Apparently I've 'let myself goI'

[morepatiencerequired]

So I'm part angry, part unsure. I'm 49. Together with DP almost 20 years ( 3 kids). I've never been a makeup wearer (ie maybe one or twice a month, mascara, lippy, blush, if we go out). I've always dressed casually. I've never been one for designer clothes etc (tho we could afford it). I have had highlights occasionally, but not as regularly as one should .

DP tells me I've let myself go. My hair is greying (and I've literally not had a hair colour in 4 years he's approved of despite trying (current country has different hair type generally to me), but otherwise I'm still me. Just older. Perimenopausal so my body shape has changed a bit but I'm only about 2kg ish heavier than I used to be.

What do I do? I'm so far removed from style and beauty that I've no idea where to start. And I'm partly just angry that the expectation has changed because I'm older. I'm of a body shape that would suit corsets and fitted dresses but have 3 youngish kids and an active day.

I'm also 3/4 of the way into a bottle of wine, feeling sorry for myself so may crash shortly as it's bedtime here.

I bet his super shallow friend passing opinion won't have helped, probably knocked his ego, thus he feels entitled to pass judgement down to you.
None of it is acceptable and it makes him look incredibly vain that he doesn't see past the visual after 20 years! As for commenting on your hair roots, wtaf, is he gay, most men wouldn't notice such trivialities!

This is so nasty. Does he expect you to stay young forever? Please don't look for ways to change yourself to make him happy.

The "men are visual women aren't" thing is just a cop out. You're not a piece of meat for him to ogle.

You're great just as you are, don't let him put you down.

I don't want to do full colour as he is much taller than me and if he sees any glimpse of root from above, he comments. His absolute focus on my greying hair is winding me up (I was very happy to embrace the grey)... so maybe it we make it a bit blonder, he'll be happier and it's an 'easy' thing for me to do

wow, that is depressing as hell.

I can’t imagine dp ever “commenting” on my roots or saying anything critical about how I look — it’s so far from okay that it would actually shock me. And I don’t think he’s some kind of perfect unreal paragon, he’s a normal man, it’s just that he is a kind and loving person and not a rude arsehole.

What must it be like living with someone who sees you like that — openly talks to you like that — thinks it’s normal? It’s shit. What must it do to you, feeling assessed all the time? Like you’re not his partner but a decorative feature in his landscape?

Like you’re a fucking garden shed that looks a bit weathered and needs a coat of paint.

I really feel for you, I couldn’t live with that.

I am exactly the same age as you btw and I am in peri as well but HRT is working well for me — some threads on MN about it are useful, really helped me prepare for GP conversations in a valuable way.

I don’t like him OP. You, otoh, sound fab.

vimeo.com/393253445?ref=tw-share

Maybe show him this

Op! The problem here isn’t you!

The problem is your husbands chauvinism.