What clothing, make up, or hair style makes you look older?

[Mackerz]

I’m 40 and my mum has just told me that I’m at the age where I should have a cropped hair cut. I personally think this will add about 20 years on to me. I have dark brown hair, wavy, below shoulders and I have some lighter highlights around my face and parting. I wear it down and wavy, straightened with a bit of a kick at the ends or tied back in a loose bun at the nape of my neck with some of the front falling out. I’m lucky that it’s still thick and I keep it well conditioned.

I like to follow trends but adapt them to my age, so for example I will wear mini skirts but I’ll wear them with tights and boots.

Are there any things that people think are a dead giveaway for age - clothes, makeup or hair?

@FarAwaySheep

I know what you mean about being an in between age. I’m starting to get some greys and have my hair coloured/highlighted to disguise them. I’m not ready to go full on grey yet. I’m hoping my hair will still be thick when I hit my 60s though as I think long, thick, white hair would look amazing at that age.

@Anoisagusaris Nooooo! I'm the wrong animal!!

I used to avoid places like bonmarche, but my mum dragged me in and actually it's really not all bad. I bought 3 long plain jumpers in dark, jewelled colours and okay, they are not going to set the world alight in fashion terms, but they are absolutely no different to what you'd buy in any number of high street shops.
I've spent ages trying to find fine knit jumpers that don't cut off at the widest part of me and I'm pleased to have found them.
Yes, there's a lot dross in there - you do have to avoid the nylon trousers etc, but there's a lot of dross in all high st shops these days.

@LHReturns

Thank you. I will have a look to see if I can get a copy version.

That website you mentioned looks amazing, looking forward to browsing it over the weekend.

My Mum was trying to get me to get my hair cut at 40 too - I've ignored her, can't afford the upkeep for one thing!

You'll prise my chiffon scarf collection out of my cold dead hands, I refuse to accept they're ageing. I'm relatively short and relatively small, scarves are the place I get to wear patterns and colours without looking overwhelmed by them.

Yeah, the upkeep is a PITA tbf. That's the one reason I'm growing mine a smidgen longer. I have to get it cut really frequently or else the back grows out faster than the side and looks dreadful.

But if it wasn't for that and I would keep it.

I probably feel the same as you do op, being told to cut your hair, when people say "short hair is so ageing, like you've really let yourself go", (only on here obviously, because anyone who saw my amazing hair would never say that ).

I think long hair looks not all that nice on more people than you'd think. I do think, God how do they stand that? Not "they look ugly" or anything, but more like "why? Isn't that a total PITA"?

It's different if you really suit it, or even if you don't care, but just love it. But, what I don't get is women of all ages being invested in their long hair as if they're a 10 yo who can't bear to have their rapunzel hair cut. I basically don't think as many people really suit long hair as think they do and I find it when grown women get precious about it, like "oh no, not my beautiful mane. I couldn't possibly have it cut, I'm still a pwincess" 😂.

It's fine to have whatever hair length you like, but when people say, "you can't have SHORT hair . It just isn't conventional, male gaze version of attractive", I do think "sad twat". The OP's mum's "style rules for the over 40s" are definitely outdated though. It's about what genuinely suits you. I just happen to think fewer people genuinely suit long, long hair than think they do. That goes for all ages.

Long hair is so not a pita. Very much easier to manage than any of the short cuts I had .... and, with the exception of one, intensive maintenance, short cut, looks better on me and gives loads more variety in what I can do with it. I will be going to the grave with long hair

That's fine ferrier, but don't assume everyone feels the same way; that's what I'm getting at.

Whether it's saying "40+ women shouldn't have long hair because it confuses men who think she's going to be a smoking young hotty from the back and then she turns round and they get a disappointment" , or "short hair makes everyone look older, like they've let themselves go", there will always be someone who thinks your choice isn't what they would choose, so I wouldn't be so cock sure as to make sweeping statements like that.

I do think the default is for women to choose long, overstyled hair though and I don't think as many women suit it as think they do.

If I thought I suited long hair AND found it easier to maintain, obviously I would have it. But I do know of women who just won't be parted from their long hair, not because they suit it, enjoy it, love it or find it easier, but just because the thought of short hair scares them. Or worse "I'd love short hair, but my boyfriend doesn't like it". Cut your hair. Get a new boyfriend!

An illustration of what I mean is, Emma Willis apparently used to get told to let her hair grow out, because her short hair wouldn't appeal to as many people. It's the default. She obviously ignored them and her amazing short hair is her signature. But the default thought was "you can't be a beautiful woman presenting family telly with SHORT HAIR ". People who don't think very much go for the default.

Not that all people with long hair (the default) don't think I hasten to add; obviously lots of people think it through and think yes, that's the best look for me. But I also think assuming women must have long, styled to death hair is something the hard of thinking do.

Short hair does scare me

St 6ft1 I’d be worried I’d get mistaken for a man

I was that kid in the 70s who got asked “are you a boy or a girl” (only wore boys’ clothes so my 3 brothers could wear them after me, and short hair (for nit prevention)). The 70s! How can they seem so long ago

I like short hair on other people though, just not on me

I've always thought that, on most people, well-cut short hair is a far more stylish look. Apart from the odd person who has particularly beautiful long hair and suits it, I honestly think that a shorter cut tends to flatter the face more. Obviously, the thought that you should cut your hair as soon as you reach 40 is a total nonsense. But, so is the belief that short hair is always dreadfully ageing.

alicia999 you made my morning!!!!!

I think short hair on older women can look amazing - Lena Heady (not sure if I’ve spelt that correctly, but the actor from Game of Thrones!) is one who carries it off really well. She has a very edgy alternative look- dark messy hair and tattoos and I think she looks amazing.

I love Emma Willis hair style too but I think she would look much younger with darker hair, the blond makes her look very washed out. But that’s just my opinion!

Here -

That video has dated terribly. The nautical bathroom and plastic fruit in a bowl are the kind of things my mother (born in the fifties) would have laughed at. Or so I was thinking until it got to the bit about the gift bags. And nobody has hair like that under the age of 65 where I live.

But the gift bag thing...surely everyone reuses those...no?

Definitely those short haircuts that women of a certain age seem to adopt . Just hideous .

She looks fab fairylea. I'm also partial to a decent tattoo. I'm also 5'8", so could easily be mistaken for a man, but tbh it hasn't happened yet. I don't think I'd particularly mind if I was though. I've been called worse!

Fairy she's hardly a typical 46 year old though. Most women her age don't have a jawline like that.

My two pence worth...

Looking too tidy. Neat hair, neat makeup, very co-ordinated clothes, matching accessories. Gives a cardboard-cutout feel that doesn’t suggest a youthful spirit.

Also, tons of expensive jewellery all worn at once.

But not all women suit long hair either. I'd say as many people have unsuitably long hair as have unsuitable short hair. That Got actress isn't typical looking, but neither is, I dunno, Kim Kardashian, yet people have her super long hair and nobody bats an eyelid. It's just the default, as I was saying. It's like you have to be SPECIAL to have short hair. That's the accepted wisdom, because long hair is the default. And people go with it because that is the expectation sometimes, rather than thinking about what really suits them. You see it all the time on here and sometimes hear it IRL. Everybody looks better with long hair. Short hair is ageing, only for women of a certain age. Meh, I see more women with dodgy long hair than short.

I'm a bit curious as to where you people on here live where there are all these women "of a certain age", (apparently anyone who has a child according to that top bantz nineties cheese video ), have seriously dodgy hair cuts?

Maybe it's regional or maybe there is a time warp on MN to the early 90s where everyone has nautical themed bathrooms, choppy hair sprayed mum dos and bowls of plastic fruit.

I don't believe in a different hairstyle just because I'm 40. I have shoulder length naturally curly hair because that suits my face shape best. I've had it since 13 and will probably have it till I die. I have tried longer and shorter cuts but they just don't flatter as much, my mum had shoulder length hair since her teens as well. I used to have an auntie who had a thick ponytail up to her bum till her 90s! She had really nice (grey) hair and it looked fab. Please do what suits you.

The only person I can think of - in the public eye - who really suits her short hair is Judi Dench.

Short hair

Most faces have a good structure though. There are very few faces so lacking in definition that they absolutely need long hair to hide the hideousness. Imagine if men did the same. All sorts of male faces suit short hair. I don't know any men with very long hair I don't think.

Women are told they need to have long hair to be accepted, but it's just social conditioning. I think long hair frequently looks untidy and just a bit crap on lots of women, but it's so in-built that this is the norm, that they simply won't consider anything else. Just my opinion obviously. Maybe they look in the mirror and see something totally different. All I know is that the most stylish women I know dress and style their hair in a way that matches their style and personalities. Some have long hair, some have short, but none of them just go with long hair because to do otherwise might make them look GASP different or not pwetty like a pwincess or because their boyfriend likes long swishy hair. I even once saw an article in the Daily Hate of course where a woman said she'd tried out a bob and loved it, but then a MAN said it wasn't attractive enough. She got to thinking then, (a real genius this one 😂), looking at all the most powerful men in the world, they all had female partners with long hair! So she was desperately trying to get hers to grow long again 😂😂😂😂🙄🙄🙄🙄. There you have it! Seriously, you couldn't make it up.

It's a fascinating issue imo though and some people genuinely suit their hair long. I happen to look fabulous with short hair. If any boyfriend had told me to grow it for them, I'd probably have laughed in their silly faces.