Things you really want to wear but just don't suit you

[Zeropiddledwhilehomeburned]

Today I received the following that I had ordered online - a pair of Hush harems, and a pair of Nike Internationalist trainers. I can wear these together, I thought, that will look good. So I duly tried them on and went to admire myself in the full length mirror.

I looked ridiculous. Like mutton dressed as lamb. I am 46, and have clearly learnt nothing from the time, about 28 years ago, when I ill-advisedly wore a pair of Soul II Soul tracksuit bottoms with some enormous Converse basketball trainers and got odd looks from people at sixth form college and complete strangers.

I still yearn for harem trousers and trainers though. Stupidly. Anyone else "suffer" similarly?!

[highinthesky]

I'd love to be able to wear a sari. A friend tied one on me a long time ago, and it looked awful . Looks so graceful on everyone else!

[Dustbunny1900]

Ha at "cat burglar" what do those look like ??

I wish I could wear
Black. Way too harsh on me

Soft billowy boho/hippie styles. I'm all straight lines and angles and it doesn't suit my body type or face

Sky-high heels, or heels of any kind. I'm 5'6 and I know it's silly but I dont want to look any taller or tower over DH

Long hair. Makes me look older, clogs the drain, takes over my face and life

Low cut anything, no tits

[fia101]

Flat shoes with anything I look dumpy and just awful - legs too short. Would love to wear ankle grazers with loafers Or ballet pumps with skinny jeans. Wedges are trainers for me.

[ladystarkers]

I’ve read on here that your never too old for any outfit. —bollocks—

[anxietycentralallthetime]

Denim shorts. I'm a size 12-14 but my thighs are chunky. My thighs get squashed in them and look like sausage rolls poking out the bottom, they show all my cellulite and look awful. I wish in the summer I could just chuck on some denim shorts and a top.

[OlennasWimple]

Polo necks give me triple chins

Tube skirts give me a derriere to rival Kim K

Strapless or halterneck tops make my shoulders look like I should be competing in the World's Strongest Man

[plentyofshoes]

Everything in Monsoon. It is very odd as I retry a couple of times a year. Literally nothing and it has been like it for years.

[chachaboom]

This is possibly the funniest thread I've read on Mumsnet. Your descriptions are hilarious. My sympathies for the clothes woe though.
I can't do maxi dresses or blouses and mid length skirts, I look a bit Hinge & Bracket.

[twinkledag]

Most lipsticks
Pleated skirts - I love them but I look so 'hippy' in them
Anything showing my stomach, after having baby it has never been the same again. Have good legs though so long tops and skinny trousers look great on me!

[silkpyjamasallday]

See I think a lot of things don't look how I imagined they would on me, but I wear them anyway. It's my hips, they are not a normal shape because of my weird bones (I can pop the top of my thigh bone out on both sides) so instead of coming out from the waist to the hips then a smooth line down from hips to legs, I go out again just under my hips where the top of the thigh bone connects and then down. No matter what I weigh I look the same and it ruins the silhouette of most things. So I just have to deal with it as there is nothing I can do about it unless I want to wear skater dresses for my entire life.

I also have chunky calves and short legs (I'm 5'5" but wear jeans for people under 5' or children's) so cropped jeans or midi length skirts/culottes don't look great, but again I can't change it so I just wear what I like.

It doesn't really matter at the end of the day if I don't look like a model or whatever, and there is only so much even a very flattering outfit can do to improve how you look, just enjoy the clothes you want to!

[PuppyMonkey]

Ponytails in my hair - make my face look like a big round potato with a massive double chin to add to the delight.

[mamatobabes]

Anything that does not suit someone huge of nork. High necked tops, and when I was (much) younger halter neck tops. I remember being about 18'in the early 00's and buying a halter neck top from Warehouse that tied around the neck with just three slim ribbons... it was a beautiful top (for an 18 year old with nice upper arms) but looking back at photos it looked mad.

@Lottapianos can you really find a red lipstick to suit anyone? I've always wanted to wear one and have never found a nice one. I always find even at age 33 I look like a kid whose been at her mothers make up bag!

[TheDonald]

Anything vintage. I love the look and I keep trying but I always end up looking like Les Dawson in drag.

[humanfemale]

So. Many. Things.

Voluminous sleeveless shift dresses (have fattish arms and slim waist so they make me look enormous)

Jumpsuits (love them! But long body and big ass)

Gladiator sandals, back when they were in fashion, or any flat sandal really (massive feet)

Yellow. (Enough said.) Still love it, though.

Jeez maybe I need to give myself a break!

[bananafish81]

Boyfriend jeans
Harem pants

Most stuff that's oversized and drapey (I'm looking at you 'this way for your mammogram madam' Cos)

Supposedly these styles are flattering if you're tall and skinny, but for me they just drown me

Boyfriend jeans don't look cool and slouchy on me, they seem to just look like I chose a size that's way too big for me

[twattymctwatterson]

Basically anything that isn't fairly form fitting. I'm size 10-12 with a fairly large chest,a bigger waist than I'd like and overly skinny legs. Baggy or overly fussy tops make me look bigger than I am. I'd absolutely love a cocoon coat but they seem to drown my frame

[shooeghMcFee]

Great thread! I'm still laughing at Suzi Quattro's fat nan although it occurs to me that probably Suzi Quattro looks like a fat nan too by now :)

[shooeghMcFee]

I'd also love to wear strapless tops, but I think the effect would be ruined by my flat chest, bingo wings and crepey old woman skin :(

[shooeghMcFee]

In fact, my back fat is bigger than my boobs. So it looks like I am wearing my boobs on my back :(

I think I will stop posting on this thread now.

[GhostCurry]

Anything "androgynous". Shirts, trousers, anything that's vaguely masculine in styling makes me look like a pre-teen boy in a school uniform.

[EraArils]

Pleated midi skirts looks like I'm being forced to wear it against my will, like a uniform. People would look at me and try to see where I work so they can avoid employment there.
Long hair looks terrible on me. I become the crazy lady who steals a tesco's trolley and pushes around broken TV's and naked mannequins. Especially when paired with the pleated midi skirt.

Strangely, I look good in a midi length tube skirt....I'm baffled.

[Tatiana1986]

Playsuits, shorts, pleated skirts, sleeveless anything, formal shirts. All because too fat complete with F cups...

No7 in Boots have that skin tone matching apparatus and thanks to them I finally found THE red lipstick. I also always thought that there isn't one for me.

[OlennasWimple]

Suzy Quattro looks amazing

[buckeejit]

Ha! I can't wear a blouse, any blouse-plus size & large of nork so most stuff doesn't suit. However, red lipstick I now love & really suits me. There is a red for everyone! Recommend getting your colours done-it was worth the price alone for finding the right shade of red lipstick for me & a fun day out. As an added bonus, I look better quickly with hardly any other makeup on-I'm super pale so the contrast alone makes me look less dead.

[CoolCarrie]

Coats and dresses with belts
Polo necks
Pleated shirts
T shirts