Children thwarting my attempts at stylishness! (Lighthearted)

[CoveredInCrayon]

It's come to my attention that there is a bit of a disconnect between my desired style and what's actually practical for my lifestyle! Fictional me is chic, classic, but not overly polished. Spends spare time going to restaurants, galleries and people-watching in lovely European cities. Mainly dresses in Sezane and Rouje, has a great fringe. Goes to work in understated elegant outfits that perfectly blend masculine and feminine elements. Wears a white shirt with aplomb.

I told myself that after DC2 I would lose the baby weight plus the extra I had been carrying (thus necessitating a new wardrobe) and I would become this stylish woman. I pinned all the stuff to pinterest, read up on capsule wardrobes, lost the weight. And I did buy a very plain capsule/basic summer wardrobe and I'm happy enough with it, though it is definitely a bit boring.

However, I am a SAHM with two young children living in a rural area. I spend the vast majority of my time going to the park, cycling, going to the beach, going to the woods, hanging out in fields and trudging about in the rain. And of course cooking and cleaning. I'm going to need new clothes for Autumn/Winter and it pains me to admit that beautiful wool coats, brogues, silk shirts and cashmere jumpers are really not what I need .

I bought a surfy hoody last year and thought I would wear it mostly around the house. In reality I often reach for it when we go out as it just works for my lifestyle. And actually I can see that a more outdoorsy look does work for me more often than not because it's really "appropriate" if that makes sense? Looking like I've just jumped out of my campervan and am about to cycle off for a bbq on the beach is ABSOLUTELY the right look for me . I often see people on here saying they've lost their way and ended up wearing jeans and hoodies etc and want to get stylish again. So it feels weird to me to know "how" to be stylish but choose a look that is practical and doesn't feel as "me". But then as my DH says, I'm not a glamorous Parisian, I'm a SAHM living in the country!

There is so much around at the moment about finding your style identity and creating a capsule wardrobe around it etc. I know this is totally trivial, but does anyone feel like they have two very different looks? I think, somewhat tragically, I wanted to project this sophisticated, put-together look so I felt more like the person I might have been, and I'm realising that actually I need to dress more like the person I am!

@LaPampa oh no! I didn't give much thought to the fit... blundstones are more masculine than my normal boot choice but worth a try. I find wellies comfortable but I want to master the art of cross country dog/toddler wrangling followed by meeting friends for a pub lunch and maybe looking stylish while I'm at it. Some people seem to manage that in wellies but not me.

The everlane boots you linked to look great. Would you buy them in black?

Also interested in any bag recommendations. Currently using a yellow joules rucksack for family days out but i find the rigid frame on it super annoying. I'd love something leather and slouchy but realistically rucksacks are easier. Maybe something from fjallraven?

@Huffthepuff sadly everlane link not mine - I have a pair of madewell ones for city trips but mine are leather not short wellies. I’m considering red wing as they might be more versatile.

I have a fjallraven walking rucksack (not the two handled one) for going out with the kids and a Fairfax and favour leather tote for smarter days. Mainly use a basket in the summer though plus I bought a bumbag this year which has been super handy on trips out with the kids if not very stylish!

Oh sorry it was @Onekidnoclue who was asking about everlanes. Got mixed up. They look great in black and really versatile. Not seen or heard of them before. Agree though they might be right on the precipice of being 'too real life' 😂

@CoveredInCrayon your description of preppy fashion made me laugh. I hadn't made the connection with KH before 🤣
I like a pair of chinos and definitely covet the classic vibe of diamond studs but other than that it's not a look that does it for me. I need to be slightly bedraggled/boho or it just doesn't feel right

I ordered the Hunter boots. Think they might be too sensible 😩. I just want something easy to chuck on to get out the house in January when I have a newborn! I’m hoping they’re invisible and just look like normal boots perhaps with some high waisted cropped flared jeans. And a chunky jumper...?

I definitely need a new backpack nappy bag though. I was tempted by the unpronounceable Swedish ones but I’m not sure they’re that practical. Stupid real life ruining my fantasy life

Hi Op,

I hear you and I was you weeny DC were all small. It was difficult as I went from having a defined work style to being a SAHM.

What I find works is that you find clothes that suit your lifestyle and look stylish:

So I live in Ireland where there is a lot of rain. Therefore, I invested in Hunter wellies and a really good rain jacket and a really good puffa coat - I always thought they were naff until DS started playing football, believe me, they are the required uniform of the warm "soccer mom" or "GAA mammy" as we call them here!!!

I used to wear lots of skinny jeans but I have now switched to black leggings which are more comfy. I wear leggings with really lovely sweaters (light grey or charcoal), a sleeveless puffa jacket or a denim jacket and either the wellies, a pair of black trainers or a pair of black hiking boots.

As your life evolves, you can switch this look up - I wear the hiking boots with midi dresses or the dresses with Stan smith trainers to work now.

Because you like a more polished look perhaps you could try leggings with a white shirt and a soft knit sweater (I would avoid cashmere while your DC are small, I could cry at the number of cashmere sweaters that ended up in a hot wash with the DC's clothes by accident over the years).

Each person's preferred look is different but I suppose what I am suggesting is that you separate out what suits your lifestyle and what you love to wear and see where you can get them to overlap.

Pinterest can be a good source of style inspiration - you just have to think about your search terms and be prepared for things like ‘country style’, for insurance, to throw up a certain number of cowboy hats and boots looks from the US... which is all good if that’s what you’re into but isn’t quite what I had in mind

However with some search tweaks you get a few interesting ideas.

Ahhh are you me?! Two DC, SAHM in the countryside and every single word you've posted rings true! Exact same scenario with the capsule wardrobe etc etc.

I have no advice whatsoever but commenting so I remember to come back later and read every post carefully

@Onekidnoclue

Oh you had me at sezanne! Seriously though I think lots of us have style schizophrenia. Fantasy me potters about looking chic and a little bit mad so everyone thinks I’m an architect. I’m reality I’m wearing legging with no bra and a questionable cardigan. I think that knowing how to look stylish and knowing how to do it every single day are two different things. On the plus side I think your Parisian chic / rural toddler lifestyle might have some over laps. Cropped trousers. Oversized coats. Messy hair...?

I'm late to the party here but OneKid may be on to something with the overlaps... large tweed or wool coats; slim jeans; frizzy hair, perhaps covered with a headscarf.

I did have something like the OP's fantasy life before COVID blew everything up.

Living in the city, needing to dress up for work, lots of fairly glamorous work travel, dinners out, cocktail functions, evenings with friends at trendy bars, weekends away at vineyards etc.

I realise this would sound insufferably smug if not for the fact that IT HAS ALL BEEN CANCELLED.

I have been stuck at home in sweatpants for six months and my nice clothes are languishing unworn.

I like to plan outfits and purchases etc but now what is the point? I might not need to buy clothes for my "old life" for another year or more.

I think I need to take advice from that loungewear thread and invest in some vintage kimonos and silk pyjamas to cure my sartorial depression.

I’ve been thinking about the intersect of fantasy and real life for clothes and I think i need clothes which are fantasy aesthetic but also comfortable, low maintenance and weather appropriate.
Have been looking through shops and think for me the overlap is chunky cardigans with paper bag waist skirts or dresses and boots which imply other people should fuck off!
I’m thinking this cardigan with a belt over
www.arket.com/en_gbp/women/knitwear/product.alpaca-merino-cardigan-green.0584165019.html
Or this

www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.0892895001.html#

With a skirt like this

www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.0926221003.html

Then pick up some trousers like this for lounging worn with slippers inside or boots outside.

www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.0880815006.html

And possibly this cardi with nothing underneath

www.monki.com/en_gbp/clothing/knitwear/cardigans/product.ribbed-cardigan-white.0688182012.html

What do you guys think? I’ve been staring at people who look lovely and appropriate and they seem to have one messy thing, like hair or jeans and the rest is well looked after. My hair always looks like shit so I’m going to leave it to go feral and try to ensure my clothes are at least clean and not too scrumply. If only I looked good in red lipstick. That would fix everything!

@Onekidnoclue I like the Arket cardigan a lot but the Monki one would definitely get wrecked in my household! Mango have some nice cardigans at the moment; could be worth a look. I like the H and M trousers as well. I ordered some very nice, expensive but very practical Musto gore-tex Chelsea boots in their sale which I was really hoping would be the holy grail. Sadly they were just too narrow for my cankles. These, if anyone is interested:

www.musto.com/en_GB/womens-chelsea-gore-tex-boot/80530.html?dwvar_80530_color=BL&cgid=#start=1

I just don't really get on with boots, mainly because of the afore-mentioned cankles.

Oh tits. That’s the other part of reality I forgot - my figure!!! Those boots look lovely but narrow in the ankle.
The monki cardi comes in a range of colours but I was thinking white might actually be practical as could get lobbed in the machine with bleach for a rescue.
Off to look at mango.

I really identify with this. When I'm working, I really like midi skirts and dresses with boots, chinos and nice blouses with brogues etc. When I'm at home though, I just want to be comfortable and leggings and tshirts are what I live in. I see other mums in white jeans and cool tucked in tshirts or sweatshirts in proper Make up and nice hair and I feel so frumpy next to them.

For me, I need to sort the weight first and foremost while I'm still on mat leave but I do need to find my "mum" style. Jeans feel to uncomfortable on me at the moment, and I hate the way they make my tummy look.

Some great things there @Onekidnoclue

I especially like the burgundy skirt. Would work across seasons and for all sorts of situations.

@CoveredInCrayon those boots are lush, shame about the fit 😫

My Blundstone 500s have just arrived. So far so good. Will wear them around the house to loosen them up a bit. They certainly feel like they will cover the muddy walks part of the criteria. Just need to work on the feminine styling part...

@Onekidnoclue I like the arket and Monki cardigans a lot, though even pre-DS, I couldn’t wear a pale top for more than 10 minutes without it getting mucky. I love the cardigan with nothing under look but there is a really brief window when I find it weather appropriate, I basically go from too hot for knitwear straight to having a freezing cold neck, and a scarf ruins the look. I am not good at suffering for style.

What is Monki quality like?

I’ve been staring at people who look lovely and appropriate and they seem to have one messy thing, like hair or jeans and the rest is well looked after. Yes, it’s the hair/makeup that stop an Ines de la fresange look from turning into a Katie hopkins one. Artfully dishevelled hair and minimal makeup are the way to go, I find it much easier to achieve in summer though.

I have found my people!

Prior to lockdown DS was barely walking and I was working 2.5 days a week in a fashion related office. I had a wardrobe that matched a stroll into town with a buggy, having a coffee while he napped, wafting around a National Trust place. Nice lace up brogue ankle boots, AllSaints leather jacket, Burberry wool coat. Usually jeans and a proper wool jumper from somewhere like Celtic and Co. Now he wants to go out in all weathers, one wear of any trousers results in foody DS mouth prints where he has given me a biscuity kiss, and I've started a new part time job in an office where the owner wears running trainers and the men wear baggy shorts.

I think I'm going to deal with it by having some cheaper plain t shirts for toddler days. More black jeans. Keep the Burberry (it's camel ) in the wardrobe this winter and embrace the Mountain Warehouse teal pac a mac. I find buying practical things I like definitely helps - I bought a forest green mini Fjallraven backpack and an orange mini Whistles backpack last year, to use instead of shoulder bags.

I have bought myself some Grenson Nanettes for winter though. I was a footwear buyer and I can't make myself wear bad shoes.

I am reminded once again that my aspirations to stylishness are thwarted not only by DS and ddog, but also by having no bloody money whatsoever to spend on clothes And the charity shops around here aren’t great, tbh. Le sigh.

Hey ho.

Boring update! I’ve got the hunter ankle boots in Matt black and they are lovely! Don’t look too practical but I’m wearing them inside to check they don’t rub and have nicely toasty toes. Ankle bit is quite narrow.
I’ve done a monki order and will report back on quality. It’s really cheap and they do the sustainable edit so seems a bit suspiciously good! I saw this and thought it was lovely and practical but just couldn’t work out what I’d wear it with so left it. There are a couple of other nice looking denim shirt too, no clue on what to wear them with though.
www.monki.com/en_gbp/clothing/tops/shirts-blouses/product.statement-collar-denim-shirt-blue.0911501001.html

@hammeringinmyhead I’ve never heard of Grenson but those boots are lovely. Are they a pain in the arse to put on and take off though?
Burberry to mountain warehouse is quite a fall from grace! These children don’t know the sacrifices we’ve made!

@Spudlet this is part of my issue as well. I'm looking for stylish, classic, good quality, practical clothing at fast-fashion prices. I mentioned before that I love Sezane and Rouje. If I could afford to spend say £90 on a jumper, and could afford maybe four or five at that price, then I would find it a lot easier to achieve the look I'm after! I've thought about spending birthday money on one beautiful jumper but I know it would be so special to me at that price that I would be terrified to wear it!

Maybe I'm being a snob but I don't think it's coincidence that I find it a lot easier to find what I consider classy, beautiful clothes at a higher price point. I want to wear more colour and some nicer fabrics, but I find even if something I can afford looks like it could be nice there is often something letting it down and making it look cheap. Like the colour is too garish or the material is naff or it isn't a nice cut. So I end up wearing loads of basics and loads of black.

As I said in a pp, I have an autumn birthday and will probably get a bit of birthday money. What I'm hoping to do is still bargain hunt, but also use that money to go a bit above my usual budget on a few items. I don't have a set clothes budget but I know what I think is a reasonable amount to spend, and I aim to look at about £15-20 higher than that per item and see if I can add more colour and interest.

To add to my last post, I think my relatively restrained budget also means I expect my clothes and shoes to be a bit more multi-functional than is really reasonable. Which is again why I get stuck in a sea of black, and plain clothes. I want a coat that goes with everything? Ah, what about black? And boots? Well my coat is black, and I often wear black skinny jeans so why not a nice black pair? And a lot of colours look cheap with black so best add a black jumper. And before you know it you look like Russell Brand in 2012.

You have a great way of putting things OP, this is exactly my thought process! And probably how I end up looking - I fear my attempt at insouciant hair veers into a Brandesque bird nest when it’s damp or windy. Having said that I do think all black can look amazing - www.whowhatwear.co.uk/amp/kate-moss-wearing-black - but you need interesting pieces, or a mix of textures, or something. Not my assortment of used-to-be-black pieces.

I don’t think you are a snob, it’s definitely easier to get the right combination of colour/cut/fibres/finishing if you can spend more. I think I wouldn’t have an issue if my budget were bigger, I am the same weight but a different shape to how I was before DS, so a lot of things need replacing as I literally can’t do them up, and that adds up. I have had good luck buying second hand Sezane, Rouje, Other Stories and more French brands second hand online, but it does take a bit of research to feel confident in the sizing, and obviously being able to risk something not fitting is a luxury.

@CoveredInCrayon Yes, me too! I have so many navy blue things it’s ridiculous. Because I like navy and everything goes with navy, right...

I have three or four wool jumpers than I’ve bought with birthday money or had bought for me and those are the backbone of my autumn and winter wardrobe... this year I need a new running sports bra though so won’t be getting any new jumpers, alas. I want to knit myself one but it’s the time... and decent quality yarn isn’t cheap either. I bought a pattern almost a year ago and I still haven’t started on it Maybe this winter is the one I’ll get it done...?

Also, I think having a smaller budget makes me even pickier because I want and need things to last! Like, £40 or £50 is a lot for me to spend so I want stuff that will be good quality and last well. Which isn’t necessarily realistic

You've made me smile op. You've summed up my life exactly. I used to have a well paid job, lots of overseas travel and lovely hotels needing lots of glorious clothes. Now I'm a rural single mum with not much money so I just repurpose what's in the wardrobe.

Yesterday I cycled with ds, cut the lawn and then gardened until it rained and I came in, muddy & wet. Cycling shorts, cotton top and a sweatshirt, with a quick change to jeans half way through.

I need to feel like the old me sometimes, so I changed out of filthy clothes into a silk dress that I will never wear to a decent restaurant again. A bit of lip gloss, some ear rings and a g&t made all the difference for a few hours.