Children thwarting my attempts at stylishness! (Lighthearted)

[CoveredInCrayon]

It's come to my attention that there is a bit of a disconnect between my desired style and what's actually practical for my lifestyle! Fictional me is chic, classic, but not overly polished. Spends spare time going to restaurants, galleries and people-watching in lovely European cities. Mainly dresses in Sezane and Rouje, has a great fringe. Goes to work in understated elegant outfits that perfectly blend masculine and feminine elements. Wears a white shirt with aplomb.

I told myself that after DC2 I would lose the baby weight plus the extra I had been carrying (thus necessitating a new wardrobe) and I would become this stylish woman. I pinned all the stuff to pinterest, read up on capsule wardrobes, lost the weight. And I did buy a very plain capsule/basic summer wardrobe and I'm happy enough with it, though it is definitely a bit boring.

However, I am a SAHM with two young children living in a rural area. I spend the vast majority of my time going to the park, cycling, going to the beach, going to the woods, hanging out in fields and trudging about in the rain. And of course cooking and cleaning. I'm going to need new clothes for Autumn/Winter and it pains me to admit that beautiful wool coats, brogues, silk shirts and cashmere jumpers are really not what I need .

I bought a surfy hoody last year and thought I would wear it mostly around the house. In reality I often reach for it when we go out as it just works for my lifestyle. And actually I can see that a more outdoorsy look does work for me more often than not because it's really "appropriate" if that makes sense? Looking like I've just jumped out of my campervan and am about to cycle off for a bbq on the beach is ABSOLUTELY the right look for me . I often see people on here saying they've lost their way and ended up wearing jeans and hoodies etc and want to get stylish again. So it feels weird to me to know "how" to be stylish but choose a look that is practical and doesn't feel as "me". But then as my DH says, I'm not a glamorous Parisian, I'm a SAHM living in the country!

There is so much around at the moment about finding your style identity and creating a capsule wardrobe around it etc. I know this is totally trivial, but does anyone feel like they have two very different looks? I think, somewhat tragically, I wanted to project this sophisticated, put-together look so I felt more like the person I might have been, and I'm realising that actually I need to dress more like the person I am!

Who's to say you cannot dress Parisian chic and take your kids to the park? As long as you're comfortable in the clothing then go ahead and wear it. It's not like you will be going out in a ball gown and stick out like a sore thumb.

I would say my style is chic, classic and elegant. But I work in a large office that almost everyone except management wears jeans and trainers, casual dresses, and just fairly casual clothing in general. I have not let that stop me. I dress up everyday when I go into the office because it makes ME feel good. I normally wear a dress and heels, and while I'm not actually management I definitely look the part.

Can you try to find some understated and chic pieces that you'll be comfortable in while taking your kids to the park or going to the shops?

Some nice jeans or trousers, loafers and brogues, ankle boots, collard shirts with cuffs rolled up, thinner nice fitted jumpers, dresses with some trainers. There's absolutely no reason why you couldn't wear a nice wool coat as well. They're amazing layering pieces, add in a nice scarf once it gets cool out, grab a coffee and enjoy watching your children play while being stylish and confident.

I say all this because I've been through a similar situation. Had a second kid, lost the weight and started dressing better and paying attention to putting outfits together and styling them and I felt soooo much better about myself. Not to mention it's been really nice to be complimented by others on my outfits (although I still go a bit awkward because I find it hard to accept a comment)

Oh you had me at sezanne! Seriously though I think lots of us have style schizophrenia.
Fantasy me potters about looking chic and a little bit mad so everyone thinks I’m an architect. I’m reality I’m wearing legging with no bra and a questionable cardigan.
I think that knowing how to look stylish and knowing how to do it every single day are two different things.
On the plus side I think your Parisian chic / rural toddler lifestyle might have some over laps. Cropped trousers. Oversized coats. Messy hair...?

CoveredInCrayon

At least you have the excuse of the kids! I don't. It is ME that stops me being in any way stylish haha!

I am just imaging you in a beautiful white/cream wool coat with choccie/jammy smears all over it!!!

I think part of the "problem" is that due to weight loss I have pretty much started from scratch. And I barely bought any clothes for years before that and I'm not really sure who I am anymore! I think I need to get over the capsule wardrobe idea and see that more as having the building blocks for more varied outfits. I do find some days, for no discernible reason, I will decide that a particular outfit looks too preppy and I want to give it an edge, or alternatively that I want to look more "expensive". I guess that's human nature! So it stands to reason that I might have different clothes for different occasions rather than having everything in a cohesive style. I also like the idea of a kind of "artist staying in a Welsh cottage in the 50s" look. Or "I just wandered off my sprawling country estate and found this delightful pub."

I think there is SOME kind of cohesion to these random looks, which is probably "fucking expensive natural fibres and not currently fashionable pieces that can't easily be acquired on the British high street."

I'm even like this with jewellery and homewares. Do I like diamonds or quirky arty earrings? Le creuset or artisanal earthenware? I like it all!

YY to artist from a previous era living in a cottage. I like to think sometimes I look as if I’ve made my own plates (I really need a life). I think Toast is really good for that kind of look.
Cos jewellery is really good for when you feel dull af and want to look a bit mental and a bit Scandinavian.

OP I totally get it! I built up my capsule wardrobe but in reality it's not practical or comfortable for my country life with a toddler. I could wear the white shirts and cashmere sweaters but then I'd be sad when they get a spaghetti bolognese hand print on them! It's strange as I feel like I have a nice style but I just rarely showcase it!

I also flit between classic/ preppy and attempts at a bit more Parisian/ edgy but have decided to settle on preppy as I feel most comfortable in that style.

I could have written this op!! Although not in such a hilarious way! You have expressed exactly how I have been feeling. Severely exacerbated by the fact that I cleared my wardrobe out during lock down of all the 'boring', 'practical' 'mumsy' things and decided I was going to live my truth. Unfortunately, my fictional me (who sounds like a complete knob now I've written her down) lives in a perpetually warm climate where it virtually never rains and travels the world posting candid shots of her looking avant garde in front of beautiful, enviable seas and sunsets. She attends Art exhibitions with her bohemian friends, doing some painting in her abundance of free time (as the house is perpetually in a very French state of just messy enough to look shabby chic/not so messy it looks like a shit tip). She wears lots of impractical and beautiful jangly jewellery and likes to layer, silky, delicate materials.

The reality is, I have a toddler dangling off my floaty, Indian cotton skirt, pulling at my freshwater pearl drop earrings and coffee down the front of my silk camisole and I could really do with a hoody and some jeans to quickly clean up the shit hole the kitchen is by 9am. I've ended up wearing the same 2 hoodies and matalan tops on rotation for the past week and the majority of my wardrobe is unwearable

@Onekidnoclue 'I like to think sometimes I look as if I’ve made my own plates' this is my favourite description ever!

I think you should dress for the life you want, not the life you have.

So wear a beautiful wool coat on a country walk, it won't get muddy from a walk. You can wear beautiful shirts with jeans, or machine washable cashmere. Wear what makes you happy.

I wear wool coats (I don't own a raincoat), silk shirts, dresses, delicate blouses, healed boots. It's just all machine washable. I don't own leggings or jogging bottoms as they never make me feel good. My office is casual but I still put on a nice dress and put some effort into my 'look'. This makes me happy.

Two children isn't what's stopping you, you are stopping you.

P.s your post really made me laugh, very well written

Oh, I feel this is me. In my head, I have a look that's elegant and chic but with a little something extra to stop it looking boring. Statement jewellery, a fabulous bag/shoes etc. In reality, I was in my pyjamas until lunchtime today and then got changed into yoga pants and a t shirt (ie pyjamas by another name). I found all my heels the other day and I'd totally forgotten they existed because I live in converse. I totally blame toddler DS. It's nothing to do with my innate laziness at all.

@CoveredInCrayon I could have written your post. I have a wardrobe full of nice clothes for a previous life and if I choose to could out school mum the fanciest of the school mums. But... I live semi rurally with animals and DC.

So my nice clothes would be trashed on a daily basis and... I would look a bit of a dick in them doing the activities that take up of 95% of my time.

So I've grown to embrace wearing clothes that reflect my lifestyle. Even pre-Covid I WFM and rarely go further than the village shop, the yard and dog walks/outside with DC. Today I started in yoga gear, changed into riding gear and am back in my uniform of yoga trousers and a smart top for work calls.

I'm still really into fashion and stalk the S&B boards here but I'm realistic about what's sensible to wear on a day to day basis. It's more than OK to wear clothes that suit your lifestyle and to enjoy that.

I can scrub up perfectly well when I feel like it but I'd rather (for example) be dry with appropriate footwear (proper boots) and in my own way I suit what I wear because, well it's me.

Once upon a time me used to wear 3 inch Jimmys and extremely expensive suits.

Now me wears things that can stand up to a bit of mud and animal hair.

It's all gods.

You made me laugh!
I live in the country too but fortunately go to work 3 days a week - although because of COVID - now wearing scrubs at work , and scrubs are basically pyjamas!
I love clothes. They are one of the nicest ,fun, way we get to express ourselves. Wear your lovely clothes to the park. Soon there will be a post on Mumsnet asking how someone can possibly look like this gorgeous stylish woman they see with their kids.

Go back to work and change your lifestyle

Seriously, as a pp said, nothing to stop you wearing different things. I wear an apron for cooking etc about the house so that my nice clothes don’t inadvertently get grubby. But most clothes these days will survive a trip through the washing machine, and I console myself with the thought that if I ruin a beloved item of clothing, at least it died whilst I was enjoying wearing it, not from being eaten by moths stuck in a wardrobe.

Also am a bit at wearing a beautiful wool coat on a walk because it won't get muddy. I'm clearly doing it wrong because between the dogs and DC I can manage to look like a swamp monster after a walk.

Your post really made me laugh becauseI had literally just been reading a post in S&B about how to look put together and had randomly gone into my wardrobe and pulled out a beautiful cut blazer and ponced in the mirror for a couple of minutes saying "you've still got it" before putting it back, deciding I was a bit nippy and putting a very old cardie on.

I look at this a different way. Jobs have uniforms. Your job is as a SAHM who clearly enjoys being out in the countryside with two small kids. You need a uniform for your job.

A surfy / camper van type style suits your job. I'd embrace it and try and make it as stylish as possible.

I'd also invest in a couple of french style outfits for when you're off duty / going out for Sunday lunch.

Style is difficult though, I'd like to look edgy but always end up looking a bit Laura Ashley (the current midi dress trend being a key example of this).

How can you not own a raincoat @ParisianLady ? Do you just get wet? Or do you use a brolly?
Sorry to be thick!!!
Before I got pregnant this time I wore chinos a lot with rolled up hems. They’re more comfy than jeans and look shit loads better than leggings as you can do the French tuck at the front.
Does anyone know of any properly waterproof boots that don’t look shitty? I can’t drive in wellies and don’t want to wear hiking boot things.

@Onekidnoclue I don't own a raincoat. I never considered that weird. I love coats rotate between 4-5 wool and wool looking ones. I always have an umbrella with me if there's a chance of rain though.

I think it's a matter of taste and style. Rain coats always seemed a bit country for me. Like if I were to go out and walk my dog on the heath or a trail on a rainy morning I might need one. But I'd never do that lol. Personally, I just don't go outside when it rains - unless it's just dashing from the car into a building or my house. But then I have an umbrella for that. I don't think that's weird lol

I'm with you @WineGetsMeThroughIt - I've never seen the point of raincoats. I just end up getting hot and sweaty whenever I've tried to wear them.

@Onekidnoclue no, no raincoat. I do have a lovely mac, autumn and spring blazers, and several wool coats in a range of colours, and a husband who is obliging with his spare Barbour if necessity dictates, but no raincoat.

Nothing with a hood. I wear a hat, carry an umbrella or simply stay indoors when it's very wet.

Bliss

This is another world! How do you wrangle a buggy/DC while holding a brolly? Do you live in the U.K.? Is your hat waterproof? Sooo many questions!!!!
I’ve been googling chic rain ankle boot things. Literally never occurred to me to not go out in the rain.

I hear you OP although now I'm back at work I have got some opportunity to wear normal clothes.

I could not possibly live my life wearing a wool coat. We have been out biking with the kids today. By the time we got back you could pour water out of my shoes. I would also stink of wet dog.

I do have a smart Protected Species waterproof but i only wear it if I'm going somewhere not for every day. It would be ruined very quicky.

This is another world! How do you wrangle a buggy/DC while holding a brolly? Do you live in the U.K.? Is your hat waterproof? Sooo many questions!!!!
I’ve been googling chic rain ankle boot things. Literally never occurred to me to not go out in the rain.*
*
This has really made me giggle lol. You act like we're aliens 🤣 I just put my daughter in the pram, push with one hand and hold the umbrella in the other if I'm caught out in the rain. I would never chose to go outside for a walk in the rain through. That's just madness to me. Why not just stay cozy indoors and wait until it stops raining. I hate the rain so much lol.

So much yes! I'm popping this here so I can come back and read all the comments!

Op, make an appointment with a personal shopper in John Lewis and get her to put together some outfits for you...