Help please! Turned into a frump!

[cheeseisthebest]

Hi. I'm 43, bit overweight and short and I hate my clothes!
Never know what looks nice on me? Please help! I wear a lot of black, navy, grey or I have very patterned dresses from White Stuff.
I just don't know where to look or what would flatter me?

I just want to look nice and casual.
No leather or biker jacket, no blazers, nice flattering plain tops,jumpers, jeans, boots or trainers.
I would be happy with that.

Have a look at Emily Innes

She has some good ideas for outfits from the high st

https://instagram.com/emilyinnesstylist?utmmedium=copyy_link

Id say a good look is midi dress, chelsea or biker boots plus biker jacket

OP I think you want a new style in your head but you're afraid of making an actual change. The clothes you're wearing in your photos are safe, neutral & sort make you blend into invisibleness.

You're doing the same with the jumpers you've linked to. Safe, unremarkable, unnoticeable.

I like the outfit you showed with your coat. If I were you I'd concentrate on finding things that fit you perfectly to replicate a look like that. So good jeans & a really nice striped top. Sort out the footwear - maybe chunky Chelsea boots for this time of year

Get your hair cut & sort things like eyebrows & nails & bras so you're feeling more put together/ groomed

Build outwards from the 1st outfit- a different top that also goes with the jeans

A skirt that goes with both new tops

A dress & long line cardigan to wear with the boots & tights & teddy coat.

Keep looking on line for inspiration & keep adding to your pool of new clothes so you don't end up buying random things & trying to put them with your pre-existing old stuff.

Get a gorgeous leather bag in a colour that makes you happy every time you use it- for me it would be plum or maroon or bottle green etc or navy. Pick a nice plain contemporary design.

Bit by bit you'll get there. Each new thing you bring in get rid of an old item

Good luck! You deserve to look and feel fabulous!

Also… I’m a supermarket fan. F&F and Tu at Sainsbury’s are fab, however if you like it you need to buy as stuff goes really quickly. What about a shacket, leggings and chunky boots ? Bang on trend. Or, shorter skirt , opaques, boots and longer jumper ?

I bought mum jeans a few months ago. Still struggling to feel comfortable with them compared to skinnies but I can see they look good. I wear them (not rolled up) with dock boots ATM which I really like the look of.

In which case, if you want casual but less frumpy, it might just be a question of spending more. So a really nice pair of jeans, better quality tops, and maybe just buying one at a time. I have found generally they look better on, hang better, and have better cuts.

With things like trainers maybe a smart tan leather pair, which you can keep looking in good condition and will lift an outfit.

Pinterest has some good capsule wardrobe ideas in lots of different styles. It might be worth a look to see how to mix and match and style different items, some of which you’ll probably already have. Also even though animal print is everywhere, you can definitely avoid it and don’t need to wear it if it isn’t your style. I hate it to be honest, I think it makes even lovely clothes look cheap. Though clearly many love it and will wholeheartedly disagree!
Also I liked the third cardigan you posted, it has a nice texture. The grey cable was ok but the colour was a bit drab.

There have been lots of different suggestions on here but op, you are quite against some of them without even giving them a try. I think you need to go into a few different shops with an open mind and try all sorts of things on. Then you will see what you look like & have more of an open mind. Wear good underwear when you’re trying things on-that always helps! Once you’ve got a better idea, look on the apps people have suggested and see what you can find.

I'm a similar size and shape op, and a bit older than you. I don't follow fashion trends at all, just buy what I like the look of and what I think suits me.
I've just bought a few things from Joe Browns and had loads of compliments in them.
Also bought this top which is very flattering with skinny jeans and ankle boots - www.littlewoods.com/v-by-very-ruched-cowl-neck-top-black/1600605158.prd

@Happymum12345

There have been lots of different suggestions on here but op, you are quite against some of them without even giving them a try. I think you need to go into a few different shops with an open mind and try all sorts of things on. Then you will see what you look like & have more of an open mind. Wear good underwear when you’re trying things on-that always helps! Once you’ve got a better idea, look on the apps people have suggested and see what you can find.

I agree. The jumpers you have linked to are quite plain and don't seem different to your picture.

I have days when I feel frumpy, I'm in my 40s and never really know what to wear. It's not helped by my children not liking me when I step out of my comfort zone- I wore a couple of dresses during the summer and you'd have thought I'd have gone out in a bin bag! Friends were really complimentary though so I'm ignoring my children!

I recently got this which I know won't set the world alight but I'm hoping with boots it'll look quite good!

Oh, and I've also bought this which makes so much difference to the look of skirts and dresses, and is very comfortable - www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-partners-tessa-light-control-body/p4890784

Try accessories. If you wear a lot of black, navy or dark grey (which are all quite slimming) liven up your outfit with a colourful neck scarf - like animal print or shimmering satin or a large flamboyant necklace. If you feel you are overweight avoid heavily patterned fabrics as they will make you look larger.

You haven't mentioned if you want to look elegant or casual or sexy?

I think NailPolishRemover gives great advice above.

Also the PP who mentioned a stripy top with jeans as in the photo with the teddy coat. Breton tops are classic; they're mainstream not edgy but I don't think you're looking for edgy, just wanting to feel better put-together if I've understood your post? And really nice trainers with invisible socks.

I'd suggest trying slim straight-leg jeans rather than skinnies that cling, for a better silhouette. This sort of idea: www.levi.com/GB/en_GB/clothing/women/jeans/312-shaping-slim-jeans/p/196270162?camp=SHB_DR_Levis_UK_EN_GOO_CSE_SALE&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwqTXpaDz8wIV4ujtCh0Kmwr5EAQYAiABEgI9NPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Your navy dress is very plain on its own but if you wore a long (longer than the dress I mean) cardigan over it, maybe in grey, and a chunky necklace or a scarf, and chunky boots, it would be really useful as a base layer.

www.baukjen.com/products/abigail-leopard-skirt-leopard-print
A skirt like this, with a black jumper and black boots to dress it down works well I think, if you do want to try animal prints.

If you like, why not post a few more photos of clothes you already have and maybe we can make suggestions about how you can start from there to create some outfits you like?

Lagenlook, kitten heels and big flamboyant necklaces all massive no's for me, I'm afraid.

I think you should start with a new pair of jeans and a plain jumper. Then get boots and trainers that work with the jeans and your coat. Try Arket for a good quality striped t-shirt.

Agree you need to go and have a huge trying on session.

Thing is, OP, it’s not realistic to spend no time/money on clothes for a long time and then suddenly want updating but without spending much money. One new piece won’t make much difference.

In your situation, I’d buy jeans, a nice knit, ankle boots and a necklace as a starting point. The navy teddy coat is nice. Bin that dark grey cable knit cardigan - because it looks old and worn and heavy. Get high waisted straight jeans in a light to medium wash (not indigo), preferably ones in classic denim rather than stretch, that would be my first item. & Other Stories do nice jeans for approx £70, or Zara/ASOS/Monki for cheaper ones.

Think about colours and shapes and what you feel comfortable in. Do you hate tight jeans? Do you live in trainers? Does black wash you out or do pale colours make you look dead? There’s so much to looking put together. You need to look at your own body shape and good/bad points, colours that suit you, clothes that work for your lifestyle (eg small kids/wfh might equal lots of jeans and flat shoes), and then fashion/trends come in on top of that.

Sample outfit that I would like, but which might not work for you: www.asos.com/stradivarius/stradivarius-petite-90s-dad-jean-in-vintage-blue/prd/200954268?colourwayid=200954273&cid=3630
Not just the jeans, but the jumper, necklace and trainers all together. I like the way the jumper is tucked into the waistband of the jeans, navy suits me, and I would wear trainers like that (can’t get on board with chunky trainers). For boots I’d try classic Dr Martens at the moment, or else something like www.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-archer-chunky-chelsea-boots-in-black/prd/23691768?colourwayid=60504511&cid=6455 if you prefer pull-on ones. And your jeans should stop just above the ankle so you can see a tiny bit of skin or sock (you need nice socks).

@ikeepseeingit

www.uniqlo.com/uk/en/product/women-peg-top-high-rise-ankle-length-jeans-444853.html?dwvar_444853_color=COL69&dwvar_444853_size=INS022&cgid=IDmom-jeans1323&hassubcat=false I bought these jeans and they're great quality. They look like a similar shape to the ones in the photo with the teddy coat. Love the second more colourful dress too. Wear them with shoes and not boots, unless they look good under the trousers as you can't really tuck them in to anything.

The outfit in that is absolutely hideous.

Also agree with nailpolishremover advice.

I think you need to find a style you like and try and replicate it. The problem with asking for advice on these boards is everyone has a different sense of style.

I am 42, probably a stone overweight and 5ft 1 tall. I actually think I look pretty good. The advice of mid heel boots, statement necklaces and colourful scarves all scream frump to me I’m afraid.

I think one of the things that can make or break a look is footwear. I tend to wear all white Stan Smith trainers with almost everything, or really chunky Chelsea boots. And despite what people say, still love my Ugg’s!

I would look in H&M for basic T-shirt’s. Less than £10 and unless you are going really high end, I don’t think the quality is any better in more expensive high street shops.

Jeans, I tend to buy from M&S because I can get petite. I’m alternating daily between their Mom jeans and Lily jeans. Mom jeans are baggier so need a fitted top. Also, jeans at the moment, to look more fashionable, should be turned up a little. Really makes a difference.

I liked the second cardi you showed (blue one). Blue Lily jeans, white trainers, white or Breton fitted t shirt and that cardi would look great and not dissimilar to the coat pic you linked to.

Think about what sort of things you do and what sort of outfits you want to wear for each of those things, rather than just buying clothes if that makes sense. And if you are uncomfortable with change, just change one thing at a time and wear it until you feel ok with it, then add something else.

@TooExtraImmatureCheddar I love those dad jeans you linked. Have just ordered them. I knew that ASOS special offer year long next day delivery thing DD made me get would come in useful!

OP those jeans with similar trainers that suit your feet - Stan smiths, Nike court, or to be really trendy New Balance trainers with any top really would be fab.

Some John Lewis stores offer a personal stylist service. I think it's free with apparently no obligation to buy. It may be worth doing something like that as a way of getting advice and trying out some new styles that you may not have considered previously. I think they also do online sessions if you haven't got a JL near you.

I would suggest that you order a load of stuff from Next and/or M and S and just have a try at home . Your teddy coat is great so just get some new jeans maybe a dark denim and a black pair. Get a few of their stripey tops ( I have these and they are great quality . Order couple of sizes up if you don't want tight but they have a great stretch ) . Get a pair of ankle boots and a pair of trainers . Ditch the ballet slippers . This will be a start and you will feel so much better . Consider buying a trench coat too or a parka style raincoat .

We’re a similar shape @cheeseisthebest. I’m not sure I’m the most stylish person in the world but I’ve recently embraced the French tuck from Queer Eyes Tan, tucking in the front of tops but leaving the back loose (google it!) and I get a lot of compliments. Skinny jeans, tucked in baggy shirt or top seems to work for me.

Also agree there is nothing wrong with the outfits you’ve shared, but you could really embrace accessories. Not sure of your style but I go bold in jewellery, long chunky necklaces and earrings are cheap, but completely change and outfit. Always find H&M good for keeping cheaply on trend.

I’d agree the pumps and cardis aren’t overly exciting and agree with the suggestion of longer or chunky knit - lots in primark and new look at the moment affordable

Totally agree with everyone that being comfortable and confident is the key! Good luck!

It sounds like you are all over the place and have lost confidence. It also seems that you don’t want to spend a lot. Not sure if that’s because you can’t afford it or don’t think you are worth it? Sometimes buying cheap makes you feel cheap or look cheap (though not always) or sometimes we buy cheap and have to buy twice so it’s a false economy. You could look back at what you have spent in the last 12 months and think if I had that as a lump sum for the year ahead what would I prioritise.

So I think that if you concentrate on just one outfit top to toe for your most frequent activity that at its core suits your body shape your confidence will return.

Once you have the foundation silhouette in place then you can tweak it to become more contemporary.

The easiest way to then take an outfit up a gear is footwear because they aren’t dependent on body shape. So its basically a great pair of boots, trainers, sandals shoes. As it’s winter I would focus on getting a great pair of boots. Most people have suggested a classic Chelsea boot and there are a million options at all price levels around. I personally I think that the boots you love and want to replace are dreadful - floppy, messy, dated.

Google dressing for your body shape and stick to the rules.

I have ordered wide range of clothes on line to try on at home - and end up send most of them back - because if something isn’t flattering to my body it doesn’t matter if it was voted this seasons “key look” and was £1000 or £10 it will look rubbish on me. But ordering loads and trying it all on together at home is a great way to experiment - you know instantly when you look in the mirror whether it’s wrong or right. Because it’s how you feel.

I would suggest getting one outfit sorted top to toe, that’s flattering. Maybe start with your dog walking outfit - get that sorted get out doors feeling confident and comfortable and that will feedback to your mood.

tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/p/Khaki-Cable-Knit-Longline-Cardigan-/138822314-Khaki?searchTerm=green%20cardigan:newArrivals&searchProduct=

Olive is a nice way to update and add colour to an existing neutral wardrobe easily. Chunky jumpers are not great on an apple shape - however this longer line cable knit cardi is v neat, flattering and nice quality IRL. Would look great tan boots or bag / belt.

@cheeseisthebest

Now see that's the problem. I thought the long grey cardy particularly was nice. What's a non drab long cardigan? Sorry Remus not a fan of that jacket looks a bit young!

I like the navy one you posted but maybe with a belt round the middle.

If you hide your shape under baggy shapeless clothes you'll look 'frumpier' (hate that word too) and the dress pics shows you have a great silhouette

I wouldn't wear maxi dresses if you're short.

Mini dresses with thick tights look best on me snd I'm 5ft1