Things you really want to wear but just don't suit you

[Zeropiddledwhilehomeburned]

Today I received the following that I had ordered online - a pair of Hush harems, and a pair of Nike Internationalist trainers. I can wear these together, I thought, that will look good. So I duly tried them on and went to admire myself in the full length mirror.

I looked ridiculous. Like mutton dressed as lamb. I am 46, and have clearly learnt nothing from the time, about 28 years ago, when I ill-advisedly wore a pair of Soul II Soul tracksuit bottoms with some enormous Converse basketball trainers and got odd looks from people at sixth form college and complete strangers.

I still yearn for harem trousers and trainers though. Stupidly. Anyone else "suffer" similarly?!

I'm a slim apple and, though I love all the biker jackets I see around, I keep trying them on and I just look top heavy and a bit butch. Can't wear harems either as they don't seem to flatter someone with an undefined waist. Also can't wear trainers with everything as I have big feet so look like Minnie Mouse unless there's a bit of trouser leg covering the tops. Oh and midi skirts make me look like my gran.

I’m a short hourglass and can do petite sized silky shirts with waist shaping + straight jeans.
Harems are okay as long as they are fairly stiff and paired with a fitted top.
Friends my age (mid-late 40s) look great in ripped jeans, skinny jeans with short jackets, and short skirts, but in these I look like either a street urchin or a shorter fatter Dorien Green.

There seem to be a large proportion of well endowed ladies on here.

My issue is lack of boobs and being a pear. Fortunately skater styles really suit my shape.

I’m relatively lucky in that out of all body shapes, I’m closest to an hourglass. However, this comes with the downside of VERY broad shoulders. Those lovely off shoulder tops that were all the rage this year make me look about 3 miles wide

I have a gorgeous striped, button down off shoulder top sitting in my wardrobe that I bought in the New Look sale, without trying on. Looks awful, which is such a shame, as the actual top is lovely!

Another one here who cannot wear red lipstick. Pale beyond belief. I used to work for a company with very strict uniform rules, and red lipstick was part of the policy.

I’m definitely not well endowed though I only just about fill a B cup!

harem pants - I own a pair but they look terrible. I save them for house days when its hot

Polo shirts make me look really butch.

Skinny Jeans - wrong on so many levels.

Red lipstick - love it but I look like a vampire whenever I try to wear it.

There's more but these are the most obvious ones for me.

I don't think polo shirts are flattering on anyone TBH.

Zero Hush Amie joggers are for all those that look shite in their harems.
The red lipstick for people who don't wear red lipstick: Nars Golshan (I have this on right now, it is a really soft red)

About 10 days ago I went to a J Crew personal shopping session, it was meant to be 30mins which turned into 2.5 hours.
From this I now know that the following look bloody terrible:
Paper bag waist anything.
Camel and beige, especially on the bottom half. Khaki pants are pants.
Anything straight cut i.e. boxy.
Big sleeves.
Pale trousers.

I also hate all polo necks on me as I want to claw away the fabric near my throat, but for some reason I still own some. Go figure.

A messy up do, head is too big, face too fat!

Clothes

Red or dark lipstick = Robert Smith from the Cure, no matter how carefully it's applied.
Big knitted jumpers = Quasimodo.
I love chunky boots even though they make me look like one of those 1970's giant child shaped charity collection boxes that were found outside shops (I don't have a slot in the top of my head for coins and other artefacts).

Poppym! 😂

I would love to wear duck egg/eau de nil/pale green-blue. I used to have a t-shirt in eau de nil about 20 years ago and every single time I wore it people asked me if I was feeling faint or nauseous, so I had to stop. I'm celtic and it just takes all the colour out of my face.

I'm the opposite, Black. I have just bought a nice pale greeny blue hat and scarf. But I look hideous in black. Instead I am doomed to a life shopping mostly in Seasalt, White stuff etc because they do the slightly washed out course that don't make me look seriously ill.

@Poppym

Red lipstick for me too and maxi dresses/skirts. I'm very petite, the end result is like a child playing dress-up with her mother's things.

Maxi dresses - actually most dresses. They make me look like a man, I can't figure out why. Although thankfully I've recently found that my new more voluptuous body type suits pencil skirts and A-style dresses really well.
Most nice looking shoes just make my cankles look worse. Still trying to find a solution.
I really like that slouchy jumper, slightly baggy cropped jeans look as well but I just look like a dirty mess.

Empire line clothes. Make me look huge.
Maxi dresses. Im 5 ft 3 i drown in them.
Jumpsuits. All of them have a high waist and make me look v round around the middle. This sucks because i really want one.
Anything baggy abd not fitted. I used to be hourglass, now I'm more pear but i still a waist and anything not pulled in on the waist looks bloody awful.

Also - dresses that end mid calf. They drown me. I need ones on or above the knee.

Oh also pantsuits not dissimilar to something like these! I don't have the height or leg length though so unfortunately I'm stuck with dresses for work.

Pear here with very small shoulders- so many things I can't wear! Shift dresses, shirt dresses, basically anything not a-line. Slouchy jumpers look ridiculously on me as does anything "boxy". I am so, so relieved that slim line fitted jumpers have started reappearing in the shops.
I would dearly love to wear a cute dungaree mini-dress but that will never happen- boobs too small, ass to big.

Oh and I can't wear trousers or leggings for health reasons

Last one- Chelsea boots. I love them but I've yet to find a pair that don't make me look like a clown (big feet too to add insult to injury).

I'm 5 ft 0 and hourglass. Maxi dresses, cropped wide leg trousers, long skirts and pencil skirts make me look like I raided the dressing up box
I'd love to wearead strapless dresses but even though I'm not overweight I get bridesmaid bulge aroundo the armpits. Can't wear pencil skirts as my bum is enormous. Also I have weird violin hips so low waisted jeans give me a muffin top and it gets cold when my tops ride up! Have chucked them all in favour of high waisted jeggings.

The colour green = death

Wrap dresses- look great on hourglass booby women, not on small-breasted broad-shouldered ones like me.

Skinny jeans- I have the calves of an Olympics final East German shot-putter from the 70s.

I actually like my body! It's well-proportioned and I've found clothes that flatter it. But it's shocking, as pps have noted, how the wrong clothes can plunge you into hideousness, just like that

@LadyinCement 😂

I also have that dream of wafting effortlessly in those dresses- mine crash and burn in a similar way to yours.

I look crap in anything casual. I wear a full face of make up to cover my rosacea so a pair of trackies and a t-shirt looks daft. I’m also too —fat— untoned for that look.

Oh also jumpsuits, even smart ones look awful.

OP - I have a pair of the Hush harem pants. I wear them as pyjamas as I can't get rid of the sneaking suspicion that I look like MC Hammer in them!