Just so, so fed up of myself.

[BlessedByTheShitFairy]

This feels like giant first world problem I know. I usually don't get too hard on myself but today I've just had enough.
Everything I buy, no matter what I spend, looks completely shit, dishevelled, like I make clothes look LESS expensive than they are. I'm not untidy, and I take care of my appearance, but it's like I was blessed by the shit fairy and I manage to make lovely fabrics and designs look dreadful.

I'm starting to wonder whether I'm just not suited to modern clothes, or if I am going a bit mad and judging too harshly. I told Dp and he said I always look fantastic (his words were 'beautiful' as always, bless him) but he doesn't have an eye for stuff like that. If I asked him what he loves me in most he'd say leggings, which I only wear to clean up

The odd bit is that my 'credentials' look good on paper - I am mid forties, very slim, blonde, considered attractive and have great (if pale) skin. I have good nails, feet, everything in proportion and look a good bit younger than I am. And I feel like something a cat dragged in.
My hair is a bit fuzzy, neither straight nor curled. It is longish and I wear it slightly wavy, centre part, but it always looks like shit because the ends are a bit straggly. I always feel like the weirdo, and that I make clothes look terrible.

I like a delicate, muted style, slightly bohemian (floaty 90's slip dresses, etc) but not zany or colourful. I like soft knits in good fabrics, decent dresses, clumpy boots. I have some gorgeous long wool coats, great accessories and make up (minimal). But what happens when I wear my stuff is not making sense. If I wear dark colours I always look tired or pale, or ill when I am not. The only colour that lights my face up seems to be beige or white but surely this can't be right?
I make everything look untidy, or maybe everything is a bad fit? Maybe I'm not too good at choosing the right fit? I am small framed but don't want anything too fitted or structured, but everything I buy, no matter how gorgeous I think it is, I just feel that I look badly dressed. Considering how carefully chosen and occasionally expensive my things are, it feels soul destroying to see them on me in the mirror.

I'm 47 and look best in mini skirts , delicate short tea dresses, fine knits and feminine stuff, but I don't want to dress like that now! I feel that most things aimed at my age range just bury me or make me look scruffy and ill.
Today, out of some sort of furious curiosity, I tried a v.short green floral tea dress on in New Look (possibly aimed at teens). I hate that store and never go in there, the damn thing was polyester and thin, just horribly made. I looked like a million dollars in it, my eyes lit up, my hair shone and my figure looked fab.
WTF am I doing wrong?
I have gorgeous stuff from Brora, Toast, Poetry, tweed, wool, cashmere, and it all looks like utter crap on me :(

I am so fed up of what I have spent and would like some advice if anyone has the time. I just feel like giving up and not buying anything anymore. I can't trust myself obviously.
Has anyone ever felt like this? Is there a solution, or am I seeing myself in a negative light? I am happy generally and not usually down on myself, but clothes really don't seem to like me.

I'm so sorry for how long my post is talk about self obsessing.

I honestly think sorting your hair out will really help. If I try clothes on when my hair / make up is a mess, I always feel I look like, what my mom would call "a bag of rags tied up in the middle".

I would get an appointment with a style analyst.

Can you do a style/colour day with House of Colour or similar? Then you would be shown how to understand more about why the green tea dress looked so great on you, and which hairstyles and lengths might suit your proportions best, and then you can rearrange and adapt your (quality) wardrobe to suit.

1. Get a really, really good hairdresser. Who do you know who has really amazing hair - and crucially - is not dissimilar to yours in terms of thickness & texture? Ask them where they get their hair done and book an appointment with their stylist! Have a really honest chat with them about where you are going wrong (NB you might not be, your hair might be amazing!!)

1. After you've sorted your hair, book yourself in to a fashion stylist at one of the good department stores.

I went through something similar a few months ago and I know the feeling - its really dispiriting. You lose your confidence and end up not knowing what looks good at all. I very kindly had a friend who is really really into fashion spend an afternoon with me going through my wardrobe literally item by item: telling me what shape tops one with those trousers and which shoes/ boots to put with them. etc etc. I feel now like I've completely got my style mojo back. Like you, I had some lovely clothes, but didn't know how to put loose together anymore.

A stylist can do the same for you.

sorry about typos: I meant looks not loose obvs.

Sounds like a proportions issue and you might be getting swamped by your clothes. Especially if you're petite height-wise, they could be too wide around the shoulders or long for you. I don't think you have to go fully fitted necessarily, but say if you prefer wide legged trousers (M&S do a short length), a finer knit jumper could be less overwhelming on your frame than pairing it with a chunky one.

Did the New Look dress look good because of the colour? It makes a huge difference.

I’m not stylish but I certainly admire women who are.

Two mistakes I notice are women keeping the same hair colour for years as we age our skin changes so have a think about that if. you change the colour. Plus if in peri or menopause the texture often changes, mine is certainly coarser.,

Think about your undies especially your bra.

Sounds to me you're wearing clothes you think you should from societal expectations or something rather than the clothes you really would like to wear.

Thank you for replying.

I don't like or suit trousers, especially jeans, they're just not my thing. I suited skinny jeans but didn't feel comfy in them.
I am 5'5 so not petite.
Shorter torso, longer legs for my height, so high waists not good for me.

I do look and feel so much better in dresses that are slightly shaped, so delicate, tea style but with some slight waist definition.
I have narrow shoulders and b cup boobs.

My hair is a pain in the ass, always has been, but is a good colour. I have been to hairdressers many times and asked advice. Mostly told I was overthinking and it's fine as is

Not fond of the idea of a department store session, I am a very long way from a city or town that has one! My female friends aren't too interested in clothes, one's a hiker and another spends most time in overalls building stuff (she's a carpenter).

I only have you lovely lot at MN for style advice!

Some more info.
I love Toast, Plumo, natural fabrics and interesting designs. Anything I have ever bought from there that isn't nightwear makes me look overwhelmed and insane.
I see pics of everyone else looking great in their stuff, it's so sad.

I have several knits from Poetry, Toast, etc and a few bits by APC, a skirt by margaret howell that I scored on ebay as new. I honestly look like a maniac in them, the utilitarian cuts just do not flatter me at all and I wish they did.

I have one Seasalt tunic dress. If i pull it on with some tights and clompy shoes I look great! But I don't bloody want to dress like that!

I maybe do need to simplify, like maybe only buy stuff that I KNOW suits me, so make a list of the things that do and go from there?

OP have you been on to Pinterest or Insta for some photo inspiration of looks that you like? If you then really analyse how they've put it together it could give you ideas for where youre going wrong (if indeed you are). It's very hard to say without photos of you to actually go on, but from the sound of it you have a great figure, and you've got some lovely quality items in your wardrobe. So it's possibly a case that you're not putting things together in the right way OR you're buying things that are in colours that no longer suit you (as PP has mentioned).

See a personal shopper and they will tell you what suits you/what colour "season" you are. And work on your self esteem

@Daisydoesnt

OP have you been on to Pinterest or Insta for some photo inspiration of looks that you like? If you then really analyse how they've put it together it could give you ideas for where youre going wrong (if indeed you are). It's very hard to say without photos of you to actually go on, but from the sound of it you have a great figure, and you've got some lovely quality items in your wardrobe. So it's possibly a case that you're not putting things together in the right way OR you're buying things that are in colours that no longer suit you (as PP has mentioned).

Thanks! Yes, I have a pinterest folder full of stuff I love and i do use it as a guide, so i am tempted to think what i love just doesnt suit me. I will try to find a photo of me somewhere to give an idea of my build.

I agree about the colours, i know i suit pale or brights, never dark or deep. I think i am a soft summer but I do suit gold and canary yellow!
I am mostly happy in beige, cream, whites. I know people on here think that's boring, but navy is the only dark i can wear, occasionally. Therefore winter is a pain in the arse and I love winter clothes!

I tried a v.short green floral tea dress on in New Look (possibly aimed at teens). I hate that store and never go in there, the damn thing was polyester and thin, just horribly made. I looked like a million dollars in it, my eyes lit up, my hair shone and my figure looked fab

I have one Seasalt tunic dress. If i pull it on with some tights and clompy shoes I look great! But I don't bloody want to dress like that

If those two silhouettes suit you, can't you find more dresses like that but in fabrics and colours that you like? And why don't you want to dress like the seasalt dress anymore? What's wrong with it? (I don't know, I'm just asking). You don't have to wear a tunic shape with tights and clompy shoes you know.

Also, look for more items in the same shade of green as the New Look dress.

Post your favourite photo or two from Pinterest - styles/ looks that you love.

You are being VERY hard on yourself, like some kind of clothes dysmorphia. There's no way you can look as bad as you say. I do get like this. I have a reasonable budget yet doesn't seem to matter what I buy I'm still not happy and still can't quite nail stylish. But some days it works.

I think mid forties is tough as it's when we need to start accepting ourselves for what we are, wrinkles and all, and there is a limit to how far we can get to our ideal image.

Have you thought about getting a stylist? You can get virtual appts via zoom. Explain your current struggles and get a wardrobe that suits the life you have!

Another suggestion would be look at any celebrity similar to you. Sienna Miller/ Lisa Snowden/ Kirsty Allsop. They may have a different shape but some of what you described sounds like them. Look at their clothes and styling.

Have fun with ur pieces and find joy and creativity in ur wardrobe ✨️

This is my hair, it's quite a bit longer now though and not blow dried.
Also best pic i could find of full body but does show my basic build.

Random stuff from my pinterest!

I'm no expert. It seems to me that because you are so slight, you look young. Young suits young clothes. Lots of clothes will overwhelm and drown you. Just stick to the things you've already identified work.

Your posts read as though you have two styles 'things I look good in but shouldn't wear' and 'things I should wear but don't look good'.

You are probably a Kibbe gamine, from what you've said. In your position I would pay to be Kibbe typed properly.

I am very short but not particularly petite (32FF, size 12). Oversize clothing and all the long skirts and dresses that have been fashionable for ages look dreadful on me. I can't wear anything boxy, floppy or drapey. When I wear clothes that fit properly on the shoulders and skim my body and highlight my waist with a belt I look so much better. I'm also 47. Someone mentioned Kibbe gamine style and that certainly works for me.

@picklemewalnuts I think it's more that the things I want to wear don't work. I don't have to wear anything in particular but who I am inside doesn't match what I suit outside. I understand what you mean though.

@VerityPJohnson This makes sense, you are right. It is like a dysmorphia except not quite. It is as if what I like now doesn't work, and I don't want to dress as I did when younger, but I do still suit a lot of it. Maybe I need to adjust it rather than ditch it. To be honest I don't think I ever knew what was best for me, but however much I'd like to be strident and more athletic looking it's never gonna happen!