Just so, so fed up of myself.

[BlessedByTheShitFairy]

This feels like giant first world problem I know. I usually don't get too hard on myself but today I've just had enough.
Everything I buy, no matter what I spend, looks completely shit, dishevelled, like I make clothes look LESS expensive than they are. I'm not untidy, and I take care of my appearance, but it's like I was blessed by the shit fairy and I manage to make lovely fabrics and designs look dreadful.

I'm starting to wonder whether I'm just not suited to modern clothes, or if I am going a bit mad and judging too harshly. I told Dp and he said I always look fantastic (his words were 'beautiful' as always, bless him) but he doesn't have an eye for stuff like that. If I asked him what he loves me in most he'd say leggings, which I only wear to clean up

The odd bit is that my 'credentials' look good on paper - I am mid forties, very slim, blonde, considered attractive and have great (if pale) skin. I have good nails, feet, everything in proportion and look a good bit younger than I am. And I feel like something a cat dragged in.
My hair is a bit fuzzy, neither straight nor curled. It is longish and I wear it slightly wavy, centre part, but it always looks like shit because the ends are a bit straggly. I always feel like the weirdo, and that I make clothes look terrible.

I like a delicate, muted style, slightly bohemian (floaty 90's slip dresses, etc) but not zany or colourful. I like soft knits in good fabrics, decent dresses, clumpy boots. I have some gorgeous long wool coats, great accessories and make up (minimal). But what happens when I wear my stuff is not making sense. If I wear dark colours I always look tired or pale, or ill when I am not. The only colour that lights my face up seems to be beige or white but surely this can't be right?
I make everything look untidy, or maybe everything is a bad fit? Maybe I'm not too good at choosing the right fit? I am small framed but don't want anything too fitted or structured, but everything I buy, no matter how gorgeous I think it is, I just feel that I look badly dressed. Considering how carefully chosen and occasionally expensive my things are, it feels soul destroying to see them on me in the mirror.

I'm 47 and look best in mini skirts , delicate short tea dresses, fine knits and feminine stuff, but I don't want to dress like that now! I feel that most things aimed at my age range just bury me or make me look scruffy and ill.
Today, out of some sort of furious curiosity, I tried a v.short green floral tea dress on in New Look (possibly aimed at teens). I hate that store and never go in there, the damn thing was polyester and thin, just horribly made. I looked like a million dollars in it, my eyes lit up, my hair shone and my figure looked fab.
WTF am I doing wrong?
I have gorgeous stuff from Brora, Toast, Poetry, tweed, wool, cashmere, and it all looks like utter crap on me :(

I am so fed up of what I have spent and would like some advice if anyone has the time. I just feel like giving up and not buying anything anymore. I can't trust myself obviously.
Has anyone ever felt like this? Is there a solution, or am I seeing myself in a negative light? I am happy generally and not usually down on myself, but clothes really don't seem to like me.

How is your posture? Do you do yoga? If it’s not great and you can work to improve it I think it would make you feel much better in clothes.

I think toast only suits tall people5ft9ish or more. Maybe you’re shopping in the wrong shops for your shape/height.

No much help at all, but by the sounds of it I have a similar build to you. I’m 5’9”, yet it takes very little to swamp me. Anything from Toast would look dreadful on me. I need structure on the top, so wear a lot of jackets, blazers etc. I do wear knitwear, but just have to accept that that makes me look at least 2 sizes bigger.

This may help...I don’t agree with all of it, but it has some useful pointers:

theconceptwardrobe.com/build-a-wardrobe/pear-body-shape

@Crazzzycat Yes I think the Toast thing is never going to happen. I will have to content myself with accessories and nightwear for the time being.
I think also that what suits us is rarely to do with height or even build, but our entire look, like hair, features, how we hold ourselves. I've seen a woman on instagram who is my height and build wearing toast and she looks amazing. It depends, I think. I might be a slight pear shape but not much one way or the other. Thanks for the link.

@IvorCutler I do a bit of yoga, not that it's obvious in that photo, lol. My posture isn't great but I am more aware of it these days and try to stop slouching.

Ive also noticed on Mumsnet when people discuss good quality clothes the brands are always similar in aesthetic - large, voluminous or utilitarian.
There seem to be no decent brands which sell the type of stuff that suits me.

Someone mentioned an ethical linen brand called 'linen fox', and when I checked out their website every design and cut was boxy, roomy or voluminous. I love this style but it does nothing for me. Nobody seems to make more delicate things with good quality fabrics :(

When I was reading my mind was picturing an Instagram account I follow (Shnordic) it’s a home/interiors account and now I’ve seen your photos she might be someone you’d like to dress like. Some of her items are H&M and definitely in your colour palette I think.

@BlessedByTheShitFairy That's not true; there are good quality, delicate pieces, but you have to look beyond the Mumsnet favourites like Toast. I agree that would not work on you.

Your pintrest photos were interesting, because you posted one actual Helena Bonham Carter picture and one Helena Bonham Carter style picture- the thing is, Helena Bonham Carter herself doesn't 'suit' those clothes, she just likes them so wears them and doesn't give a fuck. She pulls it off because if someone looks at her and says 'oh god, look at the state of her'.....🤷‍♀️. She carries herself in just the right way to wear them because that's her style, she's not trying to do anything. Replicating that style is going to be virtually impossible for someone who (nicely) cares a great deal what they look like. If you wanted something similar with a smaller frame I'd go for a dark coloured tea dress with tights and an asymmetrical hem long, thin cardigan under a long wool coat, or leggings and a thin knit tunic with layered long cardigans, or a long fitted shirt dress with tights and a good fitted coat, with either very witchy boots or chunky boots. Don't listen to me though, I have alternative style myself and give no fucks so I'm not sure any of that will help!

Try silk blouses from Paul and Joe, and maybe vintage Cacharel if you're willing to buy vintage (totally understand if not). You could look at the more gamine-styled pieces from Cabbages and Roses; some of their styles would overwhelm you like Toast does, but I think others could be worth trying. Avoid anything that looks voluminous on the model. You want things that look short and swingy on the model, as it will look less short on you.

Please don’t take this the wrong way but I’m not sure you are likely to find clothing which is going to make you look stylish in Seasalt, Brora, Toast or Poetry. You are looking in the wrong place!

Your shape sounds like you would be swamped by some of the shapeless type clothing. Have you tried Reiss (not cheap but then neither is Brora or Toast)? Their clothing tends to be more fitted. Or Ghost?

Nothing wrong with sticking to neutral tones, like beige, cream etc. Always looks nice.

Can you link to the green dress you found in New Look so that we can better understand what works for you?

@ToManderleyAgain Now funny you should say that, I looked earlier when I got home and it isn't there! Will have another look later or post something similar.

@MarieInternette I know you're right, and to be honest it's good to hear that instead of thinking I'm sartorially cursed or ruining everything I buy!
I never like anything on the high street though, even higher end. Reiss is exactly the type of store I'd skip, it just isn't my thing. Do they even do decent fabrics now? Will check out Ghost, thanks:)

@Barbiesarm With a lot of these inspiration pics I take what I like and would rework it to suit me, although obviously I'm struggling with that!
I don't so much care what anyone else would think, it is my own comfort and judgement of my clothes that's the issue. I could definitely stride out like HBC and not give a damn who approved. I've never been much of a trend follower, I prefer more alternative clothes but seem to have lost my way a bit. Your post is very helpful, thank you.

@ToManderleyAgain It was this dress with a different, smaller ditsy green pattern.

It sounds like you’d benefit from finding out your season and style from a stylist. Off the top of my head, two I’d trust are Emily Innes and Clare Watkins, but there are tons around. You can send photos of yourself and they analyse what colours you suit and what type of style is best.

I totally empathise on what you like not being what you suit! I am so envious of those who can wear the full Cos aesthetic, but it simply looks shit on me (like you, an unholy and cheap-looking mess) so I gracefully accept it and wear what suits me.

Oh I didn't get that from your previous posts, sorry! If alternative is your style and you're looking for well cut clothes that suit you definitely step away from mainstream brands! Try Disturbia, Killstar, Vivienne of Holloway, alternative brands. A lot of it won't be what you're looking for but you'll find things like dresses (especially V of H ones!) that are perfect for smaller frames and can be teamed with whatever you want, you can tone down or up. Perhaps the look you're going for isn't supported by the brands you're looking at and that's why everything looks boxy/ frumpy/ swampy on your frame?

Have you tried boob or bust?

Forgive if you have, but it made a huge difference for me

www.booborbust.com/

You have the body of a young woman, but feel too old to pull it off.

Take the characteristics of what suits you (slim fitting, shorter length skirt/dresses, non-jewel colours, whatever kneckline you prefer) and ditch the things you instinctively shun, or that instantly make you look like a little girl. Big patterns will drown you. A certain type of floral will make you look like an overgrown toddler. Dungarees will do the same.

Then find clothes - in whatever shape they're sold in - that you like and have them tailored. Bring in wide leg trousers. Take in a midi-length pleated skirt. Tighten the sleeves of a smock shirt. Have darts put into a preferred dress.

The high street doesn't cater to a woman like you, necessarily. You're not a classic size 14/16, you're not in your early 20s, and you have the sort of figure that most women your age don't have. You're going to have to make adjustments.

@Barbiesarm

Oh I didn't get that from your previous posts, sorry! If alternative is your style and you're looking for well cut clothes that suit you definitely step away from mainstream brands! Try Disturbia, Killstar, Vivienne of Holloway, alternative brands. A lot of it won't be what you're looking for but you'll find things like dresses (especially V of H ones!) that are perfect for smaller frames and can be teamed with whatever you want, you can tone down or up. Perhaps the look you're going for isn't supported by the brands you're looking at and that's why everything looks boxy/ frumpy/ swampy on your frame?

Sorry, I didn't mean alternative as in 50's or goth, more indie band 90's really, like long peasant skirts, docs, floaty stuff, love beads, embroidered bags and droopy cardigans I was a regular Glastonbury kid up until mid 90's. We always paired something really feminine with something a bit rough. I'd prefer a more ...simplified version now though.

I might have gone through something similar recently so I will just post my thoughts. See if you find anything resonating

1.There has recently been a massive change in fashion, quite a big shift, not just regular stirring (think good bye skinnies hello wide trousers). Square silhouettes require a lot of attention and training to assemble and pull off. You mention Margaret Howell skirt. I bet you top dollar that it doesn't look good on you because you are styling it wrong. Margaret Howell, ditto Toast is very particular, it doesn't go with anything. You don't need to go oversized top with a skirt like this, but you can't go clingy top either, it'll look crap. I also bought a MH skirt, and discovered it didn't work with anything I own. Now I have a whole new wardrobe

2.Related to the above, I, for instance, don't want to wear tight fitting clothes necessarily, I also think it is not of this moment, and I realised almost all my clothes is tight-fitting. I basically dressed, all the way up to 45 the way it suited me when I was 17. I still have the same figure, although I am taller than you, buy I also want change and variety. See above point, it needs a lot of re-thinking and re-training your eye. Because for a long time for whatever reason, I wore the same type of clothes, lengths, etc I stopped looking at what it means, for instance, if the skirt is slightly bulky or the sleeves slightly cropped. But in fact this means change elsewhere - chunky shoes, turtle neck, shorter hem, sleeves rolled up etc

3.What helped me is to go to those shops you want to like, say Margaret Howell, Toast and try lots of things on. Roll up sleeves, roll up and down trousers, try different knits, cropped, oversized etc. Look at how these shops themselves style their clothes. I think you will find combinations that work on you. Unfortunately, this is not doable from the Internet. Don't waste money on a stylist, save for a trip to a big city and go around trying loads of clothes, and take photographs of yourself in the dressing room mirror

@givethatbabyaname

You have the body of a young woman, but feel too old to pull it off.

Take the characteristics of what suits you (slim fitting, shorter length skirt/dresses, non-jewel colours, whatever kneckline you prefer) and ditch the things you instinctively shun, or that instantly make you look like a little girl. Big patterns will drown you. A certain type of floral will make you look like an overgrown toddler. Dungarees will do the same.

Then find clothes - in whatever shape they're sold in - that you like and have them tailored. Bring in wide leg trousers. Take in a midi-length pleated skirt. Tighten the sleeves of a smock shirt. Have darts put into a preferred dress.

The high street doesn't cater to a woman like you, necessarily. You're not a classic size 14/16, you're not in your early 20s, and you have the sort of figure that most women your age don't have. You're going to have to make adjustments.

This is what my DP says, however coming from a guy he realises that's a tricky area to tread. He still insists I look like young Hayley Mills (as my family did when I was a teen). I have obviously aged now, looser jaw/cheeks, nowhere near as taught, and my boobs aren't buoyant, but my eyes are still very young so I feel like a bit of a Frankenstein. Hayley bloody Mills at least manages to look good as she gets older, why can't I ffs?

I do suit very small, subtle florals and stuff that would be from a 'ballet' style palette. I suppose a lot of what is in fashion now is too oversized or more masculine, and there are some huge patterns about!
I do look at ebay but still make mistakes.
There don't seem to be well made items for my type, really. It seems to be assumed that the ethical, mature market only gets given wide linen or hemlines that reach the floor. It's all like the Toast aesthetic really - which is lovely but not kind to me.

The pieces you want do exist, but you'll have to look at a wider range of brands and let go of Toast, etc. You will do better to look at a wide range of French brands, often cut a bit smaller/narrower, and you can comb through for feminine pieces and delicate colours.

@microbius

I might have gone through something similar recently so I will just post my thoughts. See if you find anything resonating

1.There has recently been a massive change in fashion, quite a big shift, not just regular stirring (think good bye skinnies hello wide trousers). Square silhouettes require a lot of attention and training to assemble and pull off. You mention Margaret Howell skirt. I bet you top dollar that it doesn't look good on you because you are styling it wrong. Margaret Howell, ditto Toast is very particular, it doesn't go with anything. You don't need to go oversized top with a skirt like this, but you can't go clingy top either, it'll look crap. I also bought a MH skirt, and discovered it didn't work with anything I own. Now I have a whole new wardrobe

2.Related to the above, I, for instance, don't want to wear tight fitting clothes necessarily, I also think it is not of this moment, and I realised almost all my clothes is tight-fitting. I basically dressed, all the way up to 45 the way it suited me when I was 17. I still have the same figure, although I am taller than you, buy I also want change and variety. See above point, it needs a lot of re-thinking and re-training your eye. Because for a long time for whatever reason, I wore the same type of clothes, lengths, etc I stopped looking at what it means, for instance, if the skirt is slightly bulky or the sleeves slightly cropped. But in fact this means change elsewhere - chunky shoes, turtle neck, shorter hem, sleeves rolled up etc

3.What helped me is to go to those shops you want to like, say Margaret Howell, Toast and try lots of things on. Roll up sleeves, roll up and down trousers, try different knits, cropped, oversized etc. Look at how these shops themselves style their clothes. I think you will find combinations that work on you. Unfortunately, this is not doable from the Internet. Don't waste money on a stylist, save for a trip to a big city and go around trying loads of clothes, and take photographs of yourself in the dressing room mirror

I really do get what you mean, but sometimes a certain style just doesn't suit us, who we are, I suppose. No matter how I readjust a shirt or alter a length a masculine, wide cut isn't going to suit my face, hair or vibe, really. I am glad the skin tight silhouette has shuffled off though, I was never comfy in skinnies or stretchy clothes, even if some suited me.

But god I would love to try on, I am out in the sticks and my closest town has more or less shut everything down except for fat face.

That said, I do like this (pictured), which is in the spirit of M Howell, except not, and it would suit me, it is similar to how I like to dress in winter:

@microbius I do want to say thank you for taking the time to post your ideas. The new silhouette is much wider now and it does take time and some effort to learn how to work it, and to even accept it. I hated the skinny/bodycon look when it first arrived and couldn't find a decent dress that wasn't like clubwear for over a decade, so I am relieved to see current changes - there's far more to choose from on the whole.

I've been going at it for too long with the linen and Toast-like cuts, years really, and have just had endless disappointment. In fact most websites from JL's Kin to Hush are now selling dresses and skirts that are so long in length that I can't see how anyone under 5'9 can wear them. I honestly don't like much, from anywhere right now.

@picklemewalnuts

I'm no expert. It seems to me that because you are so slight, you look young. Young suits young clothes. Lots of clothes will overwhelm and drown you. Just stick to the things you've already identified work.

Your posts read as though you have two styles 'things I look good in but shouldn't wear' and 'things I should wear but don't look good'.

This exactly.

I’m 41 OP, and also v slim. It makes me look younger than I am (apart from my face 😂) so the kind of clothes most people my age wear just don’t work on me.

It’s why the New Look dress worked - they’re simply cut for younger people.

I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t dress how I feel like dressing and have to embrace what I’ve got. That often means buying cheaper clothes from ‘younger’ shops because they fit better! Weirdly, because they fit better they look more expensive than they are. People would probably say I spend a lot of clothes, but actually many of them are from H&M and the like - I’ve just become very good at choosing the better stuff.

With clothes, I’d say fit is more important than fabric/cut/quality. If it fits well you’ll look fabulous, even if it only cost £20.

Of course you can dress how you feel like dressing. It's all just a bit of fun and fantasy. I imagine countless stylists have tried to persuade Helena Bonham Carter to make more flattering choices (whatever 'flattering' means - often it's just code for thinner / younger). But I assume she tells them where to stick it because she has a strong sense of how she wants to present to the world and how she wants her clothes to feel and what statement she wants them to make, all of which adds up to a lot more than body shape. Good for her I say. Patti Smith is another.

Alternatively - because these are random, disconnected thoughts - maybe, as other posters have said, it's the fit that's not working for you. Toast, Poetry and Margaret Howell tend to be generously sized while you are slightly built. That might explain why New Look, which tends to run small, looks good on you. But most clothes can be altered.

I'd be wary of a stylist myself, unless you can get a personal recommendation for someone who will really listen to you rather than just talk you into things that will show off your waist etc.

I think whoever suggested Kibbe might be onto something, although I know next to nothing about it.