Help! Dreadful bra fitting experience has made me feel rubbish

[Jamoffmytoast]

This was in Bravissimo. During the pandemic I've been wearing more bralettes and non underwired, so thought now I'll treat myself to a proper one which will look better under a t shirt. (None of my old ones fit, since the menopause I feel like my size has gone up.)

Anyway, the ones she brought out all felt far too tight and like torture instruments. I said they weren't comfortable but she said that's the right size. Under my armpit was a whole load of kind of wrinkly overhanging flab, it looked awful. She (about 20) said it was due to my age. The lighting in there was really harsh as well and the whole experience made me feel bad about ever wearing a normal bra. I left without buying one.

What next? Stretchy bras forever or what do I do.

Yes I'm a 30" but used to be a 32. I'm around a 10 but recently the 30" bras seem too tight and they don't seem to work any looser itms.

I can feel them dig in my back. Is it possible for your back to expand

That was a really insensitive comment you received OP. One of the best fittings I had was at Debenhams which sadly now only exists online & I got 2 beautiful bras which were very comfortable.

Think they were Gossard

Interesting about R&P, I'd like to try them.

It doesn't matter what method I use or which shop, I always end up with a 38 or 40C. Some assistants look quite deflated as they seem convinced they'll measure me into a smaller band.

Exception was when I waspregehen a hatchet faced assistant measured me and said '44B'. I said 'oh! [Sad] can I try some on?' And she said 'we don't have any in THAT size' as if I'd made an outrageous request.

@oviraptor21

Very roughly for back sizes if you wear a UK 12 (just as an example) your starting point for back size is around a 32, if you wear a 14, try a 34 back - 30 back if you wear a 10. That combined with boob or bust gave me my starting point for what to try on.

I'm a size 8-10. I can just about tolerate a 32 back size. 30 leaves me with red weals under my arms.

@owlraptor - I’m 12 verging on 14 and 30 back, when I was half a stone or a stand lighter I was 28 back but about a 12 maybe a big 10 or 10 in some clothes.

I am 30FF and as PP said, something has to hold them up and the band takes most of the strain. My bras are very tight and do cause some back fat. But I’d rather that than wobbly low unsupported breasts. I think if I was smaller I might weigh things up differently. I see it as just another downside to having oversized norks.

I also think it’s about what you’re used to. I am used to tight bands, but if you’d been in a more relaxed bra or bralette it will feel very alien to begin with.

I'm a 12-14 and wear an underwired 32Ff. If I think about my bra I can feel the band - but that's true of my wedding ring too... I don't notice either when not thinking about them. My bra certainly isn't uncomfortable, more like being held firmly. No marks. It has a wide band with 5 hook fastening - quite old fashioned I guess probably but I like it and it gives excellent support.

@VerityPJohnson

I am 30FF and as PP said, something has to hold them up and the band takes most of the strain. My bras are very tight and do cause some back fat. But I’d rather that than wobbly low unsupported breasts. I think if I was smaller I might weigh things up differently. I see it as just another downside to having oversized norks.

I also think it’s about what you’re used to. I am used to tight bands, but if you’d been in a more relaxed bra or bralette it will feel very alien to begin with.

Yes that's my size.

Are you about a size 10?

I do buy a 32 in sports bras

@thenightsky, no implants. They reduce the amount of outside skin and squish most back in. Makes the girls firm and plump for your remaining years.

I wonder in the future whether people will regard wearing very tight back bands and underwires much the same as restrictive tight lacing on whale bone corsets. Of course then people talked about support etc etc. However, what is healthy? Not something which presses on bones and digs into flesh, I would warrant!

I have had breast cancer and the thought of scarring on tissue around the breast makes me feel uncomfortable. I can't have tight back bands because the would press onto operation scars.

So is trying to achieve this particular 'lift' and pointing upwards shape actually more a matter of fashion? I would think so. Look at how bras have changed. From pointy to natural to huge cleavages.

How much of this is for women? To help them move about and go about their everyday life. And how much is about societal and patriarchal beauty ideals? Why should we be aiming to look like we've got the breasts of a teen? What is wrong with looking like having the breasts of a mother or grandmother or middle aged or elderly woman?

Wear stuff that is comfortable and supports in the right way for you op. (And I can tell you as someone who has had a mastectomy the padded inserts you can get to go in bras solves most shape issues and will look pretty decent under t-shirts.)

I've had this in bravissimo as well with the back size. Equally I have some excellent service in bravissimo as well.

When needed I've insisted they go up a back size. I know what is comfy!

@hihellohihello

I wonder in the future whether people will regard wearing very tight back bands and underwires much the same as restrictive tight lacing on whale bone corsets. Of course then people talked about support etc etc. However, what is healthy? Not something which presses on bones and digs into flesh, I would warrant!

I have had breast cancer and the thought of scarring on tissue around the breast makes me feel uncomfortable. I can't have tight back bands because the would press onto operation scars.

So is trying to achieve this particular 'lift' and pointing upwards shape actually more a matter of fashion? I would think so. Look at how bras have changed. From pointy to natural to huge cleavages.

How much of this is for women? To help them move about and go about their everyday life. And how much is about societal and patriarchal beauty ideals? Why should we be aiming to look like we've got the breasts of a teen? What is wrong with looking like having the breasts of a mother or grandmother or middle aged or elderly woman?

Wear stuff that is comfortable and supports in the right way for you op. (And I can tell you as someone who has had a mastectomy the padded inserts you can get to go in bras solves most shape issues and will look pretty decent under t-shirts.)

Very interesting perspective. I think you’re probably correct.

I started wearing bralettes during the pandemic and have never gone back. When I'm at home, I don't even bother with a bralet but feel like I have to put one on when I leave the house because otherwise I"m conscious of my nipples sticking out through my clothes.

I only wear a bra now if I need to make an effort to dress nicely for a special occasion. Everyone recommends Boob or Bust but according to their chart I'm a 36HH - everything in that size felt like an instrument of torture to me! I have one bra I find vaguely tolerable - it's a plunge front t-shirt bra from M&S in a 38DD.

I feel your pain op.
I have stupid size boobs. 30KK.
I had been wearing my bravissimo bras religiously for years. I have had literal open sores on my shoulders from where the straps were rubbing.

I read a recommendation on here for Molke bras. They have been an utter revelation to me! They're not perfect by a long shot, but their sizes are good and they are super comfy. They give me great lift and an ok shape. Not a patch on a cupped, wired bra, but perfectly acceptable and a million times more comfortable.

I need a firm fabric rating (their black one). But I'm guessing that the softer fabrics are comfier still.

Give them a go.

Good luck!

I went to a local shop who stocked a wide range of makes etc - although she didn't measure me she said she would put me at 38D which is what I've been wearing for 25 years post babies and breastfeeding. But I'm two stones heavier now so how on earth can I be the same back size? I did get a 36E sports bra as apparently thats the same as a 38D but it never really felt right - far too tight!

Anyway, we tried on several brands and found that Panache and Fantasie were the ones which fitted me best. She told me its the same as with clothes - a 38D in one brand will fit totally differently to a 38D in another brand and it's really frustrating as a fitter!!

I just wish that I could find a reasonably pretty bra which stops my boobs moving full stop ! I hate the feeling of them wobbling about whichever bra I'm wearing and now we are getting into t shirt weather it will be even worse.

Thanks for all the comments on this thread. It's terrible that it's such a guessing game for people trying to find a bra and there's not much help out there.Update on my own bra search, I decided to go to Rigby and Peller. The assistant was young and glam and I did think the same would happen. However it couldn't have been more different.

The first bra I tried on did give the same underarm flab issue but she said it was just the style and I needed a different shape or something. She was really nice and she boosted my confidence. She then brought me a few more to try and a couple were brilliant. They felt comfy but also somehow as if my boobs weren't as big (in a good way) and there was no squishing it all in like in Bravissimo. No underarm flab hanging over I chose one with a thick band at the back. It was lovely in there and she even gave me a t shirt to try on so I could see how it looked. The obvious down side is the price! Now I have one very expensive bra but at least it fits and I felt really good. I will carry on with the bralettes the rest of the time.

What I've learned from it all, thanks to everyone here, is don't let one bad experience put you off, it's not necessary to have flab hanging over everywhere if you get the right bra, and that like many have said, it depends on the individual bra, as two in the same size can be very different on.

I wonder in the future whether people will regard wearing very tight back bands and underwires much the same as restrictive tight lacing on whale bone corsets. Of course then people talked about support etc etc. However, what is healthy? Not something which presses on bones and digs into flesh, I would warrant!
Loved your post and I agree!

@Jamoffmytoast, thanks and pleased you got a suitable bra in the end. Shame about the price but it does sound very nice and you got good service. As an added bonus you know what sort of thing to look for now to suit your needs.

Thanks hihellohihello

I like Bravissimo but I always go up a back size from where they want to fit me. I try that cup size and the one below. (Down a cup, up a back size is effectively the same size). Up a back size, same cup will feel roomier.
I agree they have definitely gone downhill post Covid. I was there on Monday and the teenage assistant was OK but definitely not as good as the experienced one I had last time pre Covid.
I miss their clothes desperately too!

They felt comfy but also somehow as if my boobs weren't as big (in a good way) and there was no squishing it all in like in Bravissimo. No underarm flab hanging over

This sounds amazing. Would you mind posting a link to this miracle bra? It would give me somewhere to start looking…

I’m really pleased you found one you’re happy with OP. It gives me hope that theres an alternative to tge rib cutting, back and under arm flab I end up with at Bravissimo. A link to the one you got would be brilliant.

Can't find how to link to it, would suggest if you're looking at one from there (the make I got is called aubade) because it's so pricey go for a fitting, so you can get the exact right one for you. So it was more that it actually fits me rather than a miracle bra iyswim.

Thanks @Jamoffmytoast, I’ll look at that make. Sadly I’m nearly 100 miles away from their nearest boutique, but I’ll try and squeeze in a fitting (pun intended) next time I find myself in London.

Bravissimo are patchy in their fitting. Either find a really good independent shop or go to Rigby and Peller who really are amazing. It’s lifechanging. Don’t go the stretchy bralette route - they don’t offer proper support and look terrible under clothes.

It takes time to adjust to a properly fitted band if you’ve been used to wearing one that ‘a too big. I went from 36c to 30F the first time I was fitted and it took a bit of getting used to. Thanks M and S fir fitting me as a 36 when I was only 7and a half stone. Years of ill fitting bras until I went to Rigby and Peller.