Does what you wear at the school gate affect how people treat you?

[cultkid]

I'm a novice to English schools, newbie to having a kid in school.

I wear some fairly bonkers outfits including pink crocs and sports trousers with a denim jacket 😆

Also I wear dresses too and can look normal

If I wore a tracksuit, would that change people's perceptions of me? What is comfy and easy, not always jeans because I am not a huge fan?

Is it bad to show up in crocs at the school gate?

Thank you

I haven’t done the full school gates thing yet, but I have been dropping off at a preschool attached to a school for a couple of years now. I have seen parents arriving in everything, pretty much - wellies with accompanying dogs, office wear, exercise gear, jeans, work uniform - the lot. No one seemed especially perturbed by anyone else’s outfit, as far as I could tell. Most people were too stressed about parking or shepherding their children across the car park. I definitely was(!)

I will be doing the school run by bike as much as the weather allows so I’ll be dressed for that, which means either running gear so I can run straight afterwards, or jeans for dog walking. I don’t work at the moment, and goodness knows how long it will take to find a job so I guess that’s me for the time being. If that renders me socially unacceptable to some parents, well 🤷‍♀️

Wear what you like, but my personal experience of school gate is that because there are so many people, everyone is going for every clue they can find as to whether you're their sort of person. You will be doing the same thing. Best of luck finding your crowd, I have never found mine and I just wear jeans and a t shirt.

Like other PPs, I would judge dressing gowns and pyjamas. I have noticed Crocs a couple of times and they are ugly on adults but tbh I haven't ever given it a second thought. There seem be three key groups of style at our school gate: smart clothes or uniforms for those mums who are heading on to work after drop off, mums in jeans/trousers with a t-shirt/jumper/waterproof and trainers/boots/sandals depending on the weather, and finally 'activewear mums'. I can't say I really think about it beyond that. There is one mum who wears horrendously uncomfortable looking skyscraper heels every day (she's one of the working mums) and I do often wonder how on earth she walks/drives/keeps them on all day though

Hailtomyteeth Oh my god. “If you want your child to succeed socially?” What does that even mean?
For what it’s worth, we are inner London primary. My son has two best friends. The three of them thick as thieves. One of the boys is a millionaire, the other boy parents is on benefits. We are somewhere in the middle. All three mums dress very very differently. I’m nothing but grateful for the beautiful friendships my son has made. I couldn’t care less what the parents wear. Although I do swoon at the millionaire one and all her diamonds.

Anyone who steered clear because you have the wrong shoes on probably isn't worth knowing.

A thousand times this! Don’t give it a second thought - just wear what you like. As long as you’re not rude to people, no-one decent will judge you. I love clothes as a means of expression and usually make a bit of an effort to look presentable for the school run, but I honestly couldn’t tell you what any of the other parents were wearing today. I do remember the ones who smile and say hello, though.

As for the “succeeding socially” stuff upthread, I think I’d actively avoid any parent who conducted themselves like that. What a very sad way to view your child’s friendships.

I genuinely don’t think anyone cares. My dd is in a very mixed catchment Primary in a large Scottish City - some of the parents are extremely monied and some are on benefits - there’s a huge mix of dress styles - all the kids and parents mix together regardless because they’re good people.

I think you’re overestimating how unusual
you are, OP.

All my good friends with lovely children dress interestingly or slobbery or glamorously . It’s like a lucky dip outfit wise.

I’d judge PJs if they were obvious

I literally couldn’t give a fuck what the other parents think about me. The vast majority are nice, normal human beings trying to live their lives. The rest, meh, who cares?

I judge what people wear, insofar as there are styles I like and ones I don’t. It won’t make any difference to whether I’ll “allow” my child to be friends with theirs though.

To be honest, I’ve absolutely no interest whatsoever in making “school run” friends so the parents of who my child plays with any given week is of limited interest beyond the standard niceties.

Everyone judges... be you x

Some very odd answers on here

Yep. I wear a lot of black eye make up. Years in I still get gawped at like I've got three heads. Especially in the morning. I've never batted an eyelid about how any other school run parents look, not my business. You get to a point when you realise it's not your problem, it's theirs. It's just wasted headspace spent worrying about it.

Pinks crocs would make me smile n a good way

@Hailtomyteeth

Look at the parents of people your child wants to associate with and dress (and act) like them.

Terrible advice! Don’t feel like you have to clone other peoples style, be yourself!!

IME of London schools it completely depends on the school cliques as to whether they are 'appearance motivated'. Having moved, and consequently ended up changing schools it was really bizarre to observe the behaviour at one of my Son's school where everything was about what the mums looked like. I did not fit into the approved dress code. I am always well dressed, always have my hair styled, make up on, nice jewellery etc. I was deeply unpopular - I wasnt too bothered about this as these women had decided without ever speaking to me they didnt like me. They all wore jeans and red anoraks! There were of course some nice mums so I would chat to them. it really wasnt my mission to make myself popular in the playground so I just did the drop off and pick up.
The judgy mums seemed to have similarly judgy and self important children who my child wasnt keen on playing with as they were actually rather unkind children.
Every other school my children have attended has many different types of parents. They all seem to have got on fine. There are the mums who are always in full work out gear(because they are actually sports mad), loads in yoga clothes (this definitely represents about 50% in my area) and a spectrum of everything else on the remainder (lots wear very smart work are very some are utter free fashion spirits. Crocs happen, miniskirts too, stilettos and DMs. My childrens friends parents all look so wildly different from each other and from me I dont feel like we are part of any clothing tribe. However there can be some really nasty people who are very interested in how you look. I'm not in their tribe, I would never want to be. Were are about more than just our clothes.

Tbh I think PJs, dressing gown attire is lazy and sets a bad example. It takes literally 2 minutes max to put on actual clothes and shoes. Beyond that I absolutely don't care and tbh wouldn't even notice.

Meh, it all comes down to your accent anyway. You could look like a hobo but if you chat RP you'll be accepted.

My experience of primary school is no one gives a shit. I might notice if someone looked particularly lovely and I wanted to know where they'd got their clothes from. Other than that, I genuinely don't pay that much attention and definitely wouldn't judge.

I guess it depends on the school and area though. I haven't seen any of that cliquey stuff but I know it happens in some schools.

Just be yourself OP. You'll be fine.

I think it depends on the school and the area. I don’t judge at all. I feel like my sons school and our town in general are very accepting and non judgemental.

Absolutely!

If I saw a woman in crocs anywhere, I'd think she didn't care about her appearance or didn't understand style. If I'm ever at the school gates, I don't really notice what people are wearing. Except when they are either impeccably well put together, or look like they're trying to attract attention.

No.
Just don't be brown, or black or anything other than white with blond hair. At least judging from the small town where we live.