What if your aesthetic taste doesn’t match your body?!

[HedgeSparrow]

Inspired by some recent threads on here, I thought I’d reach out and see if anyone shares my perpetual fashion dilemma - one which has been responsible for far too many impulse purchases and unhappy outfits over the years.

What do you do if what you like fashion wise doesn’t really suit you? I love the French-girl classics with a twist kind of style, neat and gamine. Tailoring, neutrals, based around jeans, trousers and knitwear.

However, I’m a large armed, ruddy complexioned Anglo-Saxon, large size 12 with a large bust, hourglass figure, tummy and chunky thighs. All my family look like we’ve just jumped off a Viking longboat but NOT in a Scandi-chic way.

So really my body suits skirts and dresses and I feel more comfortable in them. My body calls for Seasalt tunics. The upshot is I’m either comfortable but feel I don’t look good, or I’m wearing clothes I really like but I’m uncomfortable (and disappointed when I catch a glimpse of myself in them as I just don’t have the right vibe).

Can anyone else relate? How do you square the circle?

Yes so much this! I want to wear cigarette pants, skinny jeans, little t shirts and blouses but I’m 5”8, a size 12 with big arms and calves a rugby player would envy.

I was looking for some new clothes recently and was browsing the Boutique Libertié website, love so much of it but it would all look hideous on me!

Mine is more my lifestyle doesn’t match my aesthetic. I had a great look going, long pleated skirts, full midis, floppy trousers cropped or not -lovely. Then we moved and cycling is the best form of transport so I’m on my bike all day and any full skirts or trousers just get caught or filthy in the chain or wheels. Thank goodness for mom and balloon jeans, nice and tight at the ankle!

I remember my mum saying post meno that everything she liked didn’t fit any more and everything that fitted she didn’t like. I’m now at that same life stage and wish she was here to tell her how much I empathise ….

@Lucysskydiamonds / what beautiful clothes! Where is the red floral dress from??

Yes. I like some of the stuff you mention but body and hair doesn’t really suit it. Hair can also be a barrier to certain styles. My hair is very fly away so unless I just combed it 25 seconds ago it’s a mess so can’t pull off anything too ‘done’

Totally. I have fucking awesome taste in clothes - unfortunately for the sort that will never suit my figure, even more so now I am galloping towards menopause and have completely changed shape + put on 3 stone.

I really identify with this, OP. I too enjoy that pared back, French style. I too don’t really have the figure that you see wearing it. I’m pretty slim, but somehow not slender. I’ve definitely got more than a smidge of the Saxon farm wench in me.

I wouldn’t put myself in the extremely stylish box, but I’ve spent a lot of time in the last few years really getting to the bottom of exactly what suits my figure, and why (bottom being a very apt word here…). Then I can tweak the outfits I admire on other people to fit my shape. As an example, last Autumn I wanted one of those oversized boyfriend blazers that were everywhere. I bought and returned three of them because what made other women look chic made me look dreadful. I really looked at what the problem was, did some research and realised that to feel my best I need a blazer that has some shape at the waist and falls to fingertip length. Single breasted, long lapels, and not ever with ankle boots. Now I have that jacket and the general look I wanted, but in a shape that actually suits me. I feel great in it and I think it does the thing that I admired in the original outfit.

I have watched a lot of YouTube videos, and I had my colours done and my body shape analysed by a stylist. Learning that I had a long torso and how to dress it was a minor revelation for me. I am now starting to notice that I can look at an outfit I admire and work out how I can adapt it to suit what I like and what suits my proportions rather than just copying it. I reckon 4 days in 7 I pull off the style I like now.

Sigh. I used to be a size 6-8 but had no money to buy nice clothes. Now I have the money, but am a menopausal size 12 and nothing I like fits properly. Heading in the direction of comfy Seasalt tunics, but trying very hard to resist. I have a trip to John Lewis planned.

God yes.

Ive moaned about it on here so many times.

I love Skandi chic. Black with grey. Long, flowing layers & chunky boots. White blonde hair and pale skin. Nude lips. Very cool and relaxed.

My physical reality is - sadly - big shoulders back and boobs, straight body type, strong looking with thin legs and big feet. Golden coloured hair and skin and a big cheshire cat grin and a 'perky' demeanour, more suited to Joules, J Crew and Barbour. I really suit a 'red lip' and bronzer.

I can see I look far better dressing to the rules but I feel so uncool.

In my head I'm slender with long legs. I can wear shorts, or midi dresses. I can wear things that skim rather than fit.

I'm actually 5'1 with big boobs and short stocky legs. I need clothes to be fitted or they drown me. Shorts are a no go, midi dresses are all maxis and also drown me and the turtleneck jumper I mistakenly bought makes me look like my mother circs 1978.

I see myself as an angular cool woman who looks fantastic in Scandi/Japanese style clothing, with a short assymetrical silver grey crop.
My mirror tells me I’m a fat short arse who looks like a pinhead in anything shorter than a shoulder length Bob and looks like a bag of rags in anything like that. Oh and I’m also a spill, crumb and crease magnet.

[quote Hels20]@Lucysskydiamonds / what beautiful clothes! Where is the red floral dress from??[/quote]
Wolf and Badger - www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/dress-raspberry-butterfly/. So many gorgeous clothes

Yes it always surprises me when I catch my reflection and instead of Dua Lipa there is Worzel Gummidge

Definitely. I like a sort of preppy look with sharp shirts but that sort of needs an athletic figure and I've got big disproportionate boobs. I try to incorporate elements where I can. I also feel the cold which eliminates quite a lot of stuff during the colder months. And I have very short legs but hate high waisted trousers. Finally I'm an Autumn so basically need rich, warm colours which are quite hard to be cool, very easy to look like a kids TV presenter. It all ends up in a style all of my own!

* Floisme I agree with the main point you make, but I do think different shapes of people do objectively look better and feel more comfy in some styles and cuts. And if you feel a bit wrong it can be hard to feel like you’re pulling off a certain look whether you objectively like it or not.

I do think it's helpful to have a general idea of whether your shoulders are wider than your arse (or vice Verda) where your waist sits and how long your torso is in proportion to your legs. And I do think it can be useful to refer back to it at certain life stages, when your body might change and it all feels a bit discombobulating. But that's it. And I don't agree that what looks good is objective fact - I think much of it is driven by fashion.

But what I dislike the most is the way an idea which should have made getting dressed easier and more enjoyable seems to have had precisely the opposite effect.

Anyway I can see I'm clearly not in tune with the mood of this thread so I'll bow out.

I think the reason so many of us have a disconnect between what we think should suit us and what actually suits us is because we are used to seeing clothes modelled by the same type of figure. There is so little diversity in the fashion industry that almost all we see are clothes worn by tall slim beautiful women who would look amazing in a bin bag, and therefore when we compare ourselves to the persistent, consistent, image we feel we look ‘less than’. And what you feel you ought to wear is influenced by what makes you look as close to the idealised image as possible. Honestly, wear the clothes you love. You really look as fabulous in them as the clothes you think you should be wearing. Just because you don’t look like a supermodel in them doesn’t mean they don’t look great.

@HedgeSparrow

Interesting how many of us feel this way!

@Floisme I agree with the main point you make, but I do think different shapes of people do objectively look better and feel more comfy in some styles and cuts. And if you feel a bit wrong it can be hard to feel like you’re pulling off a certain look whether you objectively like it or not.

I think the personal shopper idea is a good one - I do tend to gravitate to the same brands so perhaps I need an objective eye to challenge my perceptions and suggest some new things.

The problem I have is finding anything. My shape has changed with menopause so my boobs are bigger, waist is thicker, bum has dropped & widened, thighs and calves are much thicker etc. I don't mind it much but would like to dress to it but I find it very hard to find a cut that I like. I remember shopping with mum when she was my age and there were many designs for "grown up" women with different ones for younger women. Seems to me that now we will all be either mutton dressed as lamb or lamb dressed as lamb!

Yes, unfortunately. I had a go recently with a midi jersey dress, flat clumpy boots, a biker jacket and a beanie, with the aim of looking cool and casual. Works on someone young and willowy; I am 35 and tall, but overweight, carrying all the weight in my belly and face. (Un)Luckily the chic hotel bar had a full length mirror I could see as I strode in looking like a bag lady / eccentric art teacher.

I have been all over this board whining about how tough it is to find anything for peri menopausal women carrying weight in their bellies. Clothing manufacturers seem to assume that if I have a large tummy, I must be large all over. I am not- my bust and hips are still small- but I can't get my tummy into anything.

It’s been really interesting to read all your comments (if sad that so many of us feel this way).

There is definitely the issue of the disconnect between how fashion sells us looks and how most people are. I admit I hadn’t really thought much about this angle. Perhaps I do need to work harder on discounting all that.

But there’s also definitely the comfort issue. I know when I was about a stone and a half lighter (due to health issues) jeans did feel much comfier. But I’m not going there again (plus the underlying shape of the ‘Saxon farm wench’ 😂😂remains).

Great post @Tinymrscollings. It seems to be the case that stylish people buy fewer clothes but are very picky about the details - this is often mentioned when discussing ‘French style’ isn’t it? I think I need to be more patient and acknowledge that some version of the piece may be comfortable and may suit me, even if it takes months to find…

@AuntFlorence

Yes it always surprises me when I catch my reflection and instead of Dua Lipa there is Worzel Gummidge

😂😂

I share your pain. I’m a 14/16 pear but with quite big boobs. I love that Parisian chic but it just isn’t made for me. I have this very feminine body and it just doesn’t match my personality at all

Oh thank god for this thread - I thought it was just me. Five foot one, 53 in a couple of weeks, pear shaped with a stomach size 10-12. The last time I listened to MN I was assured that tapered paperbag trousers were just the thing for the pear shaped. Be in no doubt, they are not - unless you want your arse to double in size and the length of your legs to half in size right in front of your eyes.

I’ve no idea what to wear these days. I can do shift dresses or wrap dresses for work, but I’ve no idea about casual. I’m in skinnies, chunk ankle boots and jumpers in the winter, and skinnies, trainers, striped tops in summer (zzzzz…)…with a big arse, which makes me look like a waste pipe with a blockage in the middle.

@HedgeSparrow

It’s been really interesting to read all your comments (if sad that so many of us feel this way).

There is definitely the issue of the disconnect between how fashion sells us looks and how most people are. I admit I hadn’t really thought much about this angle. Perhaps I do need to work harder on discounting all that.

But there’s also definitely the comfort issue. I know when I was about a stone and a half lighter (due to health issues) jeans did feel much comfier. But I’m not going there again (plus the underlying shape of the ‘Saxon farm wench’ 😂😂remains).

Great post @Tinymrscollings. It seems to be the case that stylish people buy fewer clothes but are very picky about the details - this is often mentioned when discussing ‘French style’ isn’t it? I think I need to be more patient and acknowledge that some version of the piece may be comfortable and may suit me, even if it takes months to find…

Unfortunately I do think that some of it comes down to being really, really picky. Which takes time and effort until it starts to become second nature I think. I have realised that I don’t mind taking that time because to me it’s worth it to feel good about myself when I’m out and about. I have a better day when I feel like I look good.

I think the big myth about the more pared down look is that it’s just been thrown on and looks fabulous. That’s what they want us to think, but it’s actually really carefully considered in every single element. What I have found interesting and heartening is that this isn’t some sort of innate gift, or a good eye. It’s a science and you can learn how to do it. I’m sure there’s a degree of natural creativity that comes into play when it comes to deliberately ‘breaking the rules’ and still looking brilliant, but the basics are about horizontal and vertical lines and where to put them for balance, and then texture and colours. Knowing what kind of vibe suits your personality helps I think. I like casual styles and soft lines in soft fabrics - my version of the ubiquitous French capsule ‘crisp white shirt’ would be a soft, collarless cream shirt with a 3/4 sleeve or one I could push or roll up to take the formal edge off. I look like a fridge dressed as a waiter in a starched white shirt.

I could talk about this all day but no one cares

Tinymrscollings 'to feel my best I need a blazer that has some shape at the waist and falls to fingertip length. Single breasted, long lapels',

I so relate to this. I'm long in the torso and the best blazer I ever found was in Sweden. A non-bulky fabric with a bit of shape at the waist and a good length. It was the perfect fit and I wore it till it fell apart and haven't found another.

I also totally relate to what you say about the shirt.

I would be happy to listen to you!