Children thwarting my attempts at stylishness! (Lighthearted)

[CoveredInCrayon]

It's come to my attention that there is a bit of a disconnect between my desired style and what's actually practical for my lifestyle! Fictional me is chic, classic, but not overly polished. Spends spare time going to restaurants, galleries and people-watching in lovely European cities. Mainly dresses in Sezane and Rouje, has a great fringe. Goes to work in understated elegant outfits that perfectly blend masculine and feminine elements. Wears a white shirt with aplomb.

I told myself that after DC2 I would lose the baby weight plus the extra I had been carrying (thus necessitating a new wardrobe) and I would become this stylish woman. I pinned all the stuff to pinterest, read up on capsule wardrobes, lost the weight. And I did buy a very plain capsule/basic summer wardrobe and I'm happy enough with it, though it is definitely a bit boring.

However, I am a SAHM with two young children living in a rural area. I spend the vast majority of my time going to the park, cycling, going to the beach, going to the woods, hanging out in fields and trudging about in the rain. And of course cooking and cleaning. I'm going to need new clothes for Autumn/Winter and it pains me to admit that beautiful wool coats, brogues, silk shirts and cashmere jumpers are really not what I need .

I bought a surfy hoody last year and thought I would wear it mostly around the house. In reality I often reach for it when we go out as it just works for my lifestyle. And actually I can see that a more outdoorsy look does work for me more often than not because it's really "appropriate" if that makes sense? Looking like I've just jumped out of my campervan and am about to cycle off for a bbq on the beach is ABSOLUTELY the right look for me . I often see people on here saying they've lost their way and ended up wearing jeans and hoodies etc and want to get stylish again. So it feels weird to me to know "how" to be stylish but choose a look that is practical and doesn't feel as "me". But then as my DH says, I'm not a glamorous Parisian, I'm a SAHM living in the country!

There is so much around at the moment about finding your style identity and creating a capsule wardrobe around it etc. I know this is totally trivial, but does anyone feel like they have two very different looks? I think, somewhat tragically, I wanted to project this sophisticated, put-together look so I felt more like the person I might have been, and I'm realising that actually I need to dress more like the person I am!

Yeah I can't realistically wear a pencil skirt to the park so me too I'm stuck with pedal pushers (shudder) and some sort of hoodie

Plus this week we're on holiday sans access to a washing machine so you can imagine how that's going

but then I'd be sad when they get a spaghetti bolognese hand print on them!

Babysnowman - I am never without a food stain. Sadly it is self inflicted!

No matter what style I could end up with, I think I am channelling the Australian Cultural Attache (Barry Humphries). However I am not Australian... but if some of you can channel Parisian Chic then let me have the above!

I'm nodding and laughing at so many of these posts. I wonder if there is a forum full of chic Parisians asking how to nail that harangued-British-mother-of-toddlers look ?

I also can't imagine many men having this inner fantasy life and trying to project it through their clothes. Although I buy my DH's clothes and we both know I'm going for like "handy with a pen-knife and at home on a mountain bike."

I just wish there were more stylish practical clothes for women. I find I like a lot of menswear because it is more likely to be plain and classic and come in strong dark colours. But I look much better in slim fitting clothes.

I'm in a similar position OP, in that I'm a mum of two, albeit living in the city (but we do go out to the countryside a lot), and working part-time too.

I do dress differently for my children days and work days (even working from home I have been making effort to wear my nice things, but I have stopped applying makeup) - on children days I also wear dresses, skirts etc but I choose things that can be washed easily and I combine them with comfortable footwear so I can still climb trees (Tevas in the summer, Blundstones in the winter and trainers inbetween). Cream jumpers and skirts are reserved for work days and I hide from children in the morning before I leave lest porridge and raspberry jam gets them :). Combining clothes, experimenting with shapes and colours is what makes me happy and I need to dress every day so I feel I may as well dress in what I feel happy and comfortable in.

I do have a raincoat, a good quality one, that looks good and is made decently, so on rainy days practicality is important but I still looks good (in my opinion).

I don't save things for best, life is for living and clothes are for wearing (although I obviously won't whip out my silk Stella McCartney dress for a school run).

@Onekidnoclue

Nothing clothing I own is water proof. This is a point of great pride.

One handed push for buggy. Although now said children are old enough to walk and hold their own umbrellas. They do own raincoats, although they are not shiny or garish. Shudder.

Do waterproof hats exist? Mine are woolen; knitted or berets. Luckily I love hats and they suit me.

It's hard to feel positive in a hood.

Never a pencil skirt to the park, non. But a nice skirt, tights and boots in winter or summer skirt and sandals in summer.

Ahh I want you to come round and sort my wardrobe out @ParisianLady!

@ParisianLady and @WineGetsMeThroughIt I’m so impressed. I think I always feel as though I need an extra pair of hands, don’t think I could give one up for a brolly.
I think you’re right though that not everything has to be practical and there are ways to be a mum with style and a sense of self.

I love S&B because I don't have to feel guilty for caring about what I look like! I feel scruffy today because I just chucked on old worn out clothes for a day at home, and it really affects my mood. I don't flirt with DH for example coz I just know I'm not looking attractive.

I'm struggling a bit to articulate this but I think often in the past I have ended up wearing things that I don't like or just don't feel right, because my wardrobe doesn't serve my lifestyle properly. So like I wore a horrible mac for ages before I admitted to myself that I wore the horrible mac so often I should replace it with a nice one. I also don't have a nice pair of boots, despite often needing to wear boots. So I either wear trainers all winter and get cold ankles or I wear my old boots that I don't like anymore and feel frumpy. A pair of chunky outdoorsy Chelsea boots would be really practical but they're just not really "me". So this is where I'm thinking maybe I need to embrace a more outdoorsy style so that I look and feel stylish in clothes that are useful to me. And for a night out, which is a much less frequent activity, I can look more Parisian !

Same for "loungewear". I spend a lot of time at home sitting on the floor or playing with play doh or cooking. But I don't feel good in scruffy old clothes. The gaps in my wardrobe are all the things I would actually get the most wear out of.

@CoveredInCrayon

I cannot help with outdoor wear as I am a fair weather person. But there was previously a good thread about loungewear. I think people decided that they wanted to look like off-duty ballerinas eg v comfortable but still stylish. Perhaps this might be a good place to start?

For my loungewear I have silky PJs, wide legged jersey trousers, thin knit jumpers for layering, silk camisoles for underneath. It can all be thrown in the washing machine when I get covered if food, slime and play doh.

Really enjoyed reading this thread and it absolutely resonates. I'm in the country with a toddler ds and I can't give up my love of impractical beautiful clothes. I discovered Sezane on lockdown ffs. It's mostly sitting unworn in my wardrobe.
I'm wfh at the moment but starting to go into the office more often now which is a nice way of mixing things up style wise and getting to wear more dressy things.
At home I tend to wear plain basics (black or white tee with black skinnies or denim shorts weather dependent) then try and inject some personality with a long pendant, earrings and today I'm wafting about in a free people kimono. All machine washable and can stand up to the onslaught of snot and ming.
Really interested also in finding more stylish outdoor/playdate wear. Will revisit the blundstone boots option as this could be a winner for autumn winter. I have a Barbour and think it would look good with a denim shirt, beige cable knit jumper and skinny jeans with slouchy soft leather hobo bag. If anyone has any ideas of where to get machine washable, wool cable knit jumper then please help!
Also like to paint and do artistic stuff in my spare time (that doesn't exist) so try to reflect that in my 'look'. Yy to looking like you make your own plates! That's exactly the look I'm after in a stylish, got my shit together way...
I think autumn winter is easier to dress for than summer so I'm skipping ahead to cooler weather in my head

@Huffthepuff “the onslaught of snot and Ming” is the best description of motherhood I have heard!

@CoveredInCrayon I spent a FORTUNE on boots last year from air and grace and they are the best thing ever. They’re one of the few things in my wardrobe that fit my fantasy life and realilife. airandgracelondon.com/collections/boots/products/jessa-black-leather-lace-up-boots

This thread has made me laugh. I want to ask the no waterproof-coasters what you would have worn in today’s scenario: we visited a city where it dramatically rained every 30 mins. When it wasn’t raining the sun came out and it was a bit humid and steamy. I had on a Uniqlo thin waterproof. I can’t imagine wearing a chic mac/trench in that scenario As it would have been too hot and got soaked. Would you just pop a handbag size umbrella up and down?

@Gulpingcoffee

An umbrella for sure, and then possibly a Mac (mine is cotton and lightweight), or a blazer type jacket.

ParisianLady any chance you could link the loungewear thread? Thanks.

Weirdly, the English country look is a "thing" in Italy. Tweed jackets, brogues, and wax jackets etc.

I think you have to adapt. If your lifestyle is country, but you want to be Parisian, you might need to meet in the middle with a South of France, Provence kind of style.

What's interesting is that Italian women's urbanwear seems more fitting for British rural life: padded coats with belts, fitted heavy cotton trousers, good leather boots. It's just very difficult to buy this kind of thing in the UK.

People who waft about in lovely loungewear, teach me your ways.. http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/styleandd_beauty/3413815-People-who-waft-about-in-lovely-loungewear-teach-me-your-ways

Thanks ParisianLady. Off-duty ballerina is a good look to aspire to!

Interesting thread OP.

Oh my god OP I could have written your post. SAHM of three here and my one year old is some kind of dirt magnet. She is constantly filthy and she seems to smear stuff on my legs constantly. My other two children weren't even half as bad as this. I had a big clear out of clothes recently and really need to find my casual day to day style if that makes sense. I wear lots of dresses and boots with tights during winter which suit me as I am very short and I get lots of compliments on them. It's jeans and trousers and tops that I can't get right.

I could have written so much of your post. I got into a terrible rut where in my head I was Jane Birkin but in reality I was still wearing maternity leggings 18 months after my son was born because I hadn’t got the time or headspace to replace them. I work from home most of the time anyway which didn’t help.
I think you have three choices: 1) dress for the lifestyle you want - no good for me as I end up saving everything for best. 2) embrace the look that fits your lifestyle - I can’t get excited by this as it doesn’t feel like me or 3) find the intersection between your ideal style and your lifestyle.

The gaps in my wardrobe are all the things I would actually get the most wear out of.

For me this has been the key. I actually think a lot of ‘French girl’ style in the vein of Sezane and Rouje, and welsh cottage chic (I love Keira knightly and Siena Miller’s outfits in that Dylan Thomas film) is actually fairly practical if you are selective: lots of denim, great T-shirts, shirts that aren’t too fitted (including silk, if dark or heavily patterned) with a silk camisole poking out, vintage floral tops, jumpsuits, slouchy knits, wafty bias cut skirts or casually slinky wrap dresses (thrown over wellies) and masculine blazers. Plus bedhead hair and a touch of lipstick applied with your fingers (I was given the Rouje palette and it’s so pretty that just putting it on makes me feel chic).

DS loves jumping in puddles and I try to take him out every day even if it’s raining, but I have wellies in a flattering cut that look good with skirts or over jeans, and when it’s too windy for an umbrella I wear a trench with a wide brimmed hat or a stylish hooded jacket.

Morning all!

@CoveredInCrayon, some wonderfully articulate writing and I can identify with so much of your thinking. 😬 I reckon this thread could be a great support to many of us if we’re up for it? 🤞🏼Think I may have found my MumsNet tribe! 🙌🏼😂💪🏼

I have a wardrobe full of beautiful dresses - fitted, vintage and mod, with gorgeous patterns and colours - wholly impractical for running around after a toddler and whipping my boob out for the baby. I, too, am an artsy type and like my style to reflect that.

Like you though, OP, I find myself wearing a surf hoodie and jeans most days. It’s not even a particularly cool surf hoodie though, it’s plain black. I looked through my wardrobe the other week and decided that something must be done.

I love pretty clothes - can’t resist a ditsy floral in beautiful colours or a frilly collar and, yet, I like simple cuts in plain colours too. Leopard print is a neutral for me. For a while after having my babes, I thought I’d live in dungarees (which I’ve always loved), but even those are too much faff (ironing and washing-wise) for the day to to day messiness of the little people. I’ve thought of a few options to reinvent my everyday style. These include: wearing sportswear (soooo easy to wash and dry and chase the smalls around, plus I am quite sporty anyway so, hopefully, wouldn’t look too ridiculous); or buying a number of black jersey pieces and just wearing these on rotation with some arty, statement jewellery. I’ve wondered about going down the Breton top route, but just not sure that the Joules/Sea Salt route is for me (or is it?!). I just can’t seem to find a day look that reflects/ties in with my pre-babies style.

I need to sort my lovely, unworn clothes, too. I’m actually thinking I might choose some particular colours to narrow and focus my eclectic wardrobe.

OP, I flit like you (and you’re fab jewellery description!).

Help me. 🤣

Ok, nap time today I'm watching Edge of Love.
Your list of feasible clothes sound heavenly @OhRosalind

@OhRosalind, please see my recent post on this thread and help meeee! 😂😍

@OhRosalind

I could have written so much of your post. I got into a terrible rut where in my head I was Jane Birkin but in reality I was still wearing maternity leggings 18 months after my son was born because I hadn’t got the time or headspace to replace them. I work from home most of the time anyway which didn’t help. I think you have three choices: 1) dress for the lifestyle you want - no good for me as I end up saving everything for best. 2) embrace the look that fits your lifestyle - I can’t get excited by this as it doesn’t feel like me or 3) find the intersection between your ideal style and your lifestyle.

The gaps in my wardrobe are all the things I would actually get the most wear out of.

For me this has been the key. I actually think a lot of ‘French girl’ style in the vein of Sezane and Rouje, and welsh cottage chic (I love Keira knightly and Siena Miller’s outfits in that Dylan Thomas film) is actually fairly practical if you are selective: lots of denim, great T-shirts, shirts that aren’t too fitted (including silk, if dark or heavily patterned) with a silk camisole poking out, vintage floral tops, jumpsuits, slouchy knits, wafty bias cut skirts or casually slinky wrap dresses (thrown over wellies) and masculine blazers. Plus bedhead hair and a touch of lipstick applied with your fingers (I was given the Rouje palette and it’s so pretty that just putting it on makes me feel chic).

DS loves jumping in puddles and I try to take him out every day even if it’s raining, but I have wellies in a flattering cut that look good with skirts or over jeans, and when it’s too windy for an umbrella I wear a trench with a wide brimmed hat or a stylish hooded jacket.

Thanks for the outfit suggestions, I'm finding all of these posts so interesting and relatable. I tend to wear a lot of plain clothes these days, and that does work for me up to a point. I find I like French style because it's quite classic and flattering but in a sort of nonchalant way. A typical outfit for me would be a plain tshirt and jeans, natural looking makeup and hair, simple jewellery, leather belt. I don't ever look immaculate. I don't have a big budget either. When I wear colour and patterns they are usually still quite classic. You wouldn't find me wearing slogans, things that don't flatter my figure, anything that is kind of "fun" and would look just as suitable in a child's size.

I think my aim for Autumn/Winter is to find this elusive balance between style and practicality so that whether I'm at home cooking, at playgroup, doing the school run in the rain, or out for a walk in the woods I am suitably dressed in a way that makes me feel good. So maybe adding some plain slim knit jumpers in nice/dark colours to my jeans and t shirt outfits, but also adding some chunkier jumpers and cardigans that look a bit more "country walk". I can look frumpy in dresses with boots and tights but I do look good in dresses in general so perhaps I need to find a way to do that. I love the ballerina loungewear idea but I think maybe my loungewear needs to be more dual-function. I hate wearing pyjamas in the day so some comfy trousers and tops that could also be worn outside, but that I don't count as part of my actual wardrobe for audit purposes .

Having written all that, I'm actually wearing both colour and pattern today and I feel great, and more stylish than when I just wear black on black. I forced DH to admit that I look like I've just stepped off of the Edge of Love set just so I could hear someone else say what my heart was telling me. Maybe poet in Welsh cottage is my thing!

Can I just say I love this thread? I can identify with the dissonance of imagined self vs actual self so much! Also love all the suggestions of practical yet chic clothes, although I'd love links to some brands/ pieces too.
I'm sitting here in baggy shorts and a baggy old T-shirt with those little dryer holes in which is very far from the polished, cosmopolitan, tailored look that I think I should have!