If you're in your 40s, how do you feel about your appearance and clothes?

[PapaJanePizza]

I'm turning 40, and can now see my looks (which were probably attractive side of average, but no great beauty) definitely fading. I'm oscillating between wanting to make a real effort to learn how to be stylish /attractive into middle age, and wanting to think "right, hurray, f* all this, now I can spend the rest of my life in comfy clothes and not give a monkeys about appearance any more". I feel that continuing to try to look good will (in my case) take more and more effort - and for what? I don't need men to be attracted to me any more (except DH, and he truly doesn't really care what I wear etc), I don't have the kind of job I need to dress up for... Shall I just try to stop thinking about looks at all, or put some effort in to find a new look which suits my age? Just want to discuss really - not expecting actual answers.
Does everyone else have these dilemmas?

I'm 45 and used to be considered a stunner by others.
I'm not now. Double chin. Horizontal forehead lines. No. 11's. Thinner hair with some white.
Droopy, pendulus boobs. Barrel abdomen due to hernia from pregnancy 12 years ago.
From the side naked i still look pg.
I used to be known for my waist. Now i hide my body, dress it in black with nice jewellery and bags.
My brows are helped by brow gel, it's given me back a bit of Me.
I'd say I'm frumpy.

I'm 45. I don't care about looking younger, but I do care about looking interesting and stylish. I find that easier now than I did when I was younger, tbh, because I have a better sense of how I like to look and how to achieve that. And I really enjoy playing with clothes.

No reason that any other 40-something year old woman should necessarily feel the same way, though!

Sometimes I catch myself picking up a ditsy little dress before I remember I am 48 😁

I like nice clothes, they need to be comfy, flattering and not too dated... ideally

Different things suit me than when I was 20, but some things still work (I know what colours work for me)

It requires a bit more effort now, I reckon, but not much

I can't help think that making myself look nice has eased my way in various capacities over the years. And I can't help but worry that life will be a little harder without that particular tool in my armoury.

I know what you mean! I guess it's about working on your other positive aspect OP

I’m happy that the 90s are back because I can still remember how to put that look together, just about. I haven’t got the time or money or the exposure to what’s happening in fashion trends to be able to easily make sense of what’s ‘current’ any more or works on my body these days. TBF having to wear a boring office dress code most of the week is a bit of a relief.

I'm 47 this year and after illness I'm now a size 18 Apple.
I still love shopping for clothes and I always wear makeup.
Although my colour palette has changed .
The biggest change this year has been my attitude, I just honestly don't care what people think anymore and that has brought out a new confidence in me.
So much so that I've ditched the dye this year. The root touch up ( that was needed every 10 days) has gone and I'm embracing the grey .

I've always loved clothes and enjoyed make up and I'm good at putting an outfit together and I can't see that ever changing. My Mum is still always beautifully turned at 78 and she taught me well.

I was always pretty enough without having to make too much effort but now I'm pushing 50 I have to work harder if I want to look like a pretty 48 year old (I never fool myself that I look like a pretty 38 year old). So, I'm always freshly showered, nice perfume, basic make up and styled hair but I'm often in just jeans and a slouchy sweater ( but it's cashmere).

I have recently noticed that what I term "old men" as in 65+ have been quite chatty with me which I thought quite sweet, until I realised they were maybe chatting me up?I'm ashamed to say that I was horrified.

Attraction is a funny old bear isn't it though? I mean my husband is not good looking by any measure. He was a bit more so when we met but has definitely let himself go. In fact it amused me when we fell in love that he was exactly the sort of person I thought in my shallow insecure teenage years "how could anyone fancy them ever?", and there I was making a lifelong commitment to just such a one! But hey ho, still in attraction, still in love, homefires burning.

On the other question, I am probably more into my looks appearance than ever, partly because I have found my personal style. I have a honed routine and look. I don't bother with makeup at home, partly to rest my skin and because I cba. I look like a total scruff at home on mat leave with 3 kids aged 5 and under. But no money now (!) And no time. Looking forward to stepping it up when I have more time exercise and more money to shop when I go back to work. Since having kids I've taken much more interest in nutrition and health, as well as my appearance and this is all an extension of that.

@SassyBadger, it's specifically the word "pretty", I think with its implications of youth. He often calls me beautiful or sexy, etc, so isn't being unkind

I'm with FlorenceLyons* above. I like to look interesting and stylish (or what is in my head). And I don't give a toss now if it makes my bum look big, or whatever I was worrying about when I was younger.

I’m finding my 40’s difficult tbh.
I’ve always maintained a healthy weight but I’ve put on at least 16 pounds this year and my clothes are all too tight.
I had a personal trainer for 10 sessions and put on 6 pounds
I just don’t feel myself and it didn’t used to be this hard. I feel like I’m walking through treacle dome days.

I’m 41 and really struggling at the moment. I’ve it on a bit of weight so am a 16 now. I have a double chin, 34gg boobs and am apple shaped so big tummy. I struggle to know where to shop and find nice but not expensive things. I’m fussy about fabrics and hate clothes feeling at all tight.
I have never worn much make up and don’t intend to start. I wear some if going out but not for day to day life or work.
I have my hair done regularly but don’t do nails due to work, I have toenails done for holidays.

I'd agree Beercomein

I was actually in the best shape of my entire life in my mid to late 30s, toned relatively easily, finally got my weight to a mangeable level (even if i was still probably too heavy) but I felt good but did it more for me than anyone else. Id still say i was just average looking but I was more than ok with that.

Now I'm 40 im finding it harder to stay in a healthy shape. I have to work harder to lose a few pounds. And my style (if you can call it that!!) which has always been rather casual (jeans/hoodie/probably very 90s with a dash of rock chick) probably dates me. But whilst i do "smart" for events (weddings/christenings/if needed) i STILL feel uncomfortable - like ive borrowed soemthing off my mum (who was actaully in hindsight quite stylish). So im stuck really clothes wise. Forrunately for work i have a uniform however unflattering it is.

Ive consiously been more aware of perhaps taking better care of myself - again for my own self esteem rather anyone else. I do get my eyebrows shaped so they look tidy, ive always spent money on my hair so no chnage there and ive finally stopped biting my nails after 40 years!! I actually have a skin care routine for the first time ever. I exercise regularly to try and stay reasonably toned whereas before it was a bit hit and miss.

I do also use some summer tan body lotion for a gentle glow rather than a proper fake tan. Makes me feel happy but without being too noticeable.

Will follow with interest!

I'm 40 so as I've heard, the real aging should start in a few years. But so far I can't say I have thrown the towel in, as looks are concerned. Shape is fine, weightlifting is really amazing for that.
I know what suits and fits me, and can now only buy things that I really love - I don't have to buy things that are so-so just because they were on sale. Same with make up, I can afford to be more choosy.
Had my eyelids done recently so now actually looking younger and fresher than in my 30s.

But while I enjoy looking nice, I have to agree with people who have said that it's great to have the confidence and to not care. In my 20s I would not have stepped out of the house without a proper layer of make up, wore waterproof mascara for exercising and so on. Now I can take it or leave it - wash the face, scrape hair back - really don't give a tiny rat's arse what a random person on the street thinks. It's lovely.

Beerincome do you have any symptoms of an underactive thyroid (dry skin, hair loss, feeling cold all the time etc)?

This has been one of the most interesting threads I've read on S&B for a while.

I turned 50 at the end of last year but I certainly found my 40s a difficult decade. I was a very attractive women in my 20s/30s, although at the time I hadn't really appreciated it. I've always loved fashion, taken good care of my skin and hair but hate the texture of nail varnish so was never over-groomed like the youngsters I work with now who can spend hours getting ready.

I got to my mid-40s thinking I looked good for my age but a view of myself on the M&S shopfloor made me stage an intervention ! I was a tad overweight (had stopped working out) and was eating badly and had got into a complete rut. I'd stopped working in a corporate place and moved into a trendy IT company with no dress code and this really hadn't helped to be honest, as there was no-one who made an effort and so I stopped too. I rejoined a gym and it made such a difference both mentally and physically. I lost 10lbs without trying, changed my body shape and it's really helping with menopausal systems and stress.

I'm back in the big corporate world and prefer to make an effort everyday for work with some fitted clothes, small heel and minimal make up. I avoid all of the big corporate events and so have ditched all of my eveningwear. Weekends are jeans, jumpers and no make upas I like my skin to rest.

I have the balance right for me and reading other posts I think that's what lots of us are seeking to achieve. Being older does give you the confidence to say 'no'.

I'm finding that I'm now cutting down the amount I spend, despite having more disposable income, as I really don't want to keep spending my money on things that won't last. I've also got one eye on retirement so don't want to invest in things that I'm not going to get a lot of wear from. It helps that the shops have very little I really want to buy right now though.

I'm 49'and my 40's flew. I'm looking nearly 50 now too. I'm considering going grey, but I know it will age me and make me look washed out - in the winter, grey on a suntan looks lovely, I think. I am just sick of these roots coming through and I'm currently a mid brown.

I'm 42 & feel I look better than in my mid-late 30s.

I'd lost some of my hair in 2011 due to epilepsy meds & it has taken years to grow back. It's now thicker, longer & blonder as I have regular highlights so I feel more confident about it.

I was hovering around 14 stone but I've lost 2 stone & im in the process of losing 2 more stone through diet & exercise.
I can now wear more fashionable clothes & look better in them.

I look after my skin & wear make up most days except when I get depressed.

I was really mentally unwell in my 30s & looked ill, now I look better on the whole & men are actually dating me & asking me out again.

I'm early 40s and finding it quite tough tbh. I was always slim and pretty, young looking. However, i think 40s is the decade when aging seems to hit home.
20 to 30 - although older i looked betterat 30 as i found a style that suited me, had more money for haircuts etc.
30 to 40 - starting to age a little but not that noticeable
40 + and i definately feel past my best looks wise. Grey hairs started. Its also coincided for me with having young dc, so post dc/ c-section mum tum, no time for lots of pampering/ exercise, always exhausted etc. I used to wear a lot of fitted clothes, but emerging from maternity clothes i find that a lot of my old clothes dont flatter me any more, or i think I'm too old for eg mini skirts with bare legs. Think i need a wardrobe overhaul but i want to lose the mum tum first!

i wish it didnt affect my confidence but it does. I used to know i looked attractive, but now i feel invisible. Minimal make up, 3 monthly hair cut and clean clothes are my basics, but i rarely get the opportunity for any more. I also find it harder hanging around with women 10 years younger than me for comparison. I used to mainly see friends my age or older, but as i had dc quite late, my 'mum friends' are mostly a lot younger than me.

Hoping its just a process of adjustment and I'll emerge the other side not giving a monkeys!

I am 42 this year and realised that my body shape is changing into a more "solid" middle aged type shape - I keep very fit but fat distribution appears to be changing. It takes much more effort to choose clothes carefully to suit me and also much more effort to lose weight when needed. I also make an effort to always have a good haircut and to ensure any makeup I wear isn't ageing.

I have some effects of sun damage on my face due to spending some time living / working in some fairly harsh environments and also as I spend a huge amount of time outdoors. My eyebrows are becoming sparse and lighter in colour and my hair is thinning too although not yet got any greys.

I suppose that I feel in limbo; not young and able to get away with anything any more, but not old at all either. My Mum always told me it was a tricky age to dress for when we used to go shopping together when she was in her early 40s and she's right I think.

I actually had my semi permanent makeup applied yesterday for my eyebrows and took a photo this morning for progress shots for myself. I would say from the photo (I hate them, so am not in them often!) I look about my age.

I love this thread, so apt for me right now, age 40.

Living and working in London is a funny mix.

At work its smart dresses or tailored ankle grazer trousers, low heels, groomed hair/nails/brows but minimal/subtle make up.

At weekends its daytime stuff with kids in skinny or cropped high waist jeans and trainers, minimal/no make up.

Weekend evenings is usually dress down cool - nice trainers or flats or ankle boots, jumpsuits, midi dresses. Proper make up but still not uber tonged hair or HD brows or full on contouring.
It probably takes just as long to get ready but everyone is in fear of looking overdressed.

dame I'm a Londoner and your post just sums up that I have no idea what's going on!

I think I will continue as I am. I'm not sure what to do re greying hair as I think that is probably also a mark down at work thing, but outside of work I will just continue as I am. I can see real interest in fashion and beauty here and I just don't have that interest.

a pp mentioned throwing out all evening wear - I did that a while ago, bar one top, so if I do feel obliged to go to a posh thing, I've got something. Interestingly, last wedding I went to, someone was wearing her work suit. She actually introduced herself to me saying "I know I'm wearing a work suit but I don't keep clothes for this shit any more"

I guess this is the age where you can go either way. Start wearing flowery housecoats from Bon Marche and get a tight perm or wear clothes from your daughter's wardrobe and claim everywhere that people think you're sisters. (No Karen, nobody does).

I also have some 40 year old friends who have gone all crazy with face tinkering and seem to spend most of their time having botox and fillers. One certainly does not look like 40 any more - she looks like 55 who has had work done.

I'm 48 and always been ugly, so in that sense have nothing to lose.. but even I am mourning the passage of time. Not many wrinkles, and confined to around my eyes, but lost most of my skin tone around my neck etc. I'm overweight (very much so), but I try to dress nicely but interestingly (like a bit of quirk).. don't flash any flesh, but still wonder if I'm too old for "quirk". Hair is in a pixie cut now, half grey and half black as I grow the dye out.. happy with that, but not the rest.. but what can you do? Can't make myself something I am not (pretty).