Severely matted hair...

[Becca19962014]

Please don't judge.

Due to physical and mental health problems my waist length hair has become completely matted. It hasn't been washed, nor my body in years, it is so foul and disgusting that I can't even get a hairdresser to see me.

I cannot wash it and have no money to pay for someone to help me. My last hospital admission I was told to shave it all off and accept I'll never have hair as I cannot care for it and cannot afford help.

My disability has cost me everything. It took years to grow my hair but gradually I could do nothing at all with it.

It's now at a point whereby its matted at the back and the top is matted into the back. I bought a big detangler hair brush after I was told to use one on it before (but it was for thin hair not thick like mine) and back brush it with dry conditioner by an OT - that was when it became totally tangled and it just got worse. I spend a lot of time in bed lying on it and must wear a medical device which sits on my hair for at least twelve hours every day.

I spent my childhood being forced to have an almost shaved head. I was suspended more than once because of it and my family (not that I have a lot to do with them) bullied and mocked me for have disgusting long hair when I left home and grew it, even though then it wasn't anything like it is now. My experience of hairdressers is having my wishes ignored and having combs yanked through my hair which resulted in bald bleeding patches as they refused to accept a comb has never gone through my hair.

It's been years.

I've no idea what I want from this thread. I went to see a hairdresser this morning, literally to see them, to speak about it, not touch, and they literally laughed and said it was too disgusting to even touch and told me to just shave it myself at home, I couldn't have a wig as I live somewhere very windy, charged me for the advice and send me on my way. They were obviously taking photos of me and I'm really worried what for. I wish I'd never gone. There's no other hairdresser here and I'm feeling really upset. I can't really put into words how hard it was for me to go there and now I'm really ashamed.

So other than completely shaving my head, any ideas?

Found the tv programme!! It was Body Fixers. Episode one, season 2.

not sure if this link will work

You have to sign up to All4, but it only takes a min. The lady they fix is on at around 6 mins in.

Can you speak to an advocate for them to support you in meetings with SS ?

Sweetheart this is so sad and wrong. You need help and you've been denied it, I'm so sorry.

duck that's what they did. Care is only arranged for the condition you are admitted for not others. They said that over and over again. I wasn't admitted because of my disabilties but something else.

Constantly during the admission I was told to go live with my parents. They weren't prosecuted so there's no reason for me not to do that given my finances won't stretch to a care package.

There's a woman who comes into the salon I train in who has problems with her hands and shoulders and can't wash herself but can walk just fine. I'd guess OP has something like that?

She also mentioned mental health problems, I know when my depression is bad, I've gone for days without brushing or washing my hair. Even in that short time, my bra strap length hair gets matted and knotted so I can only imagine what poor OP is having to cope with. It must be so painful and humiliating for her

OP - some mobile hairdressers allow appointments in their home, could that be an option? And maybe braids once it's sorted to keep maintenance at a low if you want to keep as much length as can be saved.

I'm surprised at the hairdressers you saw today. The way they behaved was disgusting. If any salon I worked in treat someone that way, I'd walk out.

Becca, you poor love. I agree with contacting your local adult services dept.

frequency I can't walk either. I use sticks but it causes injury.

It's hard to explain. Sorry.

The only advice I've had from SS and GP is to move back with my parents and them to care for me, financially I cannot stretch to a care package. I must make up a lot of rent because local housing allowance won't cover my rent and I can't get discretionary payments (told to use DLA) as well as private physio (not weekly) as the NHS physio is no longer local and I was discharged as I'd had my allocated six sessions. Without the physio I'd be much much worse off physically.

I spend over £150 a month on taxi fares to get food/meds/to appointments. There's no option to get home deliveries here.

Really got to go now! I'll pop back later.

I appreciate all your advice, I'm sorry if I've missed any questions. To be honest I didn't expect anyone to reply.

That's terrible OP

I'm so they treated you like that.

Sorry to hear about the Hairdressers op. Their job is to make you feel special, not like shit. Unfortunately, a lot of people are very shallow in the hair and beauty industry. They only care about money and looking like models, instead of client care.
I hope you can sort it out and feel better soon.

For washing I would get a v gentle sea sponge and some hydromol for in the water, that would be nice and soothing too

I would contact the photos and say that they are to be deleted, and if you ever find evidence that they have been shared you will go to the newspapers about their shaming of the disabled.

Unfortunately, a lot of people are very shallow in the hair and beauty industry. They only care about money and looking like models, instead of client care

That's not true. It might true of the younger, inexperienced stylists/beauticians and those who are attracted to the swanky salons but it's not true of those who stick with the industry long term.

Everyone I work with and train with is lovely. If anything, those I train with are the opposite of what you describe. They judge the young women who walk around college as though they are in a fashion show. It makes me a cringe a bit, I hate judginess no matter who is on the other end of it but I've never seen them judge someone to their face or judge people for not making an effort.

You are being horribly let down by adult social care

It’s not surprising. This happens a lot. The people that need the most help are unable to get it. It makes me sick.

I’m actually finding your words rather too upsetting so I can’t post too much but please I hope you can feel many many warm and caring vibes coming from London to you in Wales xxxx

I’m disabled and have similar problems with personal care, though less I think, as I’m managing to cover it up a bit better... and access carers through adult social care. You need this desperately I’m so so sorry.

Until September, I hadn’t washed my hair in 2 years, or brushed it for 6 months at a time. And before that 2yrs, my friend washed it that once then it was another year or two before etc etc. As for showers / baths, they were even longer in between, as my bathroom is completely inaccessible but I didn’t push it because of previous carer abuse that took place in the bathroom / personal care.

It was completely matted all down the back as am mainly bed bound so lie on it all the time. It was tied back roughly into a scraggly bun on top and the bobble was just stuck in there, the hair just tangled around it and around itself. My hair hadn’t been cut for 6 yrs, since I became ill basically.

In September something changed in me somehow, I actually don’t know how, and I became determined to have PINK hair, and hair I liked, even if it was just for a day then it went back to creating a mono-dread nest again!

So I did and I’ve run out of puff now so will end there but basically... you’re not alone, you’re still a wonderful human no matter how difficult body and hair stuff gets, you’re just as valuable as a quaffed and suited and booted fashionista.

I think looking for dreadlock advice is probably the best bet.

www.naturalhairmag.com/remove-locs-without-cutting/

I use these for washing btw, the best I’ve found. V gentle on skin and they moisturise/soothe at same time so don’t leave skin tight or raw. But your skin sounds more fragile though so no idea if helpful sorry

@Frequency yes. I suppose your right about the younger ones. I have met some lovely people too. And you sound lovely.

Where in wales are you lovely? I’m not a hairdresser but I’d come and give you a hand if you were near me.

I’m sorry, I keep posting even though I said it was v hard for me to, because I’m so upset for you and angry you’ve been left like this.

You need advocacy help.

You can’t sort this out by yourself. I know how awful it is to be battling illness and disability and it’s just too hard to keep up the pressure needed to enforce your basic human dignity and needs, within a system where it’s no ones priority or responsibility to care for the sick and the vulnerable.

Is there a charity who might be able to help? Local charities can really help as they can be very practical and have links with individuals in social services and local councillors etc.

I’m a trustee of a disability charity which does advocacy amongst other things. I wish you were in my area...

By the way, forcing a return of a vulnerable adult to parents who as carers abused her is absolutely unacceptable. Especially if you as a vulnerable disabled person have been forced to return by being refused access to basic personal care by ss.

Just because there is no conviction or whatever is absolutely no excuse. Everyone knows that disabled people are more vulnerable to abuse. You have declared abuse. That’s enough. Full stop.

Sadly, it’s such a fight against this stuff to get appropriate care in place. It’s foul. And that’s why you need the support of an advocacy service. Sometimes all it takes is another professional reframing the issue to get things moving.

Thankyou all for your kind replies. I don't have the mental or physical strength for a fight, it took years before I could even get anyone to see me, my trust in people is totally gone. That's not to say I don't appreciate all your suggestions and I will read again, it's so hard, writing this here was a massive step after this morning.

Another person not wanting to read and run. What happens if you contact social services? Would life be better for you if you weren't so cut off and rural, or do you prefer it? Not meaning to sound intrusive, just when my depression hits me, all I want to do is hide away from the world, but this is the worst thing for me. Do you think if you were to live in a bigger community where you could have supermarket deliveries, more access to things, it would be better? Please don't think I am being insensitive, just trying to get an idea of what would be better.

I definitely agree you need to fight for better support. I'm not that experienced with having to battle the NHS/SS for help (although have heard plenty of stories from family members who've had to do just that) but in your shoes, I'd start by contacting my MP and local CAB.

I get that it's daunting and exhausting but you really need to access better care. Once it's in place the change to your life will make it worth it.

As far as your hair goes, if it makes you feel any more confident about reaching out to someone for help, I'd actually really enjoy detangling your hair. I love hair, it's why I am retraining as a stylist. I'm constantly amazed that people pay me to play with their hair.

What you need to do to your hair is time consuming and fiddly. I'd get to sit you down on a chair and play with your hair for hours and hours (with wine, possibly). The difference in the before and after would be epic. I'd literally be in my element.

I'm not the only stylist out there who works in hair because they love it. Fire off some emails to local mobile stylists who do clients at their home and pick through the replies, looking for someone who sounds genuinely enthusiastic and understanding.

I really feel for you, OP. I hope you manage to access the support you need and deserve.

You know what petal...I'd be thinking long and hard about moving away ,moving somewhere you can access care,a town /city ,where you can have shopping delivered and help from ss...is there somewhere you have been before? Somewhere a friend lives you could move to?

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through all this. Have you tried reaching out to Mind, a mental health charity in Wales? They will help you with advocacy and practical support:

Get in touch on our Infoline for information on types of mental health problems, where to get help, medication, alternative treatments and advocacy. Call 0300 123 3393, email [email protected] or text 86463. www.mind.org.uk/about-us/mind-cymru/

gofal could perhaps also help:
Gofal
2nd floor, Derwen House
2 Court Road, Bridgend
CF31 1BN
01656 647722
[email protected]

There's also Hafal, another mental health charity: www.hafal.org/contact-us/

There are also charities set up to help people with disabilities in Wales:

www.scope.org.uk/Support/Disabled-people/local-advice/Wales

www.disabilitywales.org/contact-us/

This group specifically help with benefits and advocacy: www.dapwales.org.uk

I am sure that if you email each of these charities setting out your problems and asking if they can help with washing/hair brushing they will try to help - and they may be able to offer help with other practical elements such as counselling to work on allowing people to come into your home (this would help you access other services such as home help and in home washing), help with funding travel to appointments and help with benefits. if you tell them that you are going to have your benefits cut because you can't meet your appointment I expect they will find a way to help you get to the appointment.