are willing to try the odd good condition secondhand piece.)

Pic to illustrate.

Here are a few more pics of me. Is there a way to get the more 'outing' one removed later? If not, sod it, I won't use this username much.

The longer loose hair is how it is now with highlights after smoothing with hot brush (grizzly ends).
The scraggly topknot shot is now but not straightened.
The one with visible eyes was before lockdown growing fringe out. It is my natural hair and eye colour, straightened.

I do prefer the crazy big scraggle hair but need to get it in better health!

@BlessedByTheShitFairy Yes, you can report your own post and ask MNHQ to remove it

@Innocenta I'd never wear a mini without tights! True about the more boho thing, I like sleek and flowy:)
No idea if spring or summer, DP says my skin is a very light gold, but I was told by Bobbi Brown assistant that I was cool toned. I suit both silver and gold. I don't suit pastels the wash me out, but I can't do earthy tones either.

@Imabouttoexplode the cool one is perhaps too cool for me, maybe more inbetween? I see what you mean about the highlights though. I've posted my hair!

Defo go down a bra band size. Im a 32 and yoire much smaller than me.

Your hair is lovely but yeah, get a bit of dimension in there. Be warned though, Sandra at Scizzor Sisterz round the corner absolutely will not be able to do it and it's not just more high/low lights!

I'm rubbish with clothes, so will leave that to others!

@Imabouttoexplode

Defo go down a bra band size. Im a 32 and yoire much smaller than me.

Your hair is lovely but yeah, get a bit of dimension in there. Be warned though, Sandra at Scizzor Sisterz round the corner absolutely will not be able to do it and it's not just more high/low lights!

I'm rubbish with clothes, so will leave that to others!

My highlights were toni&guy, i was pleased with them but am still a bit of a novice with this stuff, I prefer hair a bit wild, but colour has gone mousey in past few years..

Will test out a 30 band.

Thanks @BlessedByTheShitFairy that's kind.

The Kebbie test I suggested has really given me permission to wear what suits me, i.e if shorter coats (kind of just on the knee) come back in fashion like they did a while back I'll ignore the temptation and continue with longer more dramatic ones.

Apologies to others who said about Kibbie your posts weren't showing up for me!!!!

Does this help you op if you are a gamine

haha @BlessedByTheShitFairy...I bought a similar cord coat after watching that film!
I have similar difficulties in terms of things fitting well ( your age and build but a bit shorter) - I think Toast is generally good quality and I do- mostly- admire the aesthetic but few things fit well. I wouldn't discount Brora- they make lovely Harris tweed coats and cashmere stoles that might the bill. I dislike all the colour - blocked knit wear Brora are so fond of now and wish they would bring back their 40s style collared cardigans, which I loved! They also have nice collaborations with Liberty every season.
I also have some stuff- including (another) Harris tweed coat and a couple of linen overcoat-style coats from nygardsanne.se - some of their clothes might appeal to you. The quality is really good. Alternatively, if you don't sew it might be worth considering getting some things made to measure- that way you can control both the quality of the fabric / have things properly fitted.
A few ideas anyway!

I look perpetually grubby regardless of what I wear, and have just had to accept it now. It never looks polished or smart on me, floaty dresses look frumpy. I've had to come to realise that I can't change it and not let it bother me (as much) anymore

@Sickoffamilydrama Ah, I love a long dramatic coat (perfect description) and don't even care if they suit me or not. I think they do, so long as they're neat in the shoulder.

@HandOfGod I too loved those collared cardigans, I do love Brora though. I have a few accessories that have stood the test of time. I don't much like recent styles, as you say - they appear to becoming a little too trend focused, and who buys a prairie inspired silk dress for over £300 that will look dated after 2 seasons? That's what Tesco's for!
I do have a good local seamstress, not sure if they do made to measure..

@SD1978 Grubby is the word. That is how I felt yesterday, just horribly untidy, as if the clothes were old and shapeless, and they were quite new and not cheap! It's not a great feeling is it? I never feel polished or smart, but then that's not what I'm going for, but I do want to be able to tell if I've paid out for a good fabric/design. I wonder if we see ourselves as others see us? Probably not, but I do think how we see ourselves is important, more so than what others think, so it's....hard. I bet you look much better than you think. I hope we all do!

So, a bit of an update. Had a look though my wardrobe this morning and a bit of a try-on in the mirror.

I had a long dress, slim and floaty and a tiny bit boho from Tesco during lockdown. Shit material, crappy seams, but it looked so bloody lovely on me. Black with small patterns and a v neck. I looked incredibly graceful and again, my face lit up. So it seems I suit shite clothes

I tried all my more expensive stuff on, some good, some bad. It seems jumpers of any description make me look overwhelmed and tatty. Although my fine knit cardi's in linen and cotton drape nicely.

It seems anything with bulk or folds is not good on me, and oversized is just terrible. I narrowed down what looked really good and made me feel great and they are all the more slim, floaty things. Longer, fluid dresses with my bog boots looked fine. Again the cheaper fabrics won, so I am confused!
I think that well made stuff can often be boxy or structured and that doesn't work on me. If only there were more silk, cotton dresses that were fluid. I now know why I sold off most of my APC stuff years ago as the cuts were very square and more masculine.

Again, apologies for the small novel.

good god, bog boots

The Toast thing is interesting, years ago, probably a decade, they had a few seasons of stunning clothes. Very Helena B-C.

Fitted, shirts & t-shirts (not Breton) maybe a waistcoat.
Narrow skirts, wide legged trousers,
Promanade, single button, simple coats, v neck.
Long dresses, fitted at the waist, v neck

Brogues or Blundestones....

And I think that's what a lot of us carry the toast desire baggage around from. I want to look like I could be drinking coffee in a heavily tiled, Art Nouveau Cafe.

I've just returned a tunic type top, almost a copy of an old design. You'd wear it over a fitted sleeve fine knit. The new version had fixed sleeves, no button. The new version didn't have the folded centre placket which previously made it quirky shapeless rather than boxy shapeless.

I found an old catalogue on Pinterest, honestly I could have bought the whole season but that is not what they are offering today.

I am a little confused by your posts. You said you adore indie&cold but have a problem with brora. I had a look, indie&cord to me looks identical to Brora liberty dresses. Literally every season there are five new dresses of that kind and the designer don't change

I also can't understand why you feel grubby. To me, from your pictures, you look a bit like nicole kidman. What is it, that would would describe as polished and smart? Polished to one is vulgar to another. I have a mop of curly wild hair; I feel very polished and I think I look like Sonia Rykel. To me, having a head full of hair products with hair as a helmet is horror. So your mention of tangly hair wouldn't seem a problem to me. What is polished and smart for you? Office look? Parisian look?