Just so, so fed up of myself.

[BlessedByTheShitFairy]

This feels like giant first world problem I know. I usually don't get too hard on myself but today I've just had enough.
Everything I buy, no matter what I spend, looks completely shit, dishevelled, like I make clothes look LESS expensive than they are. I'm not untidy, and I take care of my appearance, but it's like I was blessed by the shit fairy and I manage to make lovely fabrics and designs look dreadful.

I'm starting to wonder whether I'm just not suited to modern clothes, or if I am going a bit mad and judging too harshly. I told Dp and he said I always look fantastic (his words were 'beautiful' as always, bless him) but he doesn't have an eye for stuff like that. If I asked him what he loves me in most he'd say leggings, which I only wear to clean up

The odd bit is that my 'credentials' look good on paper - I am mid forties, very slim, blonde, considered attractive and have great (if pale) skin. I have good nails, feet, everything in proportion and look a good bit younger than I am. And I feel like something a cat dragged in.
My hair is a bit fuzzy, neither straight nor curled. It is longish and I wear it slightly wavy, centre part, but it always looks like shit because the ends are a bit straggly. I always feel like the weirdo, and that I make clothes look terrible.

I like a delicate, muted style, slightly bohemian (floaty 90's slip dresses, etc) but not zany or colourful. I like soft knits in good fabrics, decent dresses, clumpy boots. I have some gorgeous long wool coats, great accessories and make up (minimal). But what happens when I wear my stuff is not making sense. If I wear dark colours I always look tired or pale, or ill when I am not. The only colour that lights my face up seems to be beige or white but surely this can't be right?
I make everything look untidy, or maybe everything is a bad fit? Maybe I'm not too good at choosing the right fit? I am small framed but don't want anything too fitted or structured, but everything I buy, no matter how gorgeous I think it is, I just feel that I look badly dressed. Considering how carefully chosen and occasionally expensive my things are, it feels soul destroying to see them on me in the mirror.

I'm 47 and look best in mini skirts , delicate short tea dresses, fine knits and feminine stuff, but I don't want to dress like that now! I feel that most things aimed at my age range just bury me or make me look scruffy and ill.
Today, out of some sort of furious curiosity, I tried a v.short green floral tea dress on in New Look (possibly aimed at teens). I hate that store and never go in there, the damn thing was polyester and thin, just horribly made. I looked like a million dollars in it, my eyes lit up, my hair shone and my figure looked fab.
WTF am I doing wrong?
I have gorgeous stuff from Brora, Toast, Poetry, tweed, wool, cashmere, and it all looks like utter crap on me :(

I am so fed up of what I have spent and would like some advice if anyone has the time. I just feel like giving up and not buying anything anymore. I can't trust myself obviously.
Has anyone ever felt like this? Is there a solution, or am I seeing myself in a negative light? I am happy generally and not usually down on myself, but clothes really don't seem to like me.

@pattish I'm glad it isn't just me:)

@Floisme This is interesting, I agree regarding the stylist, it really isn't my thing. But with Helena, at least we can assume she feels like 'her' in whatever she wears, no matter what is supposed to flatter. With me, I only want what I wear to feel like 'me', I'm not concerned about the clothes flattering my body but more simply feeling good and comfy in myself.
I have somehow lost my way and got into a muddle in relation what feels right. There's just such a good feeling when it works, whether it's down to colour, shape, mood, and so on. I have never desired to be a part of any tribe or to say anything with my clothes, but I do see them as an extension of me, my own creativity. It is difficult when that slips out of synch.
As for Kibbe, I explored this a few weeks ago and watched a few vids, left me even more confused! All of the gamine's had pixie cuts and wore french Bretons I hadn't the faintest idea where I might fit.

You're a wee wispy 50s lady (1950s I mean, not that you're in your 50s) trying to clump around in 2020's Swedish architect clothes. I totally get it. I'm 5' 1" and big of norkage and while I crave Toast and Cos it just isn't for me. Or you. Step away. Work with what you have, rather than what you want to have.

Or I'll share the pic of me in a Kin dress looking like an extra from Sister Act.

@BlessedByTheShitFairy have you looked at either Sezane or Me and Em?

The former has some of the ditzy floral, tea dress vibe that has worked for you - but without being adolescent.
The latter is great for the oversized silhouette but crucially with waists, or other details that mean they don't swamp smaller physiques.

@BlessedByTheShitFairy
You are welcome; no problem. I didn't mean body con when I said tight. For instance, I have loads of Brora jumpers, and they are all quite tight (maybe it is a wrong word actually), compared with Margaret Howell knitwear. The pic you posted I think could be MH as the skirt (mainline) but maybe not the top. And not the posture.

I am with Floisme on this one; if you want to dress a certain style, just go for it. If you know what you like and what looks good on you, just wear that? You like youthful and delicate and petite, look at French brands, Cezanne, Celine

Another thought - it's possible that there is something changing / something you want / need / etc you are not quite sure what it is yet.
Floisme is known to have said that there are big changes that happen to women in our age range, and this change is possibly finding an expression of you feeling off of yourself, but perhaps it is nothing to do with the style per se. You'll figure out what it is. It just manifests now in this overall dissatisfaction, but you might be able to change it with changes done elsewhere. Or in the newly discovered style. Thin and delicate but long and flowing suits. Radical dainty mini. Delicate as you like but more expressive makeup. You'll find something that will feel right on you and for you, I am sure

@Floisme I suggested Kibbe but for some odd reason OP is ignoring my posts.

I came on to suggest Sezane/French brands too - I had similar issues (40s but more of a 20-something figure - shame about the face!) and found that most brands marketed at my age group made me feel like a sack of old shite. I look and feel way better in mini skirts/dresses than I do in more “sensible” clothes, and Sezane is the first brand I’ve found that’s higher quality but doesn’t make me feel like I’m dressing up as someone’s mum! I think Toast, Cos etc look better on either very tall or broader frames.

Sounds tough OP and a knock to your confidence. You look gorgeous in your pictures btw so you’re doing something right. I’m petite, curvy and a little younger but find a mix of places works (I try to buy the outfit as the model wears it - some work, some don’t and I don’t buy the whole lot from the same place). I also suit New Look stuff over Boden, Toast, Jigsaw etc. My purchases over the last year have been from Wyse (sale only), Mint Velvet, M&S (Nobody’s child), Sweaty Betty. I go for nipped waist, tucked in tops, puff sleeves, midi etc and wear my leggings with chunky boots. So maybe not your style but a few ideas. Good luck.

[quote Innocenta]@Floisme I suggested Kibbe but for some odd reason OP is ignoring my posts. [/quote]
god no! im sorry if it seems like that, i would love to rely to all but feel im hogging thread . I truly appreciate your advice, and was going to look into the gamine thing later tonight.

French connection often has tea dresses that don’t swamp too.

@MaChienEstUnDick I feel more 1920's floaty than 50's wispy. Maybe 20's with a bit more waist definition, but not too much. However i do like how nun's dress!

@Lotsofpots Thanks! I'm not keen on Sezanne but Me&Em quite nice, although too many tiers and puffy sleeves currently. I find all stores seem to make the same designs only in different fabrics and pricepoints nowadays. I also can't understand why midi lengths have grown longer in the past 12 months...what is going on???

@microbius Your last paragraph makes a lot of sense to me, many changes in my life these past few years, too. I do believe this is how it works, generally, that something deeper within us manifests in how we feel or how we relate to our clothes. A part of the journey. Really appreciate your thoughts.

@Rights Mmm, now let me see how I felt today in my poetry linen jumper, Brora hat and wide leg trousers....like I'd fallen out of a jumble sale. Lovely in theory, but a trundling bag of spuds in reality. I think trying on the polyester (but cute) monstrosity at NewLook was so shocking because of the contrast. It gave me a jolt of energy, and when i put my own clobber back on again it was so obvious how badly fitting it was. It's as if I was making it look cheap :(
Not so much 'someone's mum' ( i think we all see our mother's in the 80's when we say that, lovely as mine was!) as depressed and run down. Crikey.

@Okaaaay Don't tempt me back into my lockdown leggings! But thanks, you are very kind. I can't imagine myself in Boden, although they seemed like decent quality when I fidgeted with them in John Lewis. I can see why others might like it though as it is quite unique.

I’m similar to you….petite, blonde, young looking, 49 years old but look 40 ish.

I wear more or less the same clothes that I wore in the nineties and they still suit me. Short skirts, little shift dresses etc (I’ve given up the hot pants though🙂). I find that cheaper clothes look better because they tend to be shorter and more fitted. Just wear what looks good! I plan on wearing the same style for the rest of my life.

Your hair looks lovely btw.

@MaChienEstUnDick

You're a wee wispy 50s lady (1950s I mean, not that you're in your 50s) trying to clump around in 2020's Swedish architect clothes. I totally get it. I'm 5' 1" and big of norkage and while I crave Toast and Cos it just isn't for me. Or you. Step away. Work with what you have, rather than what you want to have.

Or I'll share the pic of me in a Kin dress looking like an extra from Sister Act.

I think I’m your wardrobe sister! A few inches taller, large of norkage, and I drool over Cos and Toast. Dammit.

@BlessedByTheShitFairy

I actually think some time spent with a third party - be it an in house shopping service or having a colour consultant session would be time we’ll spent. I had an updating session last week having had my colour and style analysed 24 years ago.

She started by asking what kind of style I liked.
‘Cos’ I said.
Ok, she said… let’s start and work with that.

I came away with additional colours to wear, the name of an excellent local seamstress and some new directions in which to head for clothes.

PS For simple shapes and colours, head to Kettlewell Colours.

It’s expensive but have a look at Reformation? Sounds like it would suit your body type. Also Ghost, as previously mentioned.

Have you tried Indi &Cold? www.indiandcold.com/world/dresses.html/
Lovely dresses which I never buy because I know they wouldn't suit my amazonian frame!

[quote Crazzzycat]No much help at all, but by the sounds of it I have a similar build to you. I’m 5’9”, yet it takes very little to swamp me. Anything from Toast would look dreadful on me. I need structure on the top, so wear a lot of jackets, blazers etc. I do wear knitwear, but just have to accept that that makes me look at least 2 sizes bigger.

This may help...I don’t agree with all of it, but it has some useful pointers:

theconceptwardrobe.com/build-a-wardrobe/pear-body-shape[/quote]
This is exactly what I thought - you're pear shaped and this is a great guide. I can totally relate, op, I got some Toast stuff over the past couple of years and at least half of it has ended up in charity shops Whereas fitted knitted tops from h&m I wear all the time and they look good on me.

I think that most interesting labels aimed at 40s, 50s, are for some reason for women who are taller and more broad shoulders than petite/pear shaped.

You have to work with your body shape and colours that suit you or you'll have the exact problem you do now. That doesn't have to mean shopping in New Look etc all the time but it does involve a lot of thought and more strategic shopping. But it's so satisfying when it starts to pay off! I'm mid 40s too and it took the past couple of years for me to finally figure this out.

Re your hair, I've started curling mine and am half entertaining the idea of getting a perm. I've realised being so pear shaped I need big hair to balance me out, otherwise I just look like a walking triangle

What about looking at & Other Stories? I suit Cos type clothes and I look shit in anything I try on in & Other Stories, so could work for you!

Your issue is blindingly obvious. Your preferred style is shabby/boho/shambolic/unstructured/don't care/run round the wardrobe covered in superglue and that style is, by its very nature, not very put together and chic. In your photo, you're wearing a shapeless smock and hideous sandals. You look better than 99% of people would in that 'outfit' btw but it's never going to be winning style awards.
Your hair is lovely btw. Thick and glossy in the 2nd pic. A bit dull n boring in the blonde pic. If you're still blonde now and want to remain so, go to a shit hot colourist and go cooler with blended dimension put through it.
Oh and finally, bit of fake tan on bare legs n feet always looks better imvho.

May be wide of the mark as I am not generally a S&B person but read through the thread and OP you remind me of a friend of mine, she looks most fabulous in some floaty Anthropologie dresses. They are so not cheap though.

I've got the bit between my teeth now!

Re your hair and you saying it looks fuzzy and straggly. So do lots of people's hair unless they actually style it. Go look at Trinny Woodall on Insta. Her hair looks incredible but she has it blown and curled several times a week. Look at her posts where she's just got up in a morning without doing her hair or going to bed with it wet. It's still great hair (thick, glossy, v expensive colour work) but it's frizzy and dishevelled. Good hair takes work and effort.

Just thought of somewhere else: Miss Patina. You have to look at each item individually as many are polyester, but not all of them; there are some cotton and wool. The New Look dress you liked the cut of is quite a 'swingy', 60s inspired style, and Miss Patina is very keen on these 'modern vintage' type pieces. It also definitely leans towards the slim, narrow and pale with a lot of garments!

Another vote for "& other stories"

and the self tan (I can't pull off pale and interesting either)

also PP who mentioned posture, shoulders back standing tall makes a lot of difference

I think your hair would benefit from a thickening shampoo and conditioner like Nioxin

And lastly pick an item of clothing that your really like (eg one of your wool coats) and google "how to style a long wool coat" and you can get some ideas of how to dress it up differently from the way you'd usually do

I was feeling a bit lost style wise and did this analysis theconceptwardrobe.com/kibbe-body-types/the-kibbe-body-type-test
It's really helped me understand why some things weren't quite working and given mea direction what does suit me.

@Sickoffamilydrama I would definitely recommend r/Kibbe as well; the online typing tests can be a good start, but a lot of people end up finding it even more helpful to get direct input from others about their type. (Not that I'm trying to say you are mistyped by the test! But the suggestion might be useful for anyone who finds it is not enough.)

I’m the opposite of you - short, fat, ugly and brown skinned - but this is exactly me! I look ok in New Look mini dresses and tea dresses but appalling in more grown up clothes! So weird.

Thank you VERY much for all the help, I will reply in one gloop:

I've never liked &OtherStories, I kind of hate most of the high street, it might be just contemporary styles I'm not drawn to. I really DO like Indieandcold though! Much more my style, even though I can see a few puff sleeves. It seems they are in the eu, wouldn't this be more expensive now? Thanks for sharing this.

@truthwarrior17 I sometimes want to tease some curls into mine but they just turn to a web of fuzz, at moment I use a heated brush to smooth it out but never use ghd's. I do need to sort it out.

@Imabouttoexplode This tickled me, the smock is a beach cover up from primark for hols. I had a sort of shorts./bandeau thing under it, I honestly never usually dress in smocks! And now now, those Birks were comfy for long walks
True though, you are right about the boho, but in a more subtle way, not full on flamboyant. I never felt good in regular high street stuff.
My hair is natural there, I have highlights that I love now but only get a full head once a year as the regrowth is nice enough.
But fake tan.....aaargh, I did have some on there, but hate how it can go a bit patchy in bed, it's just so bloody high maintenance. I use the Dove summer revival one, it is a good colour for my skin.

Will check out Nioxin, and Miss Patina, and twill read more Kibbe stuff, but I can't work out which I am (my face is oval/regular and soft features, average nose, shaped lips, slightly larger eyes). thanks!

@Sickoffamilydrama I love your dress styles in the wearing it today thread :)

@MindPalace Seeing you describe yourself like that does does make me want to step in and tell you off for being harsh with yourself! We can be our own worst critic, and I am often a bit merciless. I do try to fix on what I do like though, and as I get older, count my blessings. x