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Original poster

A Crepey Advent-ure

998 replies

MontserratCaballe · 21/11/2016 18:21

Over here, my darlings....

OP posts:
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9
Rosebag · 07/12/2016 13:09

MrsS first they need to tell you if the low grades agree indeed due to work not being handed in. Whilst that also needs attending to, it does put a different light on things and needs management by the school, surely?

waf you handled it beautifully. Teens do this...most of us have been spoken to like that at least once by one of our offspring.

cocoa well done for getting through all the practical arrangements. There must be some comfort in that...it was one of the things I was excluded from and it didn't help, believe me Flowers

tilly have things improved as the morning wore on? Flowers

Oh Rudy what an uncomfortable situation. You definitely need some clarification....your DH needs to ask why the invites are just for him, surely? If anything, it's bad form ...and so unkind to exclude you. Flowers

I am on my way back from singing, which was lovely, but DH informs me that the British. gas man who was doing the boiler service today has turned off the boiler as it needs a part and he can't leave the property with it on for safely reasons. jobsworth We've got an immersion but no heating. He is allegedly coming back tomorrow to finish the job. DH and I are bickering about who should stay in for it. It would help I'd he could make a bloody decision about it. Angry

Rudymentary · 07/12/2016 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigTillyMint · 07/12/2016 13:33

Ah, Rudy, now the not inviting you on the holiday makes a bit more sense - if they don't have partners, their thinking must be why would anyone need to/want to bring their partner? And one has to ask oneself why they don't have partners...
And what WAF said!

Rose, at least once? At least once a day here at times!

MrsWobble3 · 07/12/2016 13:58

MrsS - am I right in thinking you're paying for this school? I must confess to qualms about the morality (and in fact the possibility) of being able to pay for 'better' education (and I speak as someone who did/does) but I have no such problems with paying for better customer service and you're not even getting that. Is it too late to rescue the situation in some way?

And WAF, my dd1 used to regularly tell me I was the world's worst mother who clearly wished she had never been born. She is now 22 and we have a really good relationship so hang on in there.

I think growing up is hard - but then again so is being a grown up at times so perhaps it's all good practice.

And if I may be permitted a moment of smugglers - my Christmas cards are all written and addressed. Dh has offered to take them to the post office so I am expecting to still miss last posting despite being ahead of the game now.

Rudymentary · 07/12/2016 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherinferior · 07/12/2016 14:24

Spot on re customer service, MrsW.

Rudy, I'm boggling at the idea that they might not adore you! You're funny, gorgeous, always on for a mug glass of prosecco - how could they not?

herbaceous · 07/12/2016 14:46

Ditto on the adorability of Rudy. Maybe that's the problem - they're jealous that you're so gorgeous, funny, kind, etc...

Blackduck · 07/12/2016 15:05

You didn't turn up to a do with your bra on your head did you Rudy Grin

herbaceous · 07/12/2016 15:37

Can I run a dilemma past you wise Crepeys?

Dmil is moving into a hospice soon for her final weeks. We are debating whether to take DS to see her before she goes. She apparently looks dreadful, and may not even recognise him. Would this be as set for him? Should we let him remember her as she was, or would this provide 'closure'? Any experience?

magimedi · 07/12/2016 15:45

Am I right in thinking your DS is about 8, Herbs? My DS was 9/10 when my Mum's Alzheimers got really bad & he didn't want to see her again once she had gone into a home. He was very close to her & told me he wanted to remember her as she was. I was quite happy with that.

Lalsy · 07/12/2016 15:50

Thirded on astonishment at your ILs, Rudy.

Herbs, very very hard. On personal experience (but not as young as your ds), I probably wouldn't. Tiny, unpredictable things can stay with you and warp other memories. But I am sure some people will feel differently, and with good reason.Flowers.

Yes, re customer service. It is like them not opening their post or something. Hundreds of schools of all types have perfectly sensible systems for this stuff, which mean parents are kept up to date bored with flow of worthy documents.

Blackduck · 07/12/2016 15:58

Herbs ds is 13 - last time he saw my mum was last Christmas. I think it was the right thing for us.

MrsWobble3 · 07/12/2016 16:19

Herbs, I was a bit older than your ds when I last saw my grandmother in similar circumstances and I regret it. She had been such a strong positive woman and the shell in the bed wasn't her and wasn't the last memory I wanted. My dd3 was 11 when her grandfather died and again, whilst she didn't see him in hospital she was very upset by her last meeting with him and got very upset/nightmares etc when he did eventually die. So given that you and dp will have your own emotions to deal with I would suggest not adding the need to also shield ds from further upset.

bigTillyMint · 07/12/2016 16:26

Rudy, they are jealous of you.

So if there is a MU on Sat, where and what time? Then I can see if I can get there!

Made it into work eventually this morning and long chat with my boss who was very accommodating. And lovely to see lovely colleagues. I was just getting into my stride with doing some work when I got a call to pick up DS. I was not surprised, but it actually turned out to be due to a misunderstanding. So hopefully things will be OK tomorrow as I am hoping to go on some training.

herbaceous · 07/12/2016 16:27

My instincts are as yours, though u think DP thinks the opposite. He is 7, though quite mature. So too old for that casual shrugging off that the very young can do.

Collymollypuff · 07/12/2016 16:28

Glad to hear it went well at work, BTM, although bummer about the misunderstanding. Hope you get to do the training!

bigTillyMint · 07/12/2016 16:32

Herbs, I'm not sure what's best. DM shielded me from some situations, and I was quite angry about it, but maybe it was for the best.

Cremolafoam · 07/12/2016 16:41

Hey Herbs,
What does ds want to do?
Who will going to see granny help? granny? ds?
Will it help ds understand why granny will pass away? If he doesn't go will he wonder where she went?

I think either way, as long as ds 's questions and wonderings are being answered , that's ok.
My instinct is that it would not benefit either granny or ds. however being an active part of the funeral arrangements ( making his own little tribute in writing or in art) and talking about things , or wondering together WILL be positive for him.

Much love. It's not easy and there's no right way. You know ds best.

IDismyname · 07/12/2016 17:08

Herbs - we decided that the last visit D Nephew had with grandpa was about 3 weeks before he died. Neither party was going to benefit. DNephew now going to draw pic of Grandpa and his favourite things to go on Thanksgiving programme.

Rudy - anyone who drinks mugs of prosecco is a friend of mine. Regardless as to whether I've met them or not. The lack of other partners is very telling. Does DH have any explanation? Could he not say - yes, would love to come, and so would Rudy?

Crem - I have thought of emailing his inbox at work. We often communicate that way, but I know PA sees all of it.

She asked me 6 months ago if he'd ever had any Anger Management training. That means he's v short tempered there and at home Hmm.

Lalsy · 07/12/2016 17:17

Cocoa, that's not good. Is he very stressed?

Herbs, I think Crem's idea is a really good one. I don't think seeing people near the end necessarily helps understanding - IME it can be quite alienating and scary - but getting him involved afterwards is much more in your control and given his wonderful expressive way with words, and superb organisational abilities, I am sure he can contribute. You may be in a better position to judge than dh?

BTM< well done on making it to work.

bigTillyMint · 07/12/2016 17:34

Cremo and cocoa, that sounds very sensible advice for Herbs.

And in very cheering news, just got DS's report - all A's and B's for effortShockGrinWine This is the first time he has ever got above a C for effort IIRC

it's not just because all the teachers feel sorry for him Woo Hoo!!!

Blackduck · 07/12/2016 17:37

Oh BTM that is good news! Onwards and upwards!!

Here I am feeling the rage with various people including someone I have told several times they have to do something and they are still querying it. Next step will be 'if you don't want to do it that's perfectly fine but I will be taking x off you and reallocating'...

motherinferior · 07/12/2016 17:43

As you know my two saw my mother quite close to death and I don't think it was a particularly good idea.

I don't seem to be getting anywhere with work today...have dal and mattar paneer waiting for DSis, also cheap fizz.

hattymattie · 07/12/2016 18:07

Evening all - having difficulty keeping up this week.

Herbs - I personally wouldn't - I saw my lovely Gran like this when I was 16 and found it hard. I think your DS should just conserve the happy memories, he is too small to understand and deal with it and may indeed find it disturbing.

Rudy - Very rude and totally deliberate - I reckon they're jealous. You could just turn up at the meal, making the assumption that any invite to DH is to you both as a couple - but would you want to?

MI - nice sandles, have a similar pair and have walked for miles in them.

Mrs S - I would be livid with the school. If the F's are for not handing in the work that is a little consoling, as long as it doesn't count towards her final grade.

Cocoa - sorry to read about DH and lack of understanding. I think my DH would be a little similar - if an emotion is not visibly written across my face then it isn't happening.

WAF - well done with DD2 - I'd probably have done an about turn and she'd have missed her athletics.

Here - DD2 has declared she loves her home - I think she had to move away to appreciate what she had. Lalsy, happy to chat about Uni's.

BTM - good news on DS school report.

herbaceous · 07/12/2016 18:52

My boobs are going to be featured in the Daily Mail. Clothed, you'll be relieved to know.