What's it like to be beautiful?

[mclover]

Just that really. Idly looking through some online gossip pages (I know) and seen a pic of David Beckham for example, and Helena Christensen. What's it like to go through life being very attractive? Any beauties out there want to share?

sheshoots but the weight loss = confidence thing obviously doesn't apply to eating disorders. I don't think I ever used to dress to emphasise my size when I was thinner, in fact I dress better now because I feel like now that I'm fat, people aren't looking at me so I might as well wear what I like!

sheshootssheimplores I have good confidence even when I’m bigger though, I always dress fairly well and wear make up every day. I don’t lose confidence when I am bigger, I generally care very little for what people think. But people holding doors open for me, wolf whistling on the street, offering to pay for my coffee, none of those are to do with my confidence. It’s the size of my arse that makes the difference!

You can be judged by your looks even if you are intelligent which I find quite sad ,,, a lot people are surprised that I have a degree because they think I am a dumb blonde ... I prefer brains to beauty.

It's very nice thank you.

I always think I'm much more attractive than I actually am .

I’m a bit of a minger but I know a beautiful woman (who is also really nice and very very bright) and she gets followed round the supermarket by creepy dads from school.
That does not sound awesome.

I also have a friend who is quite upset that she has become invisible in her mid forties. I suppose that if you've Always been invisible you don’t really care but it must be a hard thing to lose.

Family member is properly beautiful. Also very charming and intelligent with great dress sense. When she goes into a bar the barman will usually buy her a drink even if they don't know her! Is frequently chatted up by celebrities although that's not her thing.

If I go clothes shopping with her the shop assistants say to me how it must be annoying for me to go shopping with her as she looks great in everything.

Anytime anything goes wrong in her life a man (strangers) will step up and sort it out for her. Eg she misses a plane and man behind her in queue will offer to drive her 200 miles himself. Or pay her excess baggage charge etc.

She has been championed a lot in her career by men who fancy her and has done phenomenally well at work without any qualifications at all.

So really she leads a charmed life. Now in her 40s, still drop dead gorgeous!

My family member doesn't worry about stuff I would worry about as if anything ever goes wrong from the smallest thing to the biggest thing there is a queue of strangers literally desperate to help her out 😆

I would have loved to be beautiful.

I just don't look right at all.

As I said before ... brains last longer than beauty. I would like to be taken seriously instead of being judged by my looks.

I had a friend who was very striking, tall, blonde, always tanned, she absolutely lived for attention from men. She was a nice girl she just needed to feel wanted I think. She's had a load of plastic surgery done now, she is in her 40s and the pictures I see of her make me sad because she doesn't look natural anymore, she looks like some sort of porno type. Being beautiful obviously wasn't enough for her!

@bobstersmum

That is sad .. I do look younger than I am but that doesn't mean I want to be that age again.

I'd love to be naturally attractive, you could play it down or turn it up according to the situation you're in or how you are feeling, it's a choice us unattractive people just don't have. We'll always look a bit crap. Also attractive people are generally healthy people, I'm not particularly healthy and it shows.

Beautiful people might get fed up with wolf whistles but it strikes me as preferable to being barked at when you walk past a group of men.
Also being unattractive does not stop girls / boys / women or men being nasty to you they'll just find another reason to be horrid and of course you can't say 'it's just because they are jealous' because they won't be. The ugliest people in our society get the hardest time ime.

I've yet to meet these beautiful people you talk about though: crowds parting and people staring in wonder has passed me by, possibly another MN fallacy.

I used to be very "pretty" (cringing saying that). I was a model for a major London agency and always got a lot of attention for my looks. But, looking back I feel really uncomfortable with the kind of attention I got - much older men perving on me when I was 14/15/16, a teacher once pointing out in my all girls school that I was "a very beautiful girl" which led to months of severe bullying by other girls, a bus driver once tooting his horn at me when I was in school uniform in front of a bus full of people, sleazy, leachy men trying it on with me when I was travelling and trying to have a good time with my friends. If this kind of thing ever happened to my own daughter I would hate it.

I also found that other women would immediately dislike me or assume I was dumb.

Now, a few stone, 2 kids and a lot of sleepless nights and wine later I don't get the comments or the attention I used to, but I also find I'm not as self concious as I used to be. I'm much more at ease with myself.

I'm not beautiful but I am (was) quite attractive.

Bad parts:
-feeling awkward walking through any room because you'd feel people look at you. Offices, restaurants, anything. I avoid going to the toilet until I'm bursting.

• never knowing if men liked me for who I was or how I looked
• feeling intimidated by people honking horns, builders shouting things
• I was attacked by different girls on two occasions because their partners were looking at me
• I am very conscious of my looks fading. I didn't realise how much of my identity is tied up in how I look.
• my son gets very angry about all the attention I get. He gets upset when he sees men looking at me in public.

Good parts:

• men almost always let me out at junctions/let me go first in queues/ offer to buy me drinks
• it feels good to look nice sometimes
• I don't struggle to get dates
• Interviews are easier when I know they're being conducted by men

All the good things are a bit sad really!

One of my sons is beautiful (professional model with Elite for eight years). It hasn’t meant he’s had happy relationships or anything like that, or even is more confident than other people. He’s been smart enough to view his physical appearance as an asset and he’s used it, and he’s had a lot of opportunities and experiences that others might not. But it hasn’t equalled happiness or being lucky in love (he would agree!). I was pretty good looking when young too and I’d also agree!!! But then, you can be plain and it doesn’t bring happiness either?...

theoldmanfromup yes - all true for me too. Absolutely.

I’m looking better than I ever did and now, in my forties, have found my style and a confidence that comes with being a beautiful and successful black woman. I wouldn’t describe myself as beautiful as such but I know I turn heads. It’s a great feeling

This thread is so interesting.
I was very pretty but not really sexy and I still retain quite a bit of it. Sometimes men still glaze over in that way when I am talking to them. I had old men coming up and saying how beautiful my eyes were when I was 15 etc. Many male freinds ended up professing their desire for me.
It didn't give me any confidence with men though. A lot fo nice ones would never approach.
I have been treated terribly by women in the work place, had regular put downs from much less attractive women - my pilates teacher is doing just what a girl at uni did almost 20 years ago. I have found women to exclude me and be very unfriendly. They still do all this, there is a lot of jealousy and unpleasantness from women but men are usually friendly and helpful. There is a coldness from some women and I know there is no point even trying with them.
I have been treated as an airhead despite being clever and highly qualified.
When I was younger I did not realise how beautiful I was which I think is a shame. Nobody else in my family was beautiful so I did not know how to deal with it. I lacked self confidence and intelligence and beauty did not help me overcome that easily. My daughter is young but looks like she will be beautiful. I intend to give her some advice that I never got and I hope she enjoys it.
FWIW I think all beauty is a joy.

I'm blonde, always looked at least 5 years younger than I am and now in my early thirties. Always been told I'm 'pretty', slim and have had a hard time off women who don't know me.
The hardest thing is that Iv always had to work harder to be taken seriously in my career. I enjoy dropping the fact I have a 6 year old into conversation so I can say how old I am, people treat me differently once they know I'm older and therefore think I'm more capable than they first thought. People shouldn't be judged or underestimated by how they look

I remember when it clicked that people thought I was 'beautiful' - it was when a (female) family friend said to me when we were out on a country walk "wow.you are going to break some hearts". I was about 11.
She is such a genuine person that I knew it meant something.

I have always been conscious of it since then, I am sure I have got jobs because of it, people are nicer to me because of it and girls have wanted me on their team because of it.

It's so weird because it's something you haven't 'achieved' and is just something that 'is' so I've internally never given it much value and basically felt guilty for it. I deliberately don't make much effort with make up and grooming because I do feel like it is an unfair advantage but what has happened over time ( I am now mid 40s) is I have developed my very own sense of style, away from fashion, and people really seem to admire that way too much for my liking so still say the same things despite my age!

All I know is that it means nothing to me but also means everything to others, particularly on first meeting them, and I have been eternally guilty for my advantage, which I didn't chose.

That's all very Samantha Brick

Good on you. Great post.

I'm shocked by some of these stories but I was always brought up to never judge a book by its cover.

As a woman I admire Beaty , confidence,style and health though.

And , as a woman I'm more likely to befriend beauty / hoping for style tips.
(But I'm told I'm a nice person)

But as long as the persons friendly the rest doesn't really matter.
Some women are missing a real opportunity here. Sad.

Ps

I have a drop dead gorgeous daughter who I have always encouraged and been very proud of - unlike my mother who , looking back seemed on occasion, well a bit jealous...

Maybe that explains why some woman don't seem to like me no matter what. ..,,,,,,

Sometimes mn can be very enlightening when self reflecting.

In response to an earlier poster about their friend who lived for attention from men - I definitely went through a stage where attention from men was how I valued myself. My appearance was commented on all the time and was the first (and often only) thing people noticed about me or responded to. I had to work quite hard to think my personality held any value at all and I was certain (and in some cases still am) that early boyfriends went out with me for my looks alone. I remember being quite hurt several times on discovering that men I thought actually liked me as a person just fancied me and when I said no to anything physical they disappeared and never wanted to talk to me again. I realise now that could have been embarrassment on their part, but at the time I was sure it was because I was worthless as a person. Learning to value my other qualities has been quite a journey and I can understand how this can be very hard for some women.

I'm unattractive, and I agree with Thedevilofsmallthings. It's about choice - if you're unattractive, you can't make yourself look attractive when it suits you. You might be able to make yourself look a bit smarter, but that's about it.

And, though neither is great, I too would rather be wolf-whistled than barked at or called 'ugly' by random men.

And Thedevilofsmallthings is right again when she says if people want to bully you, they will. I was relentlessly bullied for being ugly.