Children thwarting my attempts at stylishness! (Lighthearted)

[CoveredInCrayon]

It's come to my attention that there is a bit of a disconnect between my desired style and what's actually practical for my lifestyle! Fictional me is chic, classic, but not overly polished. Spends spare time going to restaurants, galleries and people-watching in lovely European cities. Mainly dresses in Sezane and Rouje, has a great fringe. Goes to work in understated elegant outfits that perfectly blend masculine and feminine elements. Wears a white shirt with aplomb.

I told myself that after DC2 I would lose the baby weight plus the extra I had been carrying (thus necessitating a new wardrobe) and I would become this stylish woman. I pinned all the stuff to pinterest, read up on capsule wardrobes, lost the weight. And I did buy a very plain capsule/basic summer wardrobe and I'm happy enough with it, though it is definitely a bit boring.

However, I am a SAHM with two young children living in a rural area. I spend the vast majority of my time going to the park, cycling, going to the beach, going to the woods, hanging out in fields and trudging about in the rain. And of course cooking and cleaning. I'm going to need new clothes for Autumn/Winter and it pains me to admit that beautiful wool coats, brogues, silk shirts and cashmere jumpers are really not what I need .

I bought a surfy hoody last year and thought I would wear it mostly around the house. In reality I often reach for it when we go out as it just works for my lifestyle. And actually I can see that a more outdoorsy look does work for me more often than not because it's really "appropriate" if that makes sense? Looking like I've just jumped out of my campervan and am about to cycle off for a bbq on the beach is ABSOLUTELY the right look for me . I often see people on here saying they've lost their way and ended up wearing jeans and hoodies etc and want to get stylish again. So it feels weird to me to know "how" to be stylish but choose a look that is practical and doesn't feel as "me". But then as my DH says, I'm not a glamorous Parisian, I'm a SAHM living in the country!

There is so much around at the moment about finding your style identity and creating a capsule wardrobe around it etc. I know this is totally trivial, but does anyone feel like they have two very different looks? I think, somewhat tragically, I wanted to project this sophisticated, put-together look so I felt more like the person I might have been, and I'm realising that actually I need to dress more like the person I am!

Loving this thread, so much resonates. I swear by machine washable cashmere which I wear pretty much all the time (also live in countryside with 2 kids, beach most days)

Yes!!! Welsh cottage chic x off duty ballerina x french artist

This is the look I’m after!! Just need to do it now 🤣🤣🤣

I need the chic out wear I think.

I’ve got an m&s merino jumper three sizes too big I wear semi tucked into chinos or jeans with the cuffs rolled up and plain or leopard trainers which does for a lot of occasions except now I’m pregnant!

I love my boots and think they save some mediocre outfits. Need to sort loungewear and chunky cardigan territory. Plus I’d love a recommendation for a waterproof hat if anyone has one??

Off to look at rouje pallettes.

@LaPampa

Loving this thread, so much resonates. I swear by machine washable cashmere which I wear pretty much all the time (also live in countryside with 2 kids, beach most days)

Where do you buy this from?

I’m also really enjoying this thread and feel like I might have found my tribe. You all sound like you have great taste. I also prefer classic patterns - spots, a touch of leopard, small flowers, a check shirt. I like plain/simple stuff but I hate preppiness, and I am naturally scruffy and messy so embracing that works better than trying to keep white or cream clothes smart. I also love the 60s/70s Anita Pallenberg type look - and occasionally indulge my magpie side with something more embellished to mix in with the mostly plain stuff.

OhTwiggy In my case it’s very much work in progress! I am the same weight but a totally different shape to my pre-baby self, plus I used to wear lots of dresses that I can’t breastfeed in, which has given me an excuse to replace stuff.

I bet you are looking fabulous today CoveredinCrayon! I love the transformative, dressing up aspect of getting dressed and having a reference for an item or when choosing or styling something. To everyone else it may look like I’m just wearing a cardie and wellies/shirt and jeans/felt fedora, but consciously channelling (not copying) Keira Knightly reading poetry and drinking cocktails in a welsh cottage/ Françoise Hardy browsing a Left bank bookshop /Anita Pallenberg on her way to the courthouse somehow elevates it from clothes to a look for me.

I would like to start wearing jewellery again but fear DS (21 months) would grab at it and destroy it. I would also love some machine washable cashmere, I felted a Uniqlo sweater by mistake last year. Hand washing i is such a pain in winter but I do love silk/linen/cashmere and think decent fibres make all the difference to look as well as comfort.

@Onekidnoclue Uniqlo mens

You can buy machine washable cashmere in many places (M&S, Pure Collection), you still need to put it on a delicate cycle though. I love the Boden relaxed cashmere crew neck (because I don’t like jumpers with a tight cuff at the bottom). With a 20% off discount code you can get these for about £78 and they last years. I’m a SAHM in a semi-rural location and jeans and a cashmere jumper is one of my autumn/winter staples. It is lovely and soft, not itchy like wool and warm but not too hot.

at the idea of being able to go for a country dog walk with DS and not get muddy How on earth anyone could manage that is beyond me, it would be like having a superpower!

I have sort of embraced the country mum chic look, but I try to stick to proper knitted jumpers over sweatshirts and I have two wax jackets - a big old farmer’s one and a thinner, fitted one. I wear them with a big scarf and red lipstick. And always nice earrings (well, I like them). And my wellies are blue and make my legs look thinner.

I would like to be an artistic type who wafts around art galleries, but in actual fact I am a mum whose day to day life involves a lot of cleaning up of poop and laundry... so I’ve kind of tried to embrace that. But in lipstick. 👍

@openupmyeagereyes sounds great, do you mean these ones? Looks quite a neat fit. How many sizes up do you think I'd need for a relaxed slouch? I'm a 10

https://www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/cashmere-crew-neck-jumper-navy/sty-k0369-nav?cat=C1S22G1775G1778

@Huffthepuff yes that’s it. I think they used to do one called relaxed fit. If you read the description they have a split at the bottom hem on both sides. I can’t bear jumpers that ride up. It looks like they’ve increased the price by £10 but still worth it IMO.

I’m a 10-12 currently and I buy medium but that’s not a loose fit. It’s not tight but not baggy either. Best to check the measurements on the size chart or order a couple. Their returns system is usually very good. They do a v-neck too but I’m not keen on v-necks personally.

spudlet I think that sounds great and mud on walks is sort of obligatory isn’t it? Not really a problem if you’re not going out straight afterwards and everything is washable.

One thing I found this summer helped with feeling more put together was to get some inexpensive copies of earrings that I can wear at the beach, for swimming, surfing etc plus good but cheap Scandi sunglasses.

Currently debating which new boots to tie together autumn looks, we have no pavement so need to deal with mud, leaves etc on daily basis, need to be able to drive in them, ideally also wear to the beach but also look chic and could also wear for my alter ego life in Paris.

@openupmyeagereyes Thanks! I definitely find practical but stylish-adjacent autumn and winter dressing easier than summer though I’ve been trying this summer - I made myself a couple of boxy linen tops that look good with skinny jeans or shorts (I think). I struggle from the ankles down though, mostly I wear my old running trainers which are not stylish, but are comfy and let me put on a burst of speed to apprehend the deaf dog, or DS when he takes off, or both

We always get muddy, I took DS to the zoo the other day and we managed to get muddy. And that was in August, after a proper heatwave 🙄 And we didn’t even have ddog there as an excuse! DS is just a mud magnet 🙈😂

Thanks so much @openupmyeagereyes I'll definitely order one. I've got an M&S camel cashmere jumper which I love but it's too short and is cuffed at the bottom (and now full of moth holes..)
The Hush boyfriend cashmere jumpers are beautiful but £££

Half way through Edge of Love. We are in welsh cottage territory 👌

Thank you @LaPampa

I’m considering the everlane boots.
www.everlane.com/products/womens-rain-boot-stone?collection=womens-shoes

What do people think? I think they might be too real life. Not enough fantasy life.

A perspective from a SAHM with older kids (8 & 11 now); they grow up pretty quickly and before you know it you can start wearing clothes without the fear of sticky fingers grabbing at you (most of the time at least).

It's always hard to break away from the 'saving it for best' mentality - just try to wear your nice stuff as often as you can!

I have accepted that I can look nice and stylish for part of the day (meeting friends or going into town etc), but sooner or later I will be changing into biking gear, tennis gear or come the evening 'house clothes' eg anything super comfy.

What I am saying it is very rare that I dress in one outfit for the whole day! It is kind of annoying but better than getting my nicer things ruined. Over the years I have spent more on nicer sports gear and loungewear so I still feel somewhat put together most of the time.

It's nice to dream of a lifestyle which involves no cooking, cleaning, getting dirty or sweaty and you can just waft around fragrantly looking chic all day long - but that life is not my life!!

Love this thread :)

I felt exactly like this until fairly recently - I've now found a fairly practical uniform that enables me to still feel like 'me' - it's quite Toast-esque I suppose: lots of natural fabrics/linen, bold jewellery, muted colours. Good trousers!

I don't have toddlers anymore which helps, but I do largely WFH in the countryside and find a kind of 'swedish architect on her day off' (not a million miles away from my actual job) look works alright most of the time..

I do need practical outdoors clothes but now try to get them in simple lines, fabrics etc - eg Uniqlo rather than Seasalt/Joules!

Oooh thread has moved on a bit while I was typing.. will catch up!

When I’m buying clothes I have to remind myself I no longer frequent swish city bars and have no need of fitted short dresses & 4” heels. Also that I’m not 21 🤨.

I read somewhere, many years ago, that most people only wear about 20% of their wardrobe on a regular basis, either because they were buying clothing for a life they wanted but didn't have, or they were buying random articles that didn't go with anything else in their wardrobe .

This prompted me to have a good look at both my wardrobe and my lifestyle . I realised that I had moved from a lifestyle where I went out several times a week to posh restaurants, nightclubs and parties to one where we spent our weekends walking and staying in country pubs but I was still buying clothing for my previous lifestyle. Similarly when I moved jobs from one where I dressed formally in suits to one where the dress code was a lot more casual .

It's OK to say 'dress for the life you want not the life you have' if you have endless money and two large wardrobes but for most people it makes sense to evaluate what your lifestyle actually is, what types of clothing do you wear the majority of the time and then focus your spending on that.

So for example, when I first did this it was to move from buying expensive cocktail dresses and cheap tracksuits to buying more quality casual clothing with the odd standby formal / party outfit should I need it.

I did get sidetracked a couple of years ago by one of the 'how to look expensive' threads . Full length wool coat and cashmere jumpers purchased and I didn't wear them . Lesson learned.

I now have a predominately casual - smart/casual wardrobe. Having also self analysed my colours, the majority of my clothing both suits the various aspects of my lifestyle and also coordinates with other items in my wardrobe.

@OhRosalind Funny that you said that about preppiness as it is a look I try to steer away from, but can fall into with some of the things in my wardrobe, and it never feels right. I did really like my outfit today because I thought it was a bit Caroline de Maigret meets Dylan Thomas . But I did later catch a glimpse of myself and thought "Ah, now I DO also look a bit like a kind of yuppy male Bret Easton Ellis character". Which was not what I was aiming for .

I find that some classic items I just can't wear together without looking like Katie Hopkins. (Synthetic) diamond studs, striped shirts, slim fit cardigans, blazers, cable knit jumpers, chinos... all things I like and wear, but not things I often wear together. I love the look of more masculine, over-sized shirts/jumpers etc, which I think would help take away the preppiness, but I rarely like a truly oversized fit on me because adding bulk to my top half makes me look a lot bigger than I am. I also without doubt look my best in feminine floral dresses, but find I am drawn to the more masculine looks because they look so cool on other people and I'm worried about looking too twee and unsophisticated if I don't get a dress quite right!

This made me chuckle OP. I totally get you, I also struggle with anything very oversize/masculine as I’m petite and look like a child wearing my parents clothes, but anything vaguely twee makes me look eight years old. I remember seeing a video with Caroline de Maigret shopping (with Alexa Chung, who I’m less keen on) where she said she asked herself, “what would Keith Richards do?” and would unbutton/ layer/ accessorise accordingly to give her look that edge.

@shinynewapple2020 @oobedobe YES. I have an autumn birthday and was toying with a Nigella-esque robe for lovely wafting around my house. Then I realised how little time I have for wafting and how grubby it would get and how much my toddler would hang off it. And whilst it would be a lovely luxury and I would be buying for the life I want, it would quickly get put away until the DCs are older. And I might not even like it then! I have the same thing with homewares, I imagine what our house could look like and I want to buy nice things for these future decorated rooms. But I should just wait until we have actually decorated. I think as much as I love the DCs and am not wishing this time away, I sometimes imagine my "future dream life" and I want to buy for that
Because in the midst of all the noise and bum cleaning and megabloks I have an escapist fantasy where I have a calm, tasteful house with cut flowers on the table and time to myself! But rationally, it makes much more sense to invest in things that would enhance my life now. And I will probably never be Nigella. Sigh.

I love all the ambition. I gave up many years ago. I have no style I just wear clothes that are hopefully clean and ironed

@Spudlet I like the sound of your boxy linen tops!
@Thebluebirdonthegreen tell us more about your Swedish Architect on her day off look, sounds great!

I've just ordered a pair of Blundstone 500s. I think I'll either love them or despise them. Excited for their arrival

@Huffthepuff I hope they fit you, I’ll be jealous if they do! I ordered pair after pair last summer and they all went back as they were too big around the ankle for me.