Things you really want to wear but just don't suit you

[Zeropiddledwhilehomeburned]

Today I received the following that I had ordered online - a pair of Hush harems, and a pair of Nike Internationalist trainers. I can wear these together, I thought, that will look good. So I duly tried them on and went to admire myself in the full length mirror.

I looked ridiculous. Like mutton dressed as lamb. I am 46, and have clearly learnt nothing from the time, about 28 years ago, when I ill-advisedly wore a pair of Soul II Soul tracksuit bottoms with some enormous Converse basketball trainers and got odd looks from people at sixth form college and complete strangers.

I still yearn for harem trousers and trainers though. Stupidly. Anyone else "suffer" similarly?!

[BeastOfCraggyIsland]

Anything loose fitting or baggy looks completely shapeless on me. I'm 5'7 and size 8 but if there's too much material I just look like I've cut a hole in a bedsheet and stuck my head through.

Lipstick makes me look like coco the clown but that's fine as I don't wear much make up anyway.

Wrap dresses - I think they look lovely on other people but they're shit on me. My boobs aren't big enough so they just look a bit sad.

I have (lots of) naturally curly hair and once in a fit of madness cut it to just above shoulder length. My head looked like a chunk of Toblerone as my hair went out at a 45 degree angle on either side. Not a good look.

[herecomesthsun]

Re Suzi Q I saw her in the 90s and was impressed by her energy on stage and how youthful she looked then.

I have found her website [http://www.suziquatro.com/home.html here] apparently she just made an album with survivors of Slade and Sweet, and is touring with David Essex, the Osmonds and Hot Chocolate

[herecomesthsun]

Me I don't suit

• jeans, too tight on my hips and bum and baggy on my waist, whatever sort I get
  
• red lipstick, just too much with my dramatic colouring when I was younger and I think would suit me even less now
  
• anything beige, yellow, brown, orange
  
• anything that accentuates my chubby knees, I never could really get away with mini skirts, even with a BMI around 18 when I was 18
  
• anything without a waist

[farfallarocks]

Jeans and high tops

[BroomstickOfLove]

Black, red lipstick, sleek.

I'm also discovering that more I'm in my 40s and fat that I look really frumpy unless I wear expensive clothes. I can't really afford expensive clothes, so I look frumpy around 80% of the time.

[LadyinCement]

The jeans turned up and Converse thing. Tried this and dh started singing, "Footloose, Footloose..."

[nigelsbigface]

'Margaret thatcher after too many buns'-has me actually crying right laughter ifnot....

This is a great thread...

[SparkyBlue]

I am only 4’11 and even though I am only a size 10 I have an odd shape and find it difficult to get clothes that suit me. My legs are short and stumpy so I can’t get away with skinnies or leggings with flats. I have just started being a sahm so I desperately need nice casual stuff that don’t make me look like a total frump.
This thread is absolutely brilliant.

[GiveMyHeadPeaceffs]

Properly laughed at some of these while remembering my own disasters

Anything empire line; I'm a 32E and no empire line top or dress was ever designed for my bust size.

Tube skirts; I can only assume young 'uns go knickerless or wear giant pants with these either way it's a no-go on me.

Smart clothes; I am a natural, um, dresser-down. Skanky jeans, t-shirt and hoodies are staples in my wardrobe. And I've discovered I have an anti-gift of being able to make expensive clothes look cheap

[BlackPepperCrab]

Maxi dresses! I’m only 1.6m tall though so they tend to drown me out.

[hollygolipo]

Beanie hats - even the loveliest cashmere ones make me look like Burglar Bill. And cocoon coats ... The horror.

[LilaoftheGreenwood]

Oh god yeah empire line. Presumably named because it makes you look the size of several countries.

[Deathraystare]

Oh just a few things (she says bitterly) But then I am an apple. Would love to wear pencil skirts and those sort of floaty ghost dresses. Also very busty so no skinny rib s that are around (I cannot believe I used to wear one in fuchsia pink!). Basically any dress shouts look at my tummy!

Most skinny jeans cut off my circulation and amazingly do not make my legs look good but extremely sausagey!

My head is too big for most hats and woolen pull on ones shout 'Cartman' from South Park!

[Mcakes]

Lila "size of several countries"
Similar to empire line are all those lovely Anthropologie style embroidered peasant tops and vests. I love the summer hippy look but they just look like tents made from tablecloths on me. Doesn't stop me from repeatedly trying them on though, just in case 'this one's different'...

[herecomesthsun]

34H - empire lines do exist for our size, they are called "maternity wear"!

[Slinkymalinky1]

Backless dresses! I like my back, but the no bra thing is never going to work! Not anymore

[Growuphelen]

These are hilarious !
I have very slim ankles but big calves so I have to be careful where dresses land. I need wide calf boots which then bag and wrinkle round the ankle. I'm also short at 5ft 2 so I actually have legs like a pit pony.
I would love to wear jackets but instantly look like a bloke, ditto shirts.
Everything I wear has to cover my five kids belly overhang. I bitterly regret never having a tummy tuck.

[Only1scoop]

'about 28 years ago, when I ill-advisedly wore a pair of Soul II Soul tracksuit bottoms with some enormous Converse basketball trainers'

[Only1scoop]

I went on a nice weekend break with some cas glam ladies, all said they were wearing jumpsuits in the day.

I tried one on and literally howled with laughter in the cubicle.

I looked like a sausage stuck in an awning.

[IfNot]

They were all wearing jumpsuits..?
Did they look like an army of glamorous plumbers??

[FarmerGilesRockfordFiles]

I absolutely love Vintage dresses from the 1920s-1940s and wanted one for a wedding recently.

However, these always look great on dainty women with small boobs.

Though I'm skinny, I have hulking broad shoulders from years of swimming and massive boobs so I looked just ridiculous.

So I thought I'd go for a 1950s A-line number which would make the most of my boobs and narrow waist. I like the strong, sexy matron look. However, I'm rubbish in heels.

So, in this dress I looked good from the waist up to the neck (i.e. boobs) but my hair wouldn't hold victory rolls so just looked like a mop on my head. In flats, my legs looked just stupid and because they're quite skinny, my DH kindly informed me that I looked like I had two wooden legs

So, anyway, I went to the wedding in a lovely jumpsuit which did suit me and I gave up on vintage clothing forever

[CakesRUs]

White anything.

[IfNot]

Is there a large proportion of hourglasses on this thread by any chance?
As in, big boobs, round hips, broad shoulders? That's me. I have I waist, but it can get lost in the wrong clothes.
I think I want a jumpsuit now