Help! Dreadful bra fitting experience has made me feel rubbish

[Jamoffmytoast]

This was in Bravissimo. During the pandemic I've been wearing more bralettes and non underwired, so thought now I'll treat myself to a proper one which will look better under a t shirt. (None of my old ones fit, since the menopause I feel like my size has gone up.)

Anyway, the ones she brought out all felt far too tight and like torture instruments. I said they weren't comfortable but she said that's the right size. Under my armpit was a whole load of kind of wrinkly overhanging flab, it looked awful. She (about 20) said it was due to my age. The lighting in there was really harsh as well and the whole experience made me feel bad about ever wearing a normal bra. I left without buying one.

What next? Stretchy bras forever or what do I do.

Stretchy bra tops for me due to a similar experience

Was told bras hurt everyone, we just need to deal with it

It sounds to me as though they were the wrong size. There seem to be multiple theories about bra measuring so it might be a case of trial and error. Try measuring yourself and looking at size suggestions online - then you could order some different size bras and try them on at home.

Did they give an indication of size? You could try a sister size on a bigger back and see if it feels more comfortable. E.g. if they say 34E then a sister size is 36DD (up 1 back size and down 1 cup size)

Most women wear the incorrect bra size- too big in the band and too small a cup size. A proper fitting bra should feel tight on the loosest hook to allow for stretching as it wears. If you've been wearing bralettes and unwired bras for a while you likely won't find a wired bra comfortable in the right size!

Try a sister size to what you had on - one size up in the band and a size down in the cup, and see how that feels. Or do the Boob or Bust method yourself and see what size it comes out as?

@lilahbelle

Most women wear the incorrect bra size- too big in the band and too small a cup size. A proper fitting bra should feel tight on the loosest hook to allow for stretching as it wears. If you've been wearing bralettes and unwired bras for a while you likely won't find a wired bra comfortable in the right size!

Try a sister size to what you had on - one size up in the band and a size down in the cup, and see how that feels. Or do the Boob or Bust method yourself and see what size it comes out as?

I hear this said a lot. How is it incorrect? If a bra is tight then it's uncomfortable so how is that the 'correct' size? Correct for what?

Basically the back size needed to support bigger breasts is very tight. So anything soft squeezes up and out. A very wide band might help- more like a longline, or a support garment.

I'm in the same boat. I've got some inexpensive ones from Sainsbury, having tried on gazillions. I've gone for a small back and a big cup, knowing what will happen. But the bra does now stay put, whereas it used to ride up at the back. I'm getting used to the pinch.

It sounds like it’s not the right bra for you. I noticed I had some underarm fat. The assistant in Bravissimo advised me to try Panache. I ended up buying the Panache Envy one cup size larger than my usual size and it looks much better.

I personally don’t rate Bravissimo that highly. The one near me is always packed and I don’t find the stuff that knowledgeable. To be fair the assistant did point me in the direction of a brand, but getting the fit was down to me trying loads of different bras on and choosing the one I thought best. As usual, was disappointed with choice available. Wasn’t able to get one in store in black or nude.

Don’t blame you feeling upset but the assistants comment, that wasn’t helpful. I personally find House of Fraser ok, they still have a good selection in store at the one near me.

Go somewhere else.

I went to an amazing independent place after I finished breastfeeding. The woman really knew her stuff and I had her undivided attention.

I got 2 bras that I'd never have tried otherwise.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee correct for support and that it fits properly - so the centre gore should be flat, the band shouldn't ride up at all, the boob should be encased in the wires etc etc

Mine are firm but not uncomfortable. I'm aware I'm wearing one but I can slouch on the sofa/fall asleep in one and it's not painful. I get red marks like I do with socks/jean waistbands but no rubbing or sore spots

To add, a lot depends on brand too
Panache technically fits me well but the centre gore always digs in. Elomi is my fave brand

It sounds to me as though they were the wrong size. There seem to be multiple theories about bra measuring so it might be a case of trial and error. Try measuring yourself and looking at size suggestions online - then you could order some different size bras and try them on at home

She didn't measure at all she said they do it by looking. I will look on that boob or bust, had forgotten about that. Recently I did order some to try at home but I was just guessing at the size and none fitted.

It does seem odd if the 'right size' is one where something is digging in to your ribs so your breathing feels restricted. I couldn't wait to take it off let alone wear it for a whole day.

Not keen on Bravissimo. I'd rather go to an independent shop or splash out on rigby & peller. Where are you in the country?

People rave about bravissimo but they've only ever fitted me in bras that are way too tight so that I've either taken them back, stop wearing them, or one time bought an emergency bra extender (one lunchtime as I couldn't cope with the pain any more).

I now wear a 34DD which a lot of people say will be to big but the bra fits, is comfortable and supportive. And I don't end the day with huge red marks all over me.

I find Freya bras are pretty good.

At night and when lounging at home I wear a bra top which are super comfortable but not supportive enough to wear out.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

The support should come from the band, not the straps. My bras are tight enough that you can get 2 fingers under the band but I still have back fat! Some styles are scratchy/uncomfortable and don't suit for that reason but tight is just something you get used to tbh! I don't notice my bras when wearing but I still have a mark when I take them off at night.

If I try a bigger band size I wobble around like nothing ordinary and just feel very unsupported.

Thanks so much for all these comments I'll look into Panache and Elomi and try in a House of Fraser or see if I can find an independent place. It has put me off though it all felt embarrassing having to scoop everything in and all that. Will perhaps try online first with boob or bust. I think if assistants aren't measuring it probably is hit and miss.

I have a theory that you just have to try loads on. No two brands seems to fit the same. No amount of boob or bust, or going down a band up a cup size helps. Just try lots, various sizes and do it that way.

I absolutely hate bra shopping and cannot stand the discomfort of the ‘right’ fitting bra, nor being fitted - it just doesn’t help IMO.

Solidarity OP. It’s horrible (and shouldn’t be!).

Not keen on Bravissimo. I'd rather go to an independent shop or splash out on rigby & peller. Where are you in the country?

South East. Could get to a Rigby and Peller if anyone thinks its definitely worth it, not sure how much the bras are though? At this point I'd be willing to splash out (up to a point) for one decent one that made me feel good.

Don't give up!
Try another place, it's a shame debanhams shut down as I always thought they were best!
I'm not keen on chain shops with mostly young staff and I'm only 25. I've always had a larger bust but a smaller band, so I've found a smaller independent bra shop that is perfect. I don't feel any judgement and I'm confident in the women that's helping.

Shop around and you will find somewhere that's a good place for you! Having new undies can make anyone feel better 🙂

Solidarity OP. It’s horrible (and shouldn’t be!)

Thanks. This thread is really helping.

I tried Bravissimo ready to be a total convert to them and the bra they fit me in fit so badly it actually cut me. I went back and they remeasured and were adamant it was right. It it was cutting me so it bled! How can that be the "right" fit. I'm a size 10/12 (at the time) 30 year old.

R&P are great but it’s likely they will also suggest quite a tight band.

@Jamoffmytoast

Not keen on Bravissimo. I'd rather go to an independent shop or splash out on rigby & peller. Where are you in the country?

South East. Could get to a Rigby and Peller if anyone thinks its definitely worth it, not sure how much the bras are though? At this point I'd be willing to splash out (up to a point) for one decent one that made me feel good.

The place I went to is no half measures in Bromley if that is doable for you.

I hate bra shopping too. This was the only time I went and actually enjoyed myself.

Worst one was getting new bras after having my daughter. Tbf it wasn't M&S's fault and the sales woman was great, but I was so engorged and sore and needed to feed daughter half way through to make it less uncomfortable.

It does seem odd if the 'right size' is one where something is digging in to your ribs so your breathing feels restricted

This 100%. I find a lot of the bra fitting advice bizarre. You should wear what fits you and what suits your lifestyle.

John Lewis are always good imo

I can't deal with the boob or bust method. I feel ridiculously constrained. I just try on bras and get what feels right. By boob or bust I should be a 30D or something. I wear a 34C.