What if your aesthetic taste doesn’t match your body?!

[HedgeSparrow]

Inspired by some recent threads on here, I thought I’d reach out and see if anyone shares my perpetual fashion dilemma - one which has been responsible for far too many impulse purchases and unhappy outfits over the years.

What do you do if what you like fashion wise doesn’t really suit you? I love the French-girl classics with a twist kind of style, neat and gamine. Tailoring, neutrals, based around jeans, trousers and knitwear.

However, I’m a large armed, ruddy complexioned Anglo-Saxon, large size 12 with a large bust, hourglass figure, tummy and chunky thighs. All my family look like we’ve just jumped off a Viking longboat but NOT in a Scandi-chic way.

So really my body suits skirts and dresses and I feel more comfortable in them. My body calls for Seasalt tunics. The upshot is I’m either comfortable but feel I don’t look good, or I’m wearing clothes I really like but I’m uncomfortable (and disappointed when I catch a glimpse of myself in them as I just don’t have the right vibe).

Can anyone else relate? How do you square the circle?

I feel this deeply! I like a dark, masculine, androgynous style. Unfortunately at 5 foot 4, fair, very young looking for my age, with massive boobs, effeminate features and curly hair I'm better fitted to vintage pin up styles which I can't bear as they're so... girlie.

Hi OP, joining in, I've been reading your thread all week, and agree with you.

Often what I aspire to wear and what looks good (or at least not ridiculous) and is also comfortable, are poles apart.

I am very petite but I want to look long and willowy. When I was getting married, I decided I wanted to look like Carolyn Bassett Kennedy, and thought that if I wore a dress like hers that I would morph into a 6ft willowy blonde. (This story is more frustrating because 2 of my sisters are 6ft and willowy). Anyway, I tried on several silk sheath dresses and even the shop owner, who really wanted my business, had to admit, none looked good. It looked like I was wearing a nightdress, one which clung to me in all the wrong places.

I ended up wearing a 1950's style dress - the complete opposite of the look I dreamed of, but when I tried it on, it felt "right".

I now have the added joy of perimenopause, which has made jeans very uncomfortable, so my staple of jeans plus anything has got to be revised. And that's why I keep coming on to these boards - to find the holy grail of comfortable clothing that suits my lifestyle and my shape.

Personally I like the 'bohemian' concept of sticking a finger up to convention.
Im currently reading a book about the history of the Bohemian movement in the late 1800's to 1930's.

In relation to clothes, a lot of artists and progressive types had simply had enough of constricting clothes, rules, ideas of conformity and appropriateness. We could do with some of that returning now!

It is sad to hear so many similar complaints. Going of the sheer amount here I would suggest the market is more at fault than our personal talents or physiques. We live in such a glut of cheap, mass consumption that barely anything is made to fit an individual any more, and this is worse the lower the pricetag (and higher end too, increasingly).

I can't think of a market solution, unless we all learn to sew and construct our own clothing (a dress would be easier to knock up than a wool coat and boots!), but we can alter our perception of ourselves and how we relate to clothing.
Why do so many cherish the 'boyish' styles, or the gamine look?
Why is it less fashionable nowadays to enhance or enjoy curves, breasts, shapely legs?
It seems to me that a lot of us are still too hung up on fashion industry messaging, to the detriment of our own confidence and creativity. We are clearly not thinking for ourselves - or else the posts here would be more varied.
I find it sad to hear so many women wish they were smaller. Unless one is unhealthily overweight, why is the larger frame or voluptuous figure rejected rather than worked with and delighted in?
A lot of interesting questions i think we could all ponder......

I am the slight Audrey Hepburn build, although not exactly gamine ( i am softer and more 'english rose') but my over all look doesn't and would never suit her style. I think it all had a lot more to do with our essence than our shape.
I am more interested, at 48, in who i am rather than conforming to the tat in the shops and blaming my body for not suiting it. I hardly suspect we are supposed to suit it, it is there solely to rack up profit for very little outlay. It has nothing to do with style, the self, or expression. It is utilitarian at best (it covers your nakedness) and ecologically suspect at worst.
No solution, just awareness really.

I like floaty things like the late victorian bohemians - NOT the contemporary image of bohemian, which is more festival/beach hut.
I long for clothes to become more creative again, with delicious fabrics and subtle, lovely details. And luckily I do suit the things I love, but as a small slim woman I never could pull off the boyish jeans and tshirt styles. Everyone thinks this is a given but it isn't! It might fit my body but it looks so, so wrong with my face. It's hard to explain.

TLDR: I don't think it's about body shape/size necessarily.

I don’t think it’s as simple as that. I have an idea of what I’d like to wear - but now that in my mid fifties Im well aware of what suits my small, pear shaped frame best - and what swamps it or draws attention to the bits I prefer to cover. Nothing to do with conformity, but all to do with awareness. I agree with you that there’s a lot of tat - but there’s also a heck of a lot of choice, and things like eBay give us access to fabulous vintage clothing that we just didn’t have in years gone by. Those clothes also reflect the changing fashions over the decades, so what we’re experiencing now is nothing new. Even the Bohemians adopted a trend - which suited some more and others less.

Dammit. Now I'm really confused.

I'm apparently balletcore. Well, that's what I got told today after a colleague said 'I can tell you used to dance' and a kid chipped in with a 'yeah, you're balletcore, Miss'.

OK, well, if that's what I am, I guess I'll go with it. Could have sworn I'm way too fat for that kind of thing. But it's kind of flattering, I suppose.

"Personally I like the 'bohemian' concept of sticking a finger up to convention.
Im currently reading a book about the history of the Bohemian movement in the late 1800's to 1930's.

In relation to clothes, a lot of artists and progressive types had simply had enough of constricting clothes, rules, ideas of conformity and appropriateness. We could do with some of that returning now!"

Bohemians never went away.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Dammit. Now I'm really confused.

I'm apparently balletcore. Well, that's what I got told today after a colleague said 'I can tell you used to dance' and a kid chipped in with a 'yeah, you're balletcore, Miss'.

OK, well, if that's what I am, I guess I'll go with it. Could have sworn I'm way too fat for that kind of thing. But it's kind of flattering, I suppose.

Balletcore. Is this like Cottagecore but with tulle?

@Gwenhwyfar

"Personally I like the 'bohemian' concept of sticking a finger up to convention. Im currently reading a book about the history of the Bohemian movement in the late 1800's to 1930's.

In relation to clothes, a lot of artists and progressive types had simply had enough of constricting clothes, rules, ideas of conformity and appropriateness. We could do with some of that returning now!"

Bohemians never went away.

True! I once had a dance teacher (egyptian 'Raqs Sharqi') in my early twenties who lied the epitome of a traditional Bohemian lifestyle. What a gloriously beautiful house she live in, and her clothes were all exquisite silks and drapey beads, veils and whatnot. She had a straight pixie haircut and very elfin features, and with the tapestries and rugs and general dance accoutrements, it was like walking into a dream entering the door. It sounds stereotypically pretentious but it really was 'her'. We lived for art and didn't care about money but it soon became apparent that to live like Vivienne we would have to procure at least some .

All these years later, still living for art and just about managing, buying clothes from a mix of Toast, Ebay and, er, Seasalt lol.

lived, not lied.

Balletcore. Is this like Cottagecore but with tulle?

Pretty much going by the internet. It's been a surprise to me.

I think the previous incarnation was 'off duty dancer'. Still not something I would have thought of as 'my thing', but those that know about these things have seen it on TikTok seem to think that's me. Or I'm an older very much older version of it.

It’s been really interesting to read how this thread has developed (OP here). I intended it as a humorous musing really, coming from someone who enjoys clothes. The fact so many of us feel the same way does lend it a darker aspect really.

I do like my body (farm ancestry and all 😂) - I suffer chronic illness so I’m grateful for what it can do for me.

Some of the responses have really made me reflect on why I feel the style I like visually is so desirable, more so than others. And I guess the answer is the media and fashion industries. Although this wasn’t what I expected when I started the thread it has been surprisingly helpful in starting to change the way I feel 🙂

@NeverDropYourMooncup - laughing so hard at your images I just accidentally toned my core!

I think I maybe need to pay attention to the days when I do feel good in what I'm wearing, and work off that, rather than wanting to wear things I see looking good on other people!

Today, for example, I'm wearing dark grey wide legged trousers with an interestingly patterned boat neck jumper and burgundy boots. The trousers are flattering because my shoulders are the widest bit of me, so they balance me out. The pattern on the jumper and the colour of the boots add interest to it and stop it being boring. The jumper is a great shape for me - it skims over my boobs, and stops just at my waist, so you can see I've got one (I'm an inverted triangle shape, so my waist often gets "lost"), and the boat neck showcases my collar bones and long neck.

It's not a sexy look, but it is an interesting one, and a flattering one. And tbh as I get older the less I want to look sexy!

Other things I feel good in are dungarees (I know they're a bit marmite, but I love them, and I'm tall and leggy with no bum to speak of, so I think they suit me); and kimonos. I have three silk patterned kimonos that I like to wear over trousers and vest tops in warmer weather, but I worry they're a bit too flamboyant and theatrical. But then, I am a theatre actress, so why shouldn't I look theatrical? 😆

Oooh, I love balletcore now I've Googled it.

The recommendation upthread of classic white shirts - they look awful on me. Baggy ones drown me (short plump hourglass), the floaty sleeves on a lot of white shirts just now make my boobs look enormous, I suck at ironing, they usually gape over my boobs and I'm an absolute star at dropping tea/food on my chest. Also white makes my skin look brown and wizened. Cream makes me look dead.

Yes, I can't wear crisp white shirts either, though I wish I could. Loose fit ones hang off my boobs and make me look massive. Narrow fit don't fasten over the boobs. Tailored ones look matronly. I just can't them work.

Balletcore just throws up tumblr-style thigh gap girls and lingerie-esque photo's on pinterest. Possibly best try google image search.

I feel I'd suit this, too. Not sure about the long tulle skirts though.

I googled it too and could only find women in slips with typical ballerina figures.

I was half expecting a full Desmond.

@Redleaftea Mine was from Hobbs but I saw something very similar in Sainsburys later on so hoping it will become a staple and I can buy one for every day of the (summer) week. Only downside is I absolutely cannot face having to take everything off just to go for a wee in the winter.

[quote raspberrymuffin]@Redleaftea Mine was from Hobbs but I saw something very similar in Sainsburys later on so hoping it will become a staple and I can buy one for every day of the (summer) week. Only downside is I absolutely cannot face having to take everything off just to go for a wee in the winter.[/quote]
Thanks raspberry

Love this thread - thank you OP. I love the gamine look. I’m normally petite with small hands and feet and for most of my life I’ve worn neat fitted shapes, a few quirky details, cropped hair. Always looked ok and felt ‘right’. Now I am overweight it looks awful on me. I just look fat and dumpy and very ‘wrong’. The looser stuff I’m wearing (hello Lagenlook) is not my style but at least covers me up and my hair has gone wild but I’m scared to cut it off as I now have a huge double chin. Could just cry every time I catch sight of myself in the mirror. Would love to look like a Valkyrie or a farmer’s wife rather than a fat pixie

I look bad in crisp white shirts too, due to 32E norks and broad shoulders. The material just emphasises these areas and makes me look bulky. Instead, i suit silky shirts which are far less cool and more building society clerk. I can rock a jumpsuit though due to slim hips and long legs.

Sound like we've got very similar figures astorsback. What else looks good on you? Keen to steal some ideas!

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal - yes - I feel your pain. It's a nightmare.

I find I suit long flowing lines, like a long, thin, hooded cardigan over a T-shirt, slim jeans - show off slim ankles - and trainers, brogues etc..

I also suit either sleeveless or long sleeves, anything in between adds bulk and emphasises the torso.

No prints on top. V-neck if you can bear it. Mostly, i wear a mock neck. Dolman sleeves are great for narrowing the upper body.

Dress wise, i go for plain, v neck flowing and skimming - midi-length. No belt as it cuts the body in half but if something comes with a self-tie belt then i tie it behind me to emphasise my arse, not in front.

Trousers/jeans, anything goes.

@CMOTDibbler

I read all the time how denim jackets and leather jackets are timeless classics for everyone. Except I look like I've been thrown out of a biker gang. See also country chic (like the scary hunt master), and floaty floral frocks (Les Dennis hoiking his arms under the bust). I am built like an ideal farmers wife - tall, broad and strong. Ideal for tucking a pig under each arm, not so much for fashion

I think it was Les Dawson, but thanks for the memory 😀

Thanks @astorsback, some things to think about, though I have to admit I struggle to find flattering t-shirts.

Having said I can't wear white shirts, I'm giving this one a go - have just ordered it: https://www.anthropologie.com/en-gb/shop/sunday-in-brooklyn-twist-front-v-neck-blouse?utmsource=transact&utmmmedium=email&utmcampaign=AN-EUUorderconfirmation&utmmcontent=%25%25%253dRedirectTo%28%2540producturl%29%253d%25%25&utmmterm=aneuppccorderConfirmation&utmid=28752&sfmccid=59541634&s2=12a69860cb3046c79c6321f52fe7ccb6f80aabc70a801eb03f39bbd2621defb1&utmkxconfid=vxjp8e8ra&utmmkxcampaignid=aneuppccorderConfirmation&sfsc=0033g00000ehBqWAAU&color=010&type=REGULAR&quantity=1