Help! Dreadful bra fitting experience has made me feel rubbish

[Jamoffmytoast]

This was in Bravissimo. During the pandemic I've been wearing more bralettes and non underwired, so thought now I'll treat myself to a proper one which will look better under a t shirt. (None of my old ones fit, since the menopause I feel like my size has gone up.)

Anyway, the ones she brought out all felt far too tight and like torture instruments. I said they weren't comfortable but she said that's the right size. Under my armpit was a whole load of kind of wrinkly overhanging flab, it looked awful. She (about 20) said it was due to my age. The lighting in there was really harsh as well and the whole experience made me feel bad about ever wearing a normal bra. I left without buying one.

What next? Stretchy bras forever or what do I do.

I do wonder if in the future we will look back on bras with an element of horror in the same way we now view whale boned corsets that were pulled so tight women used to faint as they could barely breathe. Or the high heels of the 80s that people could barely walk in.

I really don’t think men would wear something so uncomfortable they couldn’t wait to take it off / had to wait for it to “break in”. I don’t know why as women we will go along with stuff that is uncomfortable.

I stopped wearing proper bras during the first lockdown and I can’t go back to them now. Once you’ve experienced the comfort of wire free, freeboobing it’s just life changing. I’m a 30GG so not a particularly small size or anything I just cannot stand bras. At all. I will wear a larger sized stretchy one if I need to bounce less but that’s about it.

I hate having no bra on as I get horrible under boob sweat that shows on my tops and makes me feel uncomfortable. I wear 36GG/H

Bagelsandbrie If your bra fits it isn't uncomfortable and you don't feel the need to take it off until you go to bed though! Your other comments apply to hiking boots more than bras - indeed both DH and I had to walk in our hiking boots. There are similarities to bras in that they're pieces of clothing with a function and which it can be quite hard to find the right style to satisfy both the comfort and functional requirements as both body shape and feet vary enormously, but when you find "your" make and model you can stick to it and it's quality of life enhancing.

@ThatsNotItAtAll

Bagelsandbrie If your bra fits it isn't uncomfortable and you don't feel the need to take it off until you go to bed though! Your other comments apply to hiking boots more than bras - indeed both DH and I had to walk in our hiking boots. There are similarities to bras in that they're pieces of clothing with a function and which it can be quite hard to find the right style to satisfy both the comfort and functional requirements as both body shape and feet vary enormously, but when you find "your" make and model you can stick to it and it's quality of life enhancing.

I just don’t agree. I’ve been fitted at bravissimo and in my 41 years I’ve had all sorts of bras and sizes. Hate all of them - as do many of the other women here who’ve commented. If people want to wear them that’s absolutely fine but many, many people do find bras really uncomfortable.

But then I do wonder if I have sensory issues as I can’t even stand wearing clothes with a proper waistband - I used to when I was younger but now I’m in my 40s I just wear elasticated everything.

This thread really does sound like so called fitters saying “I’ll just go and see if l can find something a little less comfortable for you!”

@Bagelsandbrie - It sounds like when it comes to your wardrobe, the humble dress is your best friend 👗.

Bagelsandbrie maybe it is a sensory thing - I live in my Levis and find them the most practical clothing (jeans are almost a uniform at my work, my Levis have no elastic and can be washed at 60°c and the pockets hold as much as I ever need to carry meaning I never need a bag) I'm never uncomfortable in them and wear them for 18 hours very happily with no urge to take them off (unless I want to bung them straight on a 60° wash as soon as I get in due to a work related infection control situation!).

I always thought people saying they are uncomfortable in jeans was a fit issue (by which I don't only mean wearing a size too small but more often the wrong jeans for their body shape - a pear and an apple and an "athletic" build obviously all need different styles of jeans just as they'll need different bra styles) I still think wearing the wrong jeans is usually the reason people are uncomfortable in jeans (not that anyone needs to wear jeans, but if they want to) but as you say of course that's a sensory issue for some people - as are socks with elastic and even knickers/ underpants with elastic - luckily you can get elastic free alternatives to all those whoch are easier to tolerate.

Being fitted at Bravissimo doesn't, in my opinion, you're wearing the right bea though. Fitters aren't all good, and you have to try on all the different styles and brands not just get fitted. Different styles have completely different fits, and you need the right bra for your shoulders not just your rib cage and cup size.

Obviously nobody has to wear a bra, but I don't think accusing those who do of collaboration with the patriarchy or trying to hide their age is any more useful than criticising women for not wearing a bra! My fairly sizable but no longer young breasts are more comfortable and practical to go about daily active life and my job in, in a good, supportive bra!

I know this as I do nights on- site on call in a healthcare setting and it is not as comfortable or practical dealing with a large adult who's on the ground having just injured themselves during a seizure in the leggings and t-shirt without a bra I sleep in at work, as it is in jeans and a tshirt and a good supportive bra if you're an Ff cup! Let alone how much less practical it would be for the millions of women with bigger breasts than me!

@ThatsNotItAtAll it is interesting, though. I really do think there is an element of patriarchy in it. Breasts change throughout life and maybe trying to emulate the breasts of a very young woman is more about the patriarchy than about practical support.

I don't think it's that surprising that the bras aimed at older women are different. Less underwires. Comfort is actually permissible then once men are no longer so interested! Underwires do have the potential to cause problems. It's no accident that mastectomy bras and maternity bras don't have underwiring. The good old Doreen bras which I person think can look pretty current in a fashionable colour is popular amongst older women many of which have larger breasts. I, personally like comfort bras. They have pockets in for extra padding which work with a prosthesis and are pretty supportive I have found if the sizing is right for you. I'm only a 34C though. (Probably 30DD by boob or bust but a) can't use the method with one boob and b) tight back bands press on my scars)

Got mine measured at Rigby & Pellar. Well I say measured but she knew my size exactly by just looking! Fitted perfectly. My only gripe was the cups were lacey and I wanted them to not show under thin tops and tees. Also they were two of the same style. The beige one was comfy, the white one prickled. They also cost ££! I have since gone up another cup size!