What clothing, make up, or hair style makes you look older?

[Mackerz]

I’m 40 and my mum has just told me that I’m at the age where I should have a cropped hair cut. I personally think this will add about 20 years on to me. I have dark brown hair, wavy, below shoulders and I have some lighter highlights around my face and parting. I wear it down and wavy, straightened with a bit of a kick at the ends or tied back in a loose bun at the nape of my neck with some of the front falling out. I’m lucky that it’s still thick and I keep it well conditioned.

I like to follow trends but adapt them to my age, so for example I will wear mini skirts but I’ll wear them with tights and boots.

Are there any things that people think are a dead giveaway for age - clothes, makeup or hair?

You mean men stick to one hairstyle? Are you imagining - or trying hard not to imagine - what men think are subtle combover “styles”?

fwiw I look older when I'm tired. Sleep, water and a (not very obsessive) regime.

There's a difference between wanting to look younger, and wanting to look 'good for your age'. (I think).

Good for your age sounds a bit insulting.

I understand what @CouldBeAGreatMum means, I am happy to look 40, as I am 40. But I want to look like a stylish, relatively fashionable 40 year old, not someone who's decided fashion and style are for young people, and my priority is being comfy and practical above all else.

yes @DisgruntledGuineaPig thats what I meant but I don't know a better way to say it than 'good for your age'. E.g. Helen Mirren looks her age, but she looks amazing. I saw Hugh Grant on the BBC website today - he is 57 and looks like an especially handsome 57 year old (imho)!

There's nothing wrong with getting male attention. I mean, when you're as stunning as I am, it's simply unavoidable .

But I even went to the trouble to illustrate what I meant by this when it comes to hair length. The examples I gave which I find a bit are:

1. when women say, (and I have heard exactly this), "I would love to cut my hair short but my boyfriend wouldn't like it". Fine, as long as he consults you before every haircut too, but I seriously doubt it in this case.

Long , swishy, straight, blinde hair hair is often seen as the way to have your hair, even if it means extensions and a fuck tonne of bleach. It is like the signal by SOME women to SOME men (NOT ALL, I REPEAT, NOT ALL), that "I am here to please you. I am obedient. I have toed the line and gone against what nature gave me to deliver what men like".

2) the journalist from that filthy rag, the Daily Mail, who said she had her hair cut in a bob, loved it and then when a man said it wasn't attractive, she went into a tailspin, thinking that because all the most powerful men in the world have partners with long, swishy hair, (she used Kate and William as an example), she HAD to have long hair again asap. She was testing out vitamins, special massage etc to claw her way back to long hair.

That isn't dressing for yourself. However, PLENTY OF WOMEN WITH LONG HAIR DO WEAR THEIR HAIR THAT WAY JUST TO PLEASE THEMSELVES. Sorry, I feel as if I have to caps everything, as I was misunderstood I think, by the good doctor earlier.

But just because lots of women will say they wear their hair only to please themselves, it doesn't mean that there isn't a patriarchal gold standard of womanlyness. And if you don't appear to be making an effort to achieve that, by wearing your hair that way, regardless of whether you like it or if it suits you, some people, men and women, absolutely HATE it.

Sorry, that was in response to the discussion about "the male gaze".

Yes it was me who mentioned that earlier, to the poster who asked.

"Long hair (provided it’s thick and healthy) always makes women look younger"

I totally disagree. I think it can be ageing because a younger face is expected to with the hair.

Hmmmmm, I’m 49 and have very short hair that I dye grey, I also love a chiffon scarf, I’m doomed 😂

" if some rare bloke does like my no-shits, short-haired attitude then he's probably a better bet."

That makes no sense to me. I've known men who prefer short hair on women - they're no better than anyone else.

And if you don't appear to be making an effort to achieve that, (by wearing your hair that way, regardless of whether you like it or if it suits you), some people, men and women, absolutely HATE it.

Sorry, that didn't read very well earlier. I've added brackets. Hope it makes sense.

Some women always look down on other women who maybe dress for “the male gaze” (either consciously or sub conciously), but at the end of the day sex and attraction is what makes the world go round! There’s nothing wrong with liking attention from the opposite sex.

Jayne, there's nothing more attractive to the male gaze as a confident self assured woman. Attraction isn't (mostly) about looks, especially longer-lasting attraction.

(well maybe a few things, but each man has different views about e.g hair style, colour, chest size etc and that's their issue, not mine).

I actually really don't dress or style myself for men. I mean I wouldn't wear my joggers on a date or anything, but you know.

In any case,

I don't look down on women who dress for the male gaze at all. We're all part of the same system. They are simply following the 'rules' I suppose. I just think it's sad that for some people, the world seems to be driven by what men want.

I don't think men dress for women in the same way, or at least, they rarely go out of their way to do so.

Men rarely wear anything uncomfortable or alter their appearance significantly to attract women IME. As long as they feel fit and healthy etc. Different if they maybe need to lose a lot of weight and do so to find a partner. But that's not the same as gluing bits of someone else's hair all over your head, bleaching the fuck out of it, squeezing into massive heels and tottering into a night club JUST to attract a man. Obviously (caps again) LOTS OF WOMEN JUST ENJOY DRESSING THIS WAY BECAUSE THEY LIKE IT AND THAT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

Add to that that prescribed ideals of feminine beauty are often grounded in racism. If you don't have long, straight, swishy hair you can't possibly be attractive. BAME is frequently not naturally straight or swishy.

It's dangerous to blindly follow the rules without thinking it through imo.

And even when women provide the 'right' thing btw, men frequently change their minds and go for something unexpected IME. So it's a pointless exercise and a bit desperate for that to be your ONLY aim, no?

"Sex and attraction makes the world go round"...? Can you explain what you mean here? Do you mean, women can't attract a man and therefore can't breed without dressing to certain, prescribed man pleasing standards? I've seen plenty of couples where neither one seems to be classically good looking. They've managed to have children. Some of the most attractive people in the world are a bit unconventional looking and ditto some of the most successful people, so I don't really understand what you mean. Could you explain?

I mean, people will find different things attractive in a potential long term partner, so it seems silly to uphold the idea that only the classically pretty are pretty enough to breed with. That simply isn't true and doesn't even make sense from a genetic / evolutionary perspective.

@FeckOffGraham you're saying what I want to say, much more eloquently.

We all signal to each other in various ways, including clothing.

I’d not choose to be ott ever with tight fitting dresses, high heels or extensions as it’s really not me. But I do think you can still be comfortable and look good and with good style. So it doesn’t have to be ott or fleece and joggers.

"I don't think men dress for women in the same way, or at least, they rarely go out of their way to do so."

I'm not so sure about this. Men usually dress differently for a Saturday night out than for other activities. I think some of them put a lot of thought into how to look good, without necessarily seeming to be as 'dressed up'.
Also, plenty of gay men dress to flatter their figures for other men in just the same way women do.

I suppose if women are advertising their availability by taking an extreme look men on the same spot of a spectrum, ie the extreme end, might flash a car, watch, order expensive champagne etc. You could get a night club for example with these two groups of people vying for each other’s attention.

Obviously it’s a taste that not everyone has. And some will avoid that mating ritual like the plague.

Yes, that's true gwen, but as I said, men do not often significantly alter their appearance or cause themselves discomfort to appear more attractive to women. Wearing a new shirt on a saturday night is not the same thing as saying "men are only attractive to women if they have long, swishy hair". Cue men shelling out hundreds of £££ a year, getting a stranger's hair glued onto their heads? I can't even think of an equivalent for men, to use as a funny example. What do some women dictate all men must have to be attractive? I honestly can't think, other than maybe general fitness...?

Gay men on the pull are obviously seeking to appeal to other men, so it isn't the same as men seeking to appeal to women. Women who want to appeal sexually to other women would be different again. You can't really compare these I don't think. And I certainly don't feel capable of doing so, as I am a female, married to a man.

Yes, but there are varying degrees of 'dressing for the male gaze'. I don't wear anything that would be considered 'sexy', no plunging necklines or very short skirts or thigh high boots or fishnet tights, no long blonde hair, etc. but even when I'm sitting there in my jeans and jacket, I've put some thought into looking like feminine (my jacket goes in at the waist) and I'm dressing for the male gaze to the extent that can be reconciled with practicality. It's just not as obvious as someone dressed in a tight, short dress and high heels.

I think that's a good point Marsha; some men might signal their attractiveness by showing, (or making out), that they are wealthy.

On the other hand, a wealthy woman might even hide the fact that she has a high paying job. It isn't attractive to some men that their potential mate is successful or high earning. But, she MUST have those hair extensions yeah ?

"Cue men shelling out hundreds of £££ a year, getting a stranger's hair glued onto their heads? I can't even think of an equivalent for men"

Marsha's mentioned above men who spend money in order to look rich to impress women.

My DM looks amazing for her age, but she also looks ridiculous. She dyes her hair a reddy brown, she wears thick dark make up, pretty feminine clothes, and high heels - she is 92 and keeps falling off the bloody things. She thinks she looks 60, she doesn't.

I completely rebelled, much to her disdain, and have short grey hair, which DH loves (he and my DD's thinks I look older if it gets longer), and wear plain colours, skinny jeans, above the knee skirts, with boots etc etc. I don't wear make-up or jewellery. Occasionally I will wear a bit of mascara and darken my brows, but I never put anything on my face. It is the most liberating thing ever, not having to make-up, interestingly my two DD's don't put much make-up on either, thank god, no dark slug eyebrows, or thick foundation.

I'm going for an Isabella Rossellini, Helen Mirren, Emma Thompson kind of vibe, all of whom look great, happy in their styles, but also look their age.

Yes, x post I think Gwen .

Dressing in a way which is feminine is not the same as dressing for the male gaze.

Even if you have a belly button low neck line, mini skirt and bum length hair extensions, but you are not doing so because you are solely concerned with getting a man to approve of you or fancy you, you are not dressing for the male gaze.

I love clothes. I love styling my hair. Like you gwen, I don't look OTT girly, but I certainly enjoy my femininity. I think it's something to be celebrated.

If I was dressing for the male gaze, I wouldn't be enjoying my femininity, I would just be obeying the rules to show how obedient I am.