Severely matted hair...

[Becca19962014]

Please don't judge.

Due to physical and mental health problems my waist length hair has become completely matted. It hasn't been washed, nor my body in years, it is so foul and disgusting that I can't even get a hairdresser to see me.

I cannot wash it and have no money to pay for someone to help me. My last hospital admission I was told to shave it all off and accept I'll never have hair as I cannot care for it and cannot afford help.

My disability has cost me everything. It took years to grow my hair but gradually I could do nothing at all with it.

It's now at a point whereby its matted at the back and the top is matted into the back. I bought a big detangler hair brush after I was told to use one on it before (but it was for thin hair not thick like mine) and back brush it with dry conditioner by an OT - that was when it became totally tangled and it just got worse. I spend a lot of time in bed lying on it and must wear a medical device which sits on my hair for at least twelve hours every day.

I spent my childhood being forced to have an almost shaved head. I was suspended more than once because of it and my family (not that I have a lot to do with them) bullied and mocked me for have disgusting long hair when I left home and grew it, even though then it wasn't anything like it is now. My experience of hairdressers is having my wishes ignored and having combs yanked through my hair which resulted in bald bleeding patches as they refused to accept a comb has never gone through my hair.

It's been years.

I've no idea what I want from this thread. I went to see a hairdresser this morning, literally to see them, to speak about it, not touch, and they literally laughed and said it was too disgusting to even touch and told me to just shave it myself at home, I couldn't have a wig as I live somewhere very windy, charged me for the advice and send me on my way. They were obviously taking photos of me and I'm really worried what for. I wish I'd never gone. There's no other hairdresser here and I'm feeling really upset. I can't really put into words how hard it was for me to go there and now I'm really ashamed.

So other than completely shaving my head, any ideas?

Detangler brush I now have is this one here www.amazon.co.uk/Tangle-Teezer-Ultimate-Hairbrush-Pink/dp/B01M075JTT/ref=sr_1_1_s_it?s=beauty&keywords=Brush+tangle&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1517661624&sr=1-1 the one the OT told me to use was the hand held one.

Give them a call, they sound like they could help?

Would cutting it short with scissors work rather than shaving it?

And maybe a wide tooth comb rather than a brush.

Is there anyone who would be willing to help you to sort it out like a friend or family member?

You say you can't wash it yourself but can you physically get into a position where someone else can wash it for you?

I would suggest approaching a hairdresser who specialises in dreadlocks as the will have experience of dealing with matted hair.

Would it not be easier to shave it and start again? I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time OP.

What an awful experience OP. Call the people Florene linked to, they look perfect for you.

I agree with ciderwithbuda about cutting short with scissors rather than shaving it- would be better for your self confidence I reckon. Also, you would then only have a small amount of matted bits to detangle. After that, you could go to a (different, less unprofessional hairdressers) and get a lovely feminine pixie crop?

My teenage daughter has had periods of time when she has refused to brush, or let me brush, her hair. This resulted in a large proportion of the hair on the back of her head becoming matted. It was like a solid mass at the back of her head.
Eventually she let me wash it, which was tricky, then a lathered it with cheap conditioner, and left it on for about 10 mins. Then used a tangle tamer and worked in a small area of hair, using my fingers too, to tease the mass apart until it became hair again rather than a solid lump. I had to cut a few bits out with scissors too.
The process was laborious, and painful. I'd do a small section prob every other night, to do it every night was too much for both of us. Eventually we finished, and since then she's been so much better at looking after it herself.
Would this be something you could try yourself? Ignore those hairdressers, they sound like insensitive ignorant twats.

The tangle teaser is a fantastic brush, DD gas the curliest thickest hair ever and becomes very very matted just laying on it at night st the nape of the neck where it actually becomes a mat. So I understand.

The hairdresser was a real shit to treat you with ridicule and show no compassion. The tangle teaser is very good but is there no way at all you could cut it shorter without shaving it? Even through doing it yourself.

There is a middle ground between having waist length hair and shaving it off. It sounds as if it is so matted now that you can't detangle it all. Are you now OK to have a shower/ bath or is it still difficult for you? I would cut your hair off just at/below the shoulders. Then, with conditioner in it, gradually start combing it out from the ends upwards. This probably will take a while so your shoulders and arms might get tired. Take it in stages and rest in between, if you don't have someone who can help you. Good luck. Even if you get up with a bob it will be much better for you than unmanageable long hair.

No hair advice here except maybe cutting it short yourself.

I couldn’t read and not reply. Your post has really moved me. Do you have any support at all? Please keep posting. People here will help.

If you can't manage it yourself and there's nobody who can help you, then I'm afraid the most practical solution is to have it cut. No need to have it shaved as in your childhood, though. There are lots of nice styles that will make life easier for you and look attractive too.

I'm sorry the hairdressers weren't very helpful. Would you be able to cut your hair yourself to about shoulder length? Then use lots of conditioner and a wide-toothed comb do detailed it. Once that's done, it should be easy enough for a hairdresser (a different one to the salon you tried!) to style it nicely. If you look through a magazine or online for somebody who has a similar face shape to you with hair that you like, you could show it to the hairdresser and ask them to style your hair like that.

I can't get to London. I live in (very) rural Wales. I could try emailing and asking for advice maybe. I certainly can't face talking to anyone again.

I can't get a comb through it I've never been able to, only brushes like the one I linked and found a few days ago. It looks better since I've been using it, though after today's expereience maybe that's just another delusion.

I've no one to help, I'm completely isolated now, aside from posting on here I've no contact with people anymore, the hospital refused to help me when I was admitted either washing my body or hair (due to disgust) so no one else is going to bother even I had anyone. I'd stupidly thought the hair dresser would.

There's no other hairdresser here only the one and my disabilities mean I can no longer travel (another problem) -nearest that has anything to do with dreadlocks is a four hour round trip and I cannot physically manage that.

I should have said I have cut it short but it just grows matted.

There must surely be a compromise, where you don't shave it all off, but where you cut it shorter (say just past your shoulders so it's still 'long') and then deal with detangling the rest of it?

Do you have any friends nearby who could help?

I do think you'd be surprised how stylish and feminine pixie crops can look- definitely would be much more manageable on a day to day basis for you as well. If you cut short yourself, remove your tangles with conditioner and tangle teaser, then get the hairdresser to cut the style in? What colour and texture is your hair?

Op where did you get that link? It has commission based tag in it

Pixie cut is a good idea. My friend was in a similar position due to depression. With a lot of patients and a lot of conditioner we managed to keep a short bob. Where are you based? I'd give it a try if we live close?

Also can social services put in place a care package to help you wash and groom yourself? In this day and age they offer daily home visits for those that need it with carers

OP I'm so sorry to hear this. Are there not any mobile hairdressers near you? You could call some and explain the situation and hopefully one would be sympathetic. It doesn't sound like keeping your hair at its current length is an option so cutting it is essential. But if you just had it cut short it might be easier to manage without having to shave it? Are you unable to bathe at all? Never have a bath or shower and get your body wet?

oh op, those hairdressers sound awful. im really sorry, today must have been tough. could you google a mobile hairdresser? Explain Honestly YOUR Situation so they are prepared in advance. it might be a days work, so would be expensive, bur worth ut surely?

Someone suggested hairdressers specialising in dreadlocks, the two above are in Wales, maybe contact them for advice as well?

I can't cut it myself as I can't reach it at back same why can't wash it. That was why I went to the hairdresser - literally there's only one. I feel so bloody stupid for going they seemed to understand via email, I should have known better! I'm really worried what they'll do with the photos they took.

I'm never going to be able to wash it (or me) again - my condition is one that can only deterioate I've had all the help I can get, benefits won't cover the cost of going to the day centre for a shower/wash and specialist care I need (£50 an hour and it takes much longer than that for me to wash) - I've a rare condition so need specialist carer.

The advice the OT gave really made things worse which was dry shampoo and conditioner only and the small Detangler brush which I didn't know wasn't for thick hair and makes problems worse then not better and told me to use baby wipes to wipe body. They wouldn't support direct payments.

Currently going through DLA-pip changeover but cannot get to medical so been told to prepare to lose that money so I'll have £73 a week for everything.