Does what you wear at the school gate affect how people treat you?

[cultkid]

I'm a novice to English schools, newbie to having a kid in school.

I wear some fairly bonkers outfits including pink crocs and sports trousers with a denim jacket 😆

Also I wear dresses too and can look normal

If I wore a tracksuit, would that change people's perceptions of me? What is comfy and easy, not always jeans because I am not a huge fan?

Is it bad to show up in crocs at the school gate?

Thank you

I think though you have to also accept that to an extent we all have preconceptions on people and make judgments from appearance. I wouldn't care as long as someone is clean, but, but if someone doesn't appear to align with your own values- a conversation as a parent may be harder. Would the 'kooky' mum look down on the power suit mum, or the gym and Botox mum? Most schools I don't think have groups as such- mine doesn't, I don't know anyone who has children attending one who does, but we all gravitate to those who appear to align more with our values, at least initially.

I don't think it matters much. When my dcs were little there was a huge mix of mums because most of them were off to work, so they might be dressed in office wear, carer's uniform, gardener's kit, shop uniform, etc. If they were a SAHM or WFH then they'd be dressed in whatever was normal for them to wear, including the occasional pair of pjs. Occasionally someone would attract gossip for the extremes - very scruffy, or very glamorous. So unless by 'bonkers' you mean you're dressed as a clown, I doubt anyone will notice.

CROCS ARE NOT NON CONFORMIST OR BONKERS

THEY ARE JUST UGLY

They are shoes for 3 year olds to wear in the summer. Why are you wearing them as a grown woman?

@IslaBas because the OP wants to wear them? They sell them in adults sizes so they're clearly not just for kids. I'm a nurse and where them when on the wards as their easy to clean.

At my kids school we get a mixture of smart office wear, people wearing gym wear or just jeans. The over dolled up mothers tend to get the worse spoke about them. Wear whatever you want but some kids could say mean things to your children if it's to outrageous lol.

@SD1978

I am the lady of leisure mum (so lucky) with extensions down to my waist, always have nails done, often have crocs on, drive a brand new car, have no parents in this country, a local husband who is a plumber, we live in a house we own (also very lucky) and live by the beach...
Such a mixup of people
Deffo don't look down on anyone except perhaps the pyjamas because there's no excuse and it sets a shit example to kids)

Im also 28 which is a funny age round here for a 4 year old they are either a lot younger or older then me

I am a mix of weird muddles but I hundred percent hope that I can fit in in some sort of way

The only parent I can remember their clothes this morning was the one in those sweatshirt material tracksuit bottoms.

But I will admit I judge those to being pretty similar to being in PJs/a dressing gown.

I'm hardly a snappy dresser myself. I have on jeans and this morning a hoody.

But those bottoms to me are an indoor only item.

But that being said I like the woman and chat to her plenty, the kids have play dates. Just I wouldn't wear them and I noticed as normally she's not wearing them.

I can't remember anyone else's clothes today though and I talked to a few mums on the way in/out.

‘Look at the parents of people your child wants to associate with and dress (and act) like them.’

Wow, this is shockingly terrible (and totally depressing) advice!

You do not need to dress or act like anyone else to fit in. Be authentic, be who you are, wear what you like and you will meet like minded people and form genuine relationships. This goes for the school gate and any other place in life! Your dc will see your confidence and it will instill it in them too.

Also, if you think other people care that much about you or what you’re wearing you’re wrong! People have got their own stuff going on and are rarely thinking about you. So don’t bend over backwards to try and please people who probably don’t give a monkeys.

‘Also, I am so glad I work and drop at kid club. I couldn't be dealing with this level of analysis.‘

Ummm... there ISN’T this level of analysis at the school gate. There are posters on this thread projecting their insecurities and imagining people are noticing/judging what they wear. Nope. Most of us at the school gate have far more important things going on and just don’t care.

I wouldn't care if you turned up in an old coal sack with hobnailed boots on your feet OP.
It wouldn't make you any better or worse a person than anyone else there.
If your child is clean, tidy and has had breakfast then it doesn't matter at all how you present yourself.

I think this kind of judging does happen, but only in certain circles - it's not everyone, just a particular type. I don't want to be in with the type who care about how people dress, so I don't give a crap. I would judge you for your crocs - positively! Because I'd think you looked like someone who wore what she likes and doesn't care, so I'd probably like you :o

I have no idea what people think of what I wear but I scare off all but the most persistent with my bitchy resting face. I'm introverted and don't like chit chat so I don't want to look too cheery.

Oh and I totally would wear PJs to drop off, if I was in that much of a rush (e.g. slept in). PJs are just baggy trousers. I'd style it out with a "Yes and?" face.

We come through some woods, so wellies and raincoats for all in the autumn /winter and usually muddy by the time we arrive. Our walk to school is exhilarating and what is important, not what we look like in the playground.

Oh, is this where we pretend that humans aren't hugely visual creatures that make hundreds of judgements every day based on what their eyes tell them?

If a parent was turning up at school in pyjamas and dressing gowns then Hell yes, I would judge them to the moon and back.

I would gravitate toward you at the school gate! Our school parents are mostly professionals with city jobs so lots of nannies/au pairs or grandparents dropping off and picking up, but we do have a number of parents who don't work. Some people dress up for the school run, but generally, if I have brushed my hair, I consider I'm having a good day.

Yes people will judge you, the key is whether you care or want to be friends with people who do?

My parents were very embarrassing when I was a child and I was often mortified at going out with them and still can be! So now as a parent I try to be very normal - wear nothing weird or embarrassing and make sure my kids have nothing embarrassing either. BUT I also am mature enough to know clothes do not make the person and I would not and do not care care what others wear and I would not judge other people on their clothes !

@peaceanddove
Why would you judge though? What impact is it having on your life?

Just remembered, @cultkid search Mumsnet school run dress. I don’t think we’ve had one for a few years but I think you’ll like it!

OP, you say your parents live overseas so I'm wondering if you don't realise that what you see as 'bonkers' is actually pretty normal for the UK? Eg sports trousers with crocs and a denim jacket is bog standard casual wear, hair extenstions also normal, nails done or not done - both normal, new car or old car - normal, husband being a plumber, owning your own home, etc, etc are really not crazy, unusual or bonkers or in any way. I think you will fit in just fine.

But please don't judge the mums you see in pjs and say they set a 'shit example' - maybe they're struggling to even get out of the house and get their kid to school. I think most of us have found life difficult at some point (you're very lucky if you haven't), so why not try and just be extra nice to those mums who look like they're a bit stressed/exhausted/disorganised/unhappy/scruffy (& maybe also the ones who feel they need to make a huge effort with the nails, hair, etc to try and fit in?)

@Hailtomyteeth

Look at the parents of people your child wants to associate with and dress (and act) like them.

ha ha haaaaaaaa this is such a hilarious post.. so you're recommending even though i'm a white christian i should turn up in a niqab and do-rag so my child's lovely friends' parents don't judge me?

I work with dogs, and am outdoors for most of the day. So when DC were at primary I wore outdoor clothing- the type of thing you would wear for a hike, at drop off and pick up.

The father of one of my DC's friends said to me one morning, "my wife would never stand at the school gates looking like that".

I was speechless, and decided he was a twat of the highest order.

I have crocs but I just wear them in the garden I do think it’s a bit weird to wear them as an everyday shoe unless you have a specific reason to (e.g. medical condition or wear them for work) because they’re not that practical for most weather!

I would deffo notice the crocs.

But although I’m shallow enough to judge someone a bit in their clothing I’m not shallow enough to consider that a final judgement. Depends on if you’re an arse or not