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Style and beauty

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Original poster

Apparently I've 'let myself goI'

107 replies

morepatiencerequired · 09/12/2021 20:42

So I'm part angry, part unsure. I'm 49. Together with DP almost 20 years ( 3 kids). I've never been a makeup wearer (ie maybe one or twice a month, mascara, lippy, blush, if we go out). I've always dressed casually. I've never been one for designer clothes etc (tho we could afford it). I have had highlights occasionally, but not as regularly as one should .

DP tells me I've let myself go. My hair is greying (and I've literally not had a hair colour in 4 years he's approved of despite trying (current country has different hair type generally to me), but otherwise I'm still me. Just older. Perimenopausal so my body shape has changed a bit but I'm only about 2kg ish heavier than I used to be.

What do I do? I'm so far removed from style and beauty that I've no idea where to start. And I'm partly just angry that the expectation has changed because I'm older. I'm of a body shape that would suit corsets and fitted dresses but have 3 youngish kids and an active day.

I'm also 3/4 of the way into a bottle of wine, feeling sorry for myself so may crash shortly as it's bedtime here.

OP posts:

SnailandtheWail · 09/12/2021 20:44

What does he look like?

Im really angry on your behalf he’d say that to you.

TheLeadbetterLife · 09/12/2021 20:45

Get rid of the DP? He sounds like an arse.

ArblemarchTFruitbat · 09/12/2021 20:46

Do you want to change? It's not about what your DP says - and that was a very unkind remark. I bet he doesn't look the same as he looked 20 years ago!

If you yourself feel it's time for a style change, go for it, but don't feel you have to do this for your DP.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/12/2021 20:46

I’d get this moved to Relationships as you don’t need make up tips, you need emotional support.

thefirstmrsrochester · 09/12/2021 20:47

What do you do? Tell him to either respect you as his partner and mother of your three children, of he buggers off. Is he model materiel himself?

Mamette · 09/12/2021 20:48

I think I would have put this in relationships rather than style and beauty. You sound lovely and he doesn’t.

Onlinedilema · 09/12/2021 20:50

I Would ask him exactly what does he mean. It doesn't sound as though you have 'let yourself go' at all. What does he look like? I hope he has a full head of hair and it's a nice colour. Is he slim and toned? Does he wear smart clothes?
I hate the way society thinks it's fine to hold men and women to different standards.

Teenagetrouble · 09/12/2021 20:50

It’s so cruel to say the words ‘you’ve let yourself go’ so very cruel. Ask him why he phrased it like that because it can only be designed to hurt.
I’m sorry he’s awful - it’s not you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/12/2021 20:52

@Mamette

I think I would have put this in relationships rather than style and beauty. You sound lovely and he doesn’t.

This.

Wanker.

AlbertBridge · 09/12/2021 20:52

DP? You're not married?

Has he become successful over his career? (You mention you're well off.) I mean, has his status increased (in his own eyes) since you've been together? He might think he now deserves an upgrade.

BordelDeMerde · 09/12/2021 20:53

Tell him to fuck the fuck off, then take yourself off out for as long as is feasible. At least a night in a hotel if possible. Have a serious think while you're there about what an arse your DH is and if you actually want to spend the rest of your life with such a superficial wanker.

BordelDeMerde · 09/12/2021 20:55

*ok, DP, but same applies

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 09/12/2021 20:56

Someone who loves you wouldn’t have said that.

LetHimHaveIt · 09/12/2021 21:02

I think he sounds like an unutterable shit, but I await the arrival of the posters who hold the opinion that this sort of refreshing 'honesty' is a relationship-saver. They were out in force a few days ago.

pinkfondu · 09/12/2021 21:03

Skim him and make a stylish coat out of his skin

wtdse · 09/12/2021 21:05

@pinkfondu

Skim him and make a stylish coat out of his skin

Yes!

LetHimHaveIt · 09/12/2021 21:05

It's also impossible to be 2 kgs heavier than you 'used to be'. It's less than five pounds. You could be 2 kgs heavier in the evening than you were in the morning. No-one alive notices the sort of fluctuation you could lose in a fortnight.

Original poster

morepatiencerequired · 09/12/2021 21:07

I genuinely think he loves me, though we've drifted towards friends over the past couple of years. I love him, and I'm happy that he looks after himself. He's not model material, but keeps fairly good shape, and looks have never been my thing. They have been his thing. I think he was surprised that he fell I. Love with me as I didn't for the mould of his previous partners (and no, I'm not fussed about the DP not DH thing).

He's always been very clear that he's 'visual' (and I'm not). I guess I want to do something, because I care for him, I'm just simultaneously pissed that women are expected to do something while guys can just get old

OP posts:

Teenagetrouble · 09/12/2021 21:09

@pinkfondu

Skim him and make a stylish coat out of his skin

This exactly! Hi

Somebodylikeyew · 09/12/2021 21:09

Fuck him and his opinions, quite frankly.

How do YOU feel about the way you look, your relationship and life in general?

Teenagetrouble · 09/12/2021 21:09

Ignore the random Hi

PlanktonsComputerWife · 09/12/2021 21:10

Plenty more fish, OP. Life is too short to squander on someone who makes you feel like absolute shit for just being your own self.

Original poster

morepatiencerequired · 09/12/2021 21:11

@Somebodylikeyew

Fuck him and his opinions, quite frankly.

How do YOU feel about the way you look, your relationship and life in general?

I'm perimenopausal. I feel shit about everything.

OP posts:

Youdoyoutoday · 09/12/2021 21:11

Connecting the frying pan with DP's face repeatedly would be my first port of call!

Teenagetrouble · 09/12/2021 21:11

@morepatiencerequired ‘more visual’ really means a superficial arse. He’s the idiot here - you have nothing to prove

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