Aging: how comfortable are you with it?

[MattBerrysHair]

Hi all,

I've just been googling pics of celebrities who have aged naturally and those who have taken to botox and fillers to stave off the wrinkles and crêpiness.

I'm 36 and have very large areas of grey at the temples and a distinct mallen streak, which I can't cover because of extreme skin sensitivity. I have very dark hair so it stands out and I'm aware I look 'old' for my age, but I'm mostly I'm OK with it. However, every now and then I wistfully look at old photos of myself when I could still dye my hair and sadly think 'I used to be pretty'!

Then I make a point of looking online for pics of women who have aged gracefully, or pics of younger women with premature grey.

I don't like that I feel negative about a natural process that we all experience. I don't like the idea of 'anti aging', as if it's something to be cured. I'd quite like 'youthful' to refer only to an attitude or state of mind rather than one's physical appearance.

So I guess I'm uncomfortable with my own discomfort of my natural aging, more so than the actual discomfort of my own aging.....

You can be as privileged as you like but when you are out on your own no one can see your privilege. You get walked into and don't hope to get served.

Come back in 25 years BuntyCollocks
and see what menopause has done to you.

@sizzledrizz, thanks, glad others get it! I know what you're saying, every group has its privileges and you never really acknowledge the privilege if you have it.

Obviously people of any age can join in the conversation !! But I asked a question. Do women of 36 really believe that they know they will deal with ageing well?

Maybe you will. I am dealing with it very well but that is because I'm confronting it. Reading, thinking, accepting, looking forward, planning, but restructuring my expectations, adjusting where I seek to get my social needs met.

I’m hoping I’m not riddled with oesteoporosis and arthritis like my mum and grandmother, Oliversmumsarmy, to the point where if I stub my foot it breaks in several places. So, I’m lifting weights to try and prevent against that as there has been a correlation seen between resistance training and better bone density in later life.

Christ.

N0b0dys Maybe it’s just my generation, or simply the people I know, but so many are already in a panic about getting older and have resorted to Botox and quick fixes, so I feel like I’m already dealing better with where I am in my life cycle than possibly others are. My back is absolutely shot to hell, so I go to a chiropractor once a month, as mentioned above, I lift weights to try and get ahead of the bone problems that may be (probably are) in my future. I can’t pretend to know what I’ll be like in 25 years, but there’s been a hell of a lot of changes to my body and my life in the last 10 thanks to a career change and 2 kids in quick succession, and although I can’t pretend I love my extra roll on my belly or that my legs aren’t heavy and feet throbbing after a 12.5 shift on my feet, I’m fairly happy with how I look and feel and I’m hoping to keep protecting and improving upon that before it gets even harder than it is now.

I sway from one camp to the other...some days I look at myself and I am like WHERE DID ALL THESE LINES AND EYE BAGS COME FROM....and other days I think wow you really suit those laughter lines it shows you have been happy...I think it all depends what my hormones are doing that day haha

I do notice my figure more than anything...little rolls appearing out of nowhere...everything a bit more...erm...South than it used to be......

I'm also 36 and I keep thinking about getting off the hair dyeing carousel and letting my natural silvers shine. However, I've not quite managed to find a close enough colour to my natural colour yet so the regrowth would be too jarring. Someone I work with of a similar age has a mallen streak and natural, undyed, hair and I think she looks great.

I'm not fussed about ageing overall though but I was never considered attractive to start with so I don't/won't have any loss of attention. My more attractive friends are struggling with it though and some are considering botox/fillers.

Perceptions of ageing are different in your 30's to your 50's though aren't they?

By mid 30's most people are beginning to show initial signs of ageing and can tell you where their body is different to the one they had 19 years ago.

In my mid-30's I still looked mid 20's and got fed up of people thinking I was young and not taking me seriously. I seemed to age overnight after having DS at 37. But that was nothing until I hit my 50's and the menopause!! I'm lucky in that my skin is still good but it's the change in body shape, flabbiness, aches and pains and tiredness that does it.

My best advice to anyone in their 30's or early 40's is to get a manageable exercise plan including stretching and resistance work and stick with it. Don't always put your needs last. Oh, and look after your teeth!

I think it’s quite funny that there are at least 2 age groups talking! And while it’s tempting to go ‘36? Half my clothes are older than you!’ I expect an 80 year old would also come on here tell me ‘62? You I don’t know you’re born!’. I think late 30s are a milestone - you’re approaching middle age and you’re starting to look over your shoulder at all these younger people.

Aside from the invisibility (which as I’ve said, has its compensations) the biggest change for me is that poor health and death are now a fixture of my life. My own health is good but I go to more funerals than weddings and increasingly, they’re for people my kind of age. And many family members, friends and colleagues have health conditions. I could live another 30 years, but I’ll be living with the sense that it could be my turn at any time. I’m still adjusting to that.

Anyway clothes!

I am mid twenties. I already have grey hair.

I'm 59. I wear different colours now - strong colours can make me look a bit pale now that my hair is grey . I don't dye my hair or wear make up.

I am probably a bit more concerned about physical fitness now.

I think if you have good friends - the sort who value you as person and interesting work, the fact that you're not regarded as a commodity to be pursued is less important. It may even be a relief.

One thing I have enjoyed increasingly is dance classes. It's a form of dance involving couples where you rotate so you're constantly dancing with different people. If you dance well, you're a desirable partner!

I’m now late-30s and I can honestly say that I’ve never had some much male attention. I seem to be experiencing the opposite of other people on this thread

BuntyCollocks

Do you think i haven’t done what you are doing?

In my mid 30s I thought exactly like you.

Menopause I sailed through, or so I thought.

I am vegetarian and I think that protected me against hot flushes etc but other symptoms cropped up.
Insomnia. Mind numbing tiredness. So tired the world spins and I am not able to drive because it isn’t safe.

I have been taking Melatonin 6mg every night for 3 months and it has built up in my system and I now can sleep for around 5.5 hours but before taking melatonin and if I miss a night then I sleep anything between 1.5 hours to 4 hours maximum

Osteoarthritis. I too went to the gym daily and did all the resistance stuff. Menopause couldn’t give a shit.

I look permanently miserable. My face resembles that of a blood hound.

I have looked after my skin. I have never drunk, smoked or sunbathed. Always wear a big hat in summer or on holiday. I cleaned toned serum, eye cream, and moisturised every morning and night.
My face is red sore dry flakey and lined.

I am allergic to hair dye so my hair is shit and keeps falling out.

I no longer have eye brows

Up to being 53 I thought it was all going ok and I definitely looked 10 years younger than my age.

When menopause hits you all your preparations mean nothing

stressed
I’m the same at 47! Not just from older men either!
No idea why.

But l guess some much younger men are learning about their quirks - maybe l’m that?

Cabochard same here, younger and very attractive men. I’m heading towards separation at the moment, and one very sought after younger guy is pursuing me consistently despite me being very clear that I’m not interested. I feel more attractive now than at any other point in my life

Face wrinkles I'm fine with, but my flabby crepey neck depresses me. Is there anything that works for that, except a large bulldog clip at the back?

stressed
Who knew?
Oh well... l’m very much married, so l will just have to carry on ignoring them!
You, on the other hand?

*whereas in fact I would say it's younger women who ignore me the most

Or they say "bless" when you speak to them. Or maybe it's just me they say that to, but one day I'm going to lose my rag!*

Not just you! I was literally barged out of the way by a sales assistant recently, in a cosmetics boutique which I won't name except beware if you are shopping at Morphe at Westfield Stratford who wanted to show two teenagers the lip glosses. When I didn't run away to the invisible old ladies' corner I got an insincere "sorry hun". I could have bought the entire shop out, but to her I must have just looked like an old lady. I'm 50. The invisibility is the thing I notice most, although I don't usually care because I don't like attention. It is annoying, though, when people who are not even looking at their phones walk straight at you. And I work mostly with younger people and there is a difference between how the young men and the young women treat me. I've been involved with a matter for a very long time, so questions about what has gone on with it historically come to me. The young men pop in and chat and usually bring gossip about what's going on in the department. The young women send emails.

My grandmother (who lived to 94) said that she never got past about 33 in her head, and was often surprised to look in the mirror and see an old lady looking back at her. I don't see an old lady yet, but I don't see a young one, either.

there is a difference between how the young men and the young women treat me
I’ve found this too. In some ways I get on better with men now (all ages) cos I no longer have to think about whether they’re getting the wrong signals e.g. I can chat to the young guy who serves me in the coffee shop every morning without worrying about him coming on to me. But then I have a partner - if I was looking to meet someone, I might not be so sanguine about it.

I guess I find it more hurtful when young women ignore me, even though I accept I was guilty of the same thing at their age.

Cabochard & Stressed enjoy the attention because in a few years no matter what you do you will disappear.

Those young men won't even see you

I get attention from men, but it's not about male attention. It's about losing a social and political presence. As women, we've never really had it anyway, but we satisified ourselves with what crumbs we could get of resources and influence, competed for it. It isn't like that for men. A man can be confident that if he is good enough, he'll get the job, people will listen to his opinion, laugh at his jokes, get away with committing violent crimes against women.
Aging would be easy if we had that kind of privilege

oliversmum
I don’t take much notice now!
They are my sons age...
I think they like a challenge and to practice their ‘lines’to take back to a younger woman!

Agree agree agree. This is what pains me most. I am still a young looking 30 something in my head, so to me 30 somethings are people. To them, im an invisible old person. Im "other"

And Jordan Petersen hasmt a clue. I wear red (ish) lipstick so im less invisible. It sends out a confidence message "you may not see me folks but i see me"

Good post @sizzledrizz v well expressed

Jordan Petersen: Patron saint of men who hate women.

Ignore everything that tosspot says.

Looks wise, I’m ok with it. I’ve always been deathly pale and when I was young, I was just porcelain skinned. Now, I’m still pale but need all the help I can get to look “alive” as it were 😁

I don’t like my bones aching, my middle aged spread. The tiredness. Proper tiredness, not just the type you get after a night out. And realising it’s too late for me to live on a farm in Scotland. I’m 56. Some people don’t get to be that old.

OP, now, we don’t have to give in to looking one way or any other. Get your hair dyed. Cut it off and go Judi Dench platinum. You’re actually very young still, comparatively. Seriously, don’t worry about getting old, in your 30’s.