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Help needed... dinner at the ivy!

218 replies

maz82 · 16/09/2021 13:02

I am going out for dinner for my daughters 21st this Saturday and I have nothing to wear! I have gained about 3 stone over the past year and nothing fits except casual wear that I've been living in. I really need some ideas. Need to be able to order today for next day delivery or I can go in store tomorow. I am a size 18 and very insecure about myself. Really bottom heavy, small waist but conscious of my arms and stomach. Oh and I am 39 if that makes a difference although I've always been quite a young 39. Anyone have any ideas please?

OP posts:
TwinsandTrifle · 19/09/2021 12:42

Genuinely don't understand why the knickers in a twist, I can't think of another example off the top of my head, perhaps "Hilton" hotels, although it's not as easily confusable.

Would you dress nicely in one for dinner? Yes, if that was the tone. Would I dress nicely for the one at the airport? Heavens no. But they share the same name, so how condescending for any posters to explain you don't need to dress up for the airport Hilton? Very different places. As are these restaurants, compared to the original West Street.

Blossomtoes · 19/09/2021 12:46

Never heard that saying about holes and not knowing when to stop digging @TwinsandTrifle? Read the room.

TwinsandTrifle · 19/09/2021 12:48

Not skulking at all. The poster is going to AN Ivy of which there about 30. If that’s not a chain I don’t know what is. And I stand by my comment that she (and anyone else) should wear what they feel comfortable in. Nobody has told her not to have a good time. Enjoy it but don’t feel that you have to live up to some non-existent dress code.

Quite. And you're not being snobby, snooty, mean or a c*nt (which is disgraceful that PP have called people this) for pointing this out.

No one has likened it to (flicks through bits of thread to see what has been projected...) a "KFC" or a "McDonald's". Bizarre that people have tried to imply, then rant at posters who haven't said this at all.

I'd be glad for someone who's been to a venue, letting me know not to go all bells and whistles on my outfit, so I didn't turn up feeling completely over dressed. But there you go.

KaycePollard · 19/09/2021 12:49

Not skulking. I was climbing a mountain yesterday - definitely not glamorous!

The poster is going to AN Ivy of which there about 30. If that’s not a chain I don’t know what is. And I stand by my comment that she (and anyone else) should wear what they feel comfortable in.

This.

My "cattiness" (if such it is) is actually directed at the chain itself, which I think has capitalised on the original Ivy (which is also v mixed in what people wear, and frankly, I prefer the food elsewhere) and in an exploitative way. The Ivy in my town is in a lovely location, especially if you can snag an outside table, but the decor is rather over-the-top and a bit naff for my taste but it's fun, you can't say it's not, I'll give it that! I just resent paying comparatively high prices for a chain menu which is stuff I can cook myself (or get better fish & chips from Rockfish, for example). I prefer Côte for all those reasons - it's not pretending it's anything other than a chain, and the food is good basic French-English cooking (plus in my town the hostess/maitre d' at Côte is exceptional at her job).

But obviously, as someone said upthread - dress for the occasion, not the place. I wear dresses as everyday wear, so that's what I'd wear; and for the occasion might well try to squeeze my lockdown WFH feet into high heels.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 19/09/2021 12:51

@Clymene I pretty much only post on S&B, and honestly, it is generally a very kind and helpful board. That’s why this thread is actually shocking!

HeronLanyon · 19/09/2021 12:52

Well I haven’t skulked in a long time. I just misread and thought she was going to the one in cov garden. Funnily enough my comments were exactly the same as for any ‘chain’ ivy. Be confortable for the occasion. Dress up or not as you wish. It is after all you who are gracing these places with your presence and money.
Sure op had a great time.

TwinsandTrifle · 19/09/2021 12:59

The Ivy in my town is in a lovely location, especially if you can snag an outside table, but the decor is rather over-the-top and a bit naff for my taste but it's fun, you can't say it's not, I'll give it that!

Yes! And as I clearly take DTwins there, I'm not trying to "rubbish" the place either. You said the same as me, it's "fun". But some like to cherry pick what they quote, to then rant about. Can't have a go at you if they quote your whole post which is actually very balanced.

Clymene · 19/09/2021 13:15

Within the first three posts, the OP said she was going to the one in Cheltenham. There was simply no need for reams of posts telling her that it wasn't The Ivy, that it just a common or garden high street chain, that you take your toddlers there because it's so ordinary.

None of that was necessary to answer her question of what to wear.
The only reason any of that was said was to put the OP down and make her feel small and that what she was viewing as a special treat was a boring run of the mill experience and not remotely anything to be excited about.

Shame on the lot of you.

ShrikeAttack · 19/09/2021 13:16

IMHO the odd smattering of people you see all done up in an Ivy brasserie, is just a bit cringy and sort of highlights that they don't know the difference between the flagship (which is more of an occasion, but still not that dressy) and a high street chain.

That's what you said @TwinsandTrifle. It's a horrible and snobbish attitude, and I don't know why you're trying to defend it. Cringing at people for getting dressed up to go to a nice chain restaurant. Maybe they do know it's a chain, maybe they wanted to get dressed up for an occasion.

I'm sure they don't need your pity and condescension.

TwinsandTrifle · 19/09/2021 13:20

I've said about twenty paragraphs. Care to quote any of the rest, to gain some actual context, or just cherry pick 5 lines that suit your narrative?

RosesAndHellebores · 19/09/2021 13:24

The beauty of the original flagship was that it was never flashy. I imagine a huge number of people throughout the country who now go to Ivy restaurants have no idea of what the original was like. It got found and then exploited. That doesn't make the new genre not nice.

ShrikeAttack · 19/09/2021 13:25

I don't need to 'cherry pick' anything @TwinsandTrifle. That particular statement was very naked in its intent.

KaycePollard · 19/09/2021 13:26

None of that was necessary to answer her question of what to wear. The only reason any of that was said was to put the OP down and make her feel small and that what she was viewing as a special treat was a boring run of the mill experience and not remotely anything to be excited about.

Interesting that you assume intention here, and interesting that assumption is often wrong. My point was to reassure the OP that she shouldn't feel overwhelmed - that it's a chain (albeit upmarket) and thus the implication is that the dress code is really whatever she wants.

There's too much snobbishness about eating out, making customers feel underdressed ... Again, I blame the chain itself, as they're riding on the reputation of one restaurant, in a way that I don't really like.

LoveLabradors · 19/09/2021 13:28

I’ve lurked on S&B for some time now but have never joined before now. Twins should be ashamed for trying to devalue someone else’s happy occasion and choice. The comments reek of smugness and snobbery - a determination to show off privilege and wealth. Very unpleasant. I hope the OP has a great time.

TwinsandTrifle · 19/09/2021 13:32

Within the first three posts, the OP said she was going to the one in Cheltenham. There was simply no need for reams of posts telling her that it wasn't The Ivy, that it just a common or garden high street chain, that you take your toddlers there because it's so ordinary.

You see, that's your own projection. Someone who hasn't been to an Ivy chain restaurant, was wondering how dressy it was. And the first few pages (bar a couple of posters) are people saying either smart casual/jeans/not dressy. People who had been, told her their experience.

None of that was necessary to answer her question of what to wear.

Well, yes it was. She wanted to know how dressy it was in order to select an outfit.

The only reason any of that was said was to put the OP down and make her feel small and that what she was viewing as a special treat was a boring run of the mill experience and not remotely anything to be excited about.

What a bizarre projection. Something can only be "special" if you're all dressed up. Not one person tried to put OP down, or imply that her daughter's birthday was run of the mill. Yet this has been invented and then the entire topic for some. Some called it "fun" agreed it was "nice food" and clearly use the chain restaurants themselves, so hardly "think they're above it." Quite simply, as one PP said, there was entirely no need to worry or try and plan a fancy outfit on the restaurant's behalf. "Non existent dress code" I think she said.

Shame on the lot of you.

For doing none of what they have been accused of? I'd be grateful for the heads up not to go overboard with my outfit, that most posters have provided.

KaycePollard · 19/09/2021 13:36

Exactly @RosesAndHellebores

Clymene · 19/09/2021 13:38

We can all read what you wrote @TwinsandTrifle

@ShrikeAttack has reproduced the most egregious of your paragraphs below.

I rest my case.

DottyHarmer · 19/09/2021 13:48

Absolutely. Nasty, nasty nasty.

I have been to The Ivy and an Ivy. People were dressed well in both.

TwinsandTrifle · 19/09/2021 13:49

None of that was necessary to answer her question of what to wear. The only reason any of that was said was to put the OP down and make her feel small and that what she was viewing as a special treat was a boring run of the mill experience and not remotely anything to be excited about.

Interesting that you assume intention here, and interesting that assumption is often wrong.

Yep. Don't you love being told what you meant.

Completely agree with you by the way. The chain is a spin off of the original, by way of name. If they'd called it something else (because there really isn't much else in common than the name) I think it would have been much better. It has this sort of thing, that it's quietly masquerading as something it's not, when there's no need. Without the silly name association, it could have been its own lovely thing independently. I get why they did it, of course. But it does create "We're going to The Ivy....no, not The "IVY" Ivy" clarifications, and it's not snobbery at all to highlight the fact that they're not similar experiences.

dibly · 19/09/2021 13:50

Ignoring the unnecessarily mean debate on this post, OP hope you had an amazing time. What did you wear in the end? I’ve got a similar occasion coming up.

DottyHarmer · 19/09/2021 13:57

Can’t you find it in you, @TwinsandTrifle , to admit that your comments were not very kind? It doesn’t matter if The Ivy is flippin’ Shangri la and An Ivy akin to a public toilet, you still don’t put down someone’s choice and make out that they are a deluded lowbrow hick.

TwinsandTrifle · 19/09/2021 14:13

What a strange comment. Seeing as I take my twins to the, er "public toilet" chain Confused I must too be a deluded lowbrow hick for going there.

I'm not sure which bit you grossly misunderstand, but I'll clarify...

The Ivy chain bears almost no resemblance to the original. OP wanted to know if she should dress up on the basis it was an Ivy chain. Vast majority responded, nope. We go in casual/jeans/not dressy. I agree with this, as regularly take twins there for lunch, and my view is I'd go more understated, as those very few who I've seen (when I've been) that have been all dressed up, stuck out a mile. And I believe because, very much like OP was making the association with The Ivy and assuming it was similar. Which is not an unreasonable assumption, given they've called it the same name. You're not to know, that something with an identical name is nothing like it's namesake. It makes absolute sense that it would be.

People (like myself) pointing out that they are bright, loads of mirrors, gaudy wallpaper, tropical plants, lots of gold, and fun, are not snobs or mean. Pointing out that there is absolutely no need to wear anything dressy for an Ivy chain, is not snobbish or mean. And it's appalling people have called posters c*nts for saying so.

DottyHarmer · 19/09/2021 14:23

Yeah, right.

KaycePollard · 19/09/2021 14:54

It's interesting that the most pointed personal comments on posters have been made by posters talking about others as "mean girls." My negative comments are reserved for the exploitative practices of The Ivy chain. I've made no "nasty" comments towards the OP or other posters (who haven't held back on name-calling, I note).

BatshitCrazyWoman · 19/09/2021 15:07

@ApolloandDaphne

The last time I went to the Ivy I wore jeans, t shirt and trainers but I have also worn a smart linen shift for DDs graduation. Basically you can wear absolutely anything you want. Dress for the occasion not for the venue.
I agree with this. You're celebrating, so you want to look like you are!