Things you really want to wear but just don't suit you

[Zeropiddledwhilehomeburned]

Today I received the following that I had ordered online - a pair of Hush harems, and a pair of Nike Internationalist trainers. I can wear these together, I thought, that will look good. So I duly tried them on and went to admire myself in the full length mirror.

I looked ridiculous. Like mutton dressed as lamb. I am 46, and have clearly learnt nothing from the time, about 28 years ago, when I ill-advisedly wore a pair of Soul II Soul tracksuit bottoms with some enormous Converse basketball trainers and got odd looks from people at sixth form college and complete strangers.

I still yearn for harem trousers and trainers though. Stupidly. Anyone else "suffer" similarly?!

Crisp elegant shirts. Feel like they're slowly strangling the whole of my upper body. I can get them to sit right for about ten seconds if I stay perfectly still.

A bun
I look like that evil teacher off Matilda

@ Soul II Soul trackies and trainers. I loved that look back in the day! 'Sinbad; trousers and Kickers was another fashion disaster 'look' I wore a lot...

I wish I could wear thin, drapey, expensive looking knits that seductively slip off one slender shoulder every so often. In reality its lumps, bumps and titty bang-bang whenever I squeeze my tall, hourglass body into one .

A friend rocks the Hollister / Jack Wills preppy thing. Polo tops just make me look like I work in a garden centre.

Not really an issue now but when Peter Pan collars were everywhere I tried some tops on, thinking they'd look good for work. I looked ridiculous in them.

I'm also very pear shaped and most styles of shorts make my bum look even bigger than it is.

Also have to be quite selective with sandals as I have quite long toes!

onthesherry I liked the look too, just not on me!! I had gone especially to the Soul II Soul shop in Camden to get the damn things. I also really wanted Travelfox trainers but went for the Converse ones in the end...

Just thought of another combo I like which doesn't like me, which is a long tunic or dress with leggings - makes me look like a toddler.

Anything belted around the waist. I'm size 10 but it looks like a ribbon tied around a barrel when I wear waist belted things.

Also white. It makes me look dead.

Red lipstick for me too. It makes my eyes kind of disappear into my face.

And leggings - they combine with my large chest to make me look pregnant. Tunics also fall into this category.

Suzy Quattro's fat nan!

Lots of things.
Crew necks or polo necks. I look like an overstuffed cushion.
Brogues and cropped trousers. On some people the mannish thing can be so stylish. On me? 1930s lady prison warden.

Tube skirts. They make my hips and bum appear twice as wide as my shoulders - not a good look.

I think everything I’m wearing is falling into this category and the minute. I’m 40 and wearing converse with joggers and leather jacket. I don’t know if people are laughing at me!!!

Similarly I have just bought (fake) leather leggings to ear with slouchy knits and trainers. I love the look but I think i might look like I’m trying to hard.

Jeans. Haven't worn them since I was 16. I suit dresses with sleeves and waists that end above, on or below the knee that don't cling to my lower abdomen. I buy about 6 things a year!

Oh god, so many things.
Monochrome
Skirts that anywhere other than a precise spot right on the narrowest part of my leg, just below the knee.
Cardigans.
Stiff collars
Delicate jewellery
Any sleeves shorter than bracelet length
Anything with little buttons
Ankle boots
Heels, any heels
I could go on.

Basically, I look good dressed like a bloke.

A belt on dresses. I just dont get on with them. I have no idea where to put them. I am pear shaped and they just look crap on me.

Joe Brown stuff. Love it on other people.

Ribbon or pull-tie around my waist.

Shift dresses and wrap dresses are fine. The minute I need to pull the tie, instant 10 kilos, right there.

Slouchy tops with midi skirts. Brick out-house. Fitted tops with midi skirts - fine, but I don't really like that look any more.

^^ this is basically why I pretty much always wear trousers.

Jumpsuits! I really want them to suit me but I just look ridiculous.

Given up. Live in trackie bottoms, big t shirts, trainers and then throw the most shapeless thing over the top and am ready for whatever awaits me.
My saggy belly, big shoulders, no boobs and skinny legs make shopping dispiriting to say the least.
Clothing buisnsess create looks that suit a small wedge of humanity and the rest of us try to make it work.
I have come to the decision to stop wasting money and learn to love fleece.

Anything with a frill. I look like a drag queen.

I seem to have lost my way and look comical in everything.

That neat, put-together look with smart trousers, flats and a jacket. I look like Sandi Toksvig (no offence to ST, but I want to look gamine , not like a... cork).

Rock chick, Stevie Nicks... oh dear. I have done this for years and recently caught sight of myself in a mirror and staring back at me was Joe Elliot (as he is now... not 1987).

Chunky knits.

I’m short and stocky and busty. I look like the stay puffed marshmallow man 😢

Anything from joules makes me look look trying to be older than middle aged i look 15 older than I am.

I think it just silly pattens based on wall paper make you look older