Struggling with aging, I'm 46.

[something2say]

Hi. Can I vent please and ask for people's experiences.

I'm 46. 47 in September. I know it's not that old yet, but it's not 30 anymore, or even 40. I feel like I'm changing.

My lovely clothes are now too tight. I have lots of long sleeved cotton t shirts that cling, but I've developed a roll of fat on my tummy which never used to be there and I feel embarrassed. I've put on 2 stone. I expect I wont fit into my nice dresses very comfortably this summer and wonder if I should give them away. I have two Ghost dresses and dont think I wore them at all last year and may not again.

I exercise every day and have an active job, but I eat too much chocolate. Every day. It would help to stop that I know.

My periods are awry and have been for a few years now. Peri isn't too bad yet, Menopace helps. I dont like wearing g strings anymore as they're uncomfortable but I feel embarrassed if people can see my big knickers outline. My body is changing.

I sometimes think about being almost 47 and ask if I'm sexy anymore. At 50 am I middle aged? I dont know how to be middle aged. I think about diet changes I could make. I used to be hot but now I look a bit dumpy and partly I know I've done it to myself but part of it is aging. I know its shallow and that other things are more important.

In better news, I'm far more peaceful, relaxed and skilled at things with a greater knowledge of what matters. I enjoy my life and consider myself lucky. I've learned.

But can I ask how other people have navigated this stage? Did you make changes? What does it mean to be a woman in her late 40s? And should I give up chocolate?

Sorry for the self indulgence. I hope people understand.

Thanks @sansucre I’m happy to pay ££ as I have lots of symptoms and it’s really affecting my life.

Yes it’s a pain that my tumour was hugely fuelled by oestrogen so can’t have that. But will have a read up about progesterone. It’s good to hear that there are specialist doctors out there.

Ooh this thread! I’m 48, 49 soon and I am constantly switching between ‘fuck it- no one is going to talk about my fab abs when I’m dead’ and ‘shit, I’ve somehow puton two stone (out of bloody nowhere!) in the last couple of years and I need to sort it!’ I was always super skinny as a kid, was a Tom boy and never thought about how I looked. I’ve never had a waist and so now I’m peri that has got much worse and is where my extra weight gathers. I bloody hate it. I’ve got big boobs too - typical apple- and just don’t feel very womanly, just feel like a lump. I know more exercise would help as would less good, but I don’t eat that much already and life is short! Luckily my skin still looks good so maybe I need to wear a tent and just let my face shine!

Me too, I am 50 in the summer, lockdown hasn’t helped one bit, hair looks a mess, I am not gray, but I need highlights & a good cut.

I don’t bother much with make up anymore, there was a time I wouldn’t have left the house without make up, under any circumstances. I have gained weight, due to my medication & over eating.

Unfortunately I also have Multiple Sclerosis, so exercise is limited.

Oh I love this thread I'm almost 46 and just last week started a healthy eating plan, and will be back to the gym soon.

But!! Wtf is happening to my eyelids?? I have hooded eyes always have but my eyelids appear to be melting into my eyes 😬

I've noticed it so much more this last year, they look so crinkly and putting makeup on it's like dragging a brush through sticky tape..

Any tips? I'm covering myself on night time moisturiser, drinking water, I suspect surgery maybe my old option, but I don't want to look even weirder.

Today I went to the doctor and got a whole raft of bloods done. I refuse to accept this level of fatigue. So thats something proactive at least.

Ive also slathered my face in retinol. I may have been in bed since 8pm and feel 80, but hopefully my face won't look 80.

smellyolddog eyelid surgery is actually not the worst and can give brilliant results. I've actually attended an Op as a student so saw it up close.

My friends Mum got it done and she says it was one of the best things she ever did.

For all those looking at private menopause advice, I follow a woman who blogs under name of midlifechic and she did an article last week on how she’d gone private which gave all sorts of useful info. You can read it here www.midlifechic.com/hrt-update-going-private-in-the-uk/

Hope it’s useful.

Thanks @Houseplantmad it’s so hard to find good info out there.

I’ve heard good things about upper eyelid surgery. I’ll look it to it in a couple of years I think.

I’ve got a microcurrent device that targets the upper eyelids so I’ll see how that goes. And an at home laser thing that you can use round the eyes. I have all the devices!

@Delatron oh could you share what these devices are? I've never really looked into it before, but even my own iPhone isn't recognising me.

Sorry Meant to add to my last post there is a private HRT lady called dr Louise newson on Instagram with so much advice as well, I'm tempted to book in.

@smellyolddog
I have Nuface micro microcurrent with the Elle attachment. A Nira laser thing. And a Newa radio frequency 😱. All the devices!

Will check out Instagram lady too.

I’ve just turned 49. I don’t sleep as well, my periods are incredibly heavy and regular despite having a Morena coil for the last two years. I might be grumpy, but I perceive that as other people being annoying, not me!

My waist has thickened, after always putting weight on in my hips and thighs, it’s quite a surprise to see it can go to my tummy too.

I’m noticing that the skin on my neck, arms and hands looks thinner.

Things that do work for me:
Letting my hair go grey. It’s still thick and curly, the white hair looks good against the pink undertones in my skin. Trying to keep it brown was a hassle and the colour looked flat and harsh.
Eating low carb helped me lose a stone in about 6 weeks. I got bored, craved a few carbs and the weight lose has stalled, though not been regained. I could use to drop another stone really.
Lifting weights. It really improves my posture which makes a big over all difference to my appearance.
Staying away from caffeine and not having a drink in the evenings helps me sleep. So does having the window wide open. A cold room is much nicer for sleeping.

I’m not young and nubile anymore. I wish I had enjoyed it more at the time, but life isn’t terrible. I need to work another 15 years and I have two teenagers who still need a lot of care. It’s a demanding time.

I look forward to downsizing someday and having more time for my husband.

I started doing three videos off Youtube over the second lockdown and was actually shocked how quickly my body firmed up and lost weight. I have always had what I call 'turnip legs' and they became lean and toned really quickly. The videos are only about 7-8 minutes long and once you get the hang of them aren't hard work.
They are:

It only takes me less than half an hour a day. Within 4 days I could feel my core strengthening. I bought a thick yoga mat from amazon because my mat was too thin and hurt my spine. I am booking in for Botox and some fillers for my sagging 48 year old face as soon as these clinics open.

No advice but thought I had written this for a second. I feel your pain!

@smellyolddog honestly do follow up the HRT lady. I have had a private gynae for 10 years who is a world leading expert on menopause and bioidentical HRT. I have oestrogen and testosterone implants once a year now and will continue to until I die.
I had PMDD up till my hysterectomy and have a family history of breast cancer and HRT is perfectly safe. My gynae told me that HRT will not increase any risk of cancer and is vital for bones and mental wellbeing.
He is based in Oxford but travels up to Manchester every two weeks which is where I see him when I am due my implants. The testosterone gave my my libido and energy back and the oestrogen protects my bones and removed any meno symptoms. It's life changing

OP I'm the same age as you and could have written your post. I have a terrible snack habit since working from home and can't stop hitting the biscuit jar. I also have developed bad migraines so don't think the fasting diets would work for me as you're meant to eat little and often. I went on a massive migraine elimination diet last year but still didn't lose any weight despite giving up chocolate, alcohol, cheese, crisps and a host of other things. It's so tough but I guess eating better, doing more exercise and maybe some acceptance is the key.

On the peri menopause front, I follow @drmenopausecare on insta who has good tips.

OP, we're the same age and I could have written your post. As a young pear shaped I never thought I'd end up with that extra tyre round my middle yet here it is. I'm overweight having struggled to lose the excess after baby number three and with 50 in sight deep down I know if I'm ever going to do anything about it, I need to get on with it!

I gave up chocolate, sweets and Diet Coke for lent and actually don't miss any of it and although I'm sleeping less at the moment, I feel better on it (I assume it's the lack of caffeine).

I'm definitely at a bit of a crossroad, my eldest is off to uni and the youngest is about to be a teenager so after years at home it's time for me to get back to work and have a new work life that I can focus on now the kids need less of me. If only I knew what to do.

You can't stop the tide and it's very hard to come to terms with. I was a traffic-stopping beauty (I don't care.....I was 🤷‍♀️), right up until about 46 and then bam, my looks literally disappeared. I'm barely recognisable as the same person. I still put the effort in (a bit). Botox, bit of filler, upper eyelid surgery, hair coloured, retinol/tret regime, keep weight down, Pilates etc but there's just no stopping it. My hair is no longer sleek, my jowls are undeniably there, my neck is going, my skin is thinning and crepey and no amount of moisturiser addresses that. My shinbones are visible......when and why the fuck does that suddenly happen 🙈 My teeth aren't as good, my heels keep cracking, my hands are wrinkled, I'm developing a square bum. I could go on. Part of me wants to rage against it and part of me just wants to disappear to a remote Scottish island with my animals and surrender to it. Live out my days in peace, never looking in a mirror again.

Lifting weights. It really improves my posture which makes a big over all difference to my appearance

When the gyms open I'm going to ask them to teach me a weights routine. We can hide lots of parts of us, but it's quite difficult to hide your arms.

And if you've got good arms people don't notice the rest as much. Look at Michelle Obama. She went through the menopause in the WH and had a spare tyre going on for a while, but she had great arms and hid her middle with clever clothes. And nobody talked about her middle, just her terrific arms.

My waistline will be doing well to remain the tree trunk that it is, but my arms may still be salvageable.

This thread is weirdly reassuring. I am not imagining that, while I've not really put on much weight, it is moving around. And the scaffolding is going from my face. And the papery skin is developing on my hands. Not to mention all the creaky, aching bits and mad flush at the merest sniff of alcohol.
OTOH, still here, enjoying the free hair sparkles and the do-not-mess-with-me rage that I can summon at a moment's notice.

@mylovelydd I’m quite close to Oxford. I don’t suppose you would mind DMing me the name of the doctor? With my cancer history I’d really like an good expert in this area. I also like the sound of the testosterone patches. I’m wondering if there is any hope that I can have some oestrogen or if that’s just a no no.

It’s awful that we are supposed to live with debilitating symptoms for years. Most GPS are pretty useless.

@mylovelydd can you tell me how you found your private gynae please?!
I used the Newson clinic, who are fab but they are based in Stratford which is a pain to get to, but I struggled to find anyone nearer in Oxfordshire!

@Popsy321

You can't stop the tide and it's very hard to come to terms with. I was a traffic-stopping beauty (I don't care.....I was 🤷‍♀️), right up until about 46 and then bam, my looks literally disappeared. I'm barely recognisable as the same person. I still put the effort in (a bit). Botox, bit of filler, upper eyelid surgery, hair coloured, retinol/tret regime, keep weight down, Pilates etc but there's just no stopping it. My hair is no longer sleek, my jowls are undeniably there, my neck is going, my skin is thinning and crepey and no amount of moisturiser addresses that. My shinbones are visible......when and why the fuck does that suddenly happen 🙈 My teeth aren't as good, my heels keep cracking, my hands are wrinkled, I'm developing a square bum. I could go on. Part of me wants to rage against it and part of me just wants to disappear to a remote Scottish island with my animals and surrender to it. Live out my days in peace, never looking in a mirror again.

I love this Popsy. I bet you're still a traffic stopping beauty. My shin bones have always been visible. I didn't know that was a bad thing!

Nothing to say sorry about, that's how we all feel sometimes! Loving yourself is a hard journey, but you'll get there. As for now, try to find healthier options to replace chocolate with and I'm sure you'll feel much better about yourself after this small step.