Aging: how comfortable are you with it?

[MattBerrysHair]

Hi all,

I've just been googling pics of celebrities who have aged naturally and those who have taken to botox and fillers to stave off the wrinkles and crêpiness.

I'm 36 and have very large areas of grey at the temples and a distinct mallen streak, which I can't cover because of extreme skin sensitivity. I have very dark hair so it stands out and I'm aware I look 'old' for my age, but I'm mostly I'm OK with it. However, every now and then I wistfully look at old photos of myself when I could still dye my hair and sadly think 'I used to be pretty'!

Then I make a point of looking online for pics of women who have aged gracefully, or pics of younger women with premature grey.

I don't like that I feel negative about a natural process that we all experience. I don't like the idea of 'anti aging', as if it's something to be cured. I'd quite like 'youthful' to refer only to an attitude or state of mind rather than one's physical appearance.

So I guess I'm uncomfortable with my own discomfort of my natural aging, more so than the actual discomfort of my own aging.....

I stopped dying my hair 3 years ago as wanted to go grey, always envisaged having a natural Mallen/ Morticia Adams thing occurring, but no such luck.. At 55 i'm seriously contemplating bleach and touch of silver shampoo to make it happen.
Aches and joint pain have to be overcome every morning, apart from that ageing doesn't bother me at all.. I think having a sense of humour and a good laugh with people around you (along with not taking yourself too seriously) is what its all about, and that isn't age defined.

I'm 43, i stopped dyeing my hair 5 years ago. I started going grey at 18 and i had had enough of remembering to buy the dye, finding tje time to do it, wrecking towels, black splodges on my face, then two weeks later a big fuck-off white stripe at the roots ad infinitum.

I'm now 80% white/grey with dark under-lights my 'old' hair was washed-out-mouse but now it is much much darker under the white. I have it cut regularly in a long bob (touches bra strap) and take good care of it.

I don't have wrinkles yet - i have been blessed with incredibly oily skin all my life i drink lots of water and have lived in the Med the last 20 years. I do have one deep vertical line between my eyes.

I dress how i want (today loose blue jeans with LARGE comedy turn-ups, my red docker boots from 1991 and an oversized cream jumper; yesterday a bodycon-type wool dress with knee-high boots and green military jacket). In my head i'm 23

I am 46, peri-menopausal and currently struggling with it. I keep catching sight of my reflection and wondering who the old woman is. I have never dyed my hair but I am debating starting now because I am very much salt and pepper rather than a stylish streak. I miss my waist. Things that I would have looked fabulous in 5 years ago just don't work any more and I don't know how to 'look good through menopause'. I used to be tiny, proper petite hourglass, weighed barely 7 stone on marriage aged 32, teeny waist but with hips and boobs. I want to look shapely but I am now shapeless. I made eye contact with a man on a train this afternoon and as he looked past me, the instant of recognition that I was old enough to be his mother made my heart ache. I have joined the invisible masses, too old to be considered attractive, too young to be accorded respect.

At 36 you are actually still pretty young. Try 51. Tbh, I get many many people being shocked I am old enough to have a 31 year old child. Jeez, I am shocked I have a 31 year old child! I worry mostly about my health now more than anything else. I still look fine and love clothes and fashion and my shape is changing but I know I could perhaps help this if I bothered to work out but life is too short. I am perimenopausal and suffering from the dreaded sweats so that bothers me mostly, that and a brain fog. I try to look at life this way. Live for the way you are today as you will look back and yearn that person - better accepting who you are in the here and now and enjoying what you have.

I tried to stave it off, and worked at it, with some amount of success. But now I really can't be bothered. It is getting cold and I just want to be warm and comfortable. I don't have a lot of grey though, just a smattering or highlights, but I like how they look. I dress for comfort over style now, and am moving towards a sort of mature but cool look. I'm more interested in quality over quantity, but do still love fashion, and want to preserve my health over being a particular size

Honestly don’t care, have never dyed my hair in my life, I am 60 now. I am very comfortable in my own skin. I have a wide circle of friends & an interesting lifestyle, my appearance genuinely doesn’t bother me . People like me for who I am, not what I look like.

Alwaysas Im pretty happy with myself overall. I'm fairly fit and healthy, there's room for improvement but I have no major ailments. I think I'm just a bit self conscious about the premature grey, especially if I see someone who I've not seen for a couple of years back when I used to dye it. I don't know anyone my age who is grey. Some days I love it and couldn't give a shit how other people perceive it, yet on others I feel like a bit of a weirdo.

I think I feel more comfortable with myself now (at 45) than I ever have done before. I've got a surer sense of my own style, enjoy playing with clothes and hair and jewellery, and care less about pleasing anyone other than myself.

The grey hairs are coming in thick and fast, but I don't mind them. I've lost a couple of stone recently, which has helped me feel healthier and generally good about myself.

I've never been especially pretty or stylish, and always hoped I'd bloom later somehow. And now I can see that that's not going to happen, and if I'm honest it makes me a bit sad. I do have a lot in my life to be thankful for, but I can see I'm never going to be confident in my looks.

To be truly comfortable in your own skin is rarer than you think.

At 44 I'm still unscathed from grey hair and wrinkles, although my jaw isn't as sharp as it once was. The worst of it is a stubborn tire of flesh around my middle that just refuses to shift - pretty galling for someone whose only real asset was their tall, lean, hourglass figure.

Of course I care - I hang around here don’t I? But I have enough friends who are dead or in poor health to know the alternative is worse. I’m not too bothered about wrinkles and like my hair grey but I don’t like my jowls and find thinning hair quite distressing. But I fear declining health and mind more.

I look the best I can but I’m here for the clothes not the beauty advice. Besides looking in the mirror reminds me that time is starting to run out and that’s important - it makes me focus.

I don’t agree that age is a state of mind. I think it’s a life stage like any other and I think the idea that qualities like curiosity and tolerance are the preserve of youth is in itself pretty ageist.

I really struggle with it (46), get my hair coloured and have to watch my weight like I've never known. I was fine with it until early 40s and then my skin seemed to sag overnight, not helped by having had a chronic health condition for 30 years.

I don't necessarily want to look young, I just want to be less bothered, but don't know how to reach that frame of mind.

I'm 52 and think ( well if I don't value myself then I;m on a hiding to nothing ) that I look ok.

I don't like the menopausal flushes or the fatigue.
My hair is greying but I haven't dyed it a while because my scalp is going through an arsey phase , it looks okay though.

I don;t wear make-up but I like nice shower gel . I work in healthcare , no-one cares that my hair is pulled back and my face is naked , my nails don't see varnish.

I go to the gym (though its phenomenaly tedious) , I have never smoked, don;t drink, am a long term vegetarian (since 14)

I honestly cannot see myself having any botox or surgery on my face. I;d like my boobs to be roughly where they ought to be , but a good bra helps.

I keep telling my DS I'll live to 112 (no idea why, just a random number there )

I used to turn heads , now my DD (16) does. I'm invisible in her wake but I;ll live with that .

I'm 45 post menopausal & am fighting the aging process, tooth & nail.

I have blond highlights as my hair is so white/grey. Botox, HRT... i eat better then i ever have done.

Need to increase the exercise.

I want to stay well & healthy. My appearance is part of that.

Always looked rough so no need to start panicking

I’m 49, had tough few years and chronic illness a new acquaintance thought that we were the same age, she is in her 70’s! Crap so I’m fucked.

Reasonably comfortable. I'm single so in the last year or two I've had to accept (on top of aging in itself) that that's it. Nobody would be interested in me as a partner. So I feel like I'm accepting a number of things. Ageing and nobody ever fancying me. If I like somebody, they won't fancy me. There's no maybe maybe. No what if. Just nope, I'm too old. They aren't going to see me like that. But meanwhile I feel valuable as a person. I have no value as a woman but that coincides with my never having felt more self worth as a person. So I'm not unhappy at all. Doing ok.

I'm in my mid-60s and agree with those who note the physical (body) aspects of ageing as much as those of appearance. I broke a limb earlier this year and it was a wake-up call about how one manages with less mobility. The clue is, you rely on you and no-one else.

On a more positive note, the decline in suppleness in bending, crouching, etc, has been reversed by getting a puppy. My knees and hips are getting a thorough workout as I wipe up pee and poo every morning. Oddly, the broken limb has had a similar effect: I couldn't use my hand to get up from a chair, sofa, so had to use those stomach and thigh muscles.

Every cloud.:o

In my 50s and look younger when made up but a hag otherwise! I hate FaceTiming, but my kids love it so I’m forced to do it. I work with beautiful younger women so I do make an effort to look good in work, even though I know I’m “invisible” but working with younger people also helps my mental outlook, which, in turn, helps me look younger. I still have a fairly good figure but my posture has changed, which affects how good I look in clothes. I also find it painful to wear most high heels now, although I’m battling on. After highlighting my hair for years I have recently stopped as I have very little grey and my dark roots regrow ironically makes me look younger 😊. What I dislike most about my looks are the way my upper eyelids have sagged and part of me would like to get a brow lift. Instead, I just wear glasses! My motto, when looking in the mirror, is “Enjoy what you see, you’ll never look as good as this again!” 😂

I like this quote:

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I'm in my 60's . I still colour my hair - grey doesn't suit everyone and I refuse to "embrace the greys". I also use good skin care all the time. And I had parents with good skins so I won the genetic lottery ! I have few wrinkles and I feel quite presentable ( most of the time anyway).

I don't fight getting old - you can't stop it happening and once you realise that you sort of accept it. It's far better than the alternative anyway !

In my 50s and look younger when made up but a hag otherwise!

God, my do women use such demeaning language about themselves?

OP - I'm 20 years older than you. Please put thoughts of ageing out of your mind. You are young and will continue to be for many years yet. Enjoy it.

It’s called self-deprecating humour. Chill out, this is not AIBU 😊

I work with younger people too and im invisible. It isnt pleasant. Then men my age are invited on various nights out. Im not even asked. I try to look ok at work. Cover up red nose and dark under eye areas so even if i dont look made up i look ok. But i see 30 something people as 'my age' on a gut level because im in denial about how old i look and how old i am and how old people my age look!