Help! Dreadful bra fitting experience has made me feel rubbish

[Jamoffmytoast]

This was in Bravissimo. During the pandemic I've been wearing more bralettes and non underwired, so thought now I'll treat myself to a proper one which will look better under a t shirt. (None of my old ones fit, since the menopause I feel like my size has gone up.)

Anyway, the ones she brought out all felt far too tight and like torture instruments. I said they weren't comfortable but she said that's the right size. Under my armpit was a whole load of kind of wrinkly overhanging flab, it looked awful. She (about 20) said it was due to my age. The lighting in there was really harsh as well and the whole experience made me feel bad about ever wearing a normal bra. I left without buying one.

What next? Stretchy bras forever or what do I do.

Some years back I was measured in Rigby and Peller and I was surprised by the size they gave me. The band was very tight.
I was recently measured by a young girl in M&S ( because of the Covid extra Stone, I needed new bras ). I'm not sure she measured correctly.

I’ve got a fitting at rigby and peller tomorrow so will report back on how it was! I’ve got very used to my old comfy bras so it may be a shock

Thanks Fluffruff roving reporter good luck with your fitting.

@Jamoffmytoast

Not keen on Bravissimo. I'd rather go to an independent shop or splash out on rigby & peller. Where are you in the country?

South East. Could get to a Rigby and Peller if anyone thinks its definitely worth it, not sure how much the bras are though? At this point I'd be willing to splash out (up to a point) for one decent one that made me feel good.

It was a long time ago but I had a terrible experience at Rigby and Peller.

They sold me this American bra that they altered the back. Then posted it to me.

I couldn't get in it on on my own. Completely useless. Was so expensive.

I went shopping today and popped into Victoria secret. I've never been in before and just happened to be passing. I've lost weight and used to be a 38E but currently only wear bralettes and have no proper bras that fit anymore. The lady there was really helpful. She did measure but then brought out several different styles. All the balcony type ones were awful but came away with a nice plunge bra in a 36DD. It was amazing the difference between the different styles and how in the same size one could look great and another fit so badly. No idea if Victoria Secret is usually good for fittings but I was really happy with the service I received today. I'm really glad I asked for help in the shop as I couldn't initially find much in what I thought would be my size. Think I tried on about 10 bras in the end to get the right one.

It isn’t a “trend” to have a smaller back size, it’s common sense. Bras are stretchy, in most stretchy clothes you buy there is negative ease, you wouldn’t add 4 inches to your measurements to choose a jersey t shirt. The band of a bra is meant to take 80% of the weight of your breasts - otherwise it is going on your shoulders. Adding inches to an underbust measurement is a relic from the days before stretchy fabrics existed, and as average bust sizes were much smaller, support wasn’t as important.

Wear whatever you like, but something has to hold your breasts up - whether it be your back, shoulders or just your chest muscles…

I would suggest a thicker back band in a softer fabric, like a t shirt bra, and perhaps sizing down gradually, it probably felt too tight as you’re used to taking the weight on your shoulders. How do your strapless bras stay up?

I appreciated the attention I got in Cardiff Bravissimo the other day and am weighing up whether to keep the couple of wired bras I found there. But the non wired ones were uninspiring for 34h and had to be very very tight in the straps for any support. I ended up in M&S, which surprised me, as I've never rated their bras before.
www.marksandspencer.com/flexifit-non-wired-full-cup-bra/p/clp60438189?color=BLACK&prevPage=srp#intid=prodColourId-60438189
Works for me - really smooth - only slightly monoboob (others I tried made me either weirdly1950s pointy or totally squished) - supportive neoprene-type fabric, like a sports bra - band stretches slightly after a bit of wear, so ok if slightly tight at first

Will keep an eye out for Victoria's Secret now too.

Not sure that Rigby & Peller is any better tbh, I was told that they'd fitted my bust with the right size, the fact that there was noticeable back fat issues seemed to be irrelevant to them, they were only interested in the boobs.
Look for a deeper band or a sports/pull on type bra. I can't put up with tight bras these days any more than I can wear heels or tight shoes - just not as vain as I used to be, the payoff isn't worth it anymore!

I'm a 32 F and it's so hard to find nice bras without padding! Drives me absolutely nuts. I don't want moulding either, I want nothing to add to the volume I already have.

Bravissimo were great for body suits which I find far more comfortable than bras in the main. Just bought two of these and they fit like a glove. www.bravissimo.com/products/millie-body-ln820/#ivory-ln820ivy

I've had the M&S fitting from hell where they tried to tell me I was a 36 D. It was the worst fitting bra I'd ever tried and they insisted it was the correct size!. I feel your pain OP and like others, I think the only thing for it is to order a tonne of bras to the house and try them on in privacy and comfort. Panache seem decent these days and oddly the oldie worlde Dorina bras.

Looking forward to the Rigby & Peller update @Fluffruff
Op, if you have a vague idea of your size Brastop is a good online option. You can order loads to try on and return. They often do very good sales.

Have been a 40 dd forever. Underwire bras were so uncomfortable. Measured in a small local shop.Recommed a 40c in Bestfrom moulded bra. Super comfortable fit. Best fit i have ever had. Tried braletts and found them unbearable.

Find somewhere that does Primadonna bras. They are the most comfortable bras I've found. In particular the Deauville style. If you know what your size is you could try buying them online.

I’m top heavy, usually a 36F and comfortable with my own shape.

A well fitting bra, should not be uncomfortable and should be supportive. Even then, apart from at work, l don’t wear one in the very hot weather.

The Panache Tango fits me well, but we are all so different. Certainly you should not be talked into something (or is that squeezed into something) by a so called fitter that is wrong.

I think many of us have been in a shoe shop and been told by an assistant that a pair of shoes is comfy when they are not.

My advice is to mass buy styles and sizes, try on in the comfort of your own home, using a mirror, top on and top off and find out what really works for you. Maybe ask a friend to help with a second opinion on appearance.

Then when you have sorted what is best, you can return the others and maybe select some other colours in the same size/style. Perhaps some matching knicker too?

Do you need to wear a bra? Or an underwired bra? What is your reasoning for doing so?
I was around a DD last time I wired a wired bra, around 2016.
I haven’t worn one since I decided I would prefer to be comfortable. Job done.

I wandered into Harrods underwear department a few years back and the lady there was brilliant at finding me the right size stuff. I ended up with three bras from the Agent Provocateur sale rack that fit like a dream.

However I should add that these days I just wear a nude colour M&S wireless t shirt bra that I chose myself after trying loads on. Bralettes are the most comfy things ever.

I've had the nightmare of being in selfridges and a young shop assistant shouting across the shop floor to a colleague, 'Can you bring that drawer full of strange bras over? Yeah, YEAH, THE 30DOUBLE FFS'

They still didn't fit.

So then I wore a succession of terrible things for years as I was too embarrassed to go anywhere near a shop. My sister staged an intervention and bought literally 25 bras from M&S for me to try at home in all different styles and sizes. And i ended up with some comfy stunners in lovely colours that weren't expensive and just took all the rest back.

Could you try the Wild Blooms style there? Underwired, lots of colours and sizes on line, nice wide band and great to wear all day with no over hanging underarm flab for me... That's my go to now. Can look up others later when I get up!

I also found John Lewis very good. They have a wide range too.

I hate the idea of being fitted by an assistant, so after losing weight (and getting old 😜 which losing weight sadly emphasised, but it had to happen for health reasons) I went to a big department store on a term time weekday morning (i.e when it was very quiet) and had a marathon trying on session completely by myself, until I finally discovered by trial and error the size, brand and style that works for me. Don't forget different styles fit completely differently, with the shoulder straps in totally different places.

Very roughly for back sizes if you wear a UK 12 (just as an example) your starting point for back size is around a 32, if you wear a 14, try a 34 back - 30 back if you wear a 10. That combined with boob or bust gave me my starting point for what to try on.

Seriously try lots of styles in the same size as they'll fit differently.

I now stick to one specific underwired bra style and have five bras which are identical but in 3 different colours.

The right underwired bra is comfortable - I wear mine at least 16 hours per day and don't feel any urge to take it off when at home as I so often see posters on here say they do. If your bra fits it won't be uncomfortable, but it is a massive, time consuming faff to find the right bra (and has to be done all over again if you lose or gain a lot of weight or when your body shape changes eventually through age or childbearing).

The right bra makes clothes look a lot better (at least if you're no longer extremely young and if your body has been through pregnancy or weight change) and people think you've lost weight or had your hair cut 🤣 obviously most people won't say "wow you look great, have you bought a better fitting bra?" 😜

Following for the Rugby & Peller update!

I went there a few years ago to treat myself, and was underwhelmed tbh. I did get a bra - I think it was around £75, but I didn't really find it any better than my £35 ones from bravissimo.

Underwired ones will feel uncomfortable if you are used to wearing soft bras, but they shouldn't hurt! And I agree with the back fat thing, it's no good if your boobs look good but you have weird back rolls.

I hear you, OP.
I’m the original member of the itty bitty titty committee, and wiry build, but the last and final time I went for a bra fitting, it was so uncomfortable, I said to the fitting assistant I’d rather continue with bra tops. Why should bras feel like torture? I wouldn’t put up with shoes feeling like that, and they only go on my feet!
The kind assistant told me the problem was that I had ‘fat underarms’. Charming, I felt so good! This was M & S.
Haven’t bought a bra since.

I’m a 30J and was going to head to Brighton at the weekend to get some new bras from
Bravissimo. I might avoid doing that now and stick to my current method of ordering a ridiculous amount online and trying them on at home.
I’d try an independent but I don’t think they’ll stock my size, hardly anywhere does.

Has anyone tried the one advertised online - The Lacy Bra?
They look comfortable and they have a front fastening.
The pricing is somewhat opaque...

She (about 20) said it was due to my age.

The cheek of it!

I (69) buy from my lovely local independent lingerie shop (££ but comfortable and fit perfectly) or Sainsburys, perfectly adequate and pleasantly inexpensive. The best way is to try lots in different styles and sizes until you find the right one.

Every bra fitting I’ve had has been too tight, one suggested a 30d, I’m a 36c. Not sure what the thinking is tbh.

Try on loads, when I had surgery and couldn’t wear a wired I found some lovely non wired in sainsburys of all places