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Original poster

What clothing, make up, or hair style makes you look older?

254 replies

Mackerz · 29/10/2019 10:27

I’m 40 and my mum has just told me that I’m at the age where I should have a cropped hair cut. I personally think this will add about 20 years on to me. I have dark brown hair, wavy, below shoulders and I have some lighter highlights around my face and parting. I wear it down and wavy, straightened with a bit of a kick at the ends or tied back in a loose bun at the nape of my neck with some of the front falling out. I’m lucky that it’s still thick and I keep it well conditioned.

I like to follow trends but adapt them to my age, so for example I will wear mini skirts but I’ll wear them with tights and boots.

Are there any things that people think are a dead giveaway for age - clothes, makeup or hair?

OP posts:
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Fairylea · 31/10/2019 15:03

I think there is definitely a shift as women get older in the whole “dressing for the male gaze” thing. I am 39, married and not remotely interested in attracting men, or giving any remote shit about what they think of me. It’s very liberating. When I choose what to wear I choose for me, for comfort and for what makes me feel happy. When I was 18-25 I was dressing for other people, to attract men, to fit in.

Ageing is actually very enjoyable. You stop caring about other people so much. The freedom is lovely.

Fightthebear · 31/10/2019 15:04

I’d say Emma Thompson looks younger than she did a few years back.

She’s got markedly more fashionable in clothes and hair (short!) and it’s had a strong anti aging effect.

GeorgianaDovesHouse · 31/10/2019 15:17

@FeckOffGraham

What do some women dictate all men must have to be attractive? I honestly can't think, other than maybe general fitness...?

A good brain is very important.

MarshaBradyo · 31/10/2019 15:19

Actually short men get a hard time on mn. If you start a thread about that around half or more will say they only find tall men attractive. It is mn, sure so probably skewed answers, but still, a man can’t change his height.

GeorgianaDovesHouse · 31/10/2019 15:19

The most attractive men tend to rate intelligence too. A sense of humour is also important.

FeckOffGraham · 31/10/2019 15:24

Marsha

But a lot of men I have met say they won't date a woman taller than they are. Even very short men, so they rule out about 75% of women.

Height isn't something only men get a hard time about.

FeckOffGraham · 31/10/2019 15:25

YY Georgiana, clever men have always been my downfall. I don't care if they're bankers or impoverished poets, I love a smarty pants! Luckily DH is a lovely smarty pants.

But I don't think that's touted as an accepted, almost universal standard, the way women having long, swishy hair is.

MarshaBradyo · 31/10/2019 15:31

How many men respond to that stereotype of hair, boobs, heels do you think? It’s a taste thing too for men. I’ve never gone for it and found that uninterested look hasn’t stopped attraction, esp when younger.

Fairylea · 31/10/2019 15:52

I think men, like women, are attracted to all sorts of different people. Yeah there’s the very stereotypical 80s big boobed long hair slim giggly type that is trotted out so many times in films and the general media etc but actually many men I’ve known fancy women with super short hair, small breasts, larger stomachs, no make up, tons of make up, huge biker boots, totally hippy look etc and everything in between. Bottom line is - and something I wish the younger generation like my dd realised more- is that if you dress for yourself and love yourself chances are someone else will love you and fancy you just the way you are.

That’s often why older women are perceived to be so sexy, it’s a confidence thing. I think we are moving away from the whole idea of wanting to look younger, just “better”.

confusedmaybe · 31/10/2019 16:01

I think mostly women compete with each other. To look better, thinner, attract more male attention or whatever. Often the desire to look good is simply driven by this sense of competition

GeorgianaDovesHouse · 31/10/2019 16:04

The “uninterested look” is far more alluring than the obvious look.

Gwenhwyfar · 31/10/2019 16:05

" If you start a thread about that around half or more will say they only find tall men attractive. It is mn, sure so probably skewed answers, but still, a man can’t change his height."

Not just MN. Women in general prefer taller men. That's well documented.
It's the equivalent to slimness in women, rather than height in women. Overweight women can lose weight, but short men can't do anything about it, as you note, except perhaps try to compensate in other ways e.g. status/wealth/muscle.

Gwenhwyfar · 31/10/2019 16:07

"is that if you dress for yourself and love yourself chances are someone else will love you and fancy you just the way you are.

That’s often why older women are perceived to be so sexy, it’s a confidence thing. I think we are moving away from the whole idea of wanting to look younger, just “better”"

I think you're kidding yourself here.

Gwenhwyfar · 31/10/2019 16:10

"I'm going for an Isabella Rossellini, Helen Mirren, Emma Thompson kind of vibe, all of whom look great, happy in their styles, but also look their age."

At least two of those have had work done.

Fairylea · 31/10/2019 16:20

Not kidding myself at all @Gwenhwyfar I genuinely believe that to be true. I am nearly 40 and I have no interest whatsoever in looking 21 or even 31 again. I just want to look like the best version of my 40 year old self that I can.

FinallyJones · 31/10/2019 16:22

Agree totally that shortening your hair ages you.

My 66 year old MIL has recently had long white hair extensions added (to her natural white bob).

We were appalled when we heard, but she wears it loosely tied back or in a messy bun and looks so much more glamorous and younger then before!

AnnaNimmity · 31/10/2019 16:36

I agree with you @Fairylea and feel the same. I am genuinely not interested in either dressing for men, or looking younger. I agree that confidence is very attractive. It's very free-ing being older. I wish I knew when I was young, what I know now. Men are find so many different things attractive - not all are into pneumatic boobs and big hair. (very few in fact- lets assume they too, in a relationship at least, see beyond appearances).

However I don't think we (most people) are moving away from the desire to look younger and the belief that it's best. You only have to read the posts on here to see that. However, I do think my teenage daughters are more confident than I was, and (I just asked one of them) scoff at the idea of dressing for men. (They don't care about the age thing - they just want to look older!).

FeckOffGraham · 31/10/2019 16:41

I think you're kidding yourself here.

Ok, so, if older women are not perceived to be attractive and if it isn't all about confidence and is actually about being the right BMI, the right age (young, having long, swishy hair, wearing the right, sexy enough clothes, is that not a really good reason to NOT be too invested in how attractive you are to men?

FeckOffGraham · 31/10/2019 16:46

Because, let's face it, we can't stay the right side of 30 forever. What a good reason then to think "fuck that. I'm not going to be the hottest woman in the nightclub forever. Maybe I should just enjoy myself and make myself feel great by dressing for myself instead of trying to live up to beauty standards which are actually impossible to maintain". Because, if you pour all of your efforts into looking right, you might neglect other areas of your live which have more longevity. I couldn't be friends for long with someone who was fully focused on making men fancy her everywhere we went. I'd be bored to death! I have beautiful friends who men DO seem to fall in love with everywhere we go, but they are not focussing on that when we go out. They have more to them than that.

FeckOffGraham · 31/10/2019 17:23

And by "looking right" I mean trying to live up to impossible beauty standards.

Looking good, dressing well etc are ageless qualities.

TheHoundsofLove · 31/10/2019 17:30

It depends what you have as your end goal... 'not looking older' and 'wanting to look stylish' are 2 totally different things.
I really don't agree that long hair always makes someone look younger anyway. But, it definitely isn't necessarily the most stylish option. Long hair can look amazing, but short hair can so often look fresher and more dynamic.
I also still think that aiming to look younger is largely pointless as the vast majority of people (definitely everyone that I personally know) looks more or less their actual age regardless of what they do or don't do.

TheHoundsofLove · 31/10/2019 17:34

Not that I think you should get your hair cut OP or that you want to look younger. I'm just responding in a general sense.

Gwenhwyfar · 31/10/2019 17:47

"as the vast majority of people (definitely everyone that I personally know) looks more or less their actual age regardless of what they do or don't do."

Not true at all for the people I know. Quite a few people look up to five years older or younger than they are.

TheHoundsofLove · 31/10/2019 17:51

But, I would say that once you're past about mid thirties, up to 5 years is fairly negligible really. Those who are in their early forties tend to look like they're somewhere in their early forties.

FeckOffGraham · 31/10/2019 18:06

Exactly, who honestly cares about 5 years? I'm 36. If someone said I looked 31 or 40 it would have absolutely no effect on my life, or even my day, at all. I mean, I'm going to get to an old age some day I hope and I don't plan to waste my years thinking "oh what can I do to look 31 / 40 / 65 instead of 36 / 45 / 70"?

Funnily enough, my mum (extremely beautiful as a young woman, like the most beautiful girl in town etc) always swore she would never get old and she didn't, poor thing. Life is short enough. I couldn't care less if I look my age or even older.