Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Style and beauty

Looking for style advice? Chat all about it here. For the latest discounts on fashion and beauty, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

Original poster

Help needed... dinner at the ivy!

218 replies

maz82 · 16/09/2021 13:02

I am going out for dinner for my daughters 21st this Saturday and I have nothing to wear! I have gained about 3 stone over the past year and nothing fits except casual wear that I've been living in. I really need some ideas. Need to be able to order today for next day delivery or I can go in store tomorow. I am a size 18 and very insecure about myself. Really bottom heavy, small waist but conscious of my arms and stomach. Oh and I am 39 if that makes a difference although I've always been quite a young 39. Anyone have any ideas please?

OP posts:
ShrikeAttack · 17/09/2021 08:20

I do think there's a lot of sneering on this thread, ok, so the Ivy Brasseries are a chain, we know that you know, but as chains go, they're a pretty nice (and small) one, it's not Bella Pasta. It's a 21st so it's obviously a 'treat' meal for OP, and god knows we could all do with being a bit celebratory at the moment. Get dressed up and enjoy it OP!

I eat at lots of Michelin starred restaurants and do feel people are sometimes trying to 'out-casual' each-other, presumably in an attempt to signal to others that it's no big deal and something they do all the time, which I find quite cringy. It's lovely to see groups in these places dressed up and obviously having a lovely time, what a horrible snob you must be to inwardly mock people for doing so.

FWIW I'm off to a swanky restaurant followed by a gig tonight and shall be wearing a sparkly frock and Prada block-heeled sandals, and couldn't give a stuff if every other diner is wearing sackcloth!

WimpoleHat · 17/09/2021 08:26

I eat at lots of Michelin starred restaurants and do feel people are sometimes trying to 'out-casual' each-other, presumably in an attempt to signal to others that it's no big deal and something they do all the time, which I find quite cringy.

Yes - it’s funny, isn’t it? Especially the 40/50 something blokes rocking the “I’ve slept in my clothes” look!

Blossomtoes · 17/09/2021 08:28

It’s really sad. I love a man in a suit.

Jumpingintosummer · 17/09/2021 08:37

We had dinner in the Glasgow restaurant a few weeks ago and I wore black jeans, a silk/lace camisole and cream blazer with heeled boots.
Time before I wore a silk Fred dove dress with heeled sandals.

wheresmyshoe · 17/09/2021 08:45

I love swishing about in a vintage dress and heels when I'm out for dinner. From Pizza Express to Petrus it makes no difference, any excuse 😊
I can honestly say I don't even notice if any looks or snarky comments are aimed at me. I doubt there are any though, surely most people are generally wrapped up in their own food/companions.

NalPolishRemover · 17/09/2021 09:06

OP there have been some inadvertently hilarious try-hard replies to your thread!

The decor of the restaurants is opulent & it's your daughters 21st so my advice is go for it - get dressed up! It's an occasion , you're not schlepping around after a day's shopping.

I certainly wouldn't wear trainers with a floral midi dress because it's really really not my style so I would feel like I was in fancy dress.

Personally I'd opt for tailored trousers, good leather ankle boots, silk shirt/ cami & a soft jersey blazer or cashmere cardigan but that's because that's how I usually dress for dinner in a nice restaurant.

I also agree that your dd should take the opportunity to get dressed up - it's her 21st! Happy Birthday to her. Hope you all have a fabulous night whatever you alI wear

DottyHarmer · 17/09/2021 09:15

I went to The Ivy a couple of weeks ago. Most people were smartly dressed: not ott but definitely smart casual.

I also went for a drink in The Ivy a while ago and saw this family in jeans and t-shirts, with anoraks draped all over the chairs, a humongous pushchair and a dad walking a toddler around. They stood out, though. It is not McDonald’s for the middle class, whatever some posters are trying to sneerily make out.

DottyHarmer · 17/09/2021 09:21

I remember some years ago asking for advice in S&B about what to wear to the Chiltern Firehouse. Heavens above - the snootiness ! Many comments along the lines of it was so their local that they wore pyjamas and slippers there, and one poster said that if I had to ask what to wear then I definitely wouldn’t fit in. (Wore a wrap dress and looked fine…. I think!)

TwooThirty · 17/09/2021 09:42

@DottyHarmer

I remember some years ago asking for advice in S&B about what to wear to the Chiltern Firehouse. Heavens above - the snootiness ! Many comments along the lines of it was so their local that they wore pyjamas and slippers there, and one poster said that if I had to ask what to wear then I definitely wouldn’t fit in. (Wore a wrap dress and looked fine…. I think!)
S&B is a complete divide. Sometime I see such supportive helpful answers and while at other times all you see is sneering. It’s either one or the other!
mynameiscalypso · 17/09/2021 10:26

@DottyHarmer

I remember some years ago asking for advice in S&B about what to wear to the Chiltern Firehouse. Heavens above - the snootiness ! Many comments along the lines of it was so their local that they wore pyjamas and slippers there, and one poster said that if I had to ask what to wear then I definitely wouldn’t fit in. (Wore a wrap dress and looked fine…. I think!)
We've booked to go there for brunch for our anniversary next month so I will avoid asking S&B and just wear something fancy for the sake of it!
TuftyRusty · 17/09/2021 11:23

There’s an Ivy on my local high street. I think most people dress up a bit - even if they don’t go full out they look nice. Lots of women in there wearing dresses and looking glam. Equally those wearing jeans but I think that’s what’s nice - it’s quite varied, there’s obviously a mix of people who have dropped in to a local restaurant and those who are out celebrating something. If I was going to a birthday I’d dress up a bit!

knittingaddict · 17/09/2021 13:17

@DottyHarmer

I went to The Ivy a couple of weeks ago. Most people were smartly dressed: not ott but definitely smart casual.

I also went for a drink in The Ivy a while ago and saw this family in jeans and t-shirts, with anoraks draped all over the chairs, a humongous pushchair and a dad walking a toddler around. They stood out, though. It is not McDonald’s for the middle class, whatever some posters are trying to sneerily make out.

The Ivy?:

theivybathbrasserie.com/

or The Ivy?:

the-ivy.co.uk/menus/

How do they compare? I've only been to the chain one.

leavesthataregreen · 17/09/2021 14:50

@WimpoleHat

I eat at lots of Michelin starred restaurants and do feel people are sometimes trying to 'out-casual' each-other, presumably in an attempt to signal to others that it's no big deal and something they do all the time, which I find quite cringy.

Yes - it’s funny, isn’t it? Especially the 40/50 something blokes rocking the “I’ve slept in my clothes” look!

I agree. And I like dressing up, as do DC. We don't give a toss if the snooty under-dressers think we are terribly uncool for daring to make an effort when we go out to dinner.
AnaViaSalamanca · 17/09/2021 15:06

On this thread, everyone is casual and wearing jeans even when going to le gavroche

Start a thread about “how to look expensive” however, then there is a different story…

Basically the message is, try very hard, but try very hard to look like you are not trying too hard

TwinsandTrifle · 17/09/2021 15:16

*The Ivy?:

theivybathbrasserie.com/

or The Ivy?:

the-ivy.co.uk/menus/

How do they compare? I've only been to the chain one.*

Not really that similar at all. The chain ones are fun. Gaudy wallpaper. Tropical prints. Lots of gold and smoky mirrors. Remember when everywhere was a "trendy wine bar"...this is like the restaurant version.

I think it's fun, and as said, take DTwins in there regularly (if armed with DH to keep both entertained) as they hoover up the courgette fries and calamari and we can have something nice.
Before anyone starts, I'm not "ooh la la" my kids eat calamari, more my kids eat anything fried Grin I wouldn't go in scruffy trainers, but neither would I dress up.

The proper ivy is much more elegant and understated. You wouldn't look out of place in a LBD. I guess it's a bit more high end and chic. The brasseries are loud and bright and funky. Both nice in their own way.

hellsbells99 · 17/09/2021 15:23

The Ivy in Cheltenham is lovely!

Iampicklerick · 17/09/2021 15:28

I went to The Ivy, West Street for my birthday.

I wore a jumpsuit from H&M. Lots of people very dressed up but it wasn’t even massively posh, they made a big show of the Baked Alaska and everyone was ooohing and aaahinh and craning to take a vid for Instagram so not as stiff as some restaurants.

Iampicklerick · 17/09/2021 15:30

I should add it was a proper tailored jumpsuit. Not Adidas. Grin

brokenbiscuitsx · 17/09/2021 15:32

@hellsbells99

The Ivy in Cheltenham is lovely!
It is, it’s gorgeous. OP you will love it.

The chocolate bombe is amazing 🥰

KaycePollard · 17/09/2021 15:38

The Ivy is just a chain restaurant serving fairly ordinary food. Usually lovely surroundings and glamorous interiors but wear what you feel comfortable in. I wouldn’t try too hard for the Ivy tbh.

RosesAndHellebores · 17/09/2021 15:43

I'm also overweight but older than you. Last time we went I wore white stuff jeggings and a floaty tunic with a pretty scarf. A simple dress would also work, I've a couple of unfitted toast ones that hide a multitude of sins which can be livened up with a scarf.

Floisme · 17/09/2021 15:48

I've never been so can't advise on the dress code but, if it was my daughter's / son's 21st, I would dress the fuck up even if it was at McDonald's.

BasiliskStare · 17/09/2021 16:43

@Floisme - it was my 26th wedding anniversary last night and we went to a pub ( admittedly prides itself on good food - Oh it was more restaurant than pub grub ) It was lovely I & I put a nice dress on - it is nice to make an effort for a celebratory meal

(my opinion only )

But if jeans and trainers does it for others - fair play.

I think the Ivy brasseries cater for a wide range. But for a 21st I would try & wear something smart / pretty - unless DD disagrees.

Clean would be the lowest bar you have to get over for me Grin

Floisme · 17/09/2021 16:52

But if jeans and trainers does it for others - fair play.
Of course, which was why I said 'I would dress the fuck up'. But my point is that, for me, it's about the occasion, not the venue, and I don't think they come much bigger than your child's 21st. Try-hard - too right I would.

XingMing · 17/09/2021 17:04

For a 21st birthday dinner, I think a little effort is merited wherever you're eating. For lunch, a bit less unless it's Le Gavroche. Even so, part of the fun of eating out is getting ready to have a good time, and the enjoyment (for me) starts with choosing what to wear. A great casual outfit suitable for a nice gastropub is as much fun to pick out as a wedding.