Help! Jeans emergency

[Bcnamechanger]

Dear dear lovely people of style and beauty (of which I have neither). DH is a man of unique loveliness but has just tumble dried my last pair of jeans that doesn't have a thigh hole of oft-chafedness.

I haven't managed to buy a pair of jeans I like for five years : ergo, I prostate myself and seek aid from the hive mind.

I am short (5'3" on a good day).

I am fat (14 on a good day but I can't remember the last one - let's say 16 so I can breathe/overindulge at Xmas)
I like cotton.
I have an arse a double decker bus would be proud of, but if things fit on the arse they gape at the back of the waist.
I refuse to countenance the possibility that jeans will ever be worth over a hundred quid (is normally day £50 but I'm desperate).
I have no interest in fashion - let's leave the super skinnies to their namesakes, eh?

Please help me with some suggestions so I can do a lightening raid on the (non-London) shops tomorrow and leave with The Bags Of Success.

I love boden. Their skinny ones are more of a straight cut, I prefer their super skinny but sounds like that’s not your bag.

I’m 5ft 1 and the petite are fine for me.

M&S ivy. Tesco contour Jean. Both skinny fit but stretchy. M&S ones slightly lower waisted. I’m 5ft 2 and both are fine height and length wise. Both quite generous sizing so order your normal Size plus one size down to try.

Another one for Levis. I refused to pay that much for a while but curve slim fit were the ones.

Mine are all Tu at Sainsbury's! They do a good straight leg in a "short". I'm 5ft4 with a 30 leg. tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/p/Dark-Denim-Straight-Leg-Jeans/134110934-DarkDenim

Try shops that aren't noted for their jeans - FatFace for example.

Another vote for Sainsbury's. I used to have the waist gape problem and now 3buy all my jeans from Sainsbury's.

Asda wonderfit jeans are amazing if you are between sizes. So stretchy. Around £25 xx

Sainsbury’s girlfriend jeans. I have them in 3 colours. They like curvy ladies.

Haven't got a clue but just wanted to say, I like your (writing) style, OP

OP try these - www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/girlfriend-jeans-washed-black/sty-t0370-blk?cat=C1_S2_G964

I'm a similar wide arse (with waist gaping issues) and have large thighs so hate too skinny. These have enough stretch to be comfy, mid-rise.
I went for black as thought the blue might be too middle aged? Very plain but thick and fairly flattering.
Google discount code and you should get them for £50 something. Delivered mine within 2 days

@ramarama I have these in black too and live them. The blue fitted totally differently!

@Bcnamechanger Boden are doing 20% discount on full price, just google

I have many Boden jeans and am short so get petite
You may like the gap cheeky high jeans (I have 2 pairs), River island Blair jeans!

HM straight

Not sure if anyone has ever told you, but you're all wonderful!

I hadn't considered the possibility of Tu, fatface or Boden.

@ramarama I really wouldn't worry about being too middle aged - I'm owning it, along with my gallstones and lockdown yeti-legs.

I think I'm giving up on Levi's - the only style in the right combination of length and girth seems to necessitate some kind of longform spanx.

I tried gap, but had my usual existential crisis. For some reason you can search by style but not by size online but the physical shop is a disaster zone that reminded me of a 1980s jumble sale. Including the tears of panic and whiff of despair.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm off a-hunting (where's the Elmer Fud emoji when you need it?)

Another vote for Tu girlfriend style. I bought a pair to try after sending back umpteen pairs online including M&S, New Look and Next and now have 4 pairs! Huge bargain, very flattering with the right amount of stretch and perfect length for shorties. If you are between a 14 and 16 I’d wager a bet the 14 will fit.

I'm a similar size to you and got some really nice dark denim skinnies from River Island the other week. High waisted. Lovely fit, and cheap but good quality.

I'm 5ft2" and have returned time and again to Topshop petite Jamie jeans - my go to skinny fit jeans.

Those jeans will be the only thing I miss if/when Topshop packs up :(

Have you looked at their petite section? Maybe something like this: www.topshop.com/en/tsuk/product/clothing-427/jeans-446/petite-mid-blue-wash-mom-tapered-jeans-10158643

ASOS Hourglass jeans are incredible if you want jeans that fit on the bum but don't have a gape at the waist. They're made with more room around the bum and hips. I've sold all my other jeans since discovering these! I go down a size in these.

Ignore the horrible 'lift and contour' skinny jeans they do. I love the farleigh slim mom jeans. They also do slouchy, slim straight and flared. They're around £30.

Ps. As another poster has said, Topshop Jamie jeans are also great. I know you don't want skinny but just in case anyone else is taking notes!

Sainsbury’s Tu girlfriend are great.

I see I’m very late with the Tu suggestion

Me too....I wear Tu jeans. I'm a small/average height apple shape and find enough stretch in their jeans to be comfortable. Generous enough sizing I don't end up feeling shit about my extra weight. And a great price.

Also Sainsbury tu girlfriend and roll them up.

Tesco have a good stretch, wash well, are about 20quid.
I got high waisted ones which I know you don't want, but i don't recommend those anyway 🤣 I am what is known as "a long back and short legs" and the high waist is still too high. I am also arseless so they keep sliding down MC Hammer style . I regret not just getting some of their normal ones.
What I'm trying to say is Tesco have a lovely denim selection if you're stuck 🤣

My sis is more endowed in the arse section, she swears by New Look jeans and Primark Jeggings. M&S jeggings are also a win.

I have given up trying to resolve the back gap problem and got a nice belt instead which does the trick.

Has Wallis been mentioned? I’ve some very soft, comfy jeans from there too.

Sainsbos