Help needed... dinner at the ivy!

[maz82]

I am going out for dinner for my daughters 21st this Saturday and I have nothing to wear! I have gained about 3 stone over the past year and nothing fits except casual wear that I've been living in. I really need some ideas. Need to be able to order today for next day delivery or I can go in store tomorow. I am a size 18 and very insecure about myself. Really bottom heavy, small waist but conscious of my arms and stomach. Oh and I am 39 if that makes a difference although I've always been quite a young 39. Anyone have any ideas please?

It's not posh wear what you want smart casual is fine

Exploitative practices??

I mean, you're saying that poor credulous fools are duped into thinking they are going to get an upmarket experience, when it's nothing of the sort.

You're still doing what you claim you're not. You seem to think that people getting dressed up to go to an Ivy is indicative of their absolute ignorance of what it entails and is somehow shameful.

It repeatedly fails to cross your mind that maybe they wanted to get dressed up, maybe it's a treat for them, maybe they are completely aware of the nature of the place they are going to and the first two points still apply.

Gah, this thread!

It's interesting that the most pointed personal comments on posters have been made by posters talking about others as "mean girls." My negative comments are reserved for the exploitative practices of The Ivy chain. I've made no "nasty" comments towards the OP or other posters (who haven't held back on name-calling, I note).

Oh, believe me, you're not the only one to notice who the name callers (while crying "mean girls") are

@HeronLanyon

Well I haven’t skulked in a long time. I just misread and thought she was going to the one in cov garden. Funnily enough my comments were exactly the same as for any ‘chain’ ivy. Be confortable for the occasion. Dress up or not as you wish. It is after all you who are gracing these places with your presence and money. Sure op had a great time.

Totally agree!

Well done for classily ignoring the 'Ha ha - you didn't think the Ivy was special, did you? Oh dearie me, I just wear my decorating clothes and go there for beans on toast - that's the kind of thing they serve! ' brigade, OP.

I'm going with a big family group to the private dining room of the one in Oxford to celebrate my 50th birthday soon. Like hell will I be wearing jeans.

There are Mean Girls on this thread.

How could anyone defend calling people who dress up to go to “an” Ivy cringe ?

Bitchy, catty and absolutely unnecessary. Shameful behaviour.

The good people of Cheltenham do tend to dress up rather a lot. I’ve been to The Ivy there and smart is the order of the day for the clientele - mostly older couples and families with something to celebrate. More casual in the Clifton one in Bristol.

I think some posters on this thread have been awful.

Not simply just pointing out that you can dress how you feel.

Theres no need for the 'oh cringe if you dress up too much' or 'it's not that special type posts.

When I was younger, bloody pizza hut was special because my mum was skint.

There's been times I wouldn't have bene able to even scrap a take away for my kids birthdays, never mind an Ivy or the ivy.

Or some people just don't eat out often for other reasons. It's a special occasion for the op no need for sneering because it's not THE Ivy.

I saw an old couple is asda yesterday and was talking to them. He was dressed in a suit, she had a lovely floral tea dress. She also had bright pick hair. They looked so smart. I complimented the woman on her hair and chatted briefly. Because of his health issues they don't go out often at the moment, so make a big effort if they do. Even if its just to asda. He said she liked him in a suit

I thought they were fabulous. Even just waking around an asda....not even the flag ship one

@nyktipolos

I think some posters on this thread have been awful.

Not simply just pointing out that you can dress how you feel.

Theres no need for the 'oh cringe if you dress up too much' or 'it's not that special type posts.

When I was younger, bloody pizza hut was special because my mum was skint.

There's been times I wouldn't have bene able to even scrap a take away for my kids birthdays, never mind an Ivy or the ivy.

Or some people just don't eat out often for other reasons. It's a special occasion for the op no need for sneering because it's not THE Ivy.

I saw an old couple is asda yesterday and was talking to them. He was dressed in a suit, she had a lovely floral tea dress. She also had bright pick hair. They looked so smart. I complimented the woman on her hair and chatted briefly. Because of his health issues they don't go out often at the moment, so make a big effort if they do. Even if its just to asda. He said she liked him in a suit

I thought they were fabulous. Even just waking around an asda....not even the flag ship one

This is such a lovely post.

That is a lovely post @nyktipolos.

I think the nonsense on this thread feeds into any class thread on MN, where people can't bloody wait to say that the truly classy people walk round in ancient tweeds that they found in the bottom of a thousand year old midden, replete with dead vermin, and anyone who has any thoughts about getting dressed up for any occasion is a filthy déclassé prole.

It's so bloody predictable that the reason I clicked on this thread in the first place was when I read the title I thought, 'No doubt some absolute bastard will be along to disabuse the OP of any notion she has about having a good time', and hey-fucking-presto, there they were, as predicted!

And if we want to talk about cringing, what makes me cringe are the aspirational middle-classes who are so desperate to socially signal that they 'get it' they leap on threads like this to firmly put people in their place.

Honestly, the class system in this country is an embarrassment. How petty-minded and insecure must you be to do that to another human being?

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie @ShrikeAttack thank you. And shrike I agree. 100%.

I have to admit, I am desperate for some advice on my own wardrobe due to a very fortunate turn if events in my career.

No idea how the women at work look so good all the time and I always feel i look crap in comparison. But after this thread I wouldn't ask here.

I came on the thread thinking there would be lots of good advice I could use. O am actually quite appalled.

Oh no, @nyktipolos, do ask on S&B, they're generally a very good and supportive crowd and have loads of brilliant suggestions.

I think the title of this thread was a clarion-call for people not usually found in these parts who take pleasure in pissing on other people's parade.

I think it was the exclamation mark what done it, it was clear that OP was excited about her daughter's 21st and going to a nice restaurant and some fucker's can't resist easy bait that allows them to feel slightly superior.

Don't be put off S&B, start a thread, I guarantee you'll get really good and solid advice.

And @maz82, I'm really sorry your thread got so derailed. I hope you had a fantastic time celebrating your daughter's 21st.

I don’t think it’s the class system- I don’t think they would be so mean. I think it’s small minded people who think more of themselves than they should - trying to spoil an important night out for someone they’ve never even met

@ExConstance

The good people of Cheltenham do tend to dress up rather a lot. I’ve been to The Ivy there and smart is the order of the day for the clientele - mostly older couples and families with something to celebrate. More casual in the Clifton one in Bristol.

I went to the Cheltenham one recently, I thought it was lovely everyone dressed up. Shit, I wear jeans and trainers every bloody day I sure as hell don’t want to wear them to eat a nice meal too!

Call me cringe but I love dressing up. There’s not been much chance the last year or so, so if I want to wear a dress to a chain I’m bloody going to. I’d wear a ball gown to KDC right now if I had the chance. Life’s too short!!

KFC* 🤣

Of course it's the class system @ReallyNeedToPrioritiseMe. It was the upper classes that promulgated the idea that to try was non-U, but this idea was only really grasped post WW1 when many of the old families were essentially bust and had nothing but history, a house and land to cling on to. Then came the putative death taxes that left many estates with a burden more than they could afford. Hence the many UC families that found themselves in 'genteel poverty' and that's where this bollockry has come from.

When the monied classes have money, they spend it. Whether that's Bezos going into space, the Pharos building pyramids, oligarchs and their super-yachts, or the Devonshire family building Chatsworth.

The people with shit-loads of money spend it in the way their time sees fit.

There's nowt wrong with 'new-money'. Every fucker's money was 'new' at some point.

I find it psychologically interesting, this need to put others down. I can’t understand how it possibly makes the sneerer feel better about themselves. It is a weird thing that making someone feel small causes someone to feel bigger.

And there’s really no defence. Others have picked out the worst posts, led by the “cringe” comment. I can only think that such barbs are made by people who don’t perhaps feel that confident at all.

@DottyHarmer

I find it psychologically interesting, this need to put others down. I can’t understand how it possibly makes the sneerer feel better about themselves. It is a weird thing that making someone feel small causes someone to feel bigger.

And there’s really no defence. Others have picked out the worst posts, led by the “cringe” comment. I can only think that such barbs are made by people who don’t perhaps feel that confident at all.

And all the sneering has ensured that @maz82 will never return to tell us about the fabulous time she and her family had at the Cheltenham Ivy...

I dress up for the supermarket now
My default is a dress so people might look and think I'm dressed up, but if I'm going out for a meal then I'm wearing a dress!

Tbh I always prefer to be overdressed than underdressed. If it’s a question of class, then I must be common.

Urgh, there are some horrible posters on this thread. I totally agree with @ShrikeAttack utterly awful to put others down to signal you are oh so better, richer etc than them.

Have a wonderful time OP, whatever you wear. Dress for the occasion, not the restaurant

@ShrikeAttack

Oh no, *@nyktipolos*, do ask on S&B, they're generally a very good and supportive crowd and have loads of brilliant suggestions.

I think the title of this thread was a clarion-call for people not usually found in these parts who take pleasure in pissing on other people's parade.

I think it was the exclamation mark what done it, it was clear that OP was excited about her daughter's 21st and going to a nice restaurant and some fucker's can't resist easy bait that allows them to feel slightly superior.

Don't be put off S&B, start a thread, I guarantee you'll get really good and solid advice.

And @maz82, I'm really sorry your thread got so derailed. I hope you had a fantastic time celebrating your daughter's 21st.

Thank you. I will have a think about how I can word it

@TwinsandTrifle

Genuinely don't understand why the knickers in a twist, I can't think of another example off the top of my head, perhaps "Hilton" hotels, although it's not as easily confusable.

Would you dress nicely in one for dinner? Yes, if that was the tone. Would I dress nicely for the one at the airport? Heavens no. But they share the same name, so how condescending for any posters to explain you don't need to dress up for the airport Hilton? Very different places. As are these restaurants, compared to the original West Street.

If someone is having a special occasion at the airport Hilton then they can dress up. OP mentioned it was a special occasion, she wanted to dress up and asked for suggestions, mentioned her dd was dressing up.... to then say the place she's going to doesn't need dressing up for is not kind. My dad dresses up anytime he leaves the house. Suit every time yet not once have I asked him why he dresses up just to go to the supermarket or doctor's.
Hope you and your dd had a lovely time OP.

"If someone is having a special occasion at the airport Hilton then they can dress up.*

well yes obviously, they can. No one else will be though, and the question was "do I need to" not "am I allowed too"

OP mentioned it was a special occasion, she wanted to dress up and asked for suggestions, mentioned her dd was dressing up

Yes, dress for the occasion by all means. She also didn't want to dress up, or not dress up, the whole point was she had no idea what to go for because she was over thinking a non existent dress code

to then say the place she's going to doesn't need dressing up for is not kind

But it doesn't. She can go in a ball gown if she wants. To say the place she's wondering how dressy it is, "OP, there's people there in jeans and trainers, don't stress about dressing up on the venue's behalf" is not unkind at all. You are trying to project that people are explaining there's no "dressy expectation" at a particular venue, as telling her she can't dress up for her daughter's birthday. Again, wear a "ball gown" if you want, just don't wear one thinking that's what this venue requires.

Try this. I've never been to a Zizzi restaurant. It's my nan's birthday and she's booked us lunch. How dressy is it? I don't know what to wear. She's always quite dressed up and expect her to be on this occasion.

If I get a response, that I can wear what I like to Zizzi as most people will be wearing jeans, people are being "not kind" according to you.

Go in whatever you’re comfortable in. No need to “dress up”.