Severely matted hair...

[Becca19962014]

Please don't judge.

Due to physical and mental health problems my waist length hair has become completely matted. It hasn't been washed, nor my body in years, it is so foul and disgusting that I can't even get a hairdresser to see me.

I cannot wash it and have no money to pay for someone to help me. My last hospital admission I was told to shave it all off and accept I'll never have hair as I cannot care for it and cannot afford help.

My disability has cost me everything. It took years to grow my hair but gradually I could do nothing at all with it.

It's now at a point whereby its matted at the back and the top is matted into the back. I bought a big detangler hair brush after I was told to use one on it before (but it was for thin hair not thick like mine) and back brush it with dry conditioner by an OT - that was when it became totally tangled and it just got worse. I spend a lot of time in bed lying on it and must wear a medical device which sits on my hair for at least twelve hours every day.

I spent my childhood being forced to have an almost shaved head. I was suspended more than once because of it and my family (not that I have a lot to do with them) bullied and mocked me for have disgusting long hair when I left home and grew it, even though then it wasn't anything like it is now. My experience of hairdressers is having my wishes ignored and having combs yanked through my hair which resulted in bald bleeding patches as they refused to accept a comb has never gone through my hair.

It's been years.

I've no idea what I want from this thread. I went to see a hairdresser this morning, literally to see them, to speak about it, not touch, and they literally laughed and said it was too disgusting to even touch and told me to just shave it myself at home, I couldn't have a wig as I live somewhere very windy, charged me for the advice and send me on my way. They were obviously taking photos of me and I'm really worried what for. I wish I'd never gone. There's no other hairdresser here and I'm feeling really upset. I can't really put into words how hard it was for me to go there and now I'm really ashamed.

So other than completely shaving my head, any ideas?

Sorry, posted too soon - I meant to say that these charities will fight for you and help you to get the care you need.

Is your skin condition linked to poor nutrition? Could you order some multi vitamins online to make sure that even if your diet isn't always the best that you're getting the vitamins you need? Are you okay with taking pills or could you find a liquid version?

Dear god I cannot believe you have been left like this. What a disgrace we are in in the UK right now! Op sorry if I've missed this but do you get any carers in right now?

Are you genuinely saying that you haven't been able to wash yourself/hair or change your clothes for several years? If that's the case then I can understand why the hairdressers refused to have you in the salon. I know that's not nice to hear, but I can understand why they made that business decision.

However there is help out there. The problem seems to be that you are unable to accept the help/don't want to accept the help. Is there anyway to move to a more suitable location for a start? If you have family ties elsewhere you'd be eligible for social housing in that area (and the wait can be just weeks in some areas).

The shitty hairdresser hasn't helped .

I think the only way to fix your hair is to cut the mat out. I know someone who had matted hair and was informed that even if it was detangled, the hair is damaged from being matted and will be more likely to tangle back up again.

But you can't face doing that because of the abuse your parents inflicted on you . You've been completely let down by everyone.

I just hope the charities MaryLennoxsScowl posted can help you.

I keep thinking about this thread. It seems to me that your immediate issue is the benefits and getting to your appointment, so if you could approach some of the charities mentioning that as a first step it would prevent you having that problem. Then dealing with your hair can be the next step after that one. Are you unable to get to the appointment because you can't afford to get a taxi there? If so, please do tell them that.

On the hair topic, oil helps me with tangles, mine is by Ogx and is called 'Renewing Argan Oil of Morocco, weightless reviving dry oil', and I got it in Boots for under a tenner, but you might get something online. I usually put it on wet hair. Is the reason for your difficulties with washing down to mobility/lack of assistance/lack of disabled facilities rather than, for instance, fear of water/washing? If you had someone to help you get into a bath, would your skin cope with sitting in soapy water? Or being under a shower, perhaps a walk-in shower with grab rails and a plastic chair to sit on? I was thinking that one of the disability charities might be able to help you access a modified shower designed for people with mobility issues.

I'll look at the links and contact organisations mentioned thankyou.

My body and hair haven't been washed in years no. I'm frequently bullied because of it. The hairdresser knew this before I went.

Message me. Depending on where u r, I could help, I'm no trained professional but have had a similar experience

A call to social services would be in order.

Short hair is best. It doesn't have to be shaved.

If you have neither the time, inclination or ability to look after something, you've got to accept that you'll never have what you want.

It seems so totally wrong that someone can be just left like this! We wouldn't let a dog live in this state so how is it possible for a human being to be left with no care? It makes me angry.
Op I really hope someone here can help you!

Have you looked at getting Severe Disability Premium or additional benefits?
With regards to your hair, how about getting it cut so that it's just long enough (once un-matted ) to go in 2 plaits which you can wear down your front rather than over your shoulders?

Could you tell us the exact nature of your disabilities as something is very wrong here. If you are unable to care for yourself then you would surely be entitled to a care package? Is your property adapted, wet room? This is all so wrong, there must be something that can be done.

Agree that this shouldn’t be allowed
To go on. My grandma has carers come in to her several times a day as she can’t get out of bed herself, make meals or toilet herself. This is all free as she has no money to pay for it. Surely there must be something like this that you are entitled to? If not then the system makes me angry

Op has said she won't let anyone in to her house. That's why she won't contact mobile hairdressers.

This;

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B007YZAGUI/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ref=plSrch&keywords=dog+detangle+cowboy&dpPl=1&dpID=516gDIQnJdL&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1517686758&sr=8-1

I suspect the mental health issues are more of an issue with op than the physical disability. Are you under a mental health team op?

It's like a mixture between coconut oil and a silicon serum. It will work with patience if some can sit and work it in and the gradually comb through bit by bit. Maybe gathering it ponytail style and chopping it off at shoulder length first?

Your problem is who will do it.

Becca19962014 im a hairdresser in mid wales - i have experiance of MH issues and would be happy to help you

you need people to help you, I understand, I think quite a few people on here do actually.

You’re don’t have the fight in you because you’re all out of fighting fuel after a long time of being beaten down and feeling rubbishy about yourself too.

I hope posters here can do a bit to help you. And I really hope someone can find a charity near you to take up your cause and get things a bit better.

Btw I have shoulder length hair now with frondy bits at the front. I mainly have it tied up still but the bits at the front make it look nice and not a horrible ‘given up on life’ stinking mess like before!

Losing most of the length really helped. It makes me feel more feminine / nice looking than the hip length hair. And is waaaay easier to take care of. I clung onto my long hair partly because I, like you, was pushed to have it short and hated it. It was me saying to myself ‘I haven’t lost all of my self to my illness’. But obviously the mono-dread matted vileness didnt do anything except make me sad and look bad.

So... I was very clear I am not going to have That Disabled No-Hair Hair Cut. You know the one I mean? That institutionalised look that’s convenient for everyone else and is a sign of the way people see disabled people ... that hair cut of ‘I have no gender and no reason to look nice ever’ look. Soul destroying. I really want you not to have that either xxxx

I get it washed every month now... and conditioned loads on the back there it gets matted. It stops the build up of before. I know that to most people, once a month sounds disgusting. But quite frankly it’s a massive improvement on before, and keeps it from getting too bad. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved. It’s about doing what you can do. No more.

I don’t know what got hold of me this September, when I got my hair sorted, but honestly, I didn’t realise what a huge difference it would make to my life. For the first time in many years I don’t hate myself and I can look in a mirror without feeling like I want to cry.

But more than that, somehow it’s really helped me with my self esteem and I actually want to do things to look after myself. I feel like I deserve it whereas it all felt like too much effort and sort of for those other people who weren’t as disabled and ugh as me.

I want you to get that same feeling.

Have you made a formal request for a needs assessment to your local authority?

How old are you OP? you make reference to being told to move with you parents and it makes me curious.

You need some sort of advocate, however draining that may be, you need to write a list/letter of all your issues, not just you're hair. The issues with your EDS, osteoarthritis, depression, anxiety and whatever else, and write how that affects you and the problems you are facing. The send it to any organisation you can, including your MP and citizens advise.

The reality is with you hair if you can't brush it at all, then you can't have long hair or even medium hair. A cute Pixie cut is the way to go. Are you in social housing? You really need more suitable accommodation, ideally assisted living, with a walk in shower so you can get wash again. No one should have to live like that, you really need more support, contact your MP.

I realise it's difficult and I realise you don't like people in your home, unfortunately you HAVE to. Good luck.

A few years ago I was in hospital for a few weeks, no one touched my hair, it was a hideous matted birds nest. One giant deadlock, it had sick and sweat and all sorts in it. My hair is poker straight and nearly at my bum- matted it sat just below my shoulders. My mum and me sat for about 6 hours detangling it- lots of serum and only using fingers.

Matted hair is far beyond a brush or comb. Just work with tiny sections of hair at a time. Start right at the ends and gently pull apart the matts, working up the hair. As the hair had been knotted for so long it was super frizzy even once unmated. I then washed it and we spent another 3 hours trying to brush it through once dry and it had got very knotty in the shower. I was very lucky we managed to rescue it i was sure it would have to be cut off.

Are you able to plait your hair? If you can detangle and wash it putting it in a plait will probably keep it the tidiest for the longest.

To be honest I think you need to be truthful with yourself- If you can't brush your hair, wash it yourself or afford to pay someone to do this for you then you can't maintain long hair. It will matt and start to smell and this will surely only add to your problems? It needs at minimum a wash once a week and a brush every day if not tied up.

There is an in between a shaved head and long hair. Shoulder length hair is an option.

In late 40s. Alone. Private rental. Needs assessment came back my contribution would leave me £25 a week after paying for care and rent and I can't live on £25 a week.

This is getting rather outing now, my fault for putting too much on here, I'm not going to put details of my conditions/housing and how they effect me but I'll look into organisations people have mentioned.

I'll be reading though possibly not posting.

Thanks.

OP - Vaseline make a Hair Tonic that it basically the best detangling solution on the planet. It is very oily, so once you’ve managed to strangle you do need to wash it quickly, but with that massages fully into your hair and a tangle teaser brush I bet you could get hair brushes through fully. I order that tonic over the internet, so you don’t even need to go out to a shop to get it.

There are lot of things that might help, money, energy and mobility allowing. Maybe make a list to refer to when you're having a better day. Take baby steps.

I'd start with applying for social housing, TBH. An affordable rent would allow you to afford the assessed care package.

Although I realise a house move is a monumental task. If you can work towards it, slowly, it could give you security and spare cash.

I've been on housing list (no bidding here literally a list) over fifteen years. The places that came up have been unsuitable e.g. Had steps or too expensive - £60 a week more than now expensive through an 'associate' landlord and I wouldn't get discretionary payments.

Housing associations here are for twelve months maximum only and require a guarantor which I don't have as well as being expensive.

I can't travel due to disability so moving more than a short distance not an option.