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Original poster

wedding ettiquette , is a white dress ok when your not the bride?

180 replies

LilyLoo · 28/06/2007 19:53

Just looking for opinions. I have a friends wedding in August when i will be 4/5 month pregnant. I have a white knee lentgh dress from monsoon i have never worn, strapless but fitted under the bust with a full skirt. I think it would fit me then and would save me getting a new outfit i wouldn't / couldn't wear again. But is white to a wedding ok ?

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 29/06/2007 14:34

When I see white dresses on people I always wish I had thought to bring a little bottle of that fake blood you can get in joke shops, so I could spatter a bit on the arse area. That goes for wedding dresses as well.

thisisgod · 29/06/2007 14:37

Tis wrong.
Wear it and i shall strike ye down.

Amen.

quint · 29/06/2007 14:52

I personally wouldn't have minded at my wedding, however some of my (Older) guests who are more traditionalists may have made comments. Would you be able to put up with any snide looks or comments when you may be feeling pretty hormonal anyway?

If the bride doesn;t mind (look at her body language, don;t rely on her verbal answer if she says no, she may just be being polite!) and you are comfortable in it and don;t mind any looks/comments then go ahead.

Alternatively, you may actually at thaat stage feel like splashing out on a new outfit for yourself to remind you of how gorgeous you are (I know that at that stage I felt like a fat lump and needed cheering up!)

quint · 29/06/2007 14:55

An old colleague of mine was furious when her SIL threatened to go to the wedding wearing her wedding dress as she wouldn't ever be able to wear it again!

AnneJones · 29/06/2007 15:29

It is sometimes difficult to tell if someone means "no, you cow!" when they give a polite "yes" - guess it comes down to how well you know the person and whether you say it's the only thing you have and you can't afford to buy anythign else, or phrase it more subtly (eg. pretend you've seen something in white and wanted to run it by her first...)

Sorry if my posts offended anyone - I was feeling a bit "fighty" earlier. Much calmer now though.

mylittlestar · 29/06/2007 15:39

Lilyloo if money is tight and you don't have many options I would say wear it and dress it up with bright coloured accessories, cardy, bag, etc - or even black and white would be good.

I think the dress looks lovely.

And I don't think anyone can outshine the bride on her wedding day. A very close friend of mine wore a white suit to my wedding, with all white accessories - and she is stunning looking and did look amazing! If she'd asked me in advance I'd have said no way! But on the day I really didn't care less!

Babylovesmuffins · 29/06/2007 15:53

Speaking from a bride's point of view... I got married last summer and was furious when a close family member wore exactly the same shade as my wedding dress (mine was a champagne/pale gold colour). Even all her accessories were the same shade and her outfit was very "bridal". It really annoyed me on the day (although I had a great day) and even more so when I saw all the photos afterwards!! A lot of our other guests commented on "who does she think she is?", "it's not her wedding", etc etc...

However, my MIL wore almost the same shade as me too but accessorised it with black which looked great. A lot of my friends also wore white and black outfits too.

I've just looked at your dress and it is gorgeous! If it was me, I would accessorise with black or bright colours - I'd second a lot of the other opinions people have given already!

meandmyflyingmachine · 29/06/2007 15:59

Although I wouldn't do it (not now anyway), why do people get upset by this? I mean, no-one at the wedding would actually have mistaken your relative for the bride would they? Because it was your wedding, your guests knew that, and you were the one making the vows and all that, so if anyone was confused that would have given it away. I don't get it. A guest in the full on meringue and veil combo would be weird certainly, but a white dress?

PinkChick · 29/06/2007 16:01

i would add nice bright accesories, its aug fgs, white is the colour of summer, showing off tans and its not a long flowing dress, nothing like a bride would wear..looks lovely

MamaMaiasaura · 29/06/2007 16:34

perhaps fake blood on the white dress of a pregnant lady isnt really such a nice idea.

Greensleeves · 29/06/2007 16:37

Oh hell no, not a pregnant woman!! Even I don't think that's funny. I meant it's the sort of practical joke I would think about playing on a friend, for a laugh, but wouldn't actually do, IYSWIM? Probably twisted boarding-school humour.

Sorry.

AnneJones · 29/06/2007 16:38

I don't get the "pregnant and white dress" issue - why is that particularly bad?

MamaMaiasaura · 29/06/2007 16:38

its ok I think I am a little sensitive at the mo

Dont think the fake stuff is boarding school, I remember the strawberry jam in sleeping bags on camping trips.

Mumpbump · 29/06/2007 17:12

I don't think it's the white dress and pregnant lady that Awen was commenting on; I think it's the fake blood on the white dress if the lady wearing it was pg...

Mumpbump · 29/06/2007 17:13

The style of the dress you are planning on wearing is a little bridal, perhaps... I almost wore a dress like that in pale pink to my friend's wedding and was very glad I didn't as it was exactly the same shade of pink and style as her bridesmaids' dresses, although different material.

fillyjonk · 29/06/2007 17:54

um

IS the bride wearing white?

Aloha · 29/06/2007 18:03

I think it is too bridal tbh - net skirt, strapless, white...if it was a bit longer, it would be a wedding dress. Very nice, but might be seen as a bit lazy or even slightly rude to some people. I think if you put it with a short bright cardigan/shrug thing, with coloured shoes and bag, you would be OK. I think just silver shoes and bag is too bridal.
Someone wore a white linen dress to mine and I didn't mind at all (it was a very informal dress, not strapless, pink pashmina) but some might.
Mind you, if you can wear a fitted, strapless belted dress at five months pregnant then I am extremely
I was in full sail by then!

TuttiFrutti · 29/06/2007 19:14

Don't do it.

hippopotamouse · 29/06/2007 19:41

I'd say no.
I like this though and at that price you could go crazy and get new pink shoes, bag, accessories etc

mozzybear · 29/06/2007 21:36

I work at really busy wedding venue and guests wear white all the time. Esp in summer. I've confused a guest for the bride before but it was because of the type of dress, not the colour.

IMO you'll be fine.

Original poster
LilyLoo · 30/06/2007 09:46

I really am surprised at how people feel about this. I think i will look for something else as i would hate to have people muttering about me behind my back. I'm not sure what colour she is wearing , but like you say she might not feel able to say no.
Hippo now that is nice and very reasonable, but i guess i will have to wait until nearer the time, even dp who usually couldn't care less said it's probably best not to wear it, so hey he can pay for a new dress
I take it that black is ok then ?

OP posts:
Rumpel · 30/06/2007 11:46

Why dont you dye it? If it is cotton or linen you could put it in the machine with a dylon machine dye and dye it a different colour - problem solved for £5.00. I dye loads of clothes to make them different - cheap and effective.

satine · 30/06/2007 12:44

Oh Lily, don't get them all started on wearing black to weddings, now....

Original poster
LilyLoo · 30/06/2007 12:49
OP posts:
quint · 30/06/2007 20:32

My bridesmaid wore black and she looked fab, in fact I think black can look great at a wedding