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Style and beauty

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Original poster

Hair - how important is your partner’s opinion?

30 replies

Livingoncake · 23/02/2020 22:23

I ask be I have the chance to get my head shaved for a charity event my work will be hosting soon. I really want to do it. I have a full-time career and 3 young children, and I feel that getting rid of my hair would give me one less thing to do each day.
DH has said he’d rather I not do it. I can understand this - a shaved head would probably be a shock, at least at first. I am disappointed though. So, thoughts? To what extent, if any, do you consider your partner’s opinion/preferences when getting your hair done?

OP posts:

Girlintheframe · 24/02/2020 05:45

I would consider what my partner said but ultimately if I wanted to do it I would

BecauseReasons · 24/02/2020 05:54

Have you seen that episode of Friends where Ross's girlfriend shaves her head because Rachel convinces her to? Might be worth a watch. Probably called, 'The one with the shaved head' or similar.

BecauseReasons · 24/02/2020 05:56

I've just checked- it's called 'The one at the beach'

Kirkman · 24/02/2020 05:57

It's really depends. Is it something you really wanted to do.

I got up one morning and dp had shaved his head. I was quite upset. I didnt like it. He looked like someone who would break your legs. But i got over it and used it.

But yes I prefer it longer. But he really wanted to see what it looked like and it's only hair. But I didnt fancy him as much.

Dp wouldnt like it if I shaved my head. Neither would i tbh. So it's hard to say wether i would do it, if dp hated the idea. Because i dont have the desire to do it. I would imagine if i really wanted to do it, I would.

Are you planning on keeping it shaved? Because as someone who had short (not shaved) hair for a few years, short hair isnt always easier.

My hair is far easier now it's long on a morning.

AuntieStella · 24/02/2020 05:58

He's be an arse for objecting - I'm all for taking reasonable otive if partner's preferences (for does not one wish each partner to seek to please the other)

Though I have tomsay I'm with the late, great TwitterQueen1 in my antipathy towards these sorts of events.

Insertdeadcatsnamehere · 24/02/2020 07:55

Nope. Wouldn't even mention it. Many years ago I dyed my hair purple and he didn't even notice. Lost all rights to having his opinion considered then!

squeekums · 24/02/2020 08:02

I didn't when I went bright purple, just told dp I was going to do it about a year ago. I'm still purple now
my hair my choice

FlappingTurtle · 24/02/2020 08:02

I would consider his opinion and he would consider mine (I've always banned him from growing a beard, and I don't cut my hair short because he prefers it long). I think it's fair enough not to make yourself unattractive to your partner, within reason. I'm aware that opinions differ on this, though.

I guess the question is where you draw the line, and how strongly you each feel about it.

Original poster

Livingoncake · 24/02/2020 18:05

Thanks for the responses all.

I do not have what one might call Nice Hair. My hair is thin, limp, fine and pin-straight. For this reason, I’m not all that attached to it and haven’t let it grow past my shoulders since I was 12. Shorter is definitely easier for me, but I figured a bald head (at least for a while) would save me trying to inject some life into my hair each morning.

I don’t want my husband to find me hideous though, so it’s a no-go. Oh well.

OP posts:

homemadecommunistrussia · 24/02/2020 18:24

I don't really worry what dh thinks of my hair.
Shaving your head completely is a bit different than just changing the style.
Would your dh be ok if you just had a shorter haircut?

MoltonSilver · 24/02/2020 18:32

If it was just a regular hairstyle then not at all. He probably wouldnt notice anyway.

I wouldnt be keen on dh shaving his head. I'd like him to take my opinion into account so I'd do the same for him.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 24/02/2020 18:32

I shave my head. I'm single at the minute but was in a relationship when I first shaved it. I didn't consult my partner. Not sure he liked it. Come to think of it, I don't think anybody liked it. And they still don't. But me? I bloody love it

YouStupidBoy · 24/02/2020 18:35

My DH prefers my hair longer; currently I have a very short bob - Natalie Portman in her "Leon" era - and love it. DH says that he doesn't like it as much as when my hair is longer but recognises that me being happy with it is most important. His opinion matters, but is not the overriding consideration for me.

Kaykay066 · 24/02/2020 18:46

It’ll grow back though and pretty scarves and short pixie do’s to play with whilst it grows will be fun?..it’s your hair and not his what if he went bald? I don’t ask my partner when I’m getting my hair cut/dyed and he doesn’t ask me before he goes to the barber we offer opinion on a new do but not telling each other we can’t cut hair or dye a certain colour etc

Do it op I bet you’ll look really lovely

frostedviolets · 24/02/2020 20:00

It’s not quite the question you asked.
But why not just not shave your head and just donate money to the charity instead...?

I don’t get the fascination for stunts like waxing men’s legs or shaving women’s heads, it serves no purpose really.
All the charity wants and needs is money so just donate.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 24/02/2020 20:09

If you want to shave your head, shave your head, don't do it as a charity stunt. Personally (although I know opinions differ) I find this incredibly insensitive, slightly patronising and a bit fucking stupid, tbh. Shaving your hair for charity is fuck all like losing your hair due to illness etc. And people applauding others for doing it is extremely bad taste. IMO anyway.

frostedviolets · 24/02/2020 20:12

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles
Put it much better and more directly than I did.
Agree 100%

On the actual question in the OP, I think a partners opinion is definitely important and should be listened to but ultimately it’s your hair and you can cut it however you like.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 24/02/2020 20:30

Sorry I didn't answer your question about the importance of your DP's opinion on your hair.

I have a shaved head (as you can probably tell from my comment above ) and my DH says he loves it. Personally I think I look like a small bald alien but DH says my head is like velvet and strokes it at night which feels nice. It's taken me a long time to adjust (I used to have waist length very thick heavy curls) but I am lucky enough to have enough hair on top left to have a Mohican, which I actually do like in fairness and I have come to appreciate the ease of looking after it. (The eyebrow problems are a much touchier subject!)

DH has never ever said anything negative about it and genuinely seems to find it/me still attractive. I sometimes think he must be pretending but then I think how I would feel if he lost his hair and it would genuinely make no difference to how I actually feel about him. I actually love him more these days for how kind he has been and how supportive he is.

These threads can be hard to read with all the thug/Ross's ugly girlfriend/right to not find people attractive etc comments. Also no one ever seems able to explain why it's OK to find your DP less attractive only if they lose their hair through their own choice - if it's from medical reasons people don't seem to come out and say they find their partners less attractive! It seems people don't worry about being judged shallow or superficial when there is an element of choice, even though the end result is the same ie you look at your partner and see a tiny bald alien.

I've probably explained all that really badly, I'm tired.

Aderyn19 · 24/02/2020 20:40

I guess the difference is that if your partner is ill, they might well be less physically attractive but only an utter arse would say so. And when faced with the prospect of a partner dying from their illness, how they look really isn't that important.
But if someone actively chooses a look that they know their dp doesn't find attractive, is it so bad to let them know it isn't appealing?

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 24/02/2020 21:11

I know what you're saying @Aderyn19 and I guess it's different for me as I have skin in the game (no pun intended ) but if you look at your partner and feel displeasure (for want of a better word) at their bald head surely it's irrelevant now the baldness came about? I know my DH loves long hair, I know he liked my old hair and I know that objectively I looked much "better" then than now, but my DH genuinely seems able to get past it. I would hope he felt the same way if I made an active choice to look like this, that he would still look at me and see me, that I'm still here even if my hair isn't!

(My hair loss isn't from chemo, it's alopecia caused by a different disease, but I agree there is an element of my hair being the least of my problems here. Still you have to live with seeing yourself in mirrors and shop window reflections etc and I was surprised how hard I found it)

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 24/02/2020 21:13

I don't want to derail the thread though so I'll shut up now about my hair or lack of

Alsoco · 24/02/2020 21:16

My husband strongly voices his preference for me to dye my hair blonder and blonder which is big talk from a bald man 🙄😂

Reginabambina · 24/02/2020 21:18

Mine never has an opinion, ever. He often does even notice (even that time I literally cut half of it off). This is a bit different I suppose but he’d be a massive hypocrite to say anything given that he’s bald himself. Go for it, worst case scenario it will grow back.

Timeforredwine · 24/02/2020 21:34

I always ask my husbands opinion as I want to look my best for him and would definitely not do anything to my hair that I knew he wouldn't really be that keen on and I'm hoping he would feel the same!

Timeforredwine · 24/02/2020 21:36

But saying that if you feel strongly that you want to shave your head and you would feel better for it then go for it.

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