If you're in your 40s, how do you feel about your appearance and clothes?

[PapaJanePizza]

I'm turning 40, and can now see my looks (which were probably attractive side of average, but no great beauty) definitely fading. I'm oscillating between wanting to make a real effort to learn how to be stylish /attractive into middle age, and wanting to think "right, hurray, f* all this, now I can spend the rest of my life in comfy clothes and not give a monkeys about appearance any more". I feel that continuing to try to look good will (in my case) take more and more effort - and for what? I don't need men to be attracted to me any more (except DH, and he truly doesn't really care what I wear etc), I don't have the kind of job I need to dress up for... Shall I just try to stop thinking about looks at all, or put some effort in to find a new look which suits my age? Just want to discuss really - not expecting actual answers.
Does everyone else have these dilemmas?

I’m 45 and still trying to find my mojo. For me it all comes down to needing to lose 5 stone. I’m quite short and can’t find any clothes that I like. I’ve been trying to keep a routine of nails, brows- subtlety done rather than acrylics and HD. I have noticed that since I’ve fallen behind with them I’m feeling frumpy again. I’m so annoyed with myself for not sorting my weight sooner, it’s definitely harder for me at this age. I have no idea of my style until I can go out and try a whole range of clothes on.

I do have botox though. Poor genes, poor skincare and ALOT of stress have left my skin in a very poor state. For me it’s just putting the brakes on for now.

I approached my 40's in a very different - and far more confident- way to my 20's. I have quite a few health problems which is a bloody ball ache but apart from that feel fucking fabulous. Am no great beauty but definitely presentable and passable. I love clothes, love faffing with lotions and unguents and doing the odd bit of facial tinkering although am far more minimal in my make-up.

I always look to older women as my style role models - they rock. From the 40's up, women have a certain sophistication that no younger woman can ever hope to emulate. In France, the older woman is celebrated. It's about time we did that here too.

The makeup thing is interesting... I've always enjoyed it but now in mid 40s and only really like very little or loud lipstick Love it.
I mixed Hourglass Icon with Chanel Rouge Noir lippy and got a million compliments. I would have not dared wear that in my 20's but I go to Lidl with that and a tinted moisturiser now. Zero fucks - it's brill.

I do have botox though. Poor genes, poor skincare and ALOT of stress have left my skin in a very poor state. For me it’s just putting the brakes on for now.
That sounds almost apologetic KimKsButt. Do not apologise for being a fabulous older woman. You have earnt that bit of botox - anyone who grumbles about it can do one IMHO.

Brilliant Dame
I'm off out with tinted moisturiser, eyebrow mascara thingy and eyebleedingly pink Topshop lipstick

thedevilinablackdress Yes to eyebleedingly pink lippy and eyebrow mascara. Just be fabulous, after all anyone who doesn't like it can look away.
I used to love testing and buying foundation but all of them make me look cadaverous nowadays. I use Bare Minerals skin tint for every day and IT cosmetics for a posh night out.
I was insecure in my 20's and 30's which was a waste of my limited time. I might be carried out in a box sooner than I'd like so, while I can, I am making the most of me despite what the miserable, moaning 'just soap and water' brigade at work say.

ILikeyourHairyHands you are indeed utterly gorgeous and good for you for owning it. Why are we scared to say we're as amazing as anyone else? Men do it at any age.

I am 47 and wear leather leggings which I think I look fantastic in. All of my friends look amazing and they are amazing in many, many ways: interesting, funny, accomplished, caring and multi-faceted. Some are wealthy, some are doing fine and some barely making ends meet BUT they are all fabulous and I would be lost without them. Some are in their 30's and some are in their 70's.

Here I am rocking my 'zero shits' leather at almost 48.

Almost 40 and haven't faded in looks....face is still great....bags of confidence in this regard...youthful and no lines or sags x

Body-wise.....different story altogether.

I have accepted that my body just isn't what it used to be.........I am not slim or toned and dont think I ever will be now.

If I think about my wobbly and stretched marked tummy....it would take a miracle for that skin to bounce back after weight loss. I can tell my the skin that it just isn't capable of doing that anymore.

The only thing I'm doing good with body wise is a pair of fake boobs and the shape.

I think I will try and improve my body...But....I'm not obsessed with this....just accepted I am older and I dont have what I had 20 years ago. Also that a poor diet and bad dieting has sort of ruined things...

That doesn't depress me....just accepted it.....

I dont think there is any harm in taking pride in your appearance even if you dont need to impress anyone.

You do whatever you want to....

@damedoom you look fantastic

sandi2019 Thank you. I do put an enormous amount of effort in which is defo frowned upon in some MN circles. I used to look like a bag of spanners until I realised I was worth it L' Oreal stylee.

@doom
That is a shame...probably just jealousy.

Your efforts have paid off!

DameDoom

I don't frown on it. I just occasionally wonder - I admit mostly because of MN - if glam women look at me and think "oh she looks like a bag of spanners".

I don't like dressing up events, but I must admit sometimes I skip out on them when the event itself is interesting but I think it will be full of people thinking "why didn't she dress up or put make up on".

RosaWaiting you shouldn't miss out on anything for fear of what others think. The 'bag of spanners' was directed only at me because I did not feel good about myself at that time.

@DameDoom and @ILikeYourHairyHands, you both look bloody marvellous.

Love the phrase "bag of spanners" - not heard that one before and it describes perfectly the look I'm rocking today

@SteelRiver, Lookiero style box sounds great. Does your DH also offer his opinion on clothes choices when he helps you? Mine has a general "looks lovely" policy, which is sweet but exasperating!

DameDoom I would guess you're about 23!

sandi exercise makes a huge difference. Honestly, I can literally kick my own 20 year old arse without even blinking, and I'm not slowing down yet.

Loving the photos! I'm 41 & really need to lose weight, however have stopped colouring my hair & realised I have no grey hair!

I'd recommend getting colours 'done' if you're not sure what colours suits you - this made so much difference to me & also finding the colour of lipstick that suits me (orangey red), I'd never have worn it before but even I can see it totally works on me. I've also worked out my 'style' - more of less classic & dull so clothes are barely noticed with the focus on jewellery which I love. However it's definitely comfort first for me now. Still can't get rid of all the heels I'll probably never wear again though!

Ohhhhh great thread! I’m 40 in June. I’m a size 12/14 and for the past year I’ve been trying to lose that ominous 10lb I didn’t carry around 18 months ago. I’m no further forward because I love wine, I love food and I enjoy having fun with my friends and family. This weekend instead I’ve decided that I’m going to keep eating healthily in the week, keep going to the gym but not beat myself up. I’m never going to be a skinny Minnie but feeling healthy makes me feel good so I’m going to stop putting myself under pressure. I’m definitely more comfortable in myself and I’m excited to be turning 40. I’ve been trying to find a better skincare routine but I’m a bit lazy. However I can highly recommend kiehls midnight recovery oil. I’ve been using it for 4 weeks and it’s brilliant.
I’ve also stated to embrace leopard print clothing. That’s defo an age thing 🤣🤣

Another 47 year old hitting perimenopause here - never given that much of a fuck about looking pretty, in fact tended to do the opposite and try to blend in as much as possible as I got a fair amount of distinctly creepy attention when younger.

Now I feel a bit safer to be a bit more definite in my style, if I can figure out what I want! Plus I need to declutter and get rid of all the crap. Keep watching Marie Kondo on Netflix and thinking "fuck me, all these people have FLOORS they can see, what's their problem!"

buckeejit I can only manage a kitten heel at the most nowadays as my plantar fasciitis is a bugger. I have accumulated a massive selection of ankle boots and trainers and should really get rid of the heels clogging my wardrobe. I look really old-fashioned in proper heels.

I’m 44 and have spent my life tying to look nice-but-blend-in. I didn’t like attention so I didn’t wear things I liked me in because I was too shy! That makes me feel a bit regretful. For the first time ever I’m not worried about the by-product of attention and I am enjoying clothes and being as fashionable or kooky in my own way as I like!

Justresting I was the same (love the username, by the way!) - I'm 42 now with 3 stone to lose and young DC and a serious cake habit - really wish I'd made the most of looking acceptable/ attractive without too much effort!!

At the moment clothes are whatever fits/ doesn't look too bad - usually walking style trousers because they're practical when kneeling in the mud next to tantrumming toddlers - sigh. Occasionally jeans but my mum tum is horrendous so they just depress me.

I do however make the effort to keep my skin relatively ok, nothing expensive, but a bit of make up every day to make me feel a bit better. I get my eyebrows threaded occasionally although not as much as I'd like and I have a keratin treatment for my hair a couple of times a year, which is brilliant for me - keeps my thick, wavy hair a lot more manageable.

I think clothes are the area I struggle with most. I spend most of my time with toddlers so they don't know/ care what I look like - on the very rare occasions I do meet up with friends I have no idea what to wear to look relatively ok!

Agree with the colours! This was a game changer for me

RubySlippers77 you certainly don't need lots of clothes - too many are a hindrance. You said that you like trousers. I live in the washable Me and Em joggers. You can wear them casually or smarten them up. They are in the sale at the moment.

Thank you @XingMing we do actually have a little dog, well, strictly speaking he's DS's dog and he does the majority of the dog walking, I normally only take him out when DS isn't able to, and then it's a quick round the block. Yes- a few more frequent, and longer, dog walks would be a good start.